Honeymoon With Hairy

Things have been relatively quiet on the Jake Gyllenhaal front since his overpriced run on Broadway with Denzel Washington ended (who me bitter), save lots and lots of relatively boring pap-snaps on him on the Rhode Island set of M. Night Shyamalan's next movie. But today -- hark, a new project! He's going to star opposite Kevin Costner in the new movie from directors Glenn Ficarra and John Requa, aka the dudes behind Crazy Stupid Love and the surprisingly wonderful I Love You, Phillip Morris. It's called Honeymoon With Harry and apparently this script has been bouncing around Hollywood for two decades trying to get made -- it's about a a man whose fiancee dies right before their wedding, so he decides to go on their honeymoon... with her father. This is a weird idea for a movie y'all. It's also weirdly close to the plot of Moonlight Mile, Jake's 2002 movie with Dustin Hoffmann and Susan Sarandon that gifted us with a set of pictures like this:

Anyway I assume they're going for a heart-tugging dramedy "guys feeling their feelings" kind of thing but... I don't know. Sounds weird to me! Anyway once upon a time Mike Figgis was going to direct Vince Vaughn and Jack Nicholson in HWH; after that Bradley Cooper and Robert De Niro were attached while Jonathan Demme almost directed it. Lots of talented people circling this, so I guess they all say / see something in it! Meanwhile, me being a very serious person who also feels all of his feelings, all I can picture is this:

Put Money in Thy Purse

I feel as if I've been sort of pissy with anything Jake Gyllenhaal related for the past several months, but don't blame me -- blame whoever priced me out of seeing him do Iago opposite Denzel Washington's Othello on Broadway. There've been enough stories about how outrageous its tickets are -- and I've already bitched about it already a few times -- so I'm not unique in my irritation; hell when he chatted with Audra McDonald for the Variety piece the above photo is from she joked she hadn't seen the show because she couldn't afford the tickets. I've kept trying for the Lottery to no avail -- maybe now that the show got zero Tony nominations I'll have a chance? (Sending love and congrats to Cole Escola though!) Aaaaanyway I didn't actually start writing this post to bring up any of that stuff -- I figured I should mention yesterday's news that the Road House sequel we'd been threatened was coming is indeed coming and it will be directed by Guy Ritchie now. Ritchie would be replacing the first film's director Doug Liman, who famously threw a (correct) shit-fit about Amazon's games with Road House's release -- Ritchie, who's done plenty for streamers by this point (including the Netflix series The Gentlemen with Theo James, which was wonderful and single-handedly made me reassess my Guy Ritchie indifference), probably won't be so tempestuous about all that. And Jake just filmed a movie with Ritchie (and Henry Cavill) so clearly they got along. So there. I mentioned all of that. And hey maybe they can actually make a good Road House this time. At least we can be sure Guy will fawn over Jake's muscles and put him in homoerotic situations plenty. 

If Thou Canst Cuckold Him

Every day i enter the lottery for Othello tickets (sometimes twice!) and every day I lose. (Also sometimes twice.) So this post is me putting positive energy into the world. You will win Othello tickets, you will win Othello tickets, you will win Othello tickets... sigh. I've managed to see Jake every other time he's done theater but the cost of Othello tickets is out of my reach. No wonder the show is breaking box office records -- it's a thousand bucks for a decent seat. Thus endeth my whine for the day. Carry on.

Pic of the Day

I am trying to take a momentary break for a minute from anger-scrolling over our shit-ass Russian-puppet President right now so there's a new promotional picture of Jake Gyllenhaal and Denzel Washington for their new stage adaptation of Othello -- I've been entering the lottery every day trying to get cheap tickets but so far come up with bupkis; it hasn't even been a week though so y'all keep me in your prayers! Somebody snapped a photo (seen below) of the cast taking a bow the other day and it looks like Jake is full Jarhead in it, and that is some shit I need to see in the flesh y'all. Regular tickets for the show are so outrageously expensive though the lottery's the only way I'll be seeing it. 

OH GOD HE'S IN UNIFORM TOO LIVE ACTION JARHEAD

[image or embed]

— Jason Adams (@jamnpp.bsky.social) February 27, 2025 at 2:48 PM

Good Morning, World

Denzel Washington has been on my brain a lot since seeing Gladiator II a few weeks back -- and being in his rarefied movie-star presence for the Q&A after my screening! I wrote a bit about that movie's questionable queer villany yesterday, but Denzel comes out pretty clean from that nonsense. This led me to finally get around to seeing Mira Nair's 1991 cross-cultural romance Mississippi Masala for the first time the other night though and I am glad I did. It's beautifully shot (another masterwork by Ed Lachman!) and deliciously sweet, and Denzel is very good in it. You can definitely tell it's Sarita Choudhury's first movie role -- she's pretty wobbly at times. But also so gorgeous you kinda don't care. That said Denzel is dare I say even more gorgeous, which is the real reason we're here this morning. (This was the same sizzling year that his naked locked-room scene in Ricochet permanently seared itself onto my little impressionable gay-in-training brain.) I made gifs of from a few of his sexiest moments in the movie, and I've got them all here after the jump...

2 Sissies 2 Gladiator

This isn't a review of Gladiator II -- I don't think I am writing one since somebody more enthusiastic about the property was assigned it at Pajiba. I could write a proper review of it here if I felt like it but take all of this blathering as proof that no, I do not feel like it. There's a lot of fun silliness to the movie to enjoy -- for one Denzel Washington is, as you've likely heard by now, having the time of his life. Every second he's on-screen is a blast. And the battle scene where they fill the Colosseum up with water, ships, and SHARKS -- that shit is bananas. Probably worth the price of admission alone. 

But I left the movie in the most foul of moods despite that excessive goofiness (and Paul Mescal's thighs) because in Joseph Quinn's Emperor Geta and especially in Fred Hechinger's Emperor Caracalla the film trades in a nasty retrograde throwback to the sorts of vile queer villains we haven't seen since the simpering faggot prince in Mel Gibson's Braveheart. You can't even call Geta and Caracalla queer-coded since they've got a harem of made-up lady-boys in waiting. The boys are big ol' sissies. Sneering sissy stereotypes.

They're awful, pasty, deceitful, cruel, sickly, and most of all weak. Caracalla is going mad from syphilis and anoints his monkey to be his number one advisor. Brothers, they turn on each other in a split second. They are jokes meant to be laughed at, and we're meant to celebrate their downfalls brought on by their lascivious queerness. It's crowds cheering on Mel Gibson killing the perfumed fag all over again.

I suppose that, in the interest of widening the queer window, Denzel Washington's Macrinus is meant to be bisexual since in the final film he has a throwaway line about being with men. But it could be read in a couple of ways -- he could be saying women are a lot of bother, and not that he's actually been with any men. And of course Denzel made headlines this week when he said he'd had a kiss with a male actor that got cut out of the film -- this seemed to me to be an early strike out because they knew they were going to get headlines on this subject. (I personally told the PR people I was offended by the movie's throwback queer representation, and I spoke to several other critics who felt the same way.)

But Macrinus, as much fun as Denzel is having playing him, is still a villain. And his comeuppance is the film's biggest cheer moment of all. But since he's a much more rounded-out character if it had been just him as the queer villain I would've been fine with it. I don't hate a queer villain when done right! 

Honestly -- and this bit is probably crucial in my read of the movie -- I also just don't think Ridley Scott has earned the benefit of the doubt in his career on this subject. What has he done for us? Michael Fassbender making out with his clone-twin in Covenant? My point exactly. More of the same. Ryan Phillippe in soaking wet tighty-whities in White Squall? Okay, well I will give him that one.

In all seriousness though the problem is that all of Gladiator II's main villains are the queer people. And all of the film's heroes are boring straights, pining for their ladies. At first there are a bit of homoerotic Midnight Express vibes happening between Paul Mescal's imprisoned character and the doctor who tends his wounds and I thought okay, maybe they'll queer him up too. But their conversations inevitably devolve into talk of their lady loves, almost to the point where it feels like the script having its own moment  of gay panic -- there doesn't seem much reason for the conversation except to define them as two lady-loving bros just shooting the shit! No homo!

I know the argument exists that there's "historical accuracy" to some of these characterizations. (As if this movie feels much fealty to history!) That doesn't take into mind the fact that history has been written by the homophobes for centuries. We have been cast as the villains for as long as storytelling has existed. The stray cards that will knock the whole hetero family unit down for good, et cetera.

And given what just happened in this country election-wise, I do feel it's especially important right now to point this shit out. But I'll be curious to hear what y'all think when you see the movie -- if you're offended or if you think I'd read too much into it. So come back and comment down below once you have.

For the record (name and shame) the movies were in order Gladiator II, the slasher film Director’s Cut, Heretic obviously, and of course Anora (which I’ve made my discomfort re: its use of the f slur known already)

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) November 8, 2024

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

High and Low (1963)

Kingo Gondo: Why should you and I hate each other?

Ginjirô: I don't know. I'm not interested in self-analysis. 

I do know my room was so cold in winter and so hot in 

summer I couldn't sleep. Your house looked like heaven, 

high up there. That's how I began to hate you.

The legend Toshirô Mifune was born on this day in 1920.

What do we think about Spike Lee remaking this movie

with Denzel Washington & Jeffrey Wright? I might have

been more skeptical about remaking Kurosawa if I hadn't

completely and totally adored Oliver Hermanus' Living

just a couple years ago. And High and Low's story is timely.

(Also -- Denzel Washington & Jeffrey Wright!!)

5 Off My Head - The Hottest Criterion Covers

They say sex sells, but the art-house media empire known as Criterion doesn't often subscribe to that notion. Sure their streaming service sometimes sluts it up with timed collections catering to such tastes. But when it comes to the actual physical media releases they put out? Let's just say they're not regularly porning up the shelves at your local neighborhood Barnes & Noble. Don't believe me? Just look at the artful but limp covers they gave us for notoriously horny movies like David Cronenberg's Crash and John Schlesinger's Midnight Cowboy:

Which is why last week's reveal of the cover art for Rainer Werner Fassbinder's Querelle (hitting those shelves in June) came at us like such a happy punch in the privates. Designed by the artist Astra Zero (follow them on Instagram here) the cover is appropriately horny for RWF's horny, horny final film, which we're ecstatic to see getting a proper release at last. But it got me thinking -- what other Criterion covers have stirred my (admittedly easily stirred) loins? So I made a list! And do keep in mind that I am extremely homosexual, so my list echoes those credentials. Make your own lists, straights! (Also clearly the Querelle one trumps everything else and should be considered #1 above all of these from here on out. It already won!)

The 5 Horniest Criterion Covers (Besides Querelle)

Claire Denis' Beau Travail -- I'm not as big a fan of Denis' 1999 erotic treatise on masculinity as a lot of you are, or as would typically make sense, given the film's notable focus on hard half-naked male bodies swinging around in hypnotic unison. But that doesn't mean I can argue with the shadowy visage of actor Grégoire Colin's bared, slick torso. I bought this disc even though I don't love the movie just because of the cover!

Jacques Deray's La Piscine -- I could have used any Criterion cover that has Alain Delon on it (his jawline on the Purple Noon cover could create a cult all on its own) but, even if a bit hetero to my linking, half-naked Alain & Romy Schneider clenched up in ecstacy is about  as hot and sweaty as these things get. Let's not get in the way of their erotic lifestyle!

Gus Van Sant's My Own Private Idaho -- Two of the most beautiful and sensitive movie stars on my early teen years at the height of their beauty and sensitivity, rocking hustler ennui while strapped to one another on the back of a motorcycle -- you can't see that the motorocycle is there in the cover image but you can probably feel it, humming between your thighs all the same. And if not, well, they sure are on top of each other huh? 

Andrew Haigh's Weekend -- Seeing actor Chris New working his way down actor Tom Cullen's naked body again this rumpled mid-coitus snapshot image slams you right back there into the middle of this 2011 masterpiece of intimacy from Haigh and you realize -- oh right that's where I have wanted to be all this time. Back in bed with those two!

Carl Franklin's Devil in a Blue Dress -- Sometimes all it takes is peak Denzel Washington in a white tank top, what can I say?

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Runners-up: Joyce Chopra's Smooth Talk, Yukio Mishima's Patriotism, Paul Schrader's The Comfort of Strangers, Alfonso Cuaron's Y Tu Mama Tambien, Wong Kar Wai's In the Mood For Love, Stephen Frears' My Beautiful Laundrette

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What would be your picks for Criterion's horniest covers?

July's My Birthday & Criterion's Got My Presents

Looks like the leakers were right! Yesterday Film Twitter had a list going around of the titles that Criterion would be announcing as their July 2022 titles and it seemed as if they might be right because Criterion themselves had hinted already at two of them, but we weren't sure until just now, with the official announcement on their site. The titles for July will be Denzel in the 1995 neo-noir Devil in a Blue Dress (which, despite Denzel looking like that up above, phew, I have somehow never seen) on July 19th...

... alongside Ryusuke Hamaguchi's Oscar-winning insta-masterpiece Drive My Car, that exact same day. (Here is my review of Drive My Car, in case you never read that -- I wrote it up at NYFF forever and an age ago. What a movie.) But that's just the start -- July isn't just my birthday month, but it's apparently a chance for Criterion to be absolutely killing it! 

OOOOOOOO THAT RUMOR! pic.twitter.com/1ebJcehYq1

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) April 18, 2022

Because yup, they're also dropping Bong Joon-ho's Okja, aka that movie where Jake Gyllenhaal lost his damn fool mind. In a good way! This will be Okja's very first home-video release -- and in 4K no less! -- since it came out in 2017, since it's a Netflix movie and they only give physical disc releases to very rare titles. (Which makes me glad I still get critics screeners these days so I have some movies of theirs on disc anyway, haha I win.) Okja is coming out on July 5th. And yet wait, even more!

A little movie called Raging f'ing Bull from a little somebody named Martin f'ing Scorsese is hitting 4K blu-ray on July 12th, and a little movie called The Virgin f'ing Suicides from a little somebody named Sofia f'ing Coppola is also hitting 4K blu-ray on July 5th! Coppola's movie is an upgrade from the already-released regular blu-ray, but Raging Bull is inexplicably brand new to Criterion. These are some movies! But I saved my fave for last...

... David Lean's 1955 vacation-masterpiece Summertime, starring a possibly never better Katharine Hepburn as a woman who finds herself swept up in a surprise romance while visiting Venice Italy, is hitting blu-ray on July 12th, just in time for my birthday! This is one of my favorite movies -- it's such a gorgeous vibe, and makes you feel as if you've gone on vacation yourself. I already have their DVD of it but I am probably going to have to upgrade because this movie is truly breathtaking, and I need to see this remaster like I need air itself. What are y'all excited about?

Happy NYFF, Almost!

Tomorrow marks the Opening Day of this year's New York Film Fest with Denzel Washington and Frances McDormand starring in Joel Coen's adaptation of Macbeth -- that photo above is obviously not from Macbeth but I'm not reviewing Macbeth yet, so let me have this one. I'm seeing it in the morning tomorrow and will be off all day, so I'm just giving you something to look at for now. I'll be reviewing movies for NYFF soon enough over at The Film Experience -- if you want to keep up with what I've been seeing in real time follow me on Letterboxd, or on Twitter of course, where I never shut the hell up. Oh and I previewed the NYFF's Main Slate back in August, if you missed it. I've already seen 3 of my 5 Most Anticipated films, and I was right to be excited about all of them! Do stay tuned...

Denzel Four Times

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Here's some vintage Dezel, shot by

 Herb Ritts for Interview Magazine in 1990.

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Washington Takes Scotland

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While I'm actually a pretty big fan of Justin Kurzel's lush 2015 version of Macbeth with Michael Fassbender in the lead I don't think it's necessarily the be-all end-all as far as Bard adaptations go -- the dude's been around for a bit, this Bill Shakespeare fella, and can weather another take I think. Especially with... well I'll make you click over to The Film Experience to get all the details on this new version just announced today, I wrote it up there. It is quite the stacked announcement though. Oscar Winners everywhere you look!

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10 Off My Head: Siri Says 1991

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Somehow an entire month has passed since the last time I asked my telephone to give me a number between one and one hundred and went to choose my favorite movies from the corresponding year, otherwise known as our "Siri Says" series, but now that we're back to talking to our phone again like it's a person Siri went and picked an interesting year of movies for us - The Movies of 1991.

I became a freshman in High School in the fall of 1991, meaning I was heavy in my "I have no friends and I wish I was dead" period - ahh sweet memories. But I had the movies at least? Hey it's what's getting a lot of us, visiting here at this site anyway, through, so don't knock it. This was still a couple of years before I worked at the video-store that would shape my tastes for the better so at this point in time I was still watching tons of garbage - I was watching any and everything really. 

Point being I've seen a shit-ton from this year so I'm upping the list to 10. Looking back at the year now it's easy to whittle the crap down to the movies that matter, but I didn't fall for an awful lot of these until many years later - I sure wasn't laying my eyes on Todd Haynes or Derek Jarman or even Gus Van Sant at that exact point, something which probably would've benefitted my dumpy and isolated mood. Alas, hindsight, et cetera. Anyway onward and upward let's whittle that crap!

My 10 Favorite Movies of 1991

Terminator 2: Judgment Day

(dir. James Cameron)

-- released on July 1st 1991 --

Cape Fear

(dir. Martin Scorsese)

-- released on November 15th 1991 --

Poison

(dir. Todd Haynes)

-- released on April 5th 1991 --

Naked Lunch

(dir. David Cronenberg)

-- released on December 27th 1991 --

Raise the Red Lantern

(dir. Zhang Yimou)

-- released on December 17th 1991 --

Barton Fink

(dir. Joel & Ethan Coen)

-- released on August 21st 1991 --

The Silence of the Lambs

(dir. Jonathan Demme)

-- released on February 14th 1991 --

Soapdish

(dir. Michael Hoffmann)

-- released on May 31st 1991 --

Beauty and the Beast

(dir. Gary Trousdale and Kirk Wise)

-- released on November 22nd 1991 --

Thelma & Louise

(dir. Ridley Scott)

-- released on May 24th 1991 --

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Runners-up: LA Story (dir. Mick Jackson), Sleeping With the Enemy (dir. Joseph Ruben), What About Bob (dir. Frank Oz), Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead (dir. Stephen Herek), JFK (dir. Oliver Stone), Fried Green Tomatoes (dir. John Avnet), Dead Again (dir. Kenneth Branagh)...

......  Dogfight (dir. Nancy Savoca), The Addams Family (dir. Sonnenfeld), The Lovers on the Bridge (dir. Leos Carax), Defending Your Life (dir. Albert Brooks), The Double Life of Veronique (dir. Kieslowski), Point Break (dir. Kathryn Bigelow), Shadows + Fog (dir. Woody Allen), Truth or Dare (dir. Alek Keshishian)...

... The Rapture (dir. Michael Tolkin), Edward II (dir. Derek Jarman), Grand Canyon (dir. Lawrence Kasdan), Boyz n' the Hood (dir. John Singleton), Whore (dir. Ken Russell), Mississippi Masala (dir. Mira Nair), Jungle Fever (dir. Spike Lee), My Own Private Idaho (dir. Gus Van Sant)

Never seen: High Heels (dir. Almodovar), Kafka (dir. Soderbergh), Europa (dir. Lars von Trier), Until the End of the World (dir. Wim Wenders), Close My Eyes (dir. Stephen Poliakoff)...

...... The Commitments (dir. Alan Parker), Flirting (dir. John Duigan), Prospero's Books (dir. Peter Greenaway), Scenes From a Mall (dir. Paul Mazursky), Toto the Hero (dir. Jaco Van Dormael), Night on Earth (dir. Jim Jarmusch)

What are your favorite movies of 1991?

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