Valerie Cherish Does 'Hot Ones'

If Lisa Kudrow doesn't win the Emmy we riot.

Good Morning, Garrett

A good morning and a merry Hump Day from Garrett Wareing -- and me too! Ahem -- not #MeToo. Just a good old fashioned "me, as well."  Wow, awkward! Sorry I've got the below gag from this week's episode of The Comeback stuck in my head -- this is so Valerie of me. What a way to start a day. Moving on! Hello, hello, hello!

Comeback Still Comin' Back

I actually don't want to know too much about the forthcoming season of the world's funniest television series The Comeback, and so I'm a little annoyed this article at Variety gave up some big information about the season's plot -- if you're like me let me save you from their flappy lips and give you the little details that won't ruin anything for you: one, Andrew Scott has joined the cast! Let's be real, that's why we're here posting. Because otherwise I haven't even posted any of the funny clips that have been dropped, even though they seem to exist outside the show itself. I don't wanna see that! That said we've only only got a few more months to try and dodge all of the information that'll be swerving towards us -- the other big news drop is that HBO will be premiering the third season in March! Four months! We can survive that right? Sigh, who knows these days. And here's the first official image of our lady Cherish:

Happy 25 to The Opposite of Sex

I wasn't sure whether I should lead with that photo of Ivan Sergei in Don Roos' 1998 comedy The Opposite of Sex here when speaking of the film's 25th anniversary or go with the photo of the film's real MVPs Christina Ricci and Lisa Kudrow seen down below. Ultimately beefcake won - I think I know my audience by now! But I wrote up Sex's 25th anniversary over at Mashable today -- click here to read it -- and it's mostly about Ricci & Kudrow. Pictures are one thing -- words quite another. Anyway this movie rules, even if watching it in 2023 is kind of a different experience than it was in 1998... but then I get into all of that in my piece. So go read the damn piece!

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Romy and Michele's High School Reunion (1997)

Michele: Hey Romy, remember Mrs. Divitz's class, there was like always a word problem. Like, there's a guy in a rowboat going X miles, and the current is going like, you know, some other miles, and how long does it take him to get to town? It's like, 'Who cares? Who wants to go to town with a guy who drives a rowboat?

A happy 57 to the wonder of Lisa Kudrow today! This is a good reminder to myself (and either a reminder or first alert to y'all) that I (slash We) need to watch (or re-watch) the video of Kudrow and several of the folks behind The Comeback doing a Zoom Reunion on "Stars in the House" on YouTube a week or so ago (via, thx Mac) -- I totally forgot to watch! What the world needs now is a third Comeback season, dammit.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Easy A (2010)

Olive: I could have chlamydia. I have
been... whoring around a lot.
Mrs. Griffith: No, honey. No, you haven't.
Because a real whore can't even admit it
to herself, let alone another person.

A happy birthday to Lisa Kudrow today!

I don't know about y'all but I'm ready for a 

third season of The Comeback right about now.

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Thursday's Ways Not To Die

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Rampage (2018)

One of our briefest "Ways Not To Die" posts in ages thanks to the dumb brute simplicity of this year's monster movie Rampage -- what a refresher! I watched Rampage this weekend while I was sick (it is a perfect Sick Movie) after seeing Malin "Baby Girl" Akerman proudly offer up this scene for, uh, consumption...

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View this post on Instagram

Yeah 😵 #proudmoments #2018 #memories #spoileralert #rampagemovie

A post shared by Malin Akerman (@malinakerman) on Jan 5, 2019 at 11:13am PST

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I mean... how could I resist that? I had forgotten this movie even had even out this year - which is weird, given what a staple the video-game was of my childhood - but I'm glad I went back and watched it... while sick and weak in the head, at least. It was all the big dumb fun it promised to be. I got to see the above happen - Aunt Sassy does need to see that! And I got to see the rehabilitated were-man Joe Manganiello eaten by a gigantic wolf...
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... I got to see a city block dropped on Jake Lacy, of all people.
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I mean who the hell wants to hurt Jake Lacy, of all people??? 

Rampage does, and... sure, why not?
Hit the jump for links to all the Ways Not To Die...
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Good Morning, World

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Today is officially the 20th anniversary of Don Roos' forever funny The Opposite of Sex so I figured sure, there's our excuse to post repeatedly about it. Yesterday's "Beauty vs Beast" poll was already in honor of the film but hey you can go vote all week, once a day, so you should do that. And I hardly got to mention Ivan Sergei at all so here's our chance to do that. Ivan hasn't stopped working in the twenty years since this movie but scanning through what he's worked on I'm kind of sure I haven't seen any of it. What do you think of when you think of him? Besides this scene, I mean.

This Baby Owes Its Life To Long Island Iced Teas

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Tomorrow marks the 20th anniversary of The Opposite of Sex if you can believe it - I didn't really need to feel that old on a Monday but here we are. Anyway for its anniversary let's all head on over to The Film Experience and rip our hearts out of our chests and stomp them into bits as I force us to choose between the film's two hysterically caustic leading ladies, played to perfection by Lisa Kudrow and Christina Ricci. Imagine a world without those two, and then sigh a sigh of deep relief that instead we've had twenty years of the opposite of that. All that plus Ivan Sergei's chest...

I Am Link

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--- We All Come At Night - I know that audiences are apparently all pissed off about the misleading commercials for It Comes at Night but... well I don't give a shit, I loved it. (Here's my review.) The disconnect between this sort of thing (meaning "other people" and "me people" has played out so often when it comes to slow arty horror movies at this point I am not moved by it. (Ever since general audiences gave Wolf Creek an "F" I have no time for them!) Anyway if you saw the movie tell me your thoughts and feelings, and in exchange I will link you over to this amusing bit of behind-the-scenes - Black Phillip, the already legendary goat from The Witch, makes a cameo!

--- Cherish Is The Word - Lisa Kudrow & The Comeback Crew (except for Robert Michael Morris, RIP) were at a TV festival in Austin several days ago and they didn't officially announce a third season of the show like I was hoping they would but Kudrow did tell the crowd that a third season is a distinct possibility. Even though the second season had a note perfect ending, I thought, I really do believe we'll see Valerie Cherish again - the character is still too ripe and rich for her not to. In related news I sure do miss Kellan Lutz' bare breasts. Make sure they tag along!

--- A Death Is a Wish Your Heart Makes - Did I somehow entirely miss the news that Eli Roth is remaking Death Wish - the brutal 1974 Charles Bronson revenge classic - with Bruce Willis? I checked and I never posted about it but the news doesn't seem entirely new...? I don't know. There's too much damn news and so much of it sounds the same. Eli Roth remaking Death Wish with Bruce Willis just seems about right. So anyway the movie has just been dated for November 22nd, so plan your Thanksgivings accordingly. (Whcih reminds me - where the hell is Eli's Thanksgiving slasher movie???) As an aisde I have never seen Death Wish. Should I?

--- The Red Woman - By now you have probably heard that Jessica Chastain is going to play the Big Bad in the next X-Men movie, which will revisit the previously mucked up tale of Dark Phoenix. Well technically Phoenix (aka Jean Grey aka Sansa from A Game of Thrones) is the Big Bad, but we're supposed to love her too much to feel that way and side against the people that want to stop her from blowing up all existence. Also good news - Fassbender is returning. I hope they do a decent job. I haven't read a ton of superhero comics but I read the Dark Phoenix saga and that shit is good.

--- Good N Scary - Our good friend Joe Reid made quite the marvel of a list of the Best Horror Movies of the 2010s over at Decider -- click on over and he'll tell you why they rock and where you can watch them all right this minute.

--- Everything Wonderful - I don't know about you but I'm sure not done thinking about and enjoying thinking about Wonder Woman, so here go forth and take in Nathaniel's list of 10 Best Moments in Patty Jenkins' already classic superhero movie over at The Film Experience. I mean if it was me making that list I would have found somewhere to stuff Chris Pine's junk, but then that's usually a concern of mine, even if we're not even talking about Wonder Woman specifically.

--- Speaking Of Super - I know everybody's hoping that Joss Whedon taking over Justice League after director Zack Snyder's personal tragedy (his daughter committed suicide recently) will mean big positive things for the movie since we've all been feeling a bit over Snyder's aesthetic for a bit, and I was right there with you, but I also sort of felt it might be too late to change the project much... but the news that Whedon just canned the old composer and has hired in his place Mr. Danny Elfman.. well, it means something? Elfman's music for the first two Batmans is iconic.... but Elfman's music for the past fifteen years give or take not so much. But hell, if he just reuses his old Batman music that would be fine. Do that.

--- And Finally a clip from the just about to start second season of Preacher has been released via EW, and from what I hear (I haven't had a chance to watch it yet) it involves some dick talk. Okay "circumcision talk" but when Dominic Cooper is in the room you'll have to excuse me for thinking about dicks, it like the thing in Six Degrees of Separation about elephants. Only with dicks.

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Good Morning, World

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I've always wanted to gif this moment from the original Queer as Folk because IT IS VERY IMPORTANT but it took today being Aidan Gillen's birthday - happy birthday, Littlefinger! - and also me actually having the series available on my computer (thanks to this post I did last week about it) in order for this magic to happen. But magic has happened! Rejoice.

That said I can't look at scenes of actors pantomiming blowjobs (and one assumes, sadly, this to be pantomime) anymore without thinking of the scene in the second season of The Comeback where Valerie is forced to crouch on her knees in front of Seth Rogen in front of the entire crew for awhile. I mean look at Charlie slamming his face back and forth into Aidan's crotch:

That must've been something to shoot.

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Champagne Wishes & Caviar Hate Crimes

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Let's just get this right out of the way - Catfight is not sexist. I've seen that accusation being bandied about and it strikes me, in the face of what Catfight is, as an incorrigibly lazy way to look at what director Onur Tukel's going after here. Catfight is aggressive (full stop) at triggering accusations of sexism, yes. But with a purpose, to my eyeballs and brain. A slightly exhausting purpose, but a purpose nonetheless. 

Catfight stars Anne Heche and Sandra Oh as former college frenemies who stumble upon each other years later and with startling immediacy begin beating the shit out of each other. It plays as a trio of hate sonatas spread across an increasingly surreal landscape - they meet, they clash, they meet, they clash, they meet, they clash, each time altering each other's fortunes irrevocably and with terrifically cruel abandon while the world teeters on the brink of a strange political insanity.

I thought about the TV series The Comeback a lot while watching Catfight, and the reaction The Comeback got from a lot of critics when it came out - that the discomfort comedy we'd grown to love from men like Larry David played too "harsh" when it was happening to a woman. Nobody wants to see lovely Lisa Kudrow be made to feel like such garbage! And even worse, sometimes even deserve it and bring it upon herself? The horror.

Catfight runs on the same sort of wavelength, only dialed up to bonkers. A cute little sexy fight between two gals is supposed to be so much fun. Look how they make cute little sexy kitten noises at each other! But what if those ladies were just kind of awful and obnoxious  (the word "shrill" comes to mind, as it must in such a context) and what if instead of little girl slaps we got a full-on drag-out bloody no-holds brawl? 

Catfight is basically a Jean Claude Van Damme story told with Nicole Holofcener characters, and it's... unsettling. Deeply. It's not as LOL-funny as Tukel's two previous films because it relies even harder on making us uncomfortable than Summer of Blood (my review) and Applesauce (my review) did - miscarriage is a rough punchline to give a crowd! 

But man Tukel's got a voice I find riveting and endearingly odd, and there's something profoundly liberating about how far he allows Sandra Oh and Anne Heche to go full bore harsh with their performances. It's more of an experiment and a provocation than anything else, but good god who doesn't want to slap the living shit out of politeness every so often?

Watch the trailer for Catfight right here. 

The film opens on March 3rd.

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Keeping Up With The Kellan Lutzes

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I was just looking through Kellan Lutz's IMDb page (I don't just randomly do such things - he's turning 31 today) and wincing at some of the projects he's got lined up (look at the cast on this sucker, for instance) when I stumbled upon a movie called Money, which actually has an interesting cast... well OK it has a very attractive cast -- that's Kellan with Jesse Williams above (see a good Jesse post right here), and the film also stars BSG's Jamie Bamber.

(And yes it also has Jess Weixler, seen there second from the right, so phenomenal in Teeth.) That's a lot of hot man for one movie right there. Here's what the movie is about:

"Two wealthy businessmen are about to get away with $5 million in ill-gotten money until their plans are revealed by an uninvited house guest. "

Okay I want guesses - which of those two are the "wealthy businessmen" and which one is the "uninvited house guest"?  If the "uninvited house guest" is played by Jesse Williams then the movie suddenly becomes about race, at the very least tangentially, but that's my guess. Then again if this shot of Bamber on the set...

... is of him in character all of my assumptions go out the window. That is not a man to be trusted. Dry-humped upon, for sure - trusted, notsomuch. Anyway this movie seems like the most promising of Kellan's lot, so we wish him and this flick the best. And hey if nothing else Lisa Kudrow is probably out there figuring out a third season of The Comeback so Kellan should probably be buttering her up -- that episode where his character Chris tried to sleep with Valerie was a real highlight of the second season.

In summation here, let's judge these old gratuitous

modeling pictures of Kellan, cuz why not:

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Luke Brings Up The Caboose

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Luke Evans, who probably knows something about being the girl on a train, has just joined the cast of The Girl on the Train, replacing Jared Leto who had to bow out because of a schedule conflict. Good riddance to bad rubbish and good afternoon to better. The Girl on the Train -- an adaptation of the best-selling book about some girls and some trains -- has had a lot of people come and go but Emily Blunt, Haley Bennett & Rebecca Fergusen have been pretty constant as cast-members for a bit -- Justin Theroux and Edgar Ramirez are also maybe in it now, which sounds nice to my ears and my eyes! Oh and Lisa effin' Kudrow, too. Have fun on set, Luke! Do everything that I wouldn't do.

I Am Link

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--- The Rim Is On - The sad internet echo chamber got another one wrong -- Guillermo Del Toro says that Pacific Rim 2 is not dead, and he's still handing in his script to the studio in a couple of weeks. I am down with that news! GDT says he might do something else first though, and seeing as how he's always got approximately five thousand things lined up I don't doubt it. Oh and there are a few new pictures from Crimson Peak over at The Playlist.

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--- Small Dive - One day Jason Statham's getting called a shitty actor by Paul Bettany and the very next he's turning to the small screen for employment - coincidence? Never underestimate the power of Bettany, or something. Anyway Statham's set to turn the book series that also birthed Daniel Craig in Layer Cake into a TV series - it'll be called Viva La Madness, but there's no network attached yet. I can't remember, was Craig's character in Layer Cake also a diver? because I feel like Statham really needs to break out his old speedo at this point in his career. it's well past due, even.

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--- Mr Elegance - Yes Tom Hardy followed up what he had to say to that "inelegant" journalist who basically asked him if he's totes into cock and junk with this and that about the way it was phrased and yadda he was actually very nice and reasonable about it all, and I am on his side or whatever. But I am still waiting for the answer to my question about, you know, if he's into me specifically. Well, Tom? Also, speaking of Gay Tom Hardy, his movie Legend got pushed back a couple of weeks - now it's out around Thanksgiving-ish.

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--- And Speaking of actors trying to clarify points they made that I both understood and rolled my eyes right out of my head over, here's Emelia Clarke saying she was misquoted with what she said about her discomfort with "gratuitous" sex scenes... but she once again annoys me with her seeming disavowal of the worth of anything actually gratuitous. Gratuitous has its place, good lady!

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But sometimes, my beloved Mother of Dragons, isn't "gratuitous for gratuitous' sake" kinda a-okay as well? pic.twitter.com/ZIHdjh0KeH

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) September 16, 2015

 --- Winnin' Women - The Emmys are this weekend and I might watch just to see who wins the two big Best Actress prizes -- and then if it's not Frances McDormand and Lisa Kudrow, watch out world! Over at the Film Experience the Team submitted Top Ten lists of their favorite nominations (I missed the deadline, boo, but mine would've has Lisa on top like most everybody else anyway), and speaking of you should read Matthew Eng's piece on Why Kudrow Needs To Win over at Tribeca.
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--- Flip it Fassy - I can't really keep track of how many trailers there have been for Danny Boyle's Steve Jobs movie but hey here's a new one, and it's got this shot of Michael Fassbender...
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... so I'm good with it. I really like the ad that's been playing on TV lately with the Mac sound incorporated into the music; I wonder if that's actually in the film's score? It might be too on the nose there but it works beautifully in a trailer, anyway. (thanks Mac)

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--- And Finally, speaking of scores I haven't bothered listening to this, the first snippet of Thom Yorke's score for the upcoming Pinter play with Clive Owen on Broadway, because it will make me depressed that I decided spending a hundred bucks to go see a Broadway show just so I could hear the score wasn't a worthy usage of my limited funds. But maybe you're stronger than I.
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Good Morning, Nico

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When I mentioned Nico Tortorella in yesterday's "Good Morning, World" post as being an exemplary narcissist for the Instagram Experiment I had no idea today would be his 27th birthday and we'd be back here, using up the goodies he's offered as of late to wish him a happy one. But it is and here we are and I'm fine with that.

Nico is clearly fine with it as well. See lots more of him here. It's weird that his birthday isn't listed on IMDB though isn't it? I had to find out via, where else, Nico himself, where he wished himself a happy birthday by posting, what else, a shirtless (or perhaps probably naked) picture of himself.

Why am I not surprised that he's a Leo? Anyway Nico was also spotted this week (via JJ, thanks Mac) soaking up some sunshine (not to mention some spotlight) on vacation in Palm Springs. He's making me think of that episode of The Comeback where Val goes to that chic desert hotel and all those LA douchebags camp out for the poolside seats (remember Marky Mark's butt?)... Nico is so The Comeback, you guys. They so should have had him dating Mark's daughter Francesca in the second season. Okay anyway hit the jump for more pics...

Today's Mood

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Just a heads-up that I pulled some muscle in my back this weekend (and not even in a fun way) and while I'm somewhat up and around I'm in a painkiller daze and can't promise much for this Monday. It's not terribly serious and I hope to be up and running, literally, by tomorrow. Today though, today might be kinda dullsville.

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I Am Link

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--- Tom Times Two - A second longer bigger newer trailer for the Two Tom Hardys movie Legend, in which he plays the real-world mobster twin Kray brothers, has dropped - watch it over here. It looks like they fixed some of the wonky CG from the first trailer (see that one here) but they also sanded off the already-barely-there gay edges too. Whatever, it's just a trailer - I'm sure the movie won't skimp on scenes of Taron Ejerton and Tom smacking each other's bare asses, right?

--- Sassy Lady - Just before the Emmy nominations arrive (come on come on come on) Lisa Kudrow and show-runner Michael Patrick King talked to Deadline about The Comeback (thanks Mac) - they talk about its first season, its second season, and... its third season? They aren't rushing it but they sound pretty sure it will happen... when it happens. Regarding how they situate that against the way the show ended, King says:

"But you can easily hear Valerie saying, ‘Gotta win another. Wasn’t on stage. Never had my moment,’ I was at a lunch once in the middle of the afternoon, in an empty restaurant at a table for four with an Oscar-winning actress. The waiter came over and said, ‘You can’t sit at a four-top if there’s only two of you.’ That was the rule, and it didn’t matter who she was."

--- Resurrect The Cannibal - Just the other day I said that Amazon ought to pick up Hannibal since they own the show's streaming right already - well proving I am smart, that sounds like where Bryan Fuller's eyes are lasered in on, too. He talked to THR about that and where the current season's headed. Oh and Lee Pace is sad that the show was cancelled, too. We have so much in common, Lee! You should come over and we can commiserate.

--- Creed's Woman - Ex Machina actress Alicia Vikander is going to be in the new Jason Bourne movie so she will not be starring opposite her real-world boyfriend Michael Fassbender in the Assassin's Creed movie - good! She doesn't need all his damn time! Anyway some lady named Ariane Labed is taking the part; she's apparently very good in Yorgos Lanthimos' new film The Lobster, which is a movie I need right fucking now.

--- Good Girl - J'adore Francois Ozon and j'adore Romain Duris (mmm Romain Duris) so I'm pretty psyched that they've got a movie coming out together - it's called The New Girlfriend and it's coming out here in the US in September and The Playlist has the first trailer. Looks like Romain is getting his lady on. I have to admit that the thought of Romain Duris shaving his gloriously furry self makes me incredibly depressed.

--- Suffocating Dwarves - I should've linked to this one yesterday when I posted David Gordon Green talking about his aborted Suspiria remake - here is Green in another interview (he's making the rounds since his Al Pacino movie Manglehorn just came out on Friday) talking about... all kinds of nonsense, really. It's an awesomely all-over-the-place chat. but most importantly it led us all to this old interview with the director of the Garbage Pail Kids movie, which must be read to be believed. This part!

"We got dwarves-- there's plenty of them-- we got dwarves and, you know, put heads on 'em, and found out how long they could survive in there without breathing, and it turned out to be about five, seven minutes."

--- Beaster Than Ezra - I did not expect Ezra Miller to take off after We Need To Talk About Kevin - I mean I thought he was good and all but he's... not typical, ya know? And then he came out as "gay-ish" and I really figured he wouldn't be taking off. But then it was announced that he's playing the Flash for DC and that seemed big but it's getting even bigger - he's in talks to be the second lead (after Eddie Redmayne) in JK Rowling's new series of films, Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them. Wowza! He's about to be the biggest gay-ish thing around.

--- By Any Other Name - When I read through it I thought that this interview with Rose McGowan at Gawker by Rich Juzwiak was great - they talk about her short film (which is already online in full and which you can watch over there) and her weird life and those controversial comments she made last year about gay men and parade floats and the conversation is passionate and interesting... then I made the mistake of skimming Gawker's comment section and ugh, people do not seem to agree. But then Gawker's comment section is always exhausting, so I don't know why i let my eyes wander down there in the first place.

--- And Finally, this teaser for Netflix's upcoming Wet Hot American Summer spin-off series slash prequel thing is everything I wanted it to be times ten. Gimme! Gimme gimme!
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