Something Wicked This Cobweb Comes

I went into director Samuel Bodin's new horror film Cobweb this past weekend totally blind. I'd seen a few people on Twitter mentioning the film -- specifically that it had gotten a terrible theatrical release opposite the Barbenheimer machine and that it deserved to be checked out now that it had been unceremoniously dumped onto VOD. I didn't know it starred my girl Lizzy Caplan, even. I'd gotten zero PR emails about it. I knew zip except it was named Cobweb and that my arachnophobic ass would probably regret watching a horror movie called Cobweb. Well there are indeed spiders in Cobweb, used judiciously but effectively, but the main thing coming out the other side of Cobweb for me was that I had just been introduced to a new favorite horror movie. I watched it twice within twenty-four hours to make sure, and sure I was. I absolutely adored the movie. It terrified me, it entertained me, it hit all the buttons. 

Anyway after watching it I did two things -- the first thing was go and look at what people had written about the movie. And generally speaking people did not like it was much as I did. Even the good reviews -- and it's still rated "fresh" on Rotten Tomatoes, just barely -- were qualified ones, with issues. But after two watches all I wanted was to watch Cobweb again! And again! It's a new Halloween classic for me, as far as I'm concerned. So the second thing I did was go write all of these feelings down for Pajiba, click here to read my wildly infatuated review. I really might be the movie's number one fan. And I have already gotten some side-eyes from people for loving it so much. But I do not care! Tattoo Cobweb on my eyelids, I want it with me forever and ever. So go rent the damn thing -- even if you don't like it as much as I did (and you probably won't) I think you'll probably still find things to enjoy. Or not. I don't care! I love it anyway, enough for everybody!

Good Morning, World

So apparently Joshua Jackson saw how positively we all responded to him wearing tighty-whities on Little Fires Everywhere back in 2020 and he said, "You know what? I'm gonna give the gays..." et cetera, etc cetera y'all know that meme. And so anyway there he is in tighty-whities again on that Fatal Attraction series he is on opposite Lizzy Caplan. Yeah that same Fatal Attraction series that reportedly kept her off of the new season of Party Down episodes. Which had me pissed off at Fatal Attraction. But I am willing to accept Joshua Jackson in tighty-whities as a make-up gift. I guess I will watch it when it airs in April, then. Voila, that easy. Anyway happy Monday yadda yadda let's just get on with it already. Oh, one note that you should scribble in your mind's calendar -- an unexpected day-job thing will have me off-blog for Thursday and Friday of this week. So just a brief three-day MNPP week ahead! Prepare your bodies!

5 Off My Head - Holiday Heavy Hitters

Per usual I did nothing over the break but watch movie upon movie upon movie. (I also binged the final season of His Dark Materials and the full run of Fleischman is in Trouble -- the latter is astonishing and is deeply recommended; it's the best thing I watched over break, period.) But what else am I supposed to do, leave the house? Interact with people? Please. Who you talkin' to? Anyway you can as ever keep track of my watching pursuits by following me on my Letterboxd, but because I'm banging my head against the wall today trying to get myself back into the state of writing mood, let's make a list! Those are fucking easy. 

The 5 Best First-Watch Movies

I Watched Over My Winter Vacation

Return to Seoul (2022) -- I hate that I don't have the time or the place to write a proper review for this one because it deserves all of that effort -- maybe if/when I get to my "Best of 2022" list we'll be talking it properly. Just know it's very much worth seeing out, and it's literally mind-blowing that this is the first performance from actress Park Ji-Min, who gives one of the great performances of the year here. I think this is still being rolled out? It's not streaming anywhere yet? So find it when you can. Maybe once it hits streaming I will write more. A real rewarding little marvel of a character piece.

Water Drops on Burning Rocks (2000) -- This is one I always felt ashamed to admit I'd never seen when the subject came up, but that shame grew into a panic when Francois Ozon's Peter Von Kant (reviewed here) came out earlier this year -- knowing that Ozon's very first film was also deeply entrenched in Fassbinder-dom (it was based on an un-produced play by RWF) I knew I'd best hop on it already before I'd dashed all my reputation to pieces. You can see chunks of other finished Fassbinder products herein -- it especially made me think of Fox and His Friends and In a Year of Thirteen Moons, although it's far less devastating than either of those movies. There's a lightness and a broadness to this that's definitely more Ozon's than it is Rainer's, but as ever the place where those two minds meet is an utter delight to me.

10 Rillington Place (1971) -- A truly fucked up true-crime serial killer story about the British murderer John Christie, who strangled a bunch of people and buried them in the walls and back-yard of his flat. Directed by Richard Fleischer, the man behind Red Sonja and Soylent Green, this movie in now way shies away from the awfulness of its story and vibe, especially in its phenomenally unsettling lead performance by Sir Richard Attenborough as Christie -- I will never ever be able to watch Jurassic Park the same way again.

Be My Cat: A Film For Anne (2014) -- I really wanted to watch a found footage horror film that I'd never seen before a couple of days ago, so I googled around and saw this movie, which I had never even heard of before, on a list of best ones. Thankfully it is on Tubi (sidenote: literally everything is on Tubi) and holy f'ing hell y'all this movie is insane. I knew the basic premise going in but am loathe to give it away if you'd prefer to watch something unspoiled, and I think this would reward that instinct. So just trust me -- if you're ever looking for a new spin on found-footage and are cool with staring into the abyss of wackadoodle obsession, have I got a thing for you. 

Dot Com For Murder (2002) -- Make no mistake, this movie is absolutely fucking awful. Just wildly inept on every level. And that is of course the appeal -- I have no doubt that's why Arrow is putting out a fancy blu-ray of it on February 7th (pick up your copy right here!) and that's what finally put this gem before me, as I was sent a screener. Of course the Gaylords of Darkness, the interweb's premiere nonsense podcast, have been hyping this movie for years now -- I'm happy to say they were right to obsess. It's ecstatic trash. Up there in the pantheon of so-bad-they're-greats. Get drunk, get very very drunk, and enjoy ye nude internet fingers for yourself!

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What did you watch and love over the holidays?

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

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From Castles To Cannibals

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If we have to make due without any Melanie Lynskey on the second season of Castle Rock -- don't get me wrong I am real excited about Lizzy Caplan playing Annie Wilkes, but still, Melanie Lynskey -- then at least we can hold on to today's super news of what the world's sweetest (but not in an annoying way) actress is up to: click on over to The Film Experience, and believe me it's worth clicking on if you like cool things, to find out.

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Annie Get Your Gun, Etc.

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That is the actor Paul Sparks, who you may recognize from House of Cards and Boardwalk Empire, and who replaced Garrett Hedlund to play "Ace Merrill" on the new season of Castle Rock -- something I already told you about, but not with that photo. It's a good photo! Anyway I have decided not to watch any more trailers for Castle Rock myself, I'm plenty excited and have been plenty excited ever since they cast Lizzy Caplan as Annie Wilkes, the Misery nurse du jour and your biggest fan. But perhaps you're brain-damaged and need more convincing than that first teaser trailer gave you, in which case I will share the just dropped full trailer for it right here.

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Castle Rock returns to Hulu on October 23rd.

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Night Nurses and Masked Men

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I feel like I'm dropping a shit-ton of stuff on y'all today posting-wise, but that's probably for the best given how I've got NYFF screenings starting Monday -- take your time reading today's posts, as it's gonna be real hit and miss for the next two weeks after that. Anyway first thing up is our very first look at the second season of Hulu's Stephen King sorta-anthology series Castle Rock, which as we've been shrieking about for months now has gifted us with the terrifically exciting casting of Lizzy Caplan as Misery's number one fan Annie Wilkes. Read more about it here.

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Castle Rock is back on October 23rd! Next we've got a new look at HBO's Watchmen series -- I've been terribly derelict in my reporting on this show, but they've been kind of annoying with how small the dollops of new information have been at a time, to be honest. I just wanted some damn footage already, and this is what that is finally -- some damned footage. 

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Lots of Regina King and Jean Smart and we straight up swoon as that duo. And oh right Jeremy Irons on a horse. That duo swoons too. (via thx Mac) Watchmen premieres on October 20th!
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Garrett Hedlund's a Bad Bad Boy

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I guess I should've held off on today's earlier post about Garrett Hedlund bottoming for Charlie Hunnam a lil' bit since there was more Hedlund-news right on the horizon. Like for one he is apparently dating Emma Roberts right now? Ha, okay. But for another more meaty bit Deadline is reporting that he's going to co-star alongside Tim Robbins and Eighth Grade's Elsie Fisher and the inestimable Lizzy Caplan (!!!) in the second season of the Stephen King Universe series Castle Rock! He and Robbins will be playing father and son, Pop and Ace, of the infamous Merrill crime family who show up across several King books, while Lizzy will be playing, drumroll please, Annie freaking Wilkes! 

That is pretty exciting stuff, y'all. Even though I will miss Sissy Spacek and Melanie Lynskey and André Holland and Bill Skarsgard's Butt from year one, this is helping me out. I haven't read "The Body" in ages -- Ace Merrill, Garrett's character, is one of the main bullies in it (played by Kiefer Sutherland in Stand By Me) and I can't recall if he's as gay as bullies in Stephen King's books usually are; anybody recall? I might be mixing him up with the bad guys from It some. But I sure kinda hope he's playing one of King's queer creeps...

I Am Link

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--- Release The Hounds - I wasn't one hundred percent sold on the Aussie serial-killing-couple flick Hounds of Love last year when I saw it at Tribeca (here's my review) like I know some people were - I wasn't convinced it wasn't fetishizing its ugliness past its own clarity of purpose - but it certainly introduced a filmmaker with talent in director Ben Young. Anyway I hadn't heard he was making a sci-fi movie with Universal his next project (a big step up!) until this week when word came that the movie, titled Extinction, had apparently been yanked off their schedule months ago... but Netflix has now come to the rescue. The really exciting thing about this is the movie stars Michael Pena and Lizzy Caplan. No word on a release date but we'll keep our eyes peeled!

--- Not So Amazing - Things aren't looking great for the Amazing Stories reboot right now - Bryan Fuller left the series earlier this week after several solid years of working on it, and today comes word that his producing partner on the project has also left. Ye olde chestnut "creative differences" is invoked. Sad this didn't come together with Bryan, I'd heard some of his ideas and they were fantastic. Guess we've got to focus all our happy hopes upon his Anne Rice Vampire series now, which is good with us! bring on the sexy gay vamps!

--- Lady Metcalf - Sometimes you read an interview and you can just feel the decency sliding off the page and I got that feeling read this chat with Laurie Metcalf in The Guardian the other day - she just seems like such a nice lady. It's mostly about Lady Bird of course but she talks about Roseanne as well as her early career, and I especially loved this part (mostly because of the Joan Allen shout-out:

"The adolescent Metcalf grew up in Carbondale, Illinois, with a certain amount of talent, but no clear vision of what to do with it. “I had accidentally gotten a laugh on a line in a play I was in during high school. I got hooked but I had no idea I would ever be able to support myself by acting. I knew no one in the business. I was from the midwest. No one within a radius of a thousand miles was doing anything like that.” While attending Illinois State University in 1976, Metcalf fell in with a group of fellow drama students including John Malkovich, Gary Sinise, Joan Allen and Terry Kinney. “They used their horrible magic on me and turned me into one of them.”"

--- Fishmonger Menfolk - The Witch director Robert Eggers has written and is directing The Lighthouse, about a lighthouse keeper in Maine (it will be filmed in Nova Scotia though?), and it will star Willen Dafoe. That all sounds swell! It's shockingly easy to picture Willem Dafoe dressed like the Gorton Fisherman, isn't it? Anyway like I said that sounds swell, but what's not so swell is this means that Eggers' Nosferatu is on hold. I was really looking forward to seeing him apply his old-timey fascinations onto that turn-of-the-last-century vampire tale. I hope he does it next, then.

--- Eight The Great - I'm ashamed that I haven't written up my own thoughts on the spectacular experience of seeing Rainer Werner Fassbinder's eight hour long 1972 television miniseries titled Eight Hours Don't Make a Day at MoMA a couple of weeks ago - it was so overwhelming I want to do it properly but time's not been on my side. But there's a really wonderful take on the series over at Film School Rejects that I recommend reading! And if you're in NYC in march the whole thing is going to screen at Film Forum from the 14th to the 27th. And one should assume a blu-ray release later, I think.

--- And Speaking of titanic sized directors of the New German Cinema even though it's somewhat mean-spirited towards one of my faves I found this piece dissecting Werner Herzog's commercialization of his "outsider" brand pretty fascinating - I hadn't realized that his 2016 internet documentary Lo and Behold, Reveries of the Connected World had been funded by an internet security company as a sort of "soft" brand marketing strategy. I have always found the entire idea of "selling out" fairly lame personally - Werner gotta eat! - but this does represent a new age of "content" conceptions worth reckoning with.

--- And Finally the best thing about the video Tom Hardy made of himself wearing his cup - as in the little dick shield that male athletes wear to protect their precious, precious testicles - over his face and doing Bane dialogue through it to his dog, is his dog's insistence on licking said cup. SMART DOG. (thx Mac)
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Tom Hardy quoting Bane lines to his dog with a nut cup over his face is, without question, the best video I've ever seen pic.twitter.com/OM5eFdtrl6

— KoyANDYsqatsi (@Andyzach) February 5, 2018

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The Lady Deadpool

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Deadpool 2 is currently casting the role of Domino, a gun-toting mutant whose skill is that she can manipulate the odds of things going her way, and when I went looking for pictures of the way the character's drawn they were all crazy giant-breasted (example) so I decided to illustrate this post with that picture of Deadpool slutted up instead. Feminism, ho! 

Anyway while I liked the movie Deadpool pretty well (it was fun, but hella sloppy - that last act was a total mess) the real reason I'm even posting about this news is that the list of actresses who're up for the character of Domino includes two of my most favorite actresses working today - Lizzy Caplan and Mary Elizabeth Winstead! And I don't know how to choose between them! So I am making you guys choose. With tarted up pictures of them. (Feminism, Nay.)

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The list of actresses up for the role is long - besides these two also mentioned is Sienna Miller (uh, no), Mackenzie Davis (adore her but not sure she's right for this?), Sofia Boutella (she's my third choice - she was the best thing about the last Star Trek movie), Ruby Rose, Eve Hewson (The Knick), Spectre’s Stephanie Sigman, Sylvia Hoeks (Dutch of the Dutch series Overspel), and Kelly Rohrbach (the new Baywatch) - so who knows. Stay tuned. Also stay tuned to see how much of a game of chicken Ryan Reynolds & Co play with Deadpool's bisexuality this time around.

Today's Mood

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“What's up, coke whores?"

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 "It's Pippa Middleton."

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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Bachelorette (2012)

Gena: What are you doing? Why do you have 

the baby out of the garbage bag? 

Regan: I'm matching the thread color to the dress. 

Gena: Uh, it's a wedding dress. I think maybe it's white. 

Katie: Oh, actually, it's ivory. 

Regan: Actually, it's pearl. 

Gena: OK. You know what? Knowing stuff like that 

does not make you guys cool. It makes you... 

Regan: Amazing? 

Katie: Gorgeous? 

Regan: Incredible? 

Katie: God blessed me with perfect tits, 

it's only right that people should know that? 

Gena: I was gonna say it makes you stupid. 

I look forward to wishing Isla Fisher a happy birthday every single years as long as she's having birthdays and I am here to wish them, via lines of dialogue she spoke in this movie, for it is heaven, the lot of it. (See last year's right here.) Happy 40, Isla! I hope you just had fun shooting a movie with Jake Gyllenhaal and Aaron Johnson and Armie Hammer, you lucky so-n-so...

I Am Link

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--- Mister Monsters - I showed The Strangers to a friend this week who'd never seen it and I was trying to figure out something to write on the movie since I hadn't seen it in awhile but let's be lazy and just share this good news instead - Scott Speedman is teaming up with director Brian Bertino again! They're making a movie called There Are Monsters which is about a mother and daughter terrorized by a you-guessed-it monster. I doubt that Speedman is playing the mother, the daughter, or the monster, but I guess we'll see.

--- Dead Down Dead - BD posted the opening scene from The Walking Dead spin-off Fear the Walking Dead (sidenote: I came up with a better title for this show on Twitter last night; I think I am going to call it that from now on) and you can watch it right here - the opening scene involves the character played by Frank Dillane stumbling around half-naked the entire time...

... and just cuz we're always thankful for abs, here are two fun-facts about him: Dillane is the son of Stephen Dillane, the terrific actor who most recently played Stannis on A Game of Thrones (and who we've posted naked pictures of because of course we have), and also Frank played Tom Riddle (aka Young Voldemort) in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Anyway according to BD he steals the first episode away from everybody else, so we'll see.

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--- Scare Ya Later - Yesterday I linked over to a list of "The Top 21 Horror Movies of the New Century" and as soon as I did I noticed that our beloved friend Final Girl had already taken on the list herself, with her own competing take on What Stacie Thinks Is Good. Some very fine additions to the pantheon here - I am always down with a Lake Mungo shout-out because hot damn is that movie scary and super underrated.

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--- Lady America - Just because Mistress America has come out and I have already reviewed it doesn't mean I'm gonna stop talking about it, not when I adored it and implore all of you to go go go as soon as you can. So here, read this delightful chat with Greta Gerwig over at Details; loved this bit on how she works out dialogue in her scripts:

"I try and keep my earbuds out of my ears so that I can listen to people. The subway is great. There are people talking really loud about everything. Gynecology problems. Waxing, boyfriends, cancer, parents. Everything. I follow people. Someone said to me the difference between the NYC subway and, say, the Paris metro is that on the Paris metro, everybody is silent. They do not talk. In New York City, everybody is yelling their problems and it is so great for listening to things."

--- Sex Less - A bunch of my co-conspirators at The Film Experience have taken to talking the new season of Masters of Sex, read their thoughts over here. I think they say some very wise things about the stuff that's gone wonky this year. I still watch because I love all of the actors so very very much, but it does feel aimless this year.
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--- Suit Yourself - The folks at Daredevil teased a look at the Daredevil suit for the second season on Twitter, see the tease here -- anyway if they really wanted to "tease" us they could have had a buck-naked Charlie Cox holding the folded-up suit over his junk. I mean really, it's like they're not even trying.
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--- And Finally I am one of the folks that loathed the final season of Lost (especially the last episode) with a passion so hard it burned up all my use for even re-watching the earlier seasons that I very much liked, so when I tell you you should read this piece from Lost (and The Leftovers) show-runner Damon Lindelof talking about how obnoxious the online conversation gets around Game of Thrones then you should probably go read the piece. I co-sign pretty much everything he says. Choice laugh-my-ass-off-loud bit:

"When I see a blogger—thank God I’m not on Twitter anymore, because I get into all sorts of trouble—or a critic, or a recapper say, “I’m done with your show,” if I were running that show I would call them up and say, “You are not allowed to watch my show anymore. I’m going to f–king alert everybody in your life to watch you. I’m going to hire a private eye to tap your media consumption, and you better not ever watch it again. Are you sure you want to do this?"

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Great Moments In Movie Shelves #5

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Okay it's not from a movie, it's from this week's episode of Masters of Sex, but this long slow pan along the shelves of a 1960s bookshop gave me the same incandescent feeling this series of posts is here for so we're going with it -- look at those vintage spines! Gimme!

I also feel like Important Things are being telegraphed to us about the show by their book selection, since the books being shown aren't really in any sort of order that makes sense for a bookstore. Can you name all the books shown?

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Quote of the Day

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“I like it when guys don’t wear those boxer briefs that go to mid-thigh and look like bike shorts. It’s harder and harder to find. They’re very popular, but I think they look stupid. I prefer old-fashioned tighty-whities or even just boxer shorts. When you discover a man who wears tighty-whities, you hold on to him. It’s so old-school. They’re great.”

-- That's Lizzy Caplan, preaching halleluiah, via Playboy.

I Am Link

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--- Silvestre's Sense of Smell - Towleroad talked to our longstanding Spanish boyfriend Miguel Angel Silvestre (click his name to fall down a rabbit hole of great gratuity) about hie role on the Wachowskis Netflix series Sense8 (maybe you've heard us mention it), you can read the whole interview here. Choice bit about his love-scenes with also-hottie Alfonso Herrera:

"It wasn’t a big challenge, to be honest. Me and the guy playing Hernando, we spoke from the beginning, and we knew that was going to be one of the things that we really needed to portray. An issue that is happening in Mexico, every two days, [a person is murdered in a homophobic crime], even though it was one of the first Latin American countries to get marriage for homosexuals … We had to treat this with the care and the love and as sincere as possible. So we have to be very relaxed with each other. I don’t like when you see the actors, they play a character, and they say “Hey, hey, I’m not really like this.” We became good friends, and we enjoyed all those moments. I really admire the guy playing Hernando. I believe admiration is love, and from the first minute, I admired this guy. Also, he smelled super good. That helped a lot ..."

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--- Cookie Crumbs - I wrote about the biography of John Waters' actress and downtown NYC icon Cookie Mueller a bunch when I was reading it and told y'all how good it is - well now Richard Hell (of the band Television) has done the same, and he knew Cookie personally so you should believe him. Such a fun book.
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--- Sex Sells - The teaser trailer and a poster for the third season of Masters of Sex dropped yesterday and it looks like they've plunged head-long into the '60s (which I vaguely remember from last year's finale - these seasons are happening too far apart) and hey oh there's a make-out between Lizzy Caplan & Caitlin Fitzgerald. Where's my make-out session between Nicholas D'Agosto & Teddy Sears dammit?
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--- Gone In A Flash - I'm beginning to get a little bit impatient with Michael Haneke - it's been almost three years since Amour came out and I'm feeling the need in my insides for his patented brand of miserablism. Supposedly he'd been waiting around for an "unnamed actress" to make his cyber-drama Flashmob (it was probably Binoche or Huppert, I'm guessing) but The Playlist is reporting he's now moved on from that project, and he'll be making something elsee. Per usual, no word on what the something else is, since he keeps shit close to his vest. But at least he's working.
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--- Boomerang Babe - It's good to know that Jai Courtney also groaned when he read that his Aussie character in Suicide Squad is named "Captain Boomerang" because good grief. But he says we need to get over that because director David Ayer has got a great angle on it, and he won't be embarrassing his homeland this time around. Although Jai does use the words "dark and gritty" and god DC needs to learn to loosen up a bit.
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--- Missed Mark - Sigh, so apparently the word leaking out that Jason Statham was in talks with Marvel to play the villain Bullseye for the second season of Daredevil was enough to ruin everything, and now Statham will not be doing it. Damn damn damn, that sucks, I was very very much into the thought of him and Charlie Cox rasslin' with each other a bunch.
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--- Tastes Like Burning - My pal Jarett's been on fire the past week at Buzzfeed - last week he did an amazing oral history of cult 80s comedy Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead on the eve of its 25th anniversary, and then yesterday he gave us quotes from 51 television writers, folks like Bryan Fuller and Rob Thomas and Chris Carter oh my, on the favorite thing they've written for their shows. Weirdly my favorite thing was the line from The Simpsons that Andrew Kreisberg wrote for Ralphie that git cut. (Ralphie is so much win.)
 .
.--- Girl Power - Some of these stories are several days old, sorry, I haven't gotten around to one of these link round-ups in a bit, but maybe you missed the word on director Jennifer Kent's follow-up to The Babadook? It will be an adaptation of the non-fiction book Alice + Freda Forever, which tells the story of two girls in 1892 Tennessee who fell in love and yadda yadda murder leads to yadda yadda a great big sensational trial. I can imagine, it being 1892 Tennessee. Anyway Jennifer Kent making her own Heavenly Creatures? Sign me the fuck up! Has anybody read the book? It sounds interesting.
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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Bachelorette (2012)

Katie: Oh, do you believe in magic? 

Joe: Yes, I do. That's abso... yes. 

Katie: Do you believe in a magic vagina?

Joe: A magic vagina? 

Katie: It would bewitch you with its magic.

Joe: I've been bewitched by vaginas before. 

It's scary, actually. 

Happy 39 to the terrific Isla Fisher! 

I just re-watched Bachelorette a few weeks ago and I'm happy to say it is just as hysterical as ever. And every time I watch it I change which one of the "B Faces" I like the most; this last time it was indeed Katie who won out - I couldn't get the way she said "a cat lick" out of my head for days... 

Anyway I cannot wait to see Leslye Headland's next movie Sleeping With other People, which stars Allison Brie and Jason Sudeikis and just played at Sundance. Can't wait!

Ho Ho Joe

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It is so hot and humid outside here in New York right now, and here's poor Joseph Gordon-Levitt on the set of his upcoming Christmas comedy from 50/50 director Jonathan Levine, which co-stars Seth Rogen and Lizzy Caplan, being forced to wear an admittedly adorable but nonetheless obviously heavy sweater. Can you imagine how sticky and sweaty he is...

... under that thing? I know I have. I will continue to think about it too, all day long. And that's not the least of it, even - he and covert-hottie Jason Mantzoukas were filmed rolling around in Santa suits on the Lower East Side last night...

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Well now I have even more to think about.
And speaking of Jason Mantzoukas...

... I've been looking for an excuse to post those.
Mission accomplished!