Nikolaj Will Melt That Winter Away

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(pic via) As explained a bit earlier there are a lot of movies to see in the movie houses this weekend but the cultural event of the year is actually on the small screen this Sunday -- the first episode of the last season of a little show called A Game of Thrones is happening in 54 hours and counting. I was going to tell you the episode's title but HBO is keeping even those tight to their leather vests -- that's not the sort of thing I usually pay attention to; do they keep even that so secret every year? Not that they're in need of furious speculation -- I've been seeing nothing but for months! -- but they could juice the hype by giving us some titles. Think about it HBO! I wouldn't want your little show to fall through the cracks!

Anyway I will be watching along with (most of) the rest of you, so if you want to share some of that speculation here in the comments go to town! (Only if you don't know actual spoilers though, please -- I have managed to avoid all of that and would like to keep it that way.) What do you want to see happen on this final stretch of unnamed episodes? Besides Jamie Lannister and Jon Snow fucking on the back of a dragon, I mean. That's the obvious answer. Let's dig deeper! Like for example I want to see Lady Stoneheart ride in on a flood of rabid direwolves -- nerdy shit like that.
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Gendry, Again

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To be honest there's not a lot I remember from the last season of A Game of Thrones -- I'm hoping HBO does a killer recap for us because it's been so long! -- so I hope that Joe Dempsie doesn't mind that I don't remember his character Gendry finally reappearing after having vanished for several seasons. I loved Gendry, or so I thought, so you'd think I'd recall him showing back up, but... nothing. 

Anyway I was reminded of his return over the weekend when I saw him featured in the new issue of Men's Health, which is where those two photos come from -- you can read his chat right here. And then I was further reminded of Genry's triumphant return when there he was, stomping about...

... for a hot sec in the brand new trailer for the final season of the show, which just dropped today. Game of Thrones returns on April 14th -- here watch this:

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Pugh is Park's Little Drummer Girl

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I paid a lot of attention to her co-star Cosmo Jarvis (because I know my audience and our predilection for furry little fuckboys) when Lady Macbeth came out earlier this year, but it should be known I thought that Florence Pugh in the lead role was fuckin-a fantastic. And so today's big news that she is going to star in a miniseries adaptation of John Le Carre's book The Little Drummer Girl for no less than PARK CHAN-WOOK... well that is exciting, you guys. Here's what TLDG is about via Amazon:

"On holiday in Mykonos, Charlie wants only sunny days and a brief escape from England’s bourgeois dreariness. Then a handsome stranger lures the aspiring actress away from her pals—but his intentions are far from romantic. Joseph is an Israeli intelligence officer, and Charlie has been wooed to flush out the leader of a Palestinian terrorist group responsible for a string of deadly bombings. Still uncertain of her own allegiances, she debuts in the role of a lifetime as a double agent in the “theatre of the real.” Haunting and deeply atmospheric, John le Carré’s The Little Drummer Girl is a virtuoso performance and a powerful examination of morality and justice."

Have any of you read it? This is Park's first project since The Handmaiden blew our socks off (after blowing up our knickers) last yea; Pugh meanwhile's got a ton stacked up on her late, including a WWE family comedy with The Rock & Lena Headey (okay????), that Liam Neeson movie set on a train, and being the token female in that movie starring Aaron Taylor-Johnson's gigantic beard that I told you about. I have to say that this here project with Park looks the most promising for her out of that batch. (Although I am totally into the Liam Neeson train movie, but my guess is her role isn't huge.)
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Good Morning, World

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 I was starting to think that all the so-called "sexposition" on A Game of Thrones was a thing of the past and we had a better chance at seeing any of the show's male leads in the buff by trolling the stiff boards of Broadway then we did by tuning in on Sunday nights, so it was with some glee that mine eyes met Nikolaj Coster-Waldau's much-missed booty on this past week's episode. That aside (actually below, that is below) are we still enjoying the show? I'm in it one hundred percent still (who burst into tears when Sansa laid eyes on her brother this week? This asshole right here, that's who) although it's weirdly got me extra especially irritable about GRRM's seeming lack of interest in finishing the books now. Oh well. We'll always have Lena Headey basically fingering Nikolaj Coster-Waldau in extreme close-up, after the jump...

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A Storm of Pork Swords

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Now that Game of Thrones is reaching its destination(s) I hope they don't forget what got us here -- meaning I hope they manage to stuff some patented sexposition into the last run of episodes. The full trailer for the barreling-forward seventh season (or half season or whatever) just dropped today and it's all meaningful rampart glances and battle-cries with only the splittest of split seconds devoted to the sexytimes. The above flash of Jacob Anderson is the only flesh we see. It's like when Alfie Allen got his cock cut off with it went the show's libido. I wanna see Jon Snow beating off while riding on top of a dragon, dammit! That's what I was promised! Wasn't it?

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Who Wore It Best?

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Tom Wlaschiha Seven Times

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His eyes, his eyes, my kingdom for his eyes. Then give me another kingdom so I can give it up for his lips. So on, so forth. (Click here to see lots of previously posted pictures of Mr. "Man Who's Last Name I Still Have No Idea How To Pronounce.") Anyway so happy to see the German actor get some face-time (I said "face" cuz he's a "Faceless Man" ha ha, god I am a nerd) in the new trailer for the sixth season of A Game of Thrones -- I do wish that one of Arya's lessons in The House of the Black and White, where Jaqen H'ghar reigns, was how to cut hair though, because god I hate his wig. Here's the trailer:

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Which is Hotter?

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Today is the 35th birthday of the German actor Matthias Schweighöfer, who's previously had several posts here at MNPP devoted to his most adorable pastiness - click here to caress with your eyeballs all his milky sweetness. Anyway back in 2008 he starred in a movie about the Red Baron, as the Red Baron, called, wait for it, The Red Baron - has anyone seen it? It co-starred Joseph Fiennes and Til Schweiger and Lena Headey and I like all of those people so maybe I should see it?

(It's available on Amazon Prime to watch, by the way.) At first I was tempted to ask you guys which one of those two in that picture just above is hotter, him or Til, but the thought of having to choose myself hurt my brain, so instead we'll ask something much easier and prioritize our sanity just this once...

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A Flock Of Nips

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There's exactly one split second of footage in the new minute-and-a-half long trailer for the upcoming fifth season of A Game of Thrones that matters, and it's the split second where we see Michiel Huisman's nipple, seen above. Dragons are great, exploding heads are nifty, but you win my particular vote of confidence with nipples, HBO. Let's hope you give us more of this, or this, or this, or this, or this, or especially this. And especially especially this! I could keep going. These things matter.

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I Am Link

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--- Viggo The Hateful - According to The New York Daily News, Quentin Tarantino was spotted having an enthusiastic (read: cocaine) lunch date with Viggo Mortensen in Tribeca recently, and they were bouncing around with scripts and the words "ruthless gang leader" were heard, so now everybody thinks Viggo's playing a tough guy in The Hateful Eight. Does anybody else feel like this movie was already made? I guess with the script leak and that even-before-filming trailer that got released, I feel weird hearing they're still casting this movie.
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--- Some Like It Queer - Over at IndieWire's queer blog Bent they crafted an interesting list of "10 Great Queer Movies Made By Straight Filmmakers" - it's still too early in the morning for me to put my sleuthing cap on but I do feel as if there had to be a better choice out there than Some Like It Hot, which really seems like a stretch to me. That classic line at the end just doesn't put it quite over the edge for me, not when I'm sure, if my brain was working, I could come up with more daring choices.

--- Pine Scented - I haven't gone through all of these to see if there's anything as exciting as Chris Pine shaking his ass in a jockstrap to be had, but here's a round-up of several more clips from Joe Carnahan's upcoming movie Stretch with Pine and Patrick Wilson. This movie looks insane.

--- Dead In Austen - Papa Lannister and his drunken brother-humping daughter are going to lace up their bonnets and slay some undead - Charles Dance and Lena Headey have both just joined the cast of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which after a long long loooong delay has raised from the grave, intent upon our... destruction? Entertainment? We'll see.

--- Space Bottom - I have long noted a personal discomfort with Oscar Isaac after having seen him in several in-person Q&As come across as completely insufferable, so know when I link to this interview with him talking about his work with JJ Abrams on the new Star Wars movie, I only do so so I can also link to these pictures of him riding a bicycle that I posted at MNPP's Tumblr earlier this week, showing off his fat ass. It's the one thing I like about him, he needs to showcase it much more often.

--- Back To The Past - I really enjoyed Stephen King's JFK time-travel book 11/22/63, which is about a dude who figures out how to go back in time and uses his power to try and stop the Kennedy assassination, so the news that it's being turned into a miniseries is good news to me. It's one of King's few extremely-long books that I felt earned its length. The fact that it's being made for Hulu, on the other hand, annoys me - Hulu's always been a bridge too far; I already have too many goddamned subscriptions to viewing services, dammit.

--- And Finally here's the latest trailer for Xavier Dolan's Mommy, which we still have no release date for here in the US, because somebody wants to make me go crazy, that's what that's all about, sorry everybody else, this is a plot against me. God it looks gorgeous.

Quote of the Day

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"People often ask me to pick them up and I often do, but not at airports and such. The strangest request was definitely just recently... when a teenage boy approached me and asked me if he could have someone photograph him licking my bicep."

-- That's Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson, who plays The Mountain aka Ser Gregor Clegane on Game of Thrones, when asked in an interview about the strange requests he gets as a 6'9" 419 lb person. I'm so flattered he thought I was still a teenager!

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I Am Link

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--- Star Lord Lover - Well I wan't expecting to ever have a robotic metal-helmet fetish introduced into my life, but then they went and put Chris Pratt in one in his Guardians of the Galaxy shape and now, I just don't know. I guess that's where we are.

--- And Speaking of sexy rough-n-tumble superhero types, Captain America isn't pussyfooting around those DC dudes a bit - Disney says the third Marvel movie in the saga of Chris Evans' bouncing arse will not back down from its release date even though Batman Vs. Superman or whatever they're calling it also plans to be belly-flopping onto the exact same date. Well I have enough room for at least Chris and Henry Cavill in my... heart. Yeah, heart, that's it.

--- Cannibal Feast - Today's lunchtime read - a wonderfully thorough interview (beware spoilers for what we've seen so far) with Bryan Fuller about what we've seen on the second season of Hannibal, and where we're headed. Season Three talk, ho! I finally caught up with Friday's episode last night (I knew there was sexy stuff and I didn't want to watch it with my mother while she was here, sue me) and goddamn it grossed me out. (thanks Mac)
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--- Tyrannosaurus Rowr - I never watched The Office but Andy Buckley's been around in enough random things that he's at least a familiar (cute) face to me - he's just signed on for a role in the new Jurassic Park movie - hopefully he's playing Chris Pratt's man lover. A lover, who is a man.

--- Peggy Prowled - We've been waiting for something from Bryan Bertino, the director of The Strangers, for ages - now there's word he's making There Are Monsters, a movie about a woman and her daughter trapped in their house by, you guessed it, monsters -- and it will star Elisabeth Moss! I am so down with this. bertino actually has another horror something called Mockingbird already finished, but no word on when we're seeing that.

--- Queen Blood - It's been a very long time since I've read Clive Barker's Books of Blood in full so my memory of the story "Jacqueline Ess" is extremely foggy, but Lena Headey's just signed on to star in a movie version of it so I guess I'll have my memory jogged. (How good was she on this week's Game of Thrones, by the way?)

--- Man Or Muse - Since he's the king of Cannes this year, with two big movies in competition, we're hearing a lot of Robert Pattinson things right now - here's some new pictures and clips from David Michod's The Rover and Cronenberg's Map to the Stars, and here's some quotes from the boy-man-vampire on how rough the Twilight critics were on him and how he might team up with Harmony Korine next.

---  Surf's Nope - Gerard Butler apparently decided that one shitty surfing movie on his resume was plenty, and has dropped out of the remake of Point Break. We should expect a replacement announcement soon I guess, cuz the studio is all over making this thing happen. Some exec wants a paid beach vacation, I guess.

--- Women on the Verge - Last night The Film Experience's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" series took on Robert Altman's great great great film 3 Women, with Sissy Spacek and Shelley Duvall - hit up this link here for links outwards to all the posts across the web.

--- Jock Rock - Every time I read the name Finn Wittrock I am immediately transported to an episode of The Flintstones, so thankfully I don't read the name Finn Wittrock all that often, I have more important things to have on my mind than Barney Rubble. Like movies where Aaron Eckhart's playing a football coach! But now the two shall meet - Finn Wittrock (he was in Noah and he's in Angelina Jolie's upcoming movie) is set to play a University of Texas player, apparently well-known and regarded or something, and Eckhart's his coach, and hopefully the entire thing is set in the lockerroom.

--- Off Agent - Wolf Creek director Greg McLean's next movie, the "micro-budgeted" horror flick 6 Miranda Drive with Kevin Bacon and Radha Mitchell, has gotten a new cast-mate - Ming-Na, who can currently be seen rocking a lot of bodysuit-type outfits while scowling on Agents of SHIELD, will be playing something-or-other. I am gonna make a guess: the movie's about a family that "unwittingly" brings a supernatural force home with them from the Grand Canyon (who would "wittingly" do such a thing?) - I've seen enough horror movies to know the ethnic person in the cast will probably have some tie to the supernatural world. That's how these things work.
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--- Snow In New York - Here in New York BAM has announced the movies that will be playing their CinemaFest at the end of this month, and their centerpiece film is none other than Bong Joon-ho's long delayed here in the US Snowpiercer, with Chris Evans and Tilda Swinton. I have already seen and reviewed the movie thanks to this here wonderful internet, but it might be worth it to see it on a big screen, it's a gorgeously shot thing. They're also showing David Wain's rom-com snarkfest They Came Together with Amy Poehler and Paul Rudd. (thanks Mac)

--- And finally, speaking of New York film festivals, here's the campaign page and down below is the fundraising video for the NYC Indie Film Fest, which is celebrating its fifth year and is trying to raise some cash to expand.Go give them some money, I want all the film festivals I can get please.

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Who Wore It Best?

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poll by twiigs.com

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On Golden God

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Say what you will about the first 300 movie (and you do, I get comments expressing revulsion at its politics almost every time I bring it up favorably), if you ask me it's got one foot on the gas and the other knee-deep in sarcasm - I'm still convinced it's presenting us with a vision of what Spartan propaganda would look like a la Paul Verhoeven's Starship Troopers, and it doesn't actually buy the rah-rah it's selling. If I were smart I'd look at Zack Snyder's out-put since it (especially Man of Steel) and step that belief back a bit, but re-watching the movie the other day I still see it that way. Maybe it's just my projection, but my projection sits just fine on the thing so I'm gonna stick with it.

The second film keeps a bit of that conceit - we're still hearing this tale told by somebody with an angle on it - but not surprisingly less so; as Randy told us in Scream 2, sequels are usually just more concerned with being bigger and bloodier and 300: Rise of an Empire is all over inflation. Where once there were just 600 perfect pecs for us to ogle now there's untold thousands stretching from sea to shining sea. Skulls split, crows feast, and golden calves jiggle in the sun-kissed air - spectacle begets spectacle. In the end the movie doesn't hold together as well as the first one, but good hell it's some fun while you're up in it.

Nowhere more than with Eva Green, popping up in a new spike-flared Alexander McQueen knock-off after every time the camera turns away for a second, sneering and slithering her tongue between her teeth with all the zest the depths of Hades can muster. She's Xena: Goth Rock Princess, either sticking something with a pointy stick or getting the guys to lift up their dainty little skirts for her - they might only have eyes for their Greek fleet, but they'll still take her for a bouncy castle in the sky ride. She's worth riding ten times.

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A Dance of Dany's Dragons

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In the absence of any shots of a naked Nikolaj Coster-Waldau or a naked Kit Harington or naked Richard Madden (well yeah okay that last one was kind of unlikely) in the new trailer for the fourth season of A Game of Thrones, I've got to give the title of the most exciting (that is, literally boner-inducing) shot to the one of the dragon. We do see Jamie mack on Cersei for a second but yeah no that relationship strangely doesn't do much for me, funny that.

And we do see the new character of Oberyn Martell - played by the handsome enough Pedro Pascal, seen above wielding a big stick - momentarily doing the deed with some dark-haired lady. But they're selling this season kind of sexlessly at this point, which is turning my smile upside down. I come here for the dragons plus the inappropriate sex, show. Don't forget that. Here's the trailer:

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Slave Boys To Super Men

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Two weeks til the 300 sequel comes out and we're finally getting some stills that matter - there's up-n-comer and atypical (for this series) twink Jack O'Connell, who's been getting recent raves for his performance in the prison flick Starred Up, getting some mano-a-mano from Sullivan Stapleton, the new movie's Gerard Butler replacement. And here's a look at our favorite ginger boyfriend David Wenham returning to the series...

... I didn't know he was coming back! And he's got both eyes so this must be a flashback? I don't really get what the timeline is for this movie, but... well who cares, really. I skimmed a few reviews (the film screened recently) and it sounds like it could be a fun time and not a total disaster like I worried (Eva Green was singled out as being totally crazy, in a good way), so I am totally there.

I Am Link

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--- Dark Tales - I don't know how you make a movie out of the classic kid's horror books Scary Stories To Tell in the Dark without tipping your hat to the mind-fuckery that was Stephen Gammell's original art-work - I almost feel as if it should be an animated movie? Anyway the movie will be made. Actually it'll probably be a series, since it's a giant pile of short stories we're talking about here.

---  Voice Recognition - The National Board of Review just gave Spike Jonze and his film Her best of's for the year, and I'm pleased as punch, I am! Go read Joe Reid's take on all the winners.

--- To Neptune And Beyond - I feel like I haven't mentioned this in ages - the Veronica Mars movie  (even typing that makes me goosebumpy, I can't even believe it exists) has a release date! It'll be out on March 14th, 2014. It's going full-on in theaters too; the original plan had included some VOD but it sounds like they're holding off on that. There's a new clip at that link, as well.

--- Mother Future - Meanwhile in "now those are two actresses I feel better being handed an iconic role" news, the last ladies standing vying for Sarah Conner in the fifth Terminator movie are Game of Thrones Emilia Clarke (KHALEESI) and the goddess that goes by the name of Brie Larson.  Supposedly Clarke, who worked with director Alan Taylor on Thrones, is in the lead. As much as I love Brie, I'd rather she take more actual acting roles, maybe? Stay off the blockbusters for now?

--- Lasso Lady - Because it's Zack Snyder and undoubtedly People Like Zack Snyder making the decisions, a model-actress who's been in some Fast and the Furious movies was just handed the role of Wonder Woman for the Batman Vs. Superman movie. Last I heard it's only Diana that shows up in the film; they're holding off on full WW til later. Anyway congrats and best of luck to you, lady.

--- Ten Actors Acting - The latest Team Experience Top Ten is up over at The Film Experience - this month we picked the ten actors who were nominated for Best Actor trophies and lost, but who deserved to win. It'll probably have to be tomorrow when I get to it but I fully intend to share the ten I chose when I can. My list has a lot less overlap with the final tally than usual.

--- And finally, here's the latest buffed and shined trailer for the 300 sequel, giving us a couple of hints of Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) before and during his golden-freak birth - see him with a beard! Then see him plucked and gilded! Beefcake aside I do hope there's an epic showdown between Eva Green and Lena Headey though, because who the hell doesn't want to see that?

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The Purge in 275 Words or Less

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Not as terrible as I anticipated, but then I was anticipating a real shit-storm - a shit-hurricane! - and all I got was a little shit river. A shit babbling brook, if you will. Alright I'll stop with the shit talk. When The Purge was being advertised I hollered left right and sideways that I hated its high concept - that in the future one day of the year would be set aside by the government for total wild-west style lawlessness, in order to help people get out their bottled-up aggression and be good folks for the other three-hundred and sixty four. It's just a pill I cannot swallow - it is a ridiculous concept. I'll take dinosaurs resurrected from fermented tree sap; I'll take Nomi believing she is a dancer. But this was too much! Oh I get what they're going for - and if I didn't, the movie's not exactly subtle in sledgehammering home its "haves versus have nots" intentions - it's just an allegory my disbelief refuses to suspend itself for. But the movie gets past that nonsense quick enough and becomes just another home invasion thriller, gussied up with masks cuz somebody thinks masks are scary and girls in white dresses swinging on swings because somebody thinks that is scary, and so on. I don't especially, but the actors are all pretty good (I really will watch Lena Headey do anything) and it's really easy to hate really rich people, so you know, sometimes it sucks you in!

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Which Is Hotter?

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Incest Edition!

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poll by twiigs.com

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A happy 65 to George RR Martin, ye olde pervert.

I Am Link

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--- Warrior Princess - There's a new teaser trailer for the 300 sequel and the visuals are looking pretty grand (although the trailer slices them up to ribbons - I hope the editing's not so ridiculous in the film) but there's hardly a single good moment of beefcake in the whole thing, which, well I don't even know what to say about that. Good to see Lena Headey though.

--- Ladies of 52 - Nat reminds us that in just ten days time that Stinky Lulu is bringing back the glorious Supporting Actress Smackdown via The Film Experience. They'll be talking the five nominees for the prize in the year 1952, which includes a Thelma Ritter performance I've never seen. I should get on that!
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--- Dragon Girl - Rooney Mara is on the record as really wanting to make the second Lisbeth Salander movie now, so get your bits and pieces in order already, studio! I want it to. As she says, she ain't getting any younger, and she's most certainly more frail by the day.

--- Down Time - Lindsay Lohan, fresh off that entirely boggling Canyons experience (not to mention rehab), will next cameo on Eastbound & Down, which god I can only imagine what context they'll use Lindsay Lohan in. But I can't wait! I can't wait for E&D in general, though. Love that show.
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--- The Fallen - Electronic Cerebrectomy takes a look at several of the Great Movies that fell between the cracks between Entertainment Weekly's list of the 100 Greatest Films of All Time from when they first made the list in 199 until they revised it this year. Some real doozies on there.

--- S Is For Sequel - The list of directors taking on a single fateful letter for the sequel to anthology-horror-flick The ABCs of Death have been announced, and there are some great names in there - Álex de la Iglesia, Bill Plympton, Vincenzo Natali...

--- Bird Man - Darren Aronofsky looks to be making an espionage thriller based on the book Red Sparrow next, after he gets all of the Noah stuff done that is - it's sounds like the lead is a kick-ass female, so that's cool. Anybody read the book?
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--- Infanticidal Tendencies - Where else are you going to hear the sentence, "I kept hoping for anything- the pitter-patter of little feet running away from a crime scene, Joan Collins wrestling with a doll..." than a review of an evil baby movie at Final Girl? No place, that's where.
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