Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

Please Baby Please (2022)

Arthur: I won't be terrorized into acting like

a savage just because I was born male. And

I don't want to be rewarded for it either.

A happy 34 to Harry Melling today! The former Harry Potter actor has become one of my faves over the past couple of years thanks to the performance cited above in one of my favorite movies of last year. He was electric and unexpectedly sexy in that (him and Karl Glusman had crazy chemistry)...

Think I need to re-watch PLEASE BABY PLEASE this weekend pic.twitter.com/iiIKRmxqH2

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) March 9, 2023

And then also weirdly enough I also loved his turn as a wild-eyed country preacher-man in the otherwise-mostly-forgettable flick The Devil All the Time with Tom Holland and Robert Pattinson. He walked right off with that movie, and given its ridiculously stacked cast that's saying something. I get so excited when he pops up in things now. And next up for him he's the star of Michael Winterbottom's new movie, so I don't think we need to worry about this fascinating presence going anywhere any time soon.

Hero Fiennes-Tiffin One Time

I haven't posted a ton of Ralph's nephew Hero here on the site (save this one here) because he sees to be more of a model than an actor and I have a general rule of keeping the site limited to actors, lest we just devolve into total beefcake chaos. But he's been racking up more acting credits and has several projects lined up and... I just want to post that photo (via) alright? God. Also these:

Here are four new photos of Ralph's hot nephew Hero, being hot pic.twitter.com/AMqhIuKsm8

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) October 13, 2021

Having An Old Friend For Dinner

I'm not getting any of the things I need to get done this afternoon because there is an Apple presentation going on right now and Apple presentations get played at full blast in my IRL work office when they're happening and who the fuck can think with that gibberish app propaganda being screamed in your ears for hours... sorry if I sound tense, but... these things make me fucking tense! Anyway I'm writing this relatively minor post here entirely to distract myself from the noise blasting in the background of my head, so just be forgiving if nothing I say makes sense. I can't think straight during these damn things! 

Anyway! A new movie just got announced that sounds like a movie I will eventually like, once it's a movie and not just a list of names and ideas rambled about on Deadline. It's called The Menu and it's about a world-class chef (played by Ralph Fiennes) inviting a young couple (so far only Anya Taylor-Joy has been announced, as half of the couple) (unless she's playing both of the couple, that would be neat) to his private island where he has prepared a lavish feast. Deadline calls the film "a darkly comedic psychological thriller" so if you're thinking to yourself "cannibalism" you're probably not far off, I would guess. Especially with that title -- you can see a poster tagline adding a "You're on..." to the start of it real easy. The film will be directed by Mark Mylod, who's done tons of TV -- Games of Thrones, Succession, Shameless, Entourage -- and a couple of movies, including the Anna Faris vehicle What's Your Number?... which is a good excuse to just post this gif, why the hell not:

ETA oh here's an interesting update slash rumor via Collider: apparently Daniel Radcliffe is also in talks to join the film... and he'll be playing himself, Daniel Radcliffe. I had wondered if this was going to be about an entire crew of people getting invited to Ralph Fiennes gourmet island, and not just a single couple -- that would make more sense, be more in line with what we expect from these sorts of stories. Which is to say it would give the movie more characters to off. If they have Lord Voldemort eat Harry Potter I swear it now this movie should win Best Picture, sight unseen.

Pics of the Day

Stumbled upon an exciting seeming movie project ahead for us thanks to these Instagram sharings of the actor Karl Glusman, who you oughta be familiar with by now thanks to Gaspar Noe's Love, Nicolas Winding Refn's The Neon Demon, Tom Ford's Nocturnal Animals, or Alex Garland's series Devs (and yes, that's a crazy cool list of collaborators) -- he's filmed a movie called Please Baby Please and I might not yet be familiar with its makers but I am very familiar with his co-star, Andrea Riseborough, my beloved Andrea Riseborough. But even better is the description of the movie:

"In 1950s Manhattan, a newlywed couple witnesses a murder and becomes the obsession of a greaser gang, awakening a sleeping quandary about the couple's sexual identity."

The actor Harry Melling (you might not know his name yet but you will definitely recognize his face, especially since he played Dudley in the Harry Potter movies, but he was also just seen in The Queen's Gambit, not to mention a million other things) is playing Riseborough's husband in the film. So what we have here is a movie about sexed-up 1950s greaser Karl Glusman sexually confusing a buttoned-up married couple, then? Is that what I am saying? Oh and the movie also co-stars Demi Moore, Mary-Lynn Rajskub, and Cole Escola? I should add that. Dunno about you but I have a new number one looking-forward-to.

5 Off My Head: So Fiennes

It's the 58th birthday of the actor Ralph Nathaniel Twisleton-Wykeham-Fiennes aka "Ralph Fiennes" today, and it must be said we are fans. Big fans. Huge fans! But you know this already. We talk about him all the time. Still I did a search and realized I'd never done a list of my favorite Ralph performances? Which seems insane but then the world is insane -- this is one small potato in comparison. Still let's right it! Narrowing it down to 5 wasn't hard, I have a very specific five favorites, but I also could have done a Top 10 just as easy because there are five more I adore. He's real good, you guys.

My 5 Favorite Ralph Fiennes Performances

Harry Hawkes, A Bigger Splash 

"We're all obscene. Everyone's obscene. 

That's the whole fucking point. 

We see it and we love each other anyway."

Harry, In Bruges 

"How can fucking swans not fucking be 

somebody's fucking thing, eh? How can that be?"

Amon Goeth, Schindler's List

"The truth, Helen, is always the right answer."

Lord Voldemort, the Harry Potter films 

"Join me in the forest tonight and confront your fate."

M. Gustave, The Grand Budapest Hotel 

"When you're young, it's all filet steak, 

but as the years go by, you have to move on 

to the cheap cuts. Which is fine with me, because 

I like those. More flavorful, or so they say."

Runners-up: Spider, Red Dragon, Quiz Show, Strange Days,

The Constant Gardener, The English Patient, The End of the Affair

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What are your favorite Ralph Fiennes performances?

What Are You A Wizard

I'm not sure if I even feel like covering the Fantastic Beasts movies anymore now that J.K. Rowling's proven herself such a ghastly crumb of a person -- and let's be honest they were totally forgettable anyway -- but I admit I am intrigued by the news that Mads Mikkelsen is rumored to be replacing Johnny Depp (speaking of ghastly) as the big bad (and I might mention, homosexual) of the series, Gellert Grindenwald. A lot of people (myself included) thought they'd just go back to Colin Farrell -- Farrell was in the first Fantastic Beasts film...

... and spent a lot of time being molesty with Ezra Miller (god I love that gif), until that film ended with his big revelation being that he was really a hideous Johnny Depp underneath. One shudders! Must be Farrell's busy or not interested -- either way, Mikkelsen is supposedly "in early talks" for the role, which has him playing the evil ex-lover of Young Dumbledore, played by Jude Law in a series of ever-tightening tweed trousers. 

So... the Fantastic Beasts films do have their draws, I'll admit it. But they're never going to "go there" with Dumbledore and Grindenwald it seems, and J.K. Rowling is trash, so the little I was caring has sloughed off a good portion of itself. We'll see, I guess.

Papa Bear Jude

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My first instinct upon seeing these recent photos of Jude Law's current big bushy papa-bear look (via, thx Mac) was to wonder what wonderful lucky movie we might have coming to us that the look's for, but then it struck me maybe this was just his Corona-look. But then! But then I checked IMDb and the beard actually makes sense for his turn in the third Fantastic Beasts film, which is in pre-production at the moment -- that old queen Albus Dumbledore's beard has to start getting serious in the series at some point. 

Daniel Radcliffe Six Times

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Taking comfort in small things today, and speaking of, hey Daniel Radcliffe. These photos are for something called Sharp magazine where they also chatted with him (and it's a post shut-down interview at that so it doesn't seem like it's totally coming from some other planet), plus...

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... there's one minute and four seconds of your afternoon spent.
You're welcome. Hit the jump for the remainder of these photos...
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Daniel Radcliffe Nine Times

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I missed about 97.5% of the big Twitter brouhaha that apparently happened with the director of Daniel Radcliffe's new movie Guns Akimbo -- I just vaguely know he went nuts and said a bunch of offensive things and everybody canceled writing anything about the movie. I have no desire to know what happened or to wade into that conversation -- if I did I would have by now, and now...

... we got bigger shit to deal with in the world. It's a shame for those of us who like Dan and who've been waiting for him to get another good showcase, but I'm not exactly worried about the guy who was richer than god before he hit drinking age; Harry Potter fine. Speaking of, fine that is, hit the jump for the rest of this shoot...

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Swiss Army Man (2016)

Manny: If my best friend hides his farts from me
then what else is he hiding from me,
and why does that make me feel so alone?

A very happy 30th birthday to Daniel Radcliffe today -- can you believe that Harry f'ing Potter is turning 30??? And not just in that Deathly Hallows epilogue sort of way or in that "Dumbledore's a homo!" reveal after the fact sort of way but in that very real, you could run your fingers through his three-decade-aged chest-hair right now if you could find him, manner? It's nuts. Nuts! 

Anyway besides lots of stage-work (which, granted, Danny seems to love doing) his movie career feels kind of in a weird noncommittal place right now, which is a shame -- I think he's turned into a fine talent (he was terrific in Kill Your Darlings) and I wish he'd pop up more often in movie things. Do you guys think his screen career will pick back up, or will he just have to coast on his Harry Potter millions for the rest of his poor life?

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Spend Your Weekend Immersed In the Law

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Since there's nothing really big and new in theaters this weekend that looks much worth seeing -- that La Larona horror flick looks racist as shit to me, and don't get me started on that Christian garbage -- I'm going to spend my three-day weekend getting my own shit together for the 2019 edition of the Tribeca Film Fest, which officially kicks off on Wednesday and which I'll be reviewing films for once again for The Film Experience. I've already seen a dozen or so movies, a number which will more than double in the coming two weeks whee what a time to be alive. Anyway none of this has anything to do with that picture of Jude Law but who doesn't want to stare at Jude Law? Nobody, that's who. (He could've brought along his white speedo but perhaps it's under those jeans.) In summation, uhh, bye until Monday y'all.

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Hey look at this picture of Callum Turner & Eddie Redmayne & Jude Law & Ezra Miller, how about that, huh pic.twitter.com/MvPEaUUBOa

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) April 18, 2019

Good Morning, World

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Dan Radcliffe was spotted dragging fags on his hotel balcony in Australia this past weekend -- I guess he's down under shooting something called Escape From Pretoria, a prison movie co-starring Ian Hart, aka the dude who once played the Voldemort-headed professor in the first Harry Potter movie. Ugh that effect always creeped me out. They should reenact it for Instagram, give all the old-school Harry Potter fans a thrill. Speaking of thrills hit the jump for a few more shots of Harry waving that wand around some more...

Hero Fiennes-Tiffin One Time

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Ralph's nephew (and former Baby Voldemort) is suddenly everywhere -- this photo of him in the new issue of Interview Magazine is just one of four photo-shoots I've seen in the past few weeks. (Just yesterday I was checking out this one here in WWD.) They all say the same thing, that he's about to star in an adaptation of Anna Todd’s romance novel After -- is this book a big deal? I have never heard of it until now. (I am probably just screaming OLD OLD OLD in gigantic letters right now, aren't I?) Anyway we welcome our brand new twink overlord whatever the case.

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Ralph Fiennes' super nephew Hero y'all pic.twitter.com/PWw1VqdwT9

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) February 26, 2019

Callum Turner Six Times

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(via) In case you missed our big gratuitous post 

on this here Fantastic Beasts scene stealer click here. 

And for the rest of this shoot you can hit the jump...

Hangin' Toff

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Wanna know why one of the year's best films is Widows (review here) while one of the year's worst is the Fantastic Beasts sequel? Well there are dozens of reasons but for the purposes of this post we'll stick to one - Widows has Colin Farrell, and FB2 replaced Colin Farrell with Johny fucking Depp. Hermione Granger would never. Anyway I bring all of that up as a good sign for Guy Ritchie's next next movie (the one after his live-action Aladdin, that is), which has just cast Colin Farrell as an MMA coach named, wait for it, Coach. The movie is called Toff Guys and weirdly they aren't baking seasonal toffee-flavored treats, but rather doing big brawny classic Guy Ritchie kinds of things like talking with accents and punching. Also in the cast -- Matthew McConaughey, Michelle "Lady Mary" Dockery, Hugh Grant, and Henry "Dreamboat" Golding as a gangster. Could he be a gangster who wears diabolical eye-liner? I think Henry Golding will look real good in eyeliner, you guys.

Good Morning, Gratuitous Callum Turner

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I have one thing and one thing only to be thankful to Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, and that's Jude Law's Pants. But let's say I had two things. If we said that I'd say the second thing was getting me to finally take proper note of Callum Turner, the model turned actor  who plays Eddie Redmayne's brother in distress.
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Callum has been bouncing around for a little while -- he was the lead singer of the punk band in Jeremy Saulnier's brutally fantastic Green Room in 2015, and he played some fellow Assassin of Michael Fassbender's in Assassin's Creed (am I really expected to remember anything about that movie?) Oh and best of all he played...

... the dude that Jake Gyllenhaal murders in the opening moments of the band called The Shoes' music video for their song "Time To Dance" which you can watch in full right here. He's dallied with all my faves! Strangely enough...

... he also co-stars in this 2017 movie called Mobile Homes with his Green Room co-star Imogen Poots that a friend of mine has randomly brought up twice over the past week and a half that I'd never even heard of before - have any of you seen it? Guess I've got to now...
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Anyway I thought he was good casting in Fantastic Beasts because he is both believably that weirdo Eddie Redmayne's brother as well as hotter and more likable, complicating who we're supposed to be rooting for among that movie's tepid love triangles a wee bit. 

I guess Harry Potter producer David Heyman thought so too because Callum's next role is the lead in a BBC "conspiracy thriller" called The Capture from Heyman - other than that we'll have to wait and see. While that happens let's hit the jump for dozens and dozens of pictures (I did mention earlier he did got his start doing some modeling after all) then...
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Ezra Miller Ten Times

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I don't have much in the way of hopes in a high nature for this weekend's latest Potterverse installment The Crimes of Gingerbread or Gingivitis whatever the hell it's called - as long as there are many, many shots of Jude Law in his tweed trousers shot from the back I'll probably be satisfied. In all seriousness I don't remember anything about the first Fantastic Beasts movie. Not a lick, nor whit. 

But I've got my tickets for Friday night nonetheless - the things we do to to make sure we use up the money we've already spent for our movie theater subscriptions. Let's hope there's fun to be had, Jude's ass to be ogled, and Ezra here (pics via) is allowed to inject a whiff of camp to the proceedings, as is his clear wont. Hit the jump for the rest of this for him extremely tame photo-shoot...

Good Morning, World

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Have you guys heard of The Lodgers? It's been available on demand for a few weeks now so I think maybe you have by now - it's an Gothic Irish horror movie from last year about a pair of orphaned twins (but what else) who are too close in the Gothic tradition, nudge nudge, and the big spooky house they inhabit (but what else) - recognizable faces include David Bradley (the mean old caretaker from Harry Potter and Walder Frey from A Game of Thrones) as the mean old, uh, caretaker? And also Eugene Simon, who you see here, who is also from Game of Thrones -  he plays Lancel Lannister, aka the douchebro cousin of Cersei who suddenly finds religion and goes psycho with it, tormenting his cousin in the process.

Here in The Lodgers Eugene plays the cute boy just returned from war (hence the half-leg you'll see below, rendered with shockingly beautiful special effects) who gets drawn into the twins supernatural drama. As one does. Anyway the movie is thick with tar black atmosphere and really not bad, not bad at all. If you're in the mood for exactly what you think this movie is, this movie is exactly that. Oh and Eugene shows his surprisingly plump bum, which I'll show you right now right here after the jump...

More Like Dumble-Buns Amirite

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I don't know that the folks behind cutting the Fantastic Beasts sequel really intended to introduce their "gay" character ass first (and second) but that's what they did with Jude Law's Young Gay Dumbledore. Fine by me!

Honestly... I recognized Jude immediately.
Anyway I don't know about this movie
but they're certainly speaking my language.

Here's the trailer:

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In summation:
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First shot of Jude Law as Dumbledore is clearly playing to a certain audience. #FantasticBeasts pic.twitter.com/jhr16cjhA2

— Stacy Lambe (@sllambe) March 13, 2018

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Shot of me furiously raising my hand.

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