Halloween Kills Killed Me

Michael Myers has always been the scariest of the slasher movie killers for me. I think I've talked about this before but I had a nightmare once, the scariest nightmare I have ever had, which involved him, and now the mere sight of that white mask makes me instinctively recoil, my skin crawling backwards on my body like an involuntary face-lift. It's the silence of him, the patience, the spectral ghost-like qualities -- the many mentioned "boogeyman" thing -- that make him stand out. In my nightmare he didn't even do anything -- he just stood there. And that's all it took. 

Director David Gordon Green, two terrible Halloween films in now, has proven beyond any shadow -- or should I say Shape -- of a doubt that he has absolutely no concept of what it is that makes Michael Myers scary. His Michael Myers, which he's strained to tie back to John Carpenter's sleek (and still scary!) version so hard that every string has snapped, is a marauder -- a tornado of blunt force trauma. Green mistakes brutality for creeping terror at every opportunity. He's closer to what Rob Zombie had in mind, which was to my mind the previous nadir for the series -- I have begun to think I should revisit the Zombie films after watching what Green's done! At least Zombie tried to reshape the Shape in his own albeit terrible image -- Green is trying to bridge both, but splitting his pants goofball-style in the process. This is good for nobody.

Halloween Kills is a disaster on every level. Not a single character is worth caring about the way Green showcases them. They are all, up to and including the queen Laurie Strode herself, assholes who behave ridiculously, stupidly, hatefully. There's a long subplot here that goes absolutely nowhere about mob-rule -- about Michael being an inflection point for terror that turns good people into monsters. We know this because Green and Danny McBride's startlingly inept script has a character say exactly that. "We're the monsters now." Along with what I think were supposed to be several "cheer" lines, where a another character says something like, "Michael... you came home." Like, that's on the poster, y'all! Wow! My mind is blown! 

Lowest denominator shit like that, which thinks so little of its audience, is packed so tight into this thing like intestines in a belly, ready to spring forth at any point. (Sidenote: maybe it's just that I was so fucking bored but seeing Jamie Lee Curtis' intestines hanging out at the start of this film, from her last encounter with Michael, that just sent me off thinking about the world's greatest Activia ad for awhile.) I digress -- and I tell you I will probably digress a lot, given the heat of my fury with regards to this terrible film -- back to the subplot about the rampaging townspeople, poisoned from the inside by Michael Myers' Eeeeevil presence. There is no "good" baseline here for any of these characters to fall from. I suppose there's our nostalgia from John Carpenter's original, which Green & McBride are crutching it up with to make us care. 

But the characters we've seen in Green's two films? I don't care about these people. I don't care about this Laurie Strode. I certainly don't care about her ridiculous daughter or even worse granddaughter. I sure as hell don't care about Tommy, the little boy from the 1978 grown up and recast into Anthony Michael Hall doing his best tomato-faced harridan routine, leading the gang of townie thugs on their mission to hunt Michael down. (Oh and Hall does some of the the most condescending and embarrassing "I am now talking to black people" behavioral changes ever captured on-screen, which I still haven't pinned down whether that was in character or not, but if it is in character -- all the reason less to give a shit about this Tommy!)

So while that sideshow about vigilante justice spins its wheels saying nothing Michael Myers rampages through town, killing entire packs of firefighters and townspeople in choreographed fight scenes straight out of a Kill Bill film (well a lesser, shittier-choreographed Kill Bill film anyway)  making one wonder where and when Michael picked up all these moves. Will the third film have a flashback training montage to Michael's crazy doctor making him carry buckets of water up and down gigantic flights of stairs and catch flies with chopsticks? I wouldn't be surprised -- Green & McBride love to drop fart bombs of laugh-less humor into the middle of their gore-fest. (If I had to say one nice thing about the film I would give props to the gore, which is extremely convincing and well-executed.)

This entire film is one long wheel-spin until the promised, nay threatened, final film in Green's trilogy, the already titled Halloween Ends, and it's entirely possible that Green has in mind an ending that will satisfy some of the questions he asks, with the precision of an axe to the face, here. But in the meantime what the fuck am I supposed to do with this embarrassingly inept and seemingly pointless movie I just sat through? The two hours I just wasted of my life watching Jamie Lee Curtis roll around on a hospital mattress while packs of wilding med students go shrieking up and down the hallways and somewhere out there Michael Myers is pirouetting in a kiddie park, pulling Season of the Witch masks out of his ass like magic tricks? I know what the Shape is, and the Shape is oblong turdish.

Something Wicked Cool This Way Comes

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During the filming of the original Halloween Jamie Lee Curtis was asked to make up some lyrics to a love song for her character of Laurie Strode to sing to herself as she strolled down the street of Haddonfield alone. Well not really alone - Michael Myers was of course tagging along, her ever-present dark side, a shadow at her heels. In the final movie you can barely hear what she's saying during this scene, as Laurie's quite a distance down the sidewalk from us when this moment occurs (we're with Michael just then), but what she sings is, "I wish I had you all alone... Just the two of us... I wish I had you close to me... So close... Just the two of us..."
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In David Gordon Green's remake we get to hear the "original version" of this made-up song - DGG had a band record the song like a lost track from the 1970s, and you can hear it playing on the radio in the background of a scene set towards the start of the movie. Fun, right? It's totally fun. It's also a perfectly good encapsulation of what doesn't really work about this new Halloween - that it mostly exists via clever echoes, spruced up, and not a lot more.

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It's the hardest to write a review of a movie that you sort of enjoyed but didn't ultimately love, the dreaded mixed place, and that's where I am here - I don't want to make this review come off as scathing, which is a hole I could fall into easily enough given I had outsized expectations for the movie going in. The new movie's fun, and hollering with pleasure alongside an entire enthusiastic audience as Laurie effin' Strode kicks ass late in the movie will remain one of 2018's cinematic high points, for sure. But!

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But David Gordon Green's been wanting to make a horror movie for a really long time now, having first heard about it with his attachment to the Suspiria remake a decade or so ago, and I can't help but feel like he should've had a better handle on tone after all these many years of talk. I'm sure I didn't do him any favors watching John Carpenter's original the night before, but Green never comes anywhere near to drenching the town of Haddonfield in the unrelenting dread that Carpenter managed with like one one thousandth of the budget.

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John Carpenter's film still terrifies me after forty years and dozens of viewings. Green's film has a couple of scary sequences - the gas station scene is brutal in the best way. And everything having to do with blonde-babysitter Vicky (Virginia Gardner) works - if only that actress, who crafts a likable character in a matter of seconds, had been given more to do like perhaps oh fine let's just come out and say it she should have been given the role of Laurie's granddaughter. I wasn't getting anything from the actress they cast in that pivotal role at all, which really cramps up the last act. (And I might have to hand in my so-called gay card for saying this next bit but I also don't really get what Judy Greer, who I normally adore, was doing with her character either.)

Mostly though Green's film just coasts on our memory and love for the original, which is nice - hey look Michael has a scar on his neck where the knitting needle would've stabbed him all those many years ago! - but not enough for the long run. Think of John Carpenter's film as Laurie Strode - she's a survivor. She will last. David Gordon Green's film is Annie, then - she'll get out some great wisecracks and smoke you up, but before you know it her head's in the laundry room window and her ass is in the air and she's making a goofy face as she dies, honking loudly.

Strode a Pose

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Having re-watched John Carpenter's original Halloween last night in preparation for seeing David Gordon Green's update tonight I can say this much already - we really don't talk about how swank Laurie's outfit is once she stops being polite and starts getting real. (Insert your own The Real World: Haddonfield joke here.) But, uh, for real - Laurie really ups her style game once her life's on the line. Look how dumpy she is at the start:

I know entire books have been written on the subject so this isn't a novel catch but I do love how all the Final Girls, how part of their very being, is coming into their own, finding their best selves, under the knife. Anyway please share your thoughts on the flick if you see it herein the comments! And do stay tuned to the site over the weekend, as our "13 Mustaches of Halloween" series will continue...

The Night She Came Home, Again

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If you think I've been strangely - you might even say eerily - quiet on the new Halloween movie out this weekend you'd be darn tootin'. I've been avoiding everything like the plague, and writing about it invites looking things up and looking things up invites spoilers. I cover my eyes and ears when the trailer's come on at the theater these past several week - I ain't kidding around with this one. I have my tickets for this weekend, and that's that. We will see. But first! Today's "Beauty vs Beast" is tangentially related, because I used Jamie Lee Curtis as our jumping off point, click on over to The Film Experience to get your freak on...

Our Second Summer Fantasia

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Last year I covered the Fantasia International Film Festival for the first time, and it's that time of year again - the festival opens tomorrow in Montreal and runs through August 2nd and I'll be reviewing some films (from my perch here in NYC thanks to the magical invention called The Internet) both here and over at The Film Experience, so stay tuned. But speaking of if you head over to TFE now I've written up a list of several movies I'm pretty excited about seeing, which include one that funny enough stars our well-bearded fella seen up, top, Vincent Cassel. It's called Fleuve Noir, and here's it's International (aka it's in French) trailer:

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Fleuve Noir is the first film from director Erick Zonca since Tilda Swinton kicked all our asses in 2008's Julia, and that's enough to get me excited on its own - add Vinnie & Romain Duris having a competition to see who can rock the bushiest beard in a crime-thriller and I'm basically leaking enthusiasm from all my ports.

That movie (which is actually out in France next week, by the way) is just one of dozens that I want to see though - head over to Fantasia's website and check out the whole schedule; it's pretty insanely stacked with genre movies that sound nuts or awesome or nuts and awesome. So stay tuned! And until then I wouldn't be me if I didn't note that bless the French with their trailers that have obscured flashes of full-frontal nudity in them -- hit the jump for a couple of gifs...

I Am Link

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--- Uniform Fetish The Movie - Openly gay blockbuster filmmaker Roland Emmerich - you kind of don't get to call many people that, so I always want to when given the chance - is making a WWII movie next called Midway, and he's just landed... openly... uh... well... you know... openly Luke Evans to star in it. Luke is playing Commander Wade McClusky, a real dude who did real good during that battle. Also starring will be Woody Harrelson and Mandy Moore. And no doubt also a cast of Dunkirk-lite twinks to wear all those uniforms, which aren't gonna wear themselves.

--- Chucky Rises - It's been a very very long time since I last sat down and watch the first Child's Play film from start to finish - perhaps I should have myself a marathon? I actually prefer the goofier later films if I'm being honest - the only dolls I've ever found convincingly creepy were the ones in Stuart Gordon's 1987 psychotic break called Dolls, so Chucky needs the goofiness to land, I've always thought. Anyway they are rebooting the whole thing and remaking the original film, it appears, with a Norwegian director - my guess is to wipe the franchise's convoluted timeline clean (it seriously has gotten tremendously confusing) and try to be straight-up scary. We'll see. If you're not pouring acid on John Waters' face I don't know why we're even here.

--- It Sings At Night - I don't have the same knee-jerk "Hooray!" reaction that a lot of my contemporaries have when new musicals are announced, so I wasn't bouncing around when I read that Lucas Hedges and Sterling K. Brown have signed up to make one - it wasn't until I saw that the thing was being directed by Krisha + It Comes At Night director Trey Edward Shults with music from Trent Reznor that my interest was piqued. That's a fascinating collection of people.

--- The Deer Hunters - I hadn't heard anything about Observe & Report director Jody Hill's new film in ages, and suddenly it turns out it's hitting Netflix this Friday? Which might not be a good sign. It's called The Legacy of a Whitetail Deer Hunter and it stars Hill regular Danny McBride and Josh Brolin as pair of TV deer hunters on a trip with Brolin's distant kid. The movie's got a trailer now which you can watch over here. I guess we'll see, and shortly at that.

--- Duck Ducked Goose - Y'all can stop voting on our poll asking which young actor should play Goose Jr. in the new Top Gun movie - the studio went with Miles Teller, our last-place finisher and the least inspired choice, which shouldn't be surprising since this is the same studio that decided to make a Top Gun sequel in the first place. Anyway I am glad I don't have to see this movie now and that Glen Powell can go make something as funny and great as he is.

--- Beaton It - The documentary Love Cecil, about the pioneering gay photographer Cecil Beaton, is out in theaters now and you should totally seek it out - our pal Glenn explains why today over at The Film Experience. I saw this movie a very long time ago because of a weird connection I've got off-line to the filmmakers - I actually saw one of the very first screenings anywhere for anybody, and it's been eating me up to push the movie but I kind of can't. But it's good! See it!
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Michael Myers vs Donnie Darko

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You know what would be cool? Having Jake Gyllenhaal on hand to do your bidding. (Understatement of the millenium, right?) Well according to Jamie Lee Curtis it turns out that David Gordon Green, the director of the upcoming Halloween reboot thing, is actually that lucky - after Green made Stronger with Jake he was able to convince Jake to go visit his good family friend JLC while she was  on vacation and one thing led to another and we have a new Halloween movie starring Laurie fucking Strode coming out in a few months. You can read a whole chat with Curtis over at Variety where she tells this story and more. 

Oh and I haven't bothered to watch this yet but here's the trailer for the new Halloween, just in case this is the only site you visit on the internet and you really wanted to see this trailer but were like, "But MNPP hasn't posted it, however will I watch it...?" I am sure there are lots of you.

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In related news I posted some new old Jake pics 

on the Tumblr earlier. Halloween's out October 19th.

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I Am Link

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--- Stranger Than Non Fiction - Note to new actors on how not to talk in an interview: do not jibber jabber a bunch about the social media analytics for your Instagram posts, please. I say this with love, Stranger Things recent gratuity recipient Dacre Montgomery, but your interview with Nylon magazine is kind of excruciating for this. And hey listen I am the world's worst conversationalist so I get it - if somebody shoved a microphone in front of me and asked me to be witty I'd literally dissolve into a puddle of piss right in front of them. Just don't next time. Anyway you look great! 

--- What Was Up Doc - I am really really really very angry at myself for sleeping on the DOC NYC documentary film festival that just concluded here in New York yesterday - I kept meaning to dig through the schedule and it kept getting set aside. In my defense they show SO MANY MOVIES, I was overwhelmed. Anyway I keep hearing titles they screened and getting angrier at myself and this is no exception - I guess they screened the Scott Bowers doc (Bowers wrote a beyond juicy queer tell-all a couple years back about Old Hollywood Gay Stuff that boggles the mind); you can read a review right here. The movie did just get picked up and will be released in April so at least there's that.

--- Sacred Cows - While I think this piece at Film School Rejects is wrong-headed in the negative way it spins its take on the acting of Yorgos Lanthimos' movies I also think it's a pretty interesting introduction of just what is going on with the acting style at the same time. I just don't see it as ultimately empty an experience as the writer does? And I think they're kind of wrong when they say The Killing of a Sacred Deer doesn't function as class commentary.

--- Who You Calling Crazy - There's like next to no details on what the heck it's about but Deadline reported earlier this week that Steven Soderbergh has a thriller called Unsane that he shot on his iPhone coming in March. What we have is this: it stars Claire Foy and Juno Temple (oh plus Blair Witc's Josh Leonard!)  and it "centers on a young woman (Foy) who is involuntarily committed to a mental institution where she is confronted by her greatest fear — but is it real or is it a product of her delusion?" So basically every movie starring women in an asylum ever. But it's Soderbergh, so I'm there.

--- Wander This Way - Reading the description of Toni Collette's new TV show I got a little worried for a second, thinking back through all her previous bad TV efforts and also having flashbacks to Naomi Watts' recent Netflix flop Gypsy - Toni's show is called Wanderlust and it's about a therapist who begins assessing her own marriage through the lens of her clients." But then I saw that the show is written by the playwright Nick Payne, aka the dud that put Jake Gyllenhaal, Morgan Spector and Charlie Cox on stages in front of me in the past couple of years (Jake in Constellations and Charlie + Morgan in Incognito) and suddenly I'm more inclined towards optimism. Which is great because Toni deserves way better than what she's been getting.

--- Be My Michael Tonight - There's an interview with Danny Mcbride over at Yahoo! (and if you were a fan of Halt and Catch Fire I sure hope you can't help but read "Yahoo!" without hearing it in Kerry Bishe's voice cuz me neither!) where he talks a bunch about his script with director David Gordon Green for the new Halloween movie... or at least he talks about it without being specific; we really still have no idea where they're going with this besides it's ignoring everything except the first movie. Anyway I am glad he says there are no jokes, it's straight horror, because I was worried given these two goofballs. Lovable and talented goofballs, but goofballs nonetheless. (thx Mac)

--- Divorce Baumbach Style - Noah Baumbach is lining up his next movie and hoo boy can he get himself a cast in 2017 -- the movie will star Adam Driver, Scarlett Johansson, and drumroll please the goddess and legend Laura "Laura Fucking Dern" Dern. I am actually kind of surprised that Dern hasn't worked with Noah before, they seem like a perfect fit, they just click right into place in one's mind upon hearing their names together. Anyway all we know is the movie's about "divorce" and films in the spring. Maybe I can stalk the set!

--- And Finally knowing what I do about the wonderful folks who read this here blog I figure you've already seen the news that the ever incredible Film Society of Lincoln Center is doing an astonishing series on "Melodrama" here at the end of the year - they're screening over 60 movies through December and early January, stuff from Sirk to Fassbinder to Wong Kar-wai to Almodovar to on and on and on. I plan on spending half my holidays cooped up in there!
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I actually literally just started crying when I saw that @FilmLinc is screening BRIEF ENCOUNTER on Christmas Day pic.twitter.com/35gXSpvD09

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) November 13, 2017

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Anyway related to Brief Encounter, aka one of my favorite movies of all time, if you're not in NYC but rather in London there is a stage reading of actress Celia Johnson's letters by her daughter that is happening later this month and it sounds absolutely fascinating; you can read about it here, with a ton of insight into Johnson's approach to Brief Encounter specifically. (thanks Mac)
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I Am Link

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--- The King of Baltimore - This is one of those articles that would've gotten a "Quote of the Day" post all to themselves if the entire damn thing wasn't a "Quote of the Day" from start to finish - point being you need to go read this new interview with John Waters at The Guardian where he talks about the new age of anarchy upon us and also gives a how to, against his dead mother's wishes, on shooting up acid, which yes is real thing people do apparently. At 70 years old this man remains my primary inspiration for life.

--- Family Matters - At The Film Experience Jose got to chat with the real-life mother-son duo who inspired the movie Lion, which stars Nicole Kidman and Dev Patel as them, and they both seem to acknowledge the full grooviness of such a thing happening. I would let Dev Patel play me, if he wanted to. Heck I would also let Nicole Kidman play me, actually. Even better! Anyway have you guys seen Lion yet? See it! It's lovely.

--- Eight Exciting Hours - You should have seen me running around my apartment squealing with delight reading this news - Rainer Werner Fassbinder's 1972 television series Eight Hours Are Not a Day has been restored! I guess it's playing Berlinale this week, and (one presumes) it will move outwards, presumably in our general direction, after that. New (old) Fassbinder to see! Hooray! The series is 5 episodes and 8 hours long (hence the title), so I suppose sitting through it in a festival situation will be taxing, but I'm up to the challenge. (thx Mac)

--- Everything's Coming Up Thandie - If you'd told me a year ago that I'd be happy to see the name "Thandie Newton" attached to anything I'd have come over there and smacked you in the goddamned face. But then Westworld happened and now it's all up in the air! I'm hesitant to go all in, because Westworld could just be the perfect meeting of actress and role and it's entirely possible she'll go back to being godawful like everything pre-Westworld. But that I'm willing to give her a chance is a damned miracle. Anyway I just read she's probably going to be in the Young Han Solo movie opposite Alden Ehrenreich, and mixed in with that news was word she's currently filming Xavier Dolan's movie with Kit Harington too. And I am not angry! A damned miracle.

--- And Speaking of actors I didn't like awhile back that are now in my good graces... it's awfully hard to believe I once didn't like Oscar Isaac, but it's true... Oscar has signed on to make a WWII thriller called The Garbo Network which is based on a true story about "an eccentric double-agent with no military or covert training" who made up a gigantic spy ring out of thin air and convinced two governments to play along. Sounds like a fascinating story.

--- Trilogy of Terror - We heard last week the crazy-pants news that David Gordon Green and Danny McBride had gotten their hands on the chance to make a new Halloween movie - some more details have emerged on what their plans are: McBride says that the movie will, in the grand tradition of things lately, not be a remake but will follow the events of the first two (good) movies. Not to knock the third Halloween, which I adore, but which has no connection to the Michael Myers story at all.

--- And Finally I have posted a couple times on The Ottoman Lieutenant, the upcoming WWI period romance starring Michiel Huisman and Josh Hartnett and blah blah unfortunately some lady in between them - see here and see here. Well now there's a trailer, and it involves a whole lot of Michiel Huisman and his gorgeous mane of hair swanning around in a gorgeous military uniform on horseback, so you probably should watch it.

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I Am Link

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--- Down With Daddy - Multi-sexual fur-trade Nico Tortorella has signed on to play Lyle Menendez in the upcoming Lifetime movie about the Menendez brothers (in case you're too young to remember first off, fuck you for making me feel old, and secondly they killed their parents and got press because they were hot or something). Oh and last week Courtney fucking Love signed on to play the Menendez' mother. That set is going to be a hot hot mess. (thx Mac) Also it needs to be noted, as long as we're using the word "hot," that the dude playing the other brother Erik is an actor named Myko Olivier, and he was on Glee, and he is very very attractive. Sexy Killer Central...

--- Gun Nuts - It seems kind of insane to me that anyone could watch Paul Verhoeven's Robocop and not get its razor sharp satirical take on the police - same goes for the anti-war sentiment of his Starship Troopers. But what the fuck do I know - I don't seem to understand half this country (the mean, dumb half anyway). On that note here's a take arguing that Robocop is the movie of our moment, and having just re-watched the film I can only vigorously agree.

--- Here's The Beef - Thanks to our pal Jarett for calling our attention to this sizzling fresh news - Jai Courtney is starring in a movie called BEEF. It's not actually capitalized like that but I kind of feel like it oughta be, so I will type it like that every time I talk about it. BEEF. Jai's bringing the BEEF. Anyway the movie also stars Timothy Olyphant and okay I died. I died typing that. The two of them play comical scary thugs or something, it's a fast-food caper? I don't know, who cares, please please make the two of them make out. I don't ask for much!

--- Matty's Malick Made - When I posted about Matthias Schoenaerts being in a Terrence Malick movie earlier this week I didn't even realize the film was showing at Berlinale next week - Variety's got the news that the movie has just sold to a distributor, even before showing, and they have the first image from the film too. If Matthias was in the picture I'd be posting it but he's not, it's the film's main stars August Diehl and Valerie Pachner, so you can click over for it.

--- The Nose Knows - It's been a very very long time since I have seen Walt Disney's Pinnochio but I gotta fix that after reading my pal Tom Blunt's piece on the movie's weird weird weirdness - donkey black markets and bipedal kittens and all manner of fantastical oddities that only add up to more and more insanity the more you think about 'em.
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--- Woolf in Green Clothing - Eva Green is making a movie about one of Virginia Woolf's lesbian love affairs, which is a sentence that makes me wish I was a lesbian, because I'd love to get off to such a thing as that. I kind of will anyway! Playing her lady amour is Gemma Aterton, who I never really got until I saw that Neil Jordan vampire movie she was in - she was fantastic in that, so it is possible. Not that anybody can ever hold the screen opposite Eva. Somebody nominate this woman for a goddamned Oscar already!

--- Slash N Burn - There have been two big bits of Slasher Movie news this week - first off Paramount has effectively dumped Jason Voorhees in the dumpster, abruptly canceling this year's film that was about to start filming. Breck Eisner, who made the very fine Crazies remake, was just about to film the thing; no word on what happened. But in Michael Myers Land there's been an enormous development - David Gordon fucking Green has signed on to write and direct a new Halloween movie! His co-conspirator in nuttery Danny McBride is co-authoring the script. For a long time Green was trying to remake Suspiria, a task which eventually got taken over by Luca Guadagnino (who's already filmed the thing) - I guess he really wants to make his horror movie! I don't even know how to wrap my head around this one.

--- Dancing Girls - Oh but speaking of that Suspiria remake one of its actresses is Mia Goth (she played the young Charlotte Gainsbourg in Nymphomaniac) and she's currently giving interviews for A Cure For Wellness, which she also stars in, and she told BD that Luca Guadagnino isn't really "remaking" Argento's film, technically.

"People are going to be really pleasantly surprised to realize that it’s really not a remake at all. I think people are going to be really shocked. It’s a nod of the hat to Dario Argento and his version of ‘Suspiria’, but we really do take it to a completely different place"

I have absolutely no clue what she means, but I'm certainly curious. (Duh.) No word yet on when this movie's out but I am hoping for Halloween-time, although Luca might be too busy Call Me By Your Name related duties this fall.

--- Livin La Vida Refn - Nicholas Winding Refn is about to make a series for Amazon - ten episodes called Live and Die Young which is about the seedy underbelly of the Los Angeles crime-world; they say it will be a lot like his Pusher series of films, only with less Mads Mikkelsen rubbing his balls on-screen. Or at least I assume - maybe Nicholas can throw us a bone on that tip. Anyway they say three big name actors have already been offered roles, but they're not giving up names yet. Fingers sniffed crossed for a reunion!

Rigbys Before Ripleys

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Say hello to handsome Benjamin Rigby, an Australian actor who has just been cast in the new Alien movie. There's no word on who he's playing because we have no idea what the movie is even about really, except it's meant to start building a bridge between the Prometheus movie and the Alien films. There will probably be aliens, and Michael Fassbender, not specifically in that order. 

Rigby joins a bunch of people who've already been cast that I've somehow completely missed the news on, including Damien Bechir and Danny McBride. Rigby is a relative newcomer - he's done some TV and a bunch of shorts, but an Alien movie is a big big huge step forward; I can imagine he had quite the happy day when that specific  phone call came in.

Mmmm fuzzy. All of these pictures are from his Instagram account (well not the top picture; that's off his IMDb page) which you can look through right here. It's not selfie-centric by any means, he's actually a fine photographer, but I of course narrowed in on the selfies because that's why you're here.

I Am Link

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--- Dick Pool - I'm such a sucker to keep posting every tidbit of Deadpool gay-baiting but I am weak, so weak - Ryan Reynolds talking about his dick just fills a hole inside of me, ya know? I need it. So anyway yeah over at EW he talked some more about his nude scene in the movie, specifically about The Luckiest man On Earth, make-up artist Bill Corso, who made his, and I quote, "penis look perfect." Oh Ryan. We all know that your penis was already perfect. Stop fooling. Meanwhile over at Vulture they took on the film's bi friendliness - or, their word, hetero-flexibility. There are some spoilers for the movie in there, but only things that will make you want to see the movie more.

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--- Area XY - We've posted about Annhilation, Ex-Machina director Alex Garland's next film, a couple of times already - it's an adaptation of an intriguing sounding book about a team of female scientists investigating a mysterious deadly place called "Area X," and it's had a bunch of great actresses come and go, cast-wise. At one point it had Tilda & Julianne Moore, but no more - now it's got Natalie Portman, Gina Rodriguez and Tessa Thompson, and it's just added the newly hip Jennifer Jason Leigh to its cast. One assumes she's playing the threatening one.

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--- Groovy People - I waited and I waited for Ted Raimi to show up in the first (spectacular) season of Ash vs Evil Dead and he never did and it made me nuts, so the news that he's been cast for the second season is a relief. He's going to play an old friend of Ash's. An old friend who will scream at some point, "I'LL SWALLA YA SOUL!!!" one hopes. Also cast is the Six Million Dollar Man himself - Lee Majors is going to play Ash's father! Talk about spot-on casting.

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--- Dark Reflections - I don't even want to be typing news about the upcoming third season of Black Mirror, the sci-fi anthology show that blew my mind episode after episode after mind-blowing episode, because I want the third season done, finished, filmed and uploaded to my Netflix account right this second. I am tired of waiting. But they're apparently only getting around to making the episodes now, the bastards. Good news though - this season will be 12 episodes, unlike the short previous ones which aired on the BBC first, and Hanna director Joe Wright is going to direct one! I'm a little less enthusiastic about it starring Bryce Dallas Howard, but whatever. Joe Wright is cool.

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--- RSVP Murder -The first full trailer for Karyn Kusama's The Invitation, a thriller starring Michiel Huisman and Logan Marshall-Green and their respective beards, amongst others, has arrived, you can watch it at The Playlist. This follows the teaser trailer we posted just a couple of weeks ago. It looks very very good! There's one shot...

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... where it seems as if Michiel and Logan might rub their beards together that is very exciting, very exciting indeed. What a thrill! The movie is out in April.

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--- Space Bubba - Ridley Scott's Alien was on TV the other day (it's always on, honestly) and I got caught up in it (I always get caught up in it, honestly) and one thing that always sticks out is his astonishingly regular-folk looking cast - Yaphet Kotto and Veronica Cartwright and John Hurt and on and on; they make that world lived-in and real. So today's news that Danny McBride, blustery profane goofball, will co-star in Scott's upcoming Alien slash Prometheus sequel called Alien: Covenant, makes a ton of sense to me, in that context.

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--- Pretty Same - Lots of trailers popping up today: the first one for Equals - a futuristic sci-fi romance starring Nicholas Hoult and Kristen Stewart as two gorgeous people not allowed to express emotion in a sterile world - kind of looks like an expensive perfume commercial, but man does Nicky look gorgeous in all those white outfits and tight collars.

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--- King Maker - We expressed out enthusiasm about a new Tom Tykwer movie only a couple of weeks ago, and sure enough lo behold new news -- The Playlist shares several images of Tom Hanks & Co. in A Hologram For the King, which is what the movie is called. There's also a non-dubbed German trailer for the film at the link. It's based on a book by Dave Eggers about a salesman who goes to Saudi Arabia to secure an IT contract in the desert. 

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--- And Finally I have no idea how I missed this news before yesterday but You Can Count On Me and Margaret director Kenneth Lonergan has got a new play coming out (thanks Mac) called Hold On to Me Darling, which will start previews in a couple of weeks here in NYC, and it will star Timothy Olyphant (yessss) and Adelaide Clemens - I don't know the latter but my boyfriend, a huge fan of the show Rectify, was crazy excited to see her name. Anyway all of that is great but what really sealed the deal for me was this image of Timothy Olyphant rehearsing, natch:
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Scoot On Into The Light

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My night has really taken a nose-dive emotionally-speaking after reading the news that the Ziegfeld, my favorite movie theater here in New York City, will be closing soon, so let's post some happier thoughts - Jody Hill, the very funny writer-director behind Eastbound & Down and Observe & Report, is setting up his new movie! It's called The Legacy of a Whitetail Deer Hunter (great title) and it will star Danny McBride (of course), Josh Brolin, and my beloved Scoot McNairy. Deadline says it "follows a sixth-grade boy who is supposed to be bonding with his father on a hunting trip, but is far from interested." They're also reporting Scoot's signed on to star opposite Arnold Schwarzenegger in a movie called 478 - those two should make for quite the contrast. Read about that at the same link.

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I Am Link

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--- Suited Up - It's just a mold (that's what she said) of the suit but DH has got an image of the basic design for the new Superman suit for Batman Vs. Superman: Clear Pepsi or whatever it's called and it's got what they call "a more alien look," but I don't see one single ectomorph penis anywhere. (Sorry I was raised on HR Giger, my definition of alien is different from what they mean I think.) Anyway all I care about is how much of Henry Cavill's ass will I be seeing, and that's still not clear.

--- Down Again - Eastbound and Down duo Danny McBride and Jody Hill are re-teaming (along with exec. producer David Gordon green, natch) for Vice Principals again on HBO, which will follow, you guessed it, a second-in-command at a high school. Sounds like ripe territory for the fellas who make prime rib outta meatheads.

--- White Lines - The pair that directed Little Miss Sunshine were about to make a movie called The Good Luck of Right Now which already had quite the pedigree even besides them - it was adapted from a book by Silver Linings Playbook author Matthew Quick by no less than Mike White, and it was going to star Brie Larson. But now the directors have dropped off the movie, supposedly because the studio didn't like the casting choices they were making for the rest of the cast. Well i hope the ship rights itself - I need a movie starring Brie written by Mike like yesterday.

--- Mob Boss - Olivier Assayas' next movie is lining up quite a cast - he already mentioned that Robert Pattinson was starring, and now comes word that Rachel Weisz and Robert DeNiro are both up in it too. Well it's about gangsters in Chicago so obviously DeNiro's there, right? It's apparently called Idol's Eye, a title I can't stand right off the bat. Fix that, Olivier.

--- Raptor Attention - Jurassic Park 4, aka Jurassic World, director Colin Trevarrow talked to SlashFilm about the recent plot-line leak for that movie - he sounds super sad about it, but then he spoils some of it anyway. I managed to side-step most of the spoilers myself, which is ridiculous because I'm usually front and center for that sort of thing. I am guessing that... dinosaurs are involved?

--- Queen of the Night - I've been meaning to do a good post on Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II for years and years and years, which Final Girl reminded me of today by doing just that. Jesus it's so Eighties I might start barfing up Trapper Keepers.

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Chris Pratt Could Do It

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It's only a rumor right now - everywhere  on the internet that I've read about it the source seems to be "the internet" - so I don't suppose we should get too invested in its truth, but if they were actually going to make a Knight Rider movie starring Chris Pratt they might have found the way they'd get me to watch a Knight Rider movie. I mean I loved the show when I was a little kid, but I also liked to chew on sand when I was a little kid, so don't ever trust Little Me for anything. Still, Chris Pratt could do it. The rumor's also got Danny McBride there in the passenger seat with him - I personally love Danny but I know he's, uh, more divisive. (gif via)

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Quote of the Day

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Who is that masked man??? This post contains spoilers for this past Summer's Hollywood apocalypse movie This is the End, so avert your eyes if you don't want a good gag from the movie spoiled. If you've seen the movie, do carry on. I missed this interview with Seth Rogen at MTV back in June where he talks about the surprise guest star that shows up towards the end of the film, probably because I was trying to stay unspoiled before I saw the movie, but now that the movie's out on DVD next week it's as good a time as any to revisit Seth's words. Specifically, an exchange where they're talking about filming it. I'll put the whole thing after the jump so nobody gets accidentally spoiled...

I Am Link

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--- Warrior Princess - There's a new teaser trailer for the 300 sequel and the visuals are looking pretty grand (although the trailer slices them up to ribbons - I hope the editing's not so ridiculous in the film) but there's hardly a single good moment of beefcake in the whole thing, which, well I don't even know what to say about that. Good to see Lena Headey though.

--- Ladies of 52 - Nat reminds us that in just ten days time that Stinky Lulu is bringing back the glorious Supporting Actress Smackdown via The Film Experience. They'll be talking the five nominees for the prize in the year 1952, which includes a Thelma Ritter performance I've never seen. I should get on that!
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--- Dragon Girl - Rooney Mara is on the record as really wanting to make the second Lisbeth Salander movie now, so get your bits and pieces in order already, studio! I want it to. As she says, she ain't getting any younger, and she's most certainly more frail by the day.

--- Down Time - Lindsay Lohan, fresh off that entirely boggling Canyons experience (not to mention rehab), will next cameo on Eastbound & Down, which god I can only imagine what context they'll use Lindsay Lohan in. But I can't wait! I can't wait for E&D in general, though. Love that show.
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--- The Fallen - Electronic Cerebrectomy takes a look at several of the Great Movies that fell between the cracks between Entertainment Weekly's list of the 100 Greatest Films of All Time from when they first made the list in 199 until they revised it this year. Some real doozies on there.

--- S Is For Sequel - The list of directors taking on a single fateful letter for the sequel to anthology-horror-flick The ABCs of Death have been announced, and there are some great names in there - Álex de la Iglesia, Bill Plympton, Vincenzo Natali...

--- Bird Man - Darren Aronofsky looks to be making an espionage thriller based on the book Red Sparrow next, after he gets all of the Noah stuff done that is - it's sounds like the lead is a kick-ass female, so that's cool. Anybody read the book?
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--- Infanticidal Tendencies - Where else are you going to hear the sentence, "I kept hoping for anything- the pitter-patter of little feet running away from a crime scene, Joan Collins wrestling with a doll..." than a review of an evil baby movie at Final Girl? No place, that's where.
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I Am Link

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--- Just So Nopher - I don't know what Topher Grace did to piss off the writers at The Playlist but they act as if his getting cast in what's probably a small role in Christopher Nolan's next movie, the secretive sci-fi flick Interstellar, is the most insanely ridiculous news they have ever heard. "Topher Grace! Egads! Why doesn't he just shit on a paper plate and film that?"

--- Delicious Brie - Yesterday I was saying how much I liked Rosemarie Dewitt because of The United States of Tara and today I'm saying how much I like Brie Larson because of The United States of Tara. Now I just need some Toni Collette news and I'll be all set. Nat's starting a praise campaign for Larson's new movie called Short Term 12, which the word elsewhere's been very fine on as well. Super happy Larson's getting work, she's a terrific actress.

--- Hunka Cheese - I was about to say "I haven't seen the Expendables movies" but then I realized that's a lie, I did see the first one. Hell I might have even seen the second one and I just don't remember. That's these thing's staying power. Anyway pec thespian Kellan Lutz just joined the cast of the third one, wherein he's hopefully playing a crime-fighting male stripper. I see an uzi tucked into a g-string, don't you?

--- Northern Lights - I haven't been able to bring myself to give the Toronto Film Festival line-up too much of a once-over because it depresses me, being so close and yet so far away. Every year I think I'll go and every year I forget about it until the last minute. Anyway for a less dour take on it read Amir's words over at The Film Experience, which involves a joyful shriek about Sylvain Chomet's new movie.

--- Cancer Kids - Laura Dern, who should just be cast in everything already, come on Hollywood make it happen, I mean everything, will play Shaileene Woodley's mother in an adaptation of the book Fault in Our Stars, wherein Woodley is a cancer patient who falls for Ansel Elgort (see previously), another cancer patient.

--- Almost Fatuous - Danny McBride is in Cameron Crowe's next movie, so says Bradley Cooper, who is also in it, with Emma Stone and Rachel McAdams. I don't think I've even seen Cameron Crowe's last several movies so I don't know why I'm posting this, other than a firm like for Danny.

--- I'm A Loser - Radiohead's song "Creep" is 20 years old this Summer and while I go weep for my long lost youth you go read this list of Slant's favorite Radiohead music videos.

--- X Face - When I saw the new posters for the new X-Men movie my first thought was "Thank god they're better than the posters for First Class, which were astonishingly inept, and my second thought was, what will Glenn have to say about them? Head over to Stale Popcorn and find out there.
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--- Cannibal Needs - In a four-part series The AV Club sat down with Bryan Fuller and went through Hannibal episode by episode - you can read what he's got to say about the first three episodes of the show's stellar first season right here. Really fascinating insights about how the show changed post-pilot once the talent became attached and turned the show into something different than they first expected it to be.

--- And finally, here's yet another thing I haven't watched yet (like that new Gravity trailer I just linked to) that I am nonetheless shoving in your faces; Vulture shares with us a one-minute horror film from Hobo With a Shotgun director Jason Eisener, which they say is the bee's knees. I guess the folks behind The Conjuring teamed up with several directors to do these things, and you can see more here. I will have to give this a once over.

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