Good Morning, World

A happy 40th birthday to the terrific Jonathan Tucker today! He's been one of our faves for over half his life at this point -- the first place I would have seen him was playing neighbor boy "Tim" in Sofia Coppola's The Virgin Suicides, and then a year later as Tilda's confused gay son in The Deep End, and tell me that two-some's not a stellar way to kick off one's career. A couple of years after that came the better-than-it-has-any-right-being Texas Chainsaw remake on 2003, which is what the above gif is from -- well it's from a making-of video anyway, which you can watch right here and I recommend you do if you're a fan and not just because...

... it's stuffed with that film's hot male cast taking their clothes off. 

But it doesn't hurt! And that's actually actor Eric Balfour seen naked both above and below by the way. I figured as long as we're here we might as well make those gifs, even if I'm talking Tucker. Anyway Tuck mostly does TV these days and he does very fine work there -- see especially his several seasons on Kingdom (although I admit his one-episode sexy gay-ish creep stint on Hannibal remains my fave) -- but when he does pop up in movies he's ever reliable; I don't think that Palm Trees and Power Lines has gotten a release yet, but I saw it at Sundance and he's phenomenal in it. Keep an eye out! Happy 40, Tuck! Here's one more Eric Balfour, let's say celebrating Tuck's birthday with his birthday suit...

Good Morning, Et Cetera...

.

Last night as I tried and failed to drift off to sleep I skimmed through Instagram, nervous that there might've been some good stuff (you know the good stuff about which I speak) that I might've missed over my holiday, and I ended up down the rabbit hole of dudes, so let's play some catch-up. After the jump I'll share some pictures, new and not, of Harry Shum Jr., Eric Balfour, Russell Tovey, Austin Nichols, and good ol' boy slash perennial flasher George Stults...

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Clueless (1995)

Travis: I joined this program and there's steps.
There's... uh...
Cher: Twelve?
Travis: Yeah, how'd you know?
Cher: Wild guess. 

A very happy 39 to Breckin Meyer today! Seeing it was his birthday reminded me of those recent pictures of him and his Franklin & Bash co-stars Mark-Paul Gosselaar (and Eric Balfour's there for some reason) hanging out in wetsuits...

... what recent pictures? Oh right I never posted them here. I did throw a couple over at the Tumblr, but they're worthy of some real work. Hit the jump for a bunch...

Who Wore It Best?

.

The half-off wetsuit?.

poll by twiigs.com

.

It's Austin Nichols's 32nd birthday today, and Eric Balfour's 35th. I've wished them joint happy birthdays before, but this is probably the best way to do it, right? Surf's up!

Pics of the Day

.

That picture of Brad Pitt and Dead Brad Pitt from behind-the-scenes of The Assassination of Jesse James is cracking me up. I would so have that thing in my home if I were him. Can you imagine the practical jokes you could play with a fake corpse of yourself? Angie's coming downstairs in the middle of the night to warm a bottle for the twins and there's Dead Brad sprawled across the linoleum, a bottle of pills spilled beside it, some shaving cream foaming from its mouth. Hilarity ensues! (I bet you ten to one she'd have the body tied down with rocks and tossed into the nearest river by her child army within an hour.)

Anyway I'm not even sure how I stumbled upon this but Christien Tinsley is an Oscar-winning make-up artist (he won for Passion of the Christ, so think "multiple lacerations") and on his website he's got a terrific gallery of his work, like Dead Brad Pitt up top. Beware there's some gory stuff at that link, but awesome as that is that's not what we're actually talking about this for. What we're excited about is the gallery of custom tattooing he's done for movies, specifically of the "on hot males" variety. Case in exquisite point:

Just the fact that there's a shot of Justin Theroux circa Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle that I haven't seen before (and a really large copy at that, click it to embiggen) is enough heaven, but there's so much more. If you hit the jump I've collected my favorite shots, including Jason Behr, Eric Balfour, Ben Foster, Vin Diesel, Johnny Knoxville, and Justin Timberlake.

A Hack For Hack/Slash?

.

It's been a very long time since we've heard anything about the proposed movie version of the comic book series Hack/Slash. The series, created by Tim Seeley, tells the fictional (a-duh) story of final girl survivor Cassie Hack and how she turns the tables on the world's slasher killers - think Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers - by hunting them down and slaughtering them herself. It's basically Dexter starring a hyper sexualized tough girl. They've been yammering about making a movie of it for years and years - the series started in 2004, and is on-going. The last post I can find on it here is this one, wherein I link to an article about how Kat Dennings wanted to play Cassie, which I thought was a great idea. (And I still do, for the record, even if I can't bring myself to watch that sitcom she's on.) 

Yadda yadda there's new news. The director Marcus Nispel has decided he would like to make the movie. We were just vilifying his remake of Friday the 13th a couple of days ago, what a coincidence! Besides that generally atrocious film, Nispel is known for the supposedly atrocious Conan the Barbarian movie with Jason Momoa that just flopped a few months ago (I still haven't seen it), and the actually not awful remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre that came out in 2003. You know, the one with all this awesomeness in it:

But those aren't the only reasons the film isn't terrible (although they certainly help) - it's one of the spate of remakes in the 2000s that actually scared me. There was a brutality to it that worked. I'm not saying it's a modern masterpiece like Tobe Hooper's film, but as a horror movie on its own I liked the 2003 version well enough.

And it's because of that movie that I was alright with Nispel making a Friday the 13th movie, but that did not work out at all. The problem there was nobody making the movie seemed to have any interest in actually making it a Friday the 13th film - Nispel copied all his tricks from TCM, and they didn't translate. Critics love to lump them all together, but Jason and Leatherface are actually very different creatures.

I digress. I think Cassie Hack's world is pliable enough that Nispel might be able to do what he wants with it, without getting hung up on the dreariness that's seemed to smother him with Jason Voorhees and apparently Conan too. (Sidenote: Dear lord look at that picture of Jason Momoa I just found.)

From what I've read of Hack/Slash - just the first omnibus - the tone is all over the place, depending on what sort of killer she's duking it out with. I love the idea of several mini-slashers all in one story anyway, and I hope the movie's made eventually.With or without Nispel. Although if he does end up making it hopefully he will stay away from his TCM star Jessica Biel for the role. No thank you, Marcus! I have had enough of her for a lifetime. If you need to work with somebody you've worked with, I bet Rose McGowan can still kick some ass.
.

This Also Apparently Aired On TV...

.

... and I had no clue. Just like the whole "Eion Bailey's on Covert Affairs, apparently" thing from yesterday. I'm learning a lot about TV this week, and all of it is very very gay. That's Eric Balfour on the SyFy series Haven (via), which I guess I've seen commercials for in between reruns of Sharktopus - speaking of, how have I still not watched Sharktopus? Mr. Balfour seems to have quite the exhibitionist streak, doesn't he? He's always naked. Constantly. Not that I mind, it distracts from his face. Ouch, mean, sorry Eric. He was on the very first episode of Buffy so he deserves nothing but love, forever. It was written into their contracts. Yadda yadda here's the rest of him stripping to his underpants while held at gunpoint by two dudes, which is what you're here for after all.

.

The Surf Is Not All That Is Up

.

That's Austin Nichols at a charity surfing something or other on Saturday (via). I know I ought to be responsible and tell y'all what the charity is and so forth, but it's late in the day and I'm looking at nipples, so forgive me my distracted nature, sincerely. Also at the event was Eric Balfour and Sam Trammell of True Blood with his giant man boobs, you can see some of them over here or here. Also there, pictured below with Austin, is the exceptionally underrated Brian Geraghty from The Hurt Locker among other things. They make a nice pair, right? Not as good a pair as Austin and Jake of course, but still. Not bad.

.

Good Morning

Hello, everyone. I trust you all had a decent to fair-enough to oh-whatever weekend? Me too! What a coincidence. Crazy. And now it should be known that if you didn't get to wrestle in the sand with a half-wetsuit-clad Eric Balfour, your weekend was not as excellent as this (unfortunate-tattooed) dude's was either:

(via JJ) Just in case you weren't aware that your weekend was a flop, now you know. I do the Lord's work.
.

So Many Spankings... So Little Time

I can already tell here at 10 in the morning that there's just gonna be a whole lot of gratuity on the blog today. It's one of them days. I know, I know, how terrible for us all. But I'm eying the posts I feel like posting and they're just stretching out before me like a smorgasbord of beefcake. Whatcha gonna do, ya know? I go wherever my muse takes me, and sometimes my muse is a tramp.

So with that said, I'd like to wish a pair of fellows a happy birthday today! Firstly, happy 32, Eric Balfour! You've been so kind to the world by not hiding your light - and by light I mean the prime real estate that is your ass (that link is sorta mostly NSFW)- under a bushel. Such kindnesses are always rewarded, my friend. Rewarded, exploited, sometimes I don't see the difference.



And secondly, a very happy 29th going out to Jake's boy-toy, Austin Nichols. All of these pics are from the short-lived HBO series John From Cincinnati, just cuz he looked really good on it, and wore a wet-suit a lot.

.

Happy 30th, Eric Balfour!

.

So yeah, Eric Balfour's basically single-handedly ruining 24 this season, and he's got a weird devil face, and I haven't been convinced he can act worth a damn, but... well, the pictures below speak for themselves. He's a tall, lean, broad-shouldered drink of water. Plus, he was on Buffy - even if it was only for the first couple episodes - so I'm not allowed to ever truly dislike him. Be forewarned, a couple of the below pics are semi-NSFW (bum-looker!), but I could've posted way, way more NSFW, believe me.

.