Bitter Christmas, By Pedro

The first poster, the usual gorgeous design feast, for Pedro Almodovar's next movie has arrived (via) -- the movie is called Bitter Christmas (aka Amarga Navidad) and it;s hitting Spain on March 20th. After his brief sojourn over here in the States with two short films and a feature he's back to his comfort place with Spanish actors and language -- this stars Bárbara Lennie as a woman who is abandoned over the holidays by her partner (the gorgeous Leonardo Sbaraglia, who you should remember from that time...

... he made out with Antonio Banderas in Pain and Glory.) Also in this film, and tipping the Hot Dude quotient sky-high, is Quim Gutiérrez -- insanely I have only posted about Quim once here at MNPP with this photoshoot here, but my god he has deserved better. I should be posting Quim content every other day. I mean...

... the internet is overflowing with such examples. Shame on me. Well we've got several months before the movie hits Spain and then hits here whenever that happens (probably fall) so I will try to make it up in 2026. My first resolution! More Quim Gutiérrez! Say thank you to Uncle Pedro for this gift coming to you, everyone. 

So What's Your Destiny

Let it be known that I went into Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny with exceedingly low expectations -- the second that James Mangold was announced as director all my hopes melted away like that one Nazi's face at the end of Raiders. I found Logan vastly overrated and was nearly bored to literal death by Ford v Ferrari, and so I figured this was gonna be a disaster. And yet here we are -- I actually thought Dial of Destiny was pretty fun! Click here to read my review at Pajiba where I get into it. It's got some issues but it's better than Kingdom of the Crystal Skull -- Ford is wonderful (of course he was) and I love love loved Phoebe Waller-Bridge in it. I also loved the go-for-broke ending, and there's a really weird scene where Antonio Banderas shows up with a boat full of shirtless muscle-bound sailor-men that is totally gratuitous aka made for me. And made for any of you reading this, I'd wager! PS in related news if you missed it earlier today I ranked Harrison Ford's hotness at Mashable, which you might also appreciate. 

We Named the Dog Indiana

Okay baby -- tonight's Indy 5 night! Spin that dastardly Dial of Destiny because this is really happening. Whatever the hell a "dial of destiny" is. I guess I will know tonight. And I'm not sure if I am excited, terrified, indifferent -- we'll see what the movie delivers and decide then. Which is the way it should be, I suppose -- I just wish I could go in anticipating more. I tried to re-watch Kingdom of the Crystal Skull a few weeks ago and, uhh, didn't make it too far. I think I have tried to re-watch that movie like four times since its release and I never make it all the way through? I definitely haven't seen the ending with the spinning alien nonsense since the first watch, even though that shit's burned into my brain. And not in a good way. Anyway stay tuned for my opinion next week, I will be reviewing this one. I'll be off for the rest of the week for Tribeca stuff -- more reviews will be appearing soon enough! Until then have a good weekend...

Which is Hotter?

Although they're still withholding the title of the film from us (boo!) Empire magazine has the first information on the fifth Indiana Jones movie -- the first that wasn't directed by Steven Spielberg it should be noted, which gives me pause, especially since I'm no fan of director James Mangold. But I suppose there's plenty of time before it's out next June, and the movie does have an absolutely stacked and killer cast -- Antonio Banderas, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Toby Jones, Thomas Kretschmann, and the villainous two-some of Mads Mikkelsen and Boyd Holbrook, the latter of whom describes his character as, "a lapdog to Mads, and a crazy one at that." Now raise your hand if you wanna see Mads and Boyd dom-sub it up hardcore! Which brings me to my main question...

online polls

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Two Much (1995)

Art: For me there is only Rimbaud.

Liz: Rimbaud? Why?

Betty: Well, it's obvious. He's the original. I mean,

Seagal and Van Damme are just cheap imitations.

There are so many boutique physical media labels these days that are digging deeper and deeper into the release of long forgotten movies on blu-ray, and so last night I conducted a little thought experiment. I cleared my mind -- and I'd love to make the joke that that was easy but my mental illness is actually the exact opposite, and I have far far far too much uselessness bubbling at the top of my brain at every single given moment -- and I thought of a random actor (one that had been around for a long time), and then I scanned their IMDb page for a movie I once knew existed and had completely one thousand percent forgotten about. Just to explore the idea of how even somebody who's been paying incredibly close attention to the movies for as long as I have could have these blinds spots popping up in their rear-view.

Anyway the actor who popped into my head was Daryl Hannah and the movie I stumbled upon was 1995's romantic twin comedy Two Much, which starred her and Melanie Griffith as sisters both being wooed by Antonio Banderas, who is pretending to be twin brothers so he can have his way with the both of them. The only person who probably remembers this movie is Banderas' ex-wife, since he left her for Griffith while making the film with her. Lord knows I had completely forgotten it until yesterday, but now I can recall the film being popular in the video-store I was working at in 1996 -- I can definitely picture its VHS cover all lined up on shelf after shelf. ("Screwball Comedy!" raves The Hollywood Reporter, lol.)

I hadn't at all intended on posting about any of this, as it was just something I entertained myself with on my phone while I was watching a relatively boring horror movie. But then I saw just now that today is Antonio Banderas' birthday and I felt the kismet of it, I did. Especially when that terrible quote up top presented itself. So happy birthday, Antonio! It also strikes me now that this might actually be a decent idea for a series of posts? A way to revisit movies that have been completely forgotten by time, which seems quaint and kind of impossible now, what with supposedly "everything!!!!" being available to stream right at our fingertips. I mean according to the site that reports such things JustWatch says that Two Much is not available to stream anywhere! What a loss y'all! Does anybody remember this movie?

Penny & Tony: A Love Story

Hey look it's another Tribeca review from yours truly! Click on over to Pajiba for my thoughts on the art-film satire Official Competition, which stars Penelope Cruz and Antonio Banderas, and I know what you're thinking but no -- it was not directed by Pedro Almodóvar. Yes, you'd think that Pedro Almodóvar would be the one giving us the movie starring Penelope Cruz and Antonio Banderas.  And he sort of did with his masterpiece Pain and Glory a couple of years ago except for the fact that those two Almodóvarian icons never shared a scene together since she was playing Antonio's character's mother in flashbacks. And then there is I'm So Excited!...

... which features Penny & Tony in a brief cameo in its opening scene as luggage handlers I think? I haven't seen that movie since it came out and honestly all I really remember about it is that shot where Miguel Angel Silvestre has a boner. (In related news I clearly need to re-watch I'm So Excited!.) But honestly how dare Almodóvar play with us like this? Now that I think about it I am offended. Make a movie starring your two muses or get off the pot, Pedro! Eww, what a way to phrase it. Anyway go read my review of Official Competition, which does star Penelope Cruz and Antonio Banderas, thank you very much directors Mariano Cohn and Gastón Duprat! And the movie's very funny, I loved it quite a bit. I think it might actually be Cruz's funniest performance to date, which is saying a lot obviously. I'm feeling very pro-Penny these days.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

The Skin I Live In (2011)

Norma: Clothes make me feel claustrophobic. 

I wish I could stay naked all the time.

A happy 10 to this underrated Almodóvar thriller!

We all love this movie, correct? I sure hope so.

I Quit Smoking Thirteen Years Ago Today

Lucky thirteen, y'all! That's how that thing works, right? Well maybe I'm no numerologist but what I do know is I tossed cigarettes in the trash on May 5th 2008 and I ain't never been back, and that's a thing I celebrate here on MNPP every single year every May 5th by posting enormous galleries of extremely attractive actors doing the exact thing that I no longer do. It keeps me honest.

Well if not honest... it keeps me something, anyway. Last year, as with many aspects of last year, we hit a snag though -- because I was quarantined at home over this anniversary I'd been separated from the big folder of photos that I'd keep gathering up to post for 2020. And so last year's post was admittedly a bit slack. Well...

... this year's post makes up for it, and it makes up for it then some. I've got all the photos I'd gathered for 2020 plus all the photos I've gathered in 2021, and it's gonna give y'all a hell of a nicotine buzz. If you don't die of cancer before you're finished with this post then I haven't done my job! I make light (get it) but seriously... don't smoke. You don't look at good as these guys do doing it, I promise you. Well unless you're actually KJ Apa reading this, in which case... call me, KJ Apa. You can blow smoke (or anything) on me any time. And with that, let's hit the jump for dozens more...

Indiana Twink

Tom Holland has just premiered the first photo of Tom Holland playing the adventurer Nathan Drake in the big-screen video-game adaptation Uncharted via his Insta -- I have never played that game because I don't play games except little puzzles on my phone during my subway commute or occasionally some Mario Kart. But I understand Uncharted to be a kind of Indiana Jones rip-off, just twinkier, correct me if I'm wrong. Ruben Fleischer of Zombieland fame is directing this, and Tom's joined by Mark Wahlberg and Antonio Banderas -- filming had been interrupted by the pandemic I think, so who knows what the timeline is anymore -- I know Tom's also supposedly supposed to have been filming the next Spider-man movie right around now too, so I don't know what's happening. There's your headline. I don't know what's happening. Oh except one thing I do know is I never shared those photos of Tom recently spied half-naked in public here on the site, but I did share a few over on the Tumblr, I do know that. Hey it something.

Give Me Your Best Antonio

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Just noticed right before I was set to walk out the door and head home that today is Antonio Banderas' 60th birthday! Shame on me for not being prepared to properly celebrate.

Happy 60 to the great great great Antonio Banderas -- may he make movies with Pedro Almodovar for another 60 years pic.twitter.com/n1ySoEuump

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) August 10, 2020

So in his honor I'll post this circa-90s Greg Gorman photo-shoot and ask y'all to share your favorite performance of his in the comments! And once you do that hit the jump for the rest of this shoot...

Pantys '19: Performers, Part One -- Actors

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Every so often for my Golden Trousers awards I do something I call "Actor to Actor" where I write small scenes up of interaction between one of my favorite actors of the year and one of my favorite actresses of the year. Well I am not doing that this year. This year I'm just going to post my 10 favorites, with 10 runners-up. Keeping it simple! And so here, in no particular order and beginning with the men...

My 10 Favorite Actors of 2019

Willem Dafoe, The Lighthouse

Jonathan Majors, The Last Black Man in San Francisco

Tom Mercier, Synonyms

Franz Rogowski, Transit

Géza Röhrig, To Dust

Matthias Schoenaerts, The Mustang

Jonas Dassler, The Golden Glove

Antonio Banderas, Pain and Glory

Matthew Rhys, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Robert Pattinson, The Lighthouse

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Ten Runners Up

Asier Etxeandia, Pain and Glory

Kelvin Harrison Jr, Luce

Taron Egerton, Rocketman

Song Kang-ho, Parasite

Jack Reynor, Midsommar

Robert De Niro, The Irishman

Shia LaBeouf, Honey Boy

Jimmie Fails, The Last Black Man in San Francisco

Felix Maritaud, Sauvage/Wild

Aldis Hodge, Clemency

What were your fave male performances of 2019?
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Pedro Takes America

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Yeah yeah Hollywood gave out a bunch of statues last night to a bunch of mostly deserving folks, yadda yadda, but the best thing to come out of the evening was some news off its red carpet...

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A scoop! Pedro Almodóvar told me he’s about to shoot his next project, which is a short film and an adaptation of Jean Cocteau’s “The Human Voice.” It will be his first English-language project and it’s going to star TILDA SWINTON. Pedro! Tilda! Steel yourselves, Film Twitter!!

— Kyle Buchanan (@kylebuchanan) February 10, 2020

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Cocteau's story is a one woman one-act play really, which shows us a young woman breaking up with her man on the telephone. Besides being staged it's been adapted a couple of times before -- Robert Rossellini's bifurcated 1948 film L'amore adapts it in its first half with Anna Magnani playing the woman, and then in 1967 Rossellini's former wife, a little somebody called Ingrid Bergman, performed the play for live the television series ABC Stage 67.

It seems to have been taken off of YouTube because of copyright nonsense but it looks like you can actually watch that at this link. I only started the video to see if it worked and it seems to. Anyway the germ of Almodovar's 1988 masterpiece Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown was also this story; you can see the scene that started it in the finished movie with Carmen Maura...

... so he's clearly been a fan for awhile. Doing it with Tilda? My god. MY GOD. This is what Homosexual Heaven looks like. And I guess Pedro also brought up on the red carpet his long-gestating full-length stride into English-language filmmaking, his adaptation of Lucia Berlin’s short story collection A Manual for Cleaning Women, which has a whopping forty-three different stories in it -- supposedly Pedro's narrowing it down to around five. They're all set in the Southwest, like Texas and then over into Mexico, and it will be in both English and Spanish. What a dream!

MOOD pic.twitter.com/YTvmUHgvIE

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) February 9, 2020

Good Morning, World

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Happy Hangover Day, fellow gays -- the Oscars were last night, as I am sure every single one of you are aware, and I'm a little slow going this morning but not as bad as usual since the boyfriend was out of town for work and it felt weird real quick getting too drunk all by myself on the couch. I got a little drunk. But not too. Which probably comes through on my live-tweeting of the event -- I never devolved into deranged howls of vulgarity like I normally do. 

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I LOVE ROCKETMAN'S LITTLE GOLDEN STATUE pic.twitter.com/dwmcAE2Jte

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) February 10, 2020

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I think that says less about the crop of mostly good winners (nothing I wished for happened but it hardly ever does, and what did happen avoided the scope of tragedy... save that Editing win for the snooze-fest Ford v Ferrari, barf) than it does everything else I just said, but it was a good night for good movies. Do I wish they might've spread the wealth and awarded Best International Feature to Pedro Almodovar's Pain and Glory? Sure, but there's no way the voters knew the top prize was also going to Parasite, so whatever. We'll celebrate Pedro & Antonio Banderas' decades-long collaboration this morning with these shots from their marvelous 1987 flick Law of Desire, right on here after the jump...

5 Off My Head: Wins To Smile With

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Per usual you'd be hard pressed to know that the Oscars -- not to mention the always superior Indie Spirits, bless their Lighthouse loving hearts -- are this very weekend if you only came to MNPP for your movie info. I just don't care. My faves never much jive with their faves, and when I do get drawn in they inevitably yank the football away 98% of the time. My back hurts, you bastards. (Yes that's a Brokeback reference -- so sly I saw fit to triple underline it!) 

Anyway I do actually watch the damn Oscars every year, indifference be damned, because 1) there's no way to be a writer about film and ignore them completely, and 2) I do love beautiful movie stars at their most pretty, a fetish I make obvious here daily, hourly, secondly. So point being since I'll be watching them here is a list of things that would make me the happiest, cookie-wise.

The 5 Oscar Wins That Would Make Me Happiest

1. Greta Gerwig winning Best Adapted Screenplay for Little Women -- Just to make that moron who couldn't follow the two timelines turn to ash. Not really -- Greta should win because Little Women is a marvel and her ingenious script is one of my faves of the year. I find its structure deeply moving -- I can't think of much else that hit me as emotionally square-on as that one-two whammy of Beth scenes in the middle.

2. The Lighthouse winning Best Cinematography -- I know I am just supposed to be happy with this nomination, but I WANT IT ALL for my favorite movie of the year. I'm willing to go total Tracy Flick and rip up half the ballot box for this one.

3. Pain and Glory winning Best International Feature -- I'd also love for Antonio Banderas to pull off a crazy upset in Best Actor but I'm not nuts, and Joaquin has given such great speeches this season he hasn't let me stay annoyed about him winning for a terrible movie that I don't even think he's particularly great in. 

Anyway I like P&G more than Parasite so an upset - an admittedly also totally unlikely one - for Almodovar would make me dance around the room with ribald glee. I know it doesn't work this way but maybe everybody who votes for Parasite for Best Picture (and it'd be a fun win for that statue, even if I don't worship it like all y'all do) will communally agree to spread the wealth. I'm dreamin', I know.

4. Quentin Tarantino winning Best Director -- I feel as if this might be a controversial pick! I don't care, I'm a huge fan of Tarantino's movies and of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood specifically, and I think we'll feel lousy if we never reward him for Directing. Do I want to hear him give another cringe-filled speech? I do not. He is spectacularly terrible at speeches, underlining all the worst of his blasé creepiness. I don't care that he's a creep. I'm a creep. He's a fantastic fucking director of movies.

5. Missing Link for Best Animated Film -- Laika is like a woman pregnant with quadruplets entering her tenth month -- fucking overdue. Missing Link isn't my absolute favorite of their films but it's charming, funny, smart and typically ravishing work from the studio that gifted us with ParaNorman, Coraline, Kubo and the Two Strings, who has never been rewarded. I won't be furious if I Lost My Body wins, it's lovely, but I want Laika dammit. 

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Runners-up: There are several probable wins that I will be happy with -- it'll be lovely to see Brad Pitt clutching some gold that's not just his pubes for a change. Since Willem Dafoe wasn't even nominated (good grief) I'm fine with Brad winning. 

Same with Laura Dern's triumphant stampede to the stage all season long -- she's one of my favorite actresses of ever (top five for sure) and people have been seriously under-valuing her sharp and tricky work in Marriage Story.

So what wins will make you smile?

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Welcome to the Team, Rob

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These are a couple of days ancient now -- the internet turns over so fast! -- but Monday night brought us our Team Experience Awards over at The Film Experience, where all of us who contribute to that site -- save our dear leader Nathaniel -- vote on our faves of the previous year. We did real good, I think! I also think you can see my influence for a change in them, which is nice -- we're a small enough group (unlike the Dorians, which I also voted for) that things I advocate vociferously for like Robert Pattinson for Best Actor for The Lighthouse can slip through. 

(You can slip through anytime, Rob.) But not small enough that somehow Rob's co-star Willem Dafoe couldn't? I don't know. Anyway our prizes are way better than the Oscar nominations -- just look at that director line-up and admit it, we rule. Anyway let us celebrate Rob's Best Actor nomination with these new Dior photos that popped up this week whilst I was off coughing myself to death, shall we? Hooray! (See more back here.)