I Want My Mummy!

It's totally inexplicable how much not a Mummy movie this Mummy movie is. Lee Cronin's The Mummy (and I do think that's the official title in full, which... well that probably would've been a better choice had you been sure you'd made a great Mummy movie first, Mr. Cronin) is in fact, besides a couple of scenes set in Egypt and a sarcophogus, an Evil Dead movie. It's basically a remake of Lee Cronin's Evil Dead Rise (his last directorial effort) in fact, when it comes down to it. It's Evil Dead Rise with a bunch of CG sand flying around over everything every so often -- basically when Cronin remembers this is supposed to be a Mummy movie he makes some sand show up. Otherwise this is about a family who gets possessed one by one by a blasphemous demon, making little kids do the darndest things (or dare I even day, the damndest thing, gasp!), while ancient indecipherable artifacts get translated via obselete technology, and everything's extremely gross and obscene. 

The last bit is the best bit -- it's what I liked about Evil Dead Rise, too. Cronin is definitely not afraid to be extremely gross and extremely obscene. But as with EDR (which brought the Deadites to the city only to then keep them entirely contained to one building for the entire run-time, making it feel like a retread of everything we'd seen before in the franchise) the plot and the characterizations in this movie make so little sense from scene to scene; it's really just "gross and obscene" strung together by the thinnest of (admittedly sticky) threads. I didn't really hate my time watching this movie, but it's in no way "good" nor should anyone be applauded for how lazy it all is. Cronin made a terrific Irish Folk Horror movie in 2019 with The Hole in the Ground, but he's just been coasting on puke and pus and kids saying fuck ever since. Bad Mummy!

Wrappin' It Up

As seen down below this week o' mine is pretty crowded with screenings and so I'll be checking out early basically every day  -- last night was the fancy-schmancy premiere of David Lowery's Mother Mary (I saw both Julio Torres and Patti Harrison in the lobby afterwards!)  while tonight I'm off to see the new version of The Mummy from director Lee Cronin. And when I tell you I have avoided all information on The Mummy so I could go in fresh I mean it -- I didn't even know until I decided to look up a picture of it for this post that everybody's favorite shitty boyfriend slash dick-flasher Jack Reynor of Midsommar fame is in the thing. Aww we've missed him. Anyway this is me saying bye, I gotta run. Or rather I gotta "wrap it up" hardy har get it cuz The Mummy... sigh...

Good grief my screening schedule this week is BONKERS (and this isn't even counting the Herzog 3D movie and JOHN WATERS LIVE on Saturday!)

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— Jason Adams (@jamnpp.bsky.social) April 13, 2026 at 2:20 PM

Wrap Me in Reynor

Florence Pugh (because she is very good, mind you!) has a tendency to swallow up her male co-stars' deserved attention. We saw it with Lady Macbeth and how long it took the world to cotton to her co-star in that, Cosmo Jarvis. And it seems to've happened again with Jack Reynor, Pugh's Midsommar leading man -- he ran around with his willy out (as did Cosmo actually) and for what? Bupkis for years, while she's off starring in Avengers movies. Feminism run amok! In all seriousness I think Jarvis and Reynor stood every bit her equal in those movies so I was very happy when Cosmo started getting attention thanks to Shogun, as I am very happy now to see that Reynor's booked a big leading man gig -- he is going to star in a new version of The Mummy for Evil Dead Rise director Lee Cronin. I don't think I mentioned it on here but I finally got around to seeing Wolf Man, the Christopher Abbott reboot of that Universal Monster, and I liked it way more than its reputation suggested? I loved its single night structure and I found the dissolving relationship of the family unit surprisingly moving! That movie got a bum rap. (Anyway it's on blu-ray now so you should give it a chance if you missed it.) And Cronin is maybe an even better director than Leigh Whannell -- Cronin's 2019 horror flick The Hole in the Ground is tremendously fine (here is my review). So I'm curious to see what they do with the Mummy mythology and I think Jack will look good covered in sand -- count me in! And since we're here I unearthed something of my own -- an attractive Jack Reynor photoshoot from 2022 that I apparently never posted. So hit the jump for it... 

One Shining Bell

Now this sounds like a TV show! Apple is putting together a series based on Lauren Beukes' 2013 novel The Shining Girls -- it sounds like they're dropping the "The" for the series' title -- which will star Elisabeth Moss, Wagner Moura (we like him), and our boy Jamie Bell. I hesitate to use the cliche of "That's it, that's the post," but come on, what else do you need? That's a cast and a half. The story's about a woman (Moss) hunting the man who assaulted her (Bell) and the journalist (Moura) on the trail of a copycat case -- anybody read the book? It sounds very standard potboiler and yes this will be Lizzy once again playing a victimized woman, but I'd watch those three watch dry-wall dry. The series is being show-run by the woman who did Strange Angel last year, which I know gave us some quality mustachioed Jack Reynor content but which I never got around to properly watching.

Jack Reynor, Future Marine

When Midsommar actor Jack Reynor popped up opposite Tom Holland in Cherry a few weeks back I thought to myself... well first I thought, "Make out!" But second, after that, I thought, "Man it's nice to see Jack again. I should be seeing Jack more often dammit!" So I greet today's news with a smile on my face -- he's just signed on to be one of the leads in Amazon's forthcoming adaptation of sci-fi legend William Gibson's 2014 novel called The Peripheral, which is being shepherded by the same duo behind Westworld. Here is how DH describes the story:

"The one-hour drama stars Chloe Grace Moretz as Flynne Fisher, a woman trying to hold together the pieces of her broken family in a forgotten corner of tomorrow’s America. Smart, ambitious and doomed, she has no future – until the future comes calling for her. Reynor plays Burton, brother of Flynne and a US Marine Corp veteran who served in the Haptic Recon unit. Gary Carr co-stars as Wilf."

Good Morning, World

Did any of you watch Cherry this weekend? I saw it weeks and weeks ago but I never reviewed it because I didn't like it, but I didn't not like it enough to have a terrible lot to say about it. It's all flash in search of substance, substance which the Russos seem to have no idea how to accomplish (it's pretty similar to Malcolm and Marie earlier this year, which confused screaming with character). But unlike John David Washington in that latter film at least Tom Holland doesn't embarrass himself and make me re-think my like altogether. He's fine, his co-star Ciara Bravo is fine, Jack Reynor playing a popped-collar douchebag named "Pills & Coke" is fine. The movie just happens and happens and happens some more, for way too long, and then... stops happening. But maybe you liked it! In which case I say good for you! At least it did gift us with some Gratuitous Tom, which I will now share some of after the jump...

Good Morning, World

Spider-twink Tom Holland's swing into Big Boy Pants is out this weekend on Apple+ -- Cherry, from Marvel's favorite bro-directors the Russo Bros, has him playing a love-struck teenager (named Cherry, as in pop that) turned Iraq soldier turned heroin addict turned bank-robber, and all in the span of wayyy over two hours. As I said in the comments of yesterday's Tom Holland post -- hey whaddya want I work with what I am given -- the movie's not great (Bob) but Tom doesn't embarrass himself; he's actually very good, despite being in a movie that doesn't really seem to know what it is or wants to say but keeps on talking, and loudly, for way too long anyway. (His other actors, especially Clara Bravo and Jack Reynor, are also notably good.) So he'll be fine. I know, you were worried, but Tom Holland is gonna be okay, you guys. 

On that note as these photos attest this morning his cover story for GQ UK has presented itself, and I've got plenty more where they came from below. But first I feel as if I should quote this semi-long (it's worth it) Spidey-suit exchange from Tom's attached interview, which I read on the subway to work this morning:

"You know, I haven’t got my own suit yet. I could ask for one of those. Good idea. And they have loads of them lying around. Or I could just steal one. I should just go home in one from set and be like, ‘Come and take it off me!’ They’d never find the hidden zips, though.” Hidden zips? “Yes, it’s pretty uncomfortable. A privilege to wear, but uncomfortable.” What does Holland wear underneath his Spidey suit? “I wear a thong. Like a jockstrap thing. I have a thong and a mesh underlay suit and then the Spider-Man suit, made from very coarse material, goes over the top.” Holland pauses for a second, lost in thought. “If I did steal a suit, what would I do with it?” Role play? “I couldn’t put it on a mannequin in my living room, could I? Like a trophy. People would think I was utterly self-obsessed. I was in the costume house the other day and they have a foam model of my body. Like, it’s a perfect replica, accurate to the millimetre.” A bit odd? “Yes. I was looking at it. It’s really weird checking yourself out. I looked at my bum and I was like, ‘Oh, I shouldn’t be doing that...’ But then I realised it was my ass and I could do that. So I had a proper look at it, a proper butcher’s. Yeah, so that’s strange. I wonder what happens to that mannequin once filming ends? Who takes replica me home?”

Tom Holland would like to know who takes him home. Can I get a raised hand? And we just caused a tsunami in Thailand with the brunt of raised-hands winds y'all. Anyway Tom's talked about his Spidey-thong before (we remember such details more than we remember our own childhoods) but the whole "checking out his own ass" thing is new, and appreciated. I like that he realized and took ownership of his own bum. Staked his little bum flag. That's called "Adulting," Tom. Hit the jump for the whole shoot...

If It Bleeds It Leads

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It's funny -- as I write up this post, the one you are reading right now, I have in another tab on my desktop a new piece at Vox from trans writer Emily VanDerWerff about reading Ari Aster's film Midsommar as a stealth trans-narrative. And that reading aside it does strike me that Midsommar and Andrzej Zulawski's 1981 masterpiece Possession, which I wrote up for this week's edition of my "Great Moments in Horror Actressing" series, do have some weird overlaps! They're both about the central heterosexual relationship failing spectacularly, as the woman decides to choose chaos over the almond-paste cuck-boy she's partnered with when the movie starts...

You might read this as a failing of my person but I've seen Possession three, maybe four times now, and I never once got that Sam Neill's character is supposed to be playing a spy? It's a piece that makes sense in the narrative, which has its characters sneaking around along the Berlin Wall and play-acting out Film Noir plots that grow more and more ludicrous as the film's grasp on any sense of sanity slips. (By the time a row of cars are spontaneously exploding and Margit Carstensen's poor dead body is ejecting itself from a trunk you'd be forgiven for thinking of the absurd climax of American Psycho, where Patrick Bateman's fantasies have got over the top too.

My point is that I never got that Sam Neill's character is a spy because he's pudding -- person pudding, tapioca pathetic, impossible to love, and you one hundred percent get why Isabelle Adjani is so frantically scratching to get away into the arms, excuse me the tentacles, of another... uhh, man? Just like with Midsommar you one hundred percent get why Dani chooses to light Christian up in that bear suit. And both films were directed by heterosexual men (although truth be told the jury's still out on Ari Aster, if you ask me) detailing the recent dissolves of their relationships. Both films clearly, I think, take the woman's side in the break-ups, and showcase their leading men as poisonous. 

Anyway I wouldn't have immediately thought of Possession and Midsommar as a good bed-fellows but now that the double-feature has presented itself by random way of my brower-tabs I don't think I'll ever think of anything else. They work! Alright so go read my new piece on Isabelle Adjani and Zulawski's film over at The Film Experience... and in summation, Sam Neill has a rooster named Michael Fassbender.

No wonder that Pig is so damned fat . And #MichaelFassbender the cock. That is one overweight chicken . Still , at least they share. pic.twitter.com/9LYcHQmBB0

— Sam Neill (@TwoPaddocks) July 1, 2020

More Midsommar Than Any Man Can Stomach

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Urgh my wallet is taking a wallop today, what with the new Sufjan album getting announced this morning and now this this THISSSS -- A24 has just announced they're releasing a super fancy schmancy blu-ray edition of Ari Aster's director's cut of his most recent horror film Midsommar, which played some theaters late last year; I talked about it a little here. I don't hate the longer version! I know the film felt long to some people already but I was not one of them, and I found the extra footage fascinating. And when I say this edition is "fancy schmancy" I mean "fancy schmancy" -- here's how they describe it:

"The first Collector's Edition from A24, Ari Aster's 171-minute director's cut will look as crisp on your bookshelf as it does in 4K Ultra HD. Blu-ray disc comes enclosed in a clothbound, Hårga-yellow slipcase, accompanied by an illustrated 62-page booklet featuring original artworks from the film by Ragnar Persson and a foreword by Martin Scorsese."

See? Fancy schmancy. This sucker will run you fifty bucks, including shipping, but perhaps it will fill the hole in your heart where that Midsommar "Bear in a Cage" once would have fit. Sigh. Every time I think of the 50 people who scored one of those I get furious all over again. Fuck you people! I'm gonna go look at Jack Reynor's penis and make myself feel better. (Click here for my review of the film, if you never read that.)

Pantys 19: The Gratuities

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Well it wouldn't be MNPP without some ogling of the menfolk, now would it? We've already taken stock of our favorite male and our favorite female performers of the year, but what about their butts? Butts, bits, in betweens. What's the movies without sex? Even David Cronenberg knows that. That said some years I've gone way overboard with listing the year's Gratuities -- I mean look how I went all out in 2010 and in 2011 -- but this year I'm keeping it, like the rest of this year's Pantys, somewhat under control. My 13 faves (I couldn't narrow it down to 10, I just couldn't) and then 10 runners-up. It's still a lot of naked guys, y'all. And let's get on 'em!

My 13 Favorite Gratuities of 2019

Aaron Taylor-Johnson, A Million Little Pieces

-- see more here --

Juan Barberini and Ramon Pujol,

End of the Century

Tom Mercier, Synonyms

Robert Pattinson, The Lighthouse

Jack Reynor, Midsommar

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There is life before seeing this picture of Chris Evans & Alessandro Nivola & Michiel Huisman on the set of Red Sea Diving Resort, and there is life after, and I never want to go back to that horrible Before place ever ever again (pic via https://t.co/QbwjXcQNW2) pic.twitter.com/TpFxcQhv8w

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) September 30, 2019

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Chris Evans, Michiel Huisman and 

Alessandro Nivola, Red Sea Diving Resort

-- see more here -- 

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Felix Maritaud, Sauvage / Wild

Naoki Kobayashi, Earthquake Bird

-- see more here --

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Andrew Garfield, Under the Silver Lake

-- see more here --

Jake Gyllenhaal, Velvet Buzzsaw

-- more here and here --

César Vicente, Pain and Glory

Kelvin Harrison Jr, Waves

Florian David Fitz and Matthias Schweighöfer, 

100 Things -- see lots more here --

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10 Runners-up

Taron Egerton & Richard Madden, Rocketman

Christopher Abbott, Piercing 

Matthias Schoenaerts, The Mustang

CM Punk, Girl on the Third Floor

Zac Efron, Extremely Wicked...
Shia LaBeouf, Peanut Butter Falcon

Carloto Cotta, Diamantino

Juan Pablo Olyslager, Temblores

Matthew McConaughey, Serenity

Vincent Lacoste and Pierre Deladonchamps, Sorry Angel

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What were some of your faves in 2019?

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Pantys '19: Performers, Part One -- Actors

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Every so often for my Golden Trousers awards I do something I call "Actor to Actor" where I write small scenes up of interaction between one of my favorite actors of the year and one of my favorite actresses of the year. Well I am not doing that this year. This year I'm just going to post my 10 favorites, with 10 runners-up. Keeping it simple! And so here, in no particular order and beginning with the men...

My 10 Favorite Actors of 2019

Willem Dafoe, The Lighthouse

Jonathan Majors, The Last Black Man in San Francisco

Tom Mercier, Synonyms

Franz Rogowski, Transit

Géza Röhrig, To Dust

Matthias Schoenaerts, The Mustang

Jonas Dassler, The Golden Glove

Antonio Banderas, Pain and Glory

Matthew Rhys, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Robert Pattinson, The Lighthouse

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Ten Runners Up

Asier Etxeandia, Pain and Glory

Kelvin Harrison Jr, Luce

Taron Egerton, Rocketman

Song Kang-ho, Parasite

Jack Reynor, Midsommar

Robert De Niro, The Irishman

Shia LaBeouf, Honey Boy

Jimmie Fails, The Last Black Man in San Francisco

Felix Maritaud, Sauvage/Wild

Aldis Hodge, Clemency

What were your fave male performances of 2019?
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