Showing posts with label David Boreanaz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label David Boreanaz. Show all posts

Thursday, February 11, 2021

Valentine's Ways Not To Die













Valentine (2001)

This scene is so fucking weird, you guys. I had no idea what was happening when I watched this movie last week for its 20th anniversary -- for the very first time! -- and I had to ask my boyfriend, who explained to me that the dude getting murdered was the Creepy Neighbor of Kate (Marley Shelton) who we meet for a split second a little earlier in the movie when she hears a strange noise (while showering, natch) and goes to investigate...

Turns out Weird Neighbor has been sneaking into Kate's apartment and putting on her underwear, a gag apparently set up by the movie if you're at all inclined to listen to the dialogue... which I was not. So I had no idea why this dude in stockings was suddenly getting his face smashed in with a steam-iron. Nor would this have any bearing on the plot at any further point in the movie -- this is one of those Kill Scenes that reek of, "We need another kill, quick, give her a creepy neighbor!" And, scene.

"Rose are Red
Violets are Blue
They'll need dental records
To identify You"

Okay I cackled at that. A nice My Bloody Valentine little shout-out. And I thought for a second early on that Valentine might turn out to be the under-appreciated Slasher gem that some people have claimed... but no, that was not to be. I hated it. Oh there are some fun bits -- lots of 2001-era cheesiness (especially technology-wise, with the flips phones and computer graphics and "edgy" video art installations), and bless her Denise Richards always knows why she got hired. Oh and this Daniel Cosgrove dude...

... was cute enough in a very specific 2001 sort of way. (The highlights!) But god it's boring and I hated every single character and every scene just drags on and on and nothing seems connected to anything else. I don't imagine I'll be spoiling any future Valentine's Day horror watches with this when I've got the original My Bloody Valentine, possibly my favorite Slasher Film,  sitting right there. Even the perfectly fine 2009 MBV remake is better than this! Sorry, Denise! We'll always have Wild Things!

Hit the jump for links to previous Ways Not To Die...

Monday, March 09, 2015

The Star Spangel Banner

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Tomorrow's the 18th anniversary of Buffy the Vampire Slayer's premiere episode on the WB and so we're celebrating Buffy reaching legal age by picking between her two undead amours over at The Film Experience - this week's "Beauty vs Beast" is tackling Spike vs Angel, y'all. (Hence the shitty "Spangel" pun I started this post off with.) And no sorry you can't write in Riley.

Wednesday, February 04, 2015

I Am Link

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--- A Hand For Jobs - Danny Boyle Steve Jobs bio-pic, starring everybody's favorite snake-charmer Michael Fassbender, has gotten its release date - it'll be out on October 9th of this year. It's so fast! They are of course filming right now, we've been keeping track (here are some pics we poster on Tumblr yesterday in fact) - this seems like a great date; not crammed in the late-late end-of-year glut of awards season too badly. Let's hope Fassy's his usual awesome self.

--- He's It - I'm no good with watching video interviews when I'm at work (aka all the time), I wish they transcribed what's said so I could just read it, but here's an interview with Cary Fukunaga at Slate in which he talks about All Things Fukunaga, meaning True Detective and his adaptation of Stephen King's book It. And probably braids and hair product.

--- Dark Abstinence - Somehow I missed the fact that Mitchell Lichtenstein, the director of the terrific Teeth, had made a second movie (something called Happy Tears in 2009) much less a third, which is screening in Berlin this weekend - this third one's called Angelica and it stars Jena Malone as a chick in merry ol' Victorian England dealing with abstinence and the supernatural; The Playlist has a bunch of pictures and clips from it. This sounds right in the Teeth sweet-spot to me. Any of you see Happy Tears?

--- New Old Thing - I don't know why they're sharing this stuff right now, except for the fact that there's never a bad moment to reflect upon John Carpenter's remake of The Thing I guess, but The Playlist gathered up some rare footage from the movie - a teaser trailer, some deleted scenes, and an alternate ending. I don't think that I've seen any of these myself. (And I justr ealized they're probably sharing this stuff now because of the Carpenter retrospective in Brooklyn, duh.)

--- Touch Screen - Apparently the first trailer for the Poltergeist remake with Sam Rockwell and Rosemarie DeWitt will be online tomorrow, but for now Slash shares the first batch of pictures, and sure enough there's a little girl pressing her hands on a fuzzed-out TV screen.

--- Slash For Satan - I told you the other day that Final Girl is doing a VHS Week, reviewing a buncha fun and random, random and fun, horror movies; since then two more reviews have popped up - one of the Boreanez-stuffed slasher Valentine (which I somehow still have never seen) and one of the 1974 lesbo-vampire flick Nude For Satan, which I mean how can you resist with that title?
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--- Lady Hedwig - TimeOut talked to John Cameron Mitchell about his triumphant return to Hedwig on Broadway and amongst the things we learn is he thinks Justin Timberlake and Tilda Swinton should follow him in the role (I say that I'm over Justin Timberlake but I'd totally love to see him in those little black shorts at the end of the show, I can't lie), and also that the sequel he's been working on is on hold because he's busy dammit.

--- The Old In And Out - Speaking of TimeOut, their London magazine apparently compiled a list of the 100 Greatest Sex Scenes in movies, which The Playlist sums up at this link (but you can click here for the full thing) - the only thing I can really pay any attention to though is the fact that apparently there's a writer for TimeOut London named Tom Huddleston. Really?

--- Snyder Man - Just because he looks handsome in it here's a new picture of Zack Snyder on the set of Batman V Superman (it's probably Wayne Manor he's standing in) - I was Team Zack longer than a lot of people seemed to be but that piece-o-crap Man of Steel broke me; I hope he can right the wrongs of that movie this time around... although, you know, the whole Affleck barf-fest isn't exactly my cuppa.

--- Bad Dudes - Nathaniel's picked his favorite villains of 2014 over at The Film Experience, head over there to see but make sure you bring a nice big fresh bowl of worms with you, you're gonna need it. Also at that link is Nat's round-up of fun tweets that he's been doing weekly as of late, which I love.
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Monday, June 23, 2014

10 Off My Head - Joss' Birthday Beefcake

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It should probably have been a national holiday - writer/director/puny-god Joss Whedon is turning 50 today! Don't feel bad for him that it wasn't a national holiday though, since he's off filming the second Avengers movie and Chris Hemsworth is probably popping out of a cake for him (speaking of beef cake - ha ha get it?) while Chris Evans and Aaron Johnson hold him down and tickle him... (yes my image of the Avengers set is akin to a teenage boy's fantasy of a girl's slumber party; what of it?). But seriously speaking of beefcake Joss has given us so much to appreciate over the years. It seems to have gone hand in hand with his feminist notions of turning a little blond girl nobody was taking seriously into an indestructible powerhouse - he's never had any trouble with turning the male gaze back upon itself, with sexy results. Here are ten of my favorite instances of it off the top of my head from just his television work! See all ten after the jump!

Brett Dalton experimenting on Agents of SHIELD

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...


... playing pocket pool with Jeremy Renner.
Damn I like that picture. Nice cue, Jeremy.

A friend reminded me this afternoon that Jeremy Renner was on Angel. It's been a very long time since I've seen the first season of Angel but I did have a vague memory of Renner - in the episode called "Somnambulist" he played a character named Penn, who was apparently the only male that Angel ever turned into a vampire. (Sired would the word I mean to use there. My Buffyverse talking-skills are rusty.) Anyway...
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... I can't recall how homoerotically their relationship was played, but even there with the wigs slapped on their heads looking so much like crimped roadkill and the echos of David Boreanaz's legendarily bad Irish accent calling to me through space and time I do like thinking upon such thoughts and images all the same. I fell right into a mental heap of fan-fic.


But as I looked up images of their shared screen-time I discovered a wealth of Jeremy Renner pictures that I hadn't seen before. A wealth! A bounty! A luxuriance of gratuity, is my point. I'm stocked up in Renner for a good long time. Here's a bunch, an abundance, because as I've said so many times my throat is raw from it, I am a goddamned giver y'all. (most via)

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