Super Mario Galaxy Movie in 200 Words or Less

My boyfriend and I have a running joke about how lesbian sex in the movies has long been reduced to two women holding their palms out flat toward the other's, hovering but not quite touching, which is to say that The Super Mario Galaxy Movie hinges on incestual lesbian sex saving the universe. So that's something! Indeed that's the best thing I can say about this clashing cacophony of noise which has me pitying all the poor parents out there -- get ready to paint eyes onto your eyelids so the kids don't catch onto your snooze, Moms and Pops. The movie does unlock its honest end-game though, in that it really made me want to dig out my dusty Wii to play Super Mario Galaxy again -- this is nothing but an assemblage of dopamine signifiers for Mario-heads, lapsed or still running, with nary a thought thunk outside that sphere. There is a scene where I really thought the movie might reenact Raiders' infamous opening of the ark scene, just with Bones Ghosts melting Princess Peach's face off, but that sadly didn't come to pass -- like everything here, opportunities super smashed. 

Donald Glover Two Times

Congrats to this sexy beast on his Emmy nomination for his series Mr & Mrs Smith, alongside our beloved PEN15 forever gal-pal Maya Erskine -- I don't remember writing anything about the series here, forgive me if I did and my hole-riddled-brain's simply forgotten that, but I very much liked that show. Did you? Anyway Emmy-wise I'm also psyched for the love for my Fellow Travelers boys, for Andrew Scott in Ripley, and for Jonn Hamm's terrific work in Fargo, which I actually wrote at length about at Mashable while the series was airing. Any Emmy nominations making y'all especially happy today? I don't usually pay awards much mind (as I make a point of saying every time I do, lol) but for some reason these Emmy ones made me glad today. Also... I just wanted to look at Donald in some short-shorts, of course. And so we shall!

Happy InDePlaidPants Day 2024!

It's time for that goofiest of MNPP-specific holidays -- every July 4th I post photos of dudes wearing plaid pants, because why not. WHY NOT??? Really though -- if any of you can come up with a good reason why I shouldn't do this ricidulous thing every year let's hear it; it'll save me gathering up these photos all year long. I welcome one less thing to worry about in this worry-full world!

But until that happens here we are, and here they be -- dudes wearing plaid pants. It's been so long since I've owned or wore a proper pair of plaid pants. That seems a shame. You'd think I'd capitalize on the site's name and brand myself like a proper "influencer" with a look (or is that "lewk") all my own so I could become a pop culture character and perhaps then pay my bills on time. LOL. Wouldn't that shock the world. Anyway, celebration! Hit the jump for the year in plaid pants photos...

Glover the Lover

I haven't seen any of it myself yet but I've only heard mixed-to-bad things about the Mr. and Mrs Smith series that's hitting Amazon today... and yet, as seen in my tweet down below, I kind of don't care when they've got Donald Glover looking like that on it. I'm easy like that! Plus Maya Erskine of PEN15 fame??? Yeah there's no way in hell I'm not watching this show. Then you keep glancing down the cast list -- Alexander Skarsgård! Paul Dano! Wagner Moura! Ron Perlman! John Turturro! Parker f'ing Posey! Does it even matter if the show is good when it's got this cast? (Cut to me, very sad, in about twelve hours.) Anyway no matter what this show's existence reminded me of that time Donald strutted around the streets of Manhattan in the sluttiest short-shorts outfit imaginable and for that we all (i.e. me) win.

I haven't watched #MrAndMrsSmith but I have seen these images of Donald Glover in it and HOO BOY pic.twitter.com/HMr3n170LZ

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) February 2, 2024

Donald Glover Thirteen Times

Donald Glover is the cover-boy of GQ this month and he's looking mighty fine in the full spread photographed by Fanny Latour-Lambert -- lots of oranges, giving me a citrus-ier Call Me By Your Name vibe. (Editor's note: I do not recommend sticking one's penis into an orange though. It burns!) Anyway I haven't read the interview yet but I assume he's talking about his series Swarm that he created starring Dominique Fishback as a deranged pseudo-Beyoncé fan on a murder-spree -- I still haven't gotten around to watching Atlanta but I'm currently watching Swarm and it has me ten thousand percent enthralled. I def recommend. Fishback was the standout in Judas and the Black Messiah in my humble opinion and it's awesome to see her get a big juicy role like this. But speaking of juicy, though -- Donald Glover in some really tight pants, as he is for the majority of this photoshoot. Hit the jump for all of the photos...

Pics of the Day

Like most places on Earth at the moment it's very very hot in New York City right now, and it has been for a solid ten days. So I suppose if we need to dig up a "bright side" to Climate Change we need look no further than the barely there outfit that Donald Glover recently rolled through town wearing -- and I hate linking to The Daily Mail but they have video of him running in this outfit as well, so you'll probably want to click on over. As the saying goes -- the best of times and the worst of times. So grab the best whilst ya can.

Alden Ehrenreich's Solo Show

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Hey Alden. (See more of that shoot here.) Speaking of the new banner is from the trailer for the upcoming military film called The Yellow Birds that stars Tye Sheridan and Alden alongside Toni Collette, Jason Patric, and Jennifer Aniston. Watch: 

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(via, thx Mac) I checked IMDb and just judging by the character's names it's insane that Jason Patric isn't supposed to be related to Alden in the film - there are shots where I mistook one for the other (which either says real good things about how Jason Patric is looking these days or real bad things about how Alden looks, given their thirty-three year age difference.)

It's also kind of funny given how similar Tye & Alden look at times. Fans of broad-faced dewy-lipped brunettes rejoice!
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Would watch this remake of PERSONA pic.twitter.com/W4lHRdrz5c

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) May 3, 2018

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That movie's out on demand May 17th - I remember hearing about this movie years ago; they're clearly capitalizing on the Solo movie and Alden's uptick in recognition, as well they should.

Speaking of tickets just went on sale for Solo last night, just in time for May the Fourth, and I bought a pair even though I did so with only half-hearted enthusiasm. I'm a little franchised out. Is anybody else feeling it? I suppose my bitterness towards Infinity War isn't helping matters, but two to three Star Wars movies and two to three Marvel movies every year is going to be the death of us all. I don't know if I can keep doing this! You're tearing me apart, Lisa! Ahem. Anyway for May the Fourth let's do this...

free polls

Donald Is Lando Backwards

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Okay okay that's not entirely true, but it's close anyway. Just switch the D and the O and subtract the extra D and voila, it's true! And clearly we should have read the signals, because sexy-ass Donald Glover has just been cast as Young Lando Calrissian (aka smooth-ass Billy Dee Williams) in the Young Han Solo movie and, I mean, duh of course he has. Has anything ever made more sense than this casting? And with Alden Ehrenreich playing Young Han it's only a matter of time before I'm writing in my head a sequence to Han & Lando's backstory that involves some sexual experimentation in college...

Good Morning, Gratuitous Donald Glover

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I've been seeing Donald Glover all over the place lately, what with his new FX series Atlanta - which he created and wrote - premiering in a week, and so it's a good thing I like looking at Donald Glover, and all. And since I only watched Community sporadically and I don't listen to his music I hope the show's good - it will finally give me an outlet for looking. 

Anyway I've posted some pictures of Donald in the past, click here for them, but I figured twas as good a time as any here on the precipice of this maybe-something to gather up a buncha pics since they're just sitting all over the internet asking to be gathered up, and shuffle them into one nice big place. Here is that nice big place. Or rather after the jump is that nice big place....

I Am Link

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--- Love That Lannister - Our pal Sean wrote a really beautiful piece for Vulture about the complicated relationship between Jamie and Brienne on A Game of Thrones that's a must-read for any fan of the show - his basic argument is reducing everything that they've been through to sex makes us no better than that vulgarian Bronn. Although I am probably no better than Bronn either way. Speaking of, the couple I'm shipping on that show these days is Bronn and Pod, who make everything about dicks. The sexual tension between those two's off the charts!

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--- Mother Inferior - When I reviewed The Conjuring sequel yesterday I talked a bunch about that demonic nun thing in the film - well I guess I wasn't alone in finding her striking because the studio's working on a spin-off starring her! I hope they decide to mix it up and it's a rom-com where she decides to go to a remote Italian village to find out what it all means and meets a bearded cobbler who shows her what love can be. They can call it Much Ado About Nun-Thing. 

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--- And Speaking of Sexy Holy Folks, the first trailer for Jude Law's miniseries about Pope John Paul II has arrived and you can watch it over at The Playlist. It's called The Young Pope and it was directed by The Great Beauty director Paolo Sorrentino and it will air first in the UK in October and then at some later date on HBO.  It also stars Diane Keaton, apparently? Anyway rename this shit The Sexy Pope and be done with it - I mean they put him in white swim trunks...

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--- Forgive Me Holly Hunter - Wanna hear something awful? Just terrible awful? No I didn't kidnap Dominic Cooper and chain him to my radiator in cut-off jean-shorts and a cropped Confederate Flag tee (not yet anyway). What I did, or rather what I didn't do, is I never finished watching the first season of Top of the Lake. I was doo-doo-doo'ing right along with it, liking it very much, I watched probably 3/4s of it, and then... something happened, I probably got distracted by a shiny object (or Dominic Cooper's shiny objects) and I never finished. And now they have announced the second season and that Nicole Kidman will be in the second season and I gotta go catch the fuck up, man. 

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---  Alien Mined - I'd totally forgotten that Enemy and Sicario director Denis Villeneuve was making a sci-fi movie with Amy Adams but it seems like he's pretty much already made the thing and it will be out this Fall. The Playlist has a lot of little bits of info - it's been re-titled from Story of Your Life to the equally (or maybe a tad bit more so) generic title Arrival, and it co-stars Jeremy Renner (blah) and Michael Stuhlabrg (yay). They've also got a promotional image for the film at that link. Afteer this Villeneuve is making the Blade Runner sequel and then he's reuniting with Jake Gyllenhaal, hooray.

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--- You're Buggin' - I don't know if it's making people happy or sad that Donald Glover has joined the cast of the new Spider-man movie in an unspecified role - when they were casting the web-slinger several years back (before Andrew Garfield got it) he made it clear he really wanted to play Peter Parker, and I could see some second or third banana status this time around being seen as tossing the person of color too small a bone? Maybe I'm just paranoid. Anyway I doubt Donald will be showing off that sweet ass of his in someone else's superhero movie and that's the real tragedy.

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--- Be My Bully Tonight - I didn't realize that they'd already cast so much of the cast for the new adaptation of Stephen King's It, but apparently all of the kids have been cast except for that poor lone female character who's on the receiving end of the bonding gang-bang. (Good grief I hope they leave out the gang-bang scene.) Relatedly this site makes a good point, or at least asks a good question - with the casting of the homophobic slash sexually experimental bully character, will the movie delve into all the creepy gay stuff in the book? When I was 12 or so and read it for the first time all that creepy gay stuff was... you know... a thrill.

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--- And Finally the official Twitter account for the Alien franchise has released a picture of Ridley Scott on the set of his new Alien slash Prometheus movie Covenant, in the background of which you can see a blurried Michael Fassbender in character again as the android David! And he's got a totally new look - he appears to've ditched the bleach thank goodness (that wasn't Fassy's best look):

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Our Bodies Are Ready

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Well if you were too embarrassed (emphasis on bare-assed) to go to the movie theater and say "One ticket for the Male Stripper Sequel, please!" then your time has come -- the Magic Mike XXL blu-ray release date has been announced! It will come (emphasis on yeah you get it) out on October 6th (or it hits Digital HD two weeks earlier, on September 22nd). Here's my review of the movie, which I enjoyed a lot, even if once again it skimped on the full monty we are owed. At least Joe Manganiello got in the spirit...

Naturally once the blu-ray is out we can have a nicer copy of that -- what I'm looking forward to capping most is that part where Matt Bomer's butt's half hanging out of his pants; that burned itself into my brain, that part. Aaaanyway the extras on the blu-ray say they include something called "The Moves of Magic Mike XXL" which will hopefully have some extended (emphasis on extended) footage.

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Sex By Bomer

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The cast of Magic Mike XXL has been tweeting out little videos all week with too-quick new snippets of footage, and Matthew Bomer finally dropped his today and fetch me the motherfucking smelling salts, y'all. Watch it at that link. ETA I shot my load too quick! The MMXXL folks are really letting it all hang out today -- The Playlist has a ton of new images and a couple of new videos from the movie. Hit the jump for over twenty new shots...

32 Til XXL

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And counting.

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That's More Like It Magic Mike XXL

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I feel bad about bitching out that minute-snippet that the Magic Mike XXL team released yesterday for staying relatively skin-free now that they've released the proper trailer and it is, for all intents and purposes, the opposite. Indeed they even poke me in the eye about it with their text saying they 'didn't want to show the best parts of the movie in this trailer but it was very... very... hard"...

... I know where they're coming from.

(Hey they brought up the word "come" first.)

Here's the full trailer:

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Here's a link to the film's first trailer; I didn't bother re-capping stuff that was in the earlier version. I did however bother capping all of the new stuff, so hit the jump and we'll all get a little bit wet together looking at that...

WTF XXL

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Do you think I'm playing with you, Channing Tatum? I am not playing with you. The new trailer for Magic Mike XXL is here and... you guys. You guys! There is BARELY any skin in it. They've gone and made it look like it's one of Channing's Step Up movies about dancers or some shit and don't you get all Nomi-Malone on me with "I'm not a stripper, I'm a dancer!" we are most certainly here for tits and ass, of the male variety, and this is not delivering.

Dude I'm not even bothering to properly cap this thing, or post it here. You can watch it at this link, but I suggest you go back and watch the earlier trailer, which didn't condescend to us for wanting the proper tits and ass in the proper place, aka in the male stripper movie. Matty, you know what I'm talking about.

The only hope I have is that this trailer is only a minute long so maybe it's a condensed version of a fuller one to come...? The movie's Instagram says the full trailer's supposed to be here on Wednesday, so let's hope this is just a tease - a cockless cocktease - and the sun (aka Joe's bare ass) will come out tomorrow.

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Hand Me My Leather, Donald Glover

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I had totally forgotten that Donald Glover was in Magic Mike XXL, but there he is, strutting his sexy ass across his own one-sheet. It's nice that the sequel added some color to the ranks (and not just to fight off the Chocolate City competition) - Donald's been an underrated hot piece for quite some time, but we've been on his gratuitous case since the start. His Community bromance with Joel McHale clearly helps. (And man I wish Joel was putting the XX in XXL.) Click here for previous Donald gratuity, and click here and here for the previous XXL posts featuring Matt Bomer, Channing Tatum, and Joe Manganiello, amongst others.

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I Am Link

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--- Wheat Fire - Luke Evans is making it really difficult for me to ignore him like I'd prefer to - he's signed on to star in yet another Ben Wheatley movie, and I love Ben Wheatley movies dammit. Evans just finished High Rise, that Ballard adaptation with Tom Hiddleston, and now he and Wheatley (and Armie Hammer!) are going to make Free Fire, which is about an illegal arms deal in 1978 gone wrong. It'll be Wheatley's first US film.

--- And Fine yes here's more Luke Evans news - he's still apparently going to star in The Crow remake, reboot, whatever, and they are planning on filming that in the Spring. I love that The Hollywood Reporter got his name wrong - they called him Lee Evans! Ha! Obviously mixing him up with his closet-case Hobbit friend Lee Pace.

--- Listen Up More - You should read Max O'Connell's review at The Playlist of Listen Up Phillip if you've seen the movie by now (here's my not-nearly-as-good review); it's a really great piece placing the movie in the context of Wes Anderson, Woody Allen, and Noah Baumbach's asshole characters. Loved this especially:

"In a way, "Listen Up Philip" is as perverse a mentor-student film as "Whiplash," where the teacher only gives his pupil advice that will make him a worse person."

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--- Hell Boy - I made it through the majority of the first season of Eli Roth's Netflix show Hemlock Grove in one sitting almost as a dare to myself, seeing how much crap I could actually take - my brain hurt for awhile afterwards, and once the crap-spell wore off I never was able to work up enough energy to care about how it ended, much less make it back for Season 2. My point is before HG I would've been more enthusiastic about an Eli Roth TV show, but the news that he started shooting South of Hell, a Lifetime exorcism drama set in Charleston, this week hits me with a wet thud. (All this said I still wanna see his cannibal movie if it ever gets released.)

--- Classic Scares - Reading this makes me wish I'd been laying on Joe Reid's floor watching all these movies with him - over at the Atlantic our pal Joe hit up a bunch of horror classics for the first time and shares some thoughts on Nosferatu, Dracula, House on Haunted Hill, The Mummy, Black Sunday and Peeping Tom. So much wonderful stuff!

--- Little Green Men - For a movie about a dude stranded on a planet all by himself Ridley Scott's The Martian sure does keep adding an awful lot of people to its cast - Chiwetel Ejiofor, Halt and Catch Fire's (terrific) Mackenzie Davis, and Sebastian Stan are the three latest folks piled on alongside the previously announced (deep breath) Matt Damon, Jessica Chastain, Kristen Wiig, Kate Mara, Sean Bean, Donald Glover, Michael Pena and Jeff Daniels.
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--- Grr Argh - Remember how just a couple of weeks ago I wrote a big post about how hot Frankenstein is these days? Well the big dead lug just got hotter - he's getting a TV show. X-Files and Buffy producer Howard Gordon and Homeland producer Rand Ravich are behind the announcement, but there aren't any other names of you know, talent, involved, so we'll see what happens from here. They say it'll be about an FBI agent who's brought back from the dead.

--- Just Dandy - It's unfairly brief but here's a chat with American Horror Story's Finn Wittrock, who is so fucking good in a character created for just me to adore on this Freakshow season that I am immediately and completely smitten with him. (thanks Mac) I love Dandy so much I might even never make fun of Finn's Flintstones name again.

--- Rings Hallow - I haven't watched this myself but here's the teaser trailer for the third Insidious movie, this one from the writer of the previous films Leigh Whannell. I just linked to the first pictures from the movie the other day. I have no idea when this is supposed to be out, I figured it was awhile away but maybe I was wrong.

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It's Raining, Men

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Hey look it's Channing on the Magic Mike XXL set! 

Rocking some acceptably snug denim and a t-shirt...

... and lifting heavy things...

... I am so there.

Anyway the official synopsis and casting announcement for MMXXL (I just realized this movie abbreviates to 2070 - numerologists make hay!) came out over the weekend, and there are a couple bits of note - firstly McConaughey & Pettyfer are nowhere to be found, as rumored. Everybody else from is in place though. (Well not Cody Horn, but then come on.) Secondly added to the cast...

... is Donald Glover! It doesn't say who Childish Gambino's playing but I hope I hope I hope he's a stripper, because Donny's got the bod for it and then some.

See previous posts on Donald here and here and here and here and here. (Okay he should clearly get his own tag at this point,  I guess.) Besides Donald, joining the cast there's also Elizabeth Banks (yay) and Michael Strahan...
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... is Channing trying to out-do Chocolate City,

the so-called "black Magic Mike," or what?

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3 Reasons Lena Dunham's Smart, In Pictures

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In the trailer for the 2nd season of HBO's zeitgeist-gobbling 

Girls we see Lena Dunham macking on Patrick Wilson...

... Donald Glover ...

... and of course the always near-to-full naked Adam Driver.

If I wrote my own TV show,
these are the things I would also write.

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