Which is Hotter?

Both Orlando Bloom and James Marsden were pap-snapped having some fun in the sun over the holiday weekend -- both of them had just been at Cannes and both of them were photographed in Antibes, France, and on very similar looking rafts to boot! So it's a shame they weren't splashing around together! But no -- if they were together the photographers didn't seem to capture that. James was photographed with...

... French actor Benoit Magimel (from Michael Haneke's The Piano Teacher and many more) though! What a strange small world if you're rich, beautiful, and famous. Anyway if anybody can find proof that Marsden & Bloom were together send it my way -- I'm just going to force them to compete for our pleasure though:

online polls

That sorted I have several more photos of the both of them,

so hit the jump and I will share them...

Today's Fanboy Delusion

 Today I'd rather be...

... sweating to the Orli.

I have no idea where I picked up the nickname "Orli" for Orlando Bloom -- is that even a thing? I swear it's been a thing for ages; I don't think I made it up. Anyway my brain's playing all kinds of tricks on me today because I also had to double-check that I hadn't posted this Men's Health video before. And I have not! There are many, many similar videos from the past few years in our Orlando Archives -- ever since those paparazzo photographed his big-time altogether and then some on that paddle-board back in 2016 he seems to've embraced the gratuity. And thank goodness for us on that front. And that back. And that front. And so forth. Aaanyway I've got the new video and new gifs for you after the jump...

Orlando Bloom Twelve Times

Middle of the month doesn't just bring with it the new Criterion releases -- it's also when a pile of magazines drop their cover shoots, and Flaunt magazine is jumping out in front of everybody today with their cover-shoot of Orlando Bloom. I thought the shirtless cover image (seen below) would be the peak but a quick click inside revealed these two tighty-whitied beauties seen here and hallelujah, happy me. But I promise there's loads more fun to be had (short shorts holla!) if you just hit the jump...

Pics of the Day

If I was confused by the movie titled Wizards! when I first read about it and first posted about it -- a pot caper starring my beloved German thespian Franz Rogowski and SNL whatever Peter Davidson that will also co-star Orlando Bloom and is being directed by Animal Kingdom director David Michôd -- then I am doubly so upon seeing these photos of Bloom gone full rasta on set in Queensland (via). I mean it's not that this look doesn't fit in with the film's synopsis. It's just that I have noooo idea what to expect from this movie.

Which is technically, theoretically, a good thing? We covet original stories and characters and all. I guess part of me just sees the myriad ways this could fly right off the rails and I don't want anybody mucking up my boy Franz Rogowski's ascendancy. At least I have faith he'll do interesting work -- he always does. And I should have more faith in Michôd, a terrific director. It's just that Davidson factor... I don't trust the Davidson factor. Maybe I'll feel different after I see Bodies Bodies Bodies tonight, which I'm hoping uses him well. Stay tuned. And hit the jump for a few more photos of Orlando showing off them big time fresh muscles of his...

Good Morning, World

Thanks to Orlando Bloom for doing his best (via) to motivate me and you and every person with sight this Monday morning -- I can't say it totally worked, but we appreciate the gold star effort all the same. It's not Orli's fault though -- had one of my patented anxiety nights where it took me hours upon hours of climbing over some pointless worries about pointless things to get myself to sleep. So I'm great in other words! Fresh as a daisy! A city daisy set astride a dog park sure, but a daisy nonetheless. Hit the jump for a couple more photos of Orlando, living the sexy dream...

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... (un)breaking Orlando's back.

Alongside these videos that Orlando Bloom posted to his Insta today he said "I broke my back when I was 19 and they said I’d never walk again 😎" hence my comment. It's always best when you have to explain your jokes. 

Good Morning, World

It was just last week that Orlando Bloom got cast in the first interesting project his name's been attached to in I don't know how long -- I've been impressed by his ability to keep himself on my radar despite doing work that has not been, so I guess he finally turned that one kinda heat (aka the kind I am showing you right now) (via, thx Mac) into some actual career heat. Good for Orli! I never stopped liking him even if I didn't like him enough to suffer through that Carnival Row show. The project he got hired for I guess I should mention is Animal Kingdom director David Michod's new movie Wizards! with Franz Rogowski which you can read about here...

... we don't know anything about Bloom's character so I don't know if the reason he's so buffed out in these photos is for that role, or if that's for another role (he did just make what sounds like an action-thriller called Red Right Hand that co-stars Garret Dillahunt and Andie Macdowell). I guess we will find out eventually. For now let's just appreciate the buff (side question: is this too buff? Discuss in the comments!) at the beach this weekend, after the jump...

Be Runnin' Up That Bloom

Couple of weeks back I told y'all that Animal Kingdom director David Michôd was making a movie called Wizards! that was going to star my beloved Franz Rogowski (and my notsomuch Peter Davidson) -- today comes word that also joining the flick is one Mr. Orlando Bloom! I don't hate that news! Does it justify its own post -- maybe not! But by adding the above gif (via) I made it justify its own post, so there. This movie is described as following "two hapless pothead beach-bar operators (Davidson and Rogowski) who run into trouble when they stumble across stolen loot that they really should have just left alone." No word on Bloom's role but let's hope it involves clothing-optional paddleboarding. Just leeeeeean into it, Orli!

Good Morning, World

I had been wishing inside of my heart for a new Orlando Bloom photoshoot just last week, and the universe seems to have heard me! I wonder if Orli felt a tingle in his spandex and heeded the call? Well whatever the case it worked, and here we've got six new photos for something called Port Magazine to share with you this morn. And yes if you're at all the pervert I am then the word "port" makes you think about uncircumcised penises and then you think about those paddle-boarding photos of Orlando back in 2016 and basically our day's screwed, the whole damn day's already screwed. Pack it up! We're going home. Well maybe we can hit the jump for this full photoshoot first before we give up all hope on the day, though...

Which is Hotter?

This morning I wished the Hemsworth brother they call Liam a happy birthday, but then not long after I realized that January 13th is actually chockablock with birthday hunkery, as it also marks the blessed births of Michael Peña, Orlando Bloom, Now Apocalypse fur-monster Beau Mirchoff, and the now-official-gay Julian Morris... 

On top of Liam Hemsworth [full stop] today is also the birthday of Michael Peña, Orlando Bloom, Beau Mirchoff, and Julian Morris!!! Good grief somebody give them a group party, then oil me up and throw me into the middle of it pic.twitter.com/3LszcuqJGm

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) January 13, 2022

... that's quite the fantasy roster anyway, and it seems not right not to mark the occasion here on the site proper. So let's pit two of them against each other in a hotness fight to the death! For now we'll do it via a poll, but if they want to send me a video of themselves naked wrestling for the win I'll make sure to post that...

bike trails

Orlando Bloom Six Times

This brand new photoshoot of our Orli (via) is technically supposed to be selling sunglasses, but Esquire knew well enough that we need some eye-candy to go with with our eye-glasses and so they enlisted Mr. Bloom's beefcake on the case. And, in the end... well I guess there are eye-glasses there too? Hit the jump for the rest...

Which is Sexier?

This shot is from People magazine's new "Sexiest Man Alive" issue that gave that title to Paul Rudd -- they always have some runners-up included and Orlando's included, looking much sexier than Paul did in any of his photos. Don't get me wrong, Paul Rudd's great (although ten years on I still have PTSD from the crap that was This is 40 and automatically wince when I see anyone involved with it) but... sexy? Adorable, sure. And to pull off adorable at 52 is something. But Orlando (especially in the wake of the revelation of his nudist inclinations) just reads as sexier to me. Hrm why don't I let you people decide...

free polls

Good Morning, World

I normally do not cotton to people removing hair from their bodies like this video (via) of Orlando Bloom shaving off his beard blasts on display -- especially when it's a beard we're talking about! Never a beard! But I have to admit I was weirdly riveted to this to see if he was still looking good under a beard since it's been awhile, and.. silly me of course he is, of course he does, he's Orlando Bloom.

Good Morning, World

Orlando Bloom took to Insta to show off his peach again, calling to mind that last notable moment back in 2016 (perhaps he's celebrating the five-year anniversary of that momentous occasion) which I posted in two posts, here but especially especially here, don't miss it. And the shot up top today, doesn't it sort of look like the same lake as the earlier exhibitionism? Naturally (emphasis on "natural" as in "Naturalism") the question presents itself (emphasis on presenting one's self) -- where the hell is this lak? Why aren't I there? OK that's two questions presented -- one for each cheek, I suppose.

Good Morning, World

I hope everybody had a nice Father's Day yesterday, if that's a thing you celebrate -- I have what we call in the biz "daddy issues" so I don't really, but I'm always in awe of those of you who had a parent (or two even) who didn't totally fuck everything up. The photos seen here, of Orlando Bloom above and Henry Golding below celebrating their capable sperms, are the kind of things that get me through this specific holiday intact. Happy Monday!

Happy Father's Day to the only one that matters Henry Golding pic.twitter.com/jwlcevEGve

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) June 21, 2021

Orlando Bloom Eleven Times

While I actually think all of the clothes seen here in this GQ Mexico photo-shoot look pretty smart -- some of the shit that actors get saddled with showing off these days is questionable, but I would wear any and all of this stuff -- I do wish they'd have found a moment for short-shorts in here some place, since we know Orlando does love his short-shorts. And we love Orlando loving them. I'll let it slide this one time, Orlando, if you'll go to the gym or supermarket soon and flash them thick gams again For now though hit the jump for all the long-panted Orlando...

The Beach Bloom

Oh, wait! I'd said my goodbyes for the night and then suddenly these photos of Orlando Bloom romping at the beach fell into my lap! It might not be as savory a collection as that last time him and Junior went paddle-boarding, but they'll do. So here's one more thing, or rather nearly two dozen more things -- after the jump a collection of Orlando doing what he does best...

Pics of the Day

The single best thing about the pandemic (and lord knows there's a lot of competition for that title) has been the discovery of our new favorite fetish, hot guys in masks. I guess "discovery" isn't the right word because I don't know that masks would be so hot without the thing they represent, which is 'I am a good-hearted human being who cares about my fellow man." So I guess they represent the "creation" of a new fetish, one I wouldn't have had without the dire context. Anyway whatever the circumstances Colin Farrell's made another bid for his rightful throne as King of the Sexy Mask-Wearers (after Orlando Bloom gunned pretty hard for it) this week by making another public outing in the mask short-shorts combo that originally bestowed him his crown back in August. 

And he's stepped up his game even further by shaving his head, thereby reminding us of his Daredevil-era sex-tape -- all hail the King! What do we think he actually shaved his head for, y'all? I guess it could be his role as the Penguin in the next Batman movie, which is listed as still filming on IMDb, but in the footage from that that we've already seen he did have hair. Not that the character couldn't have a bald reveal! Let's hope he goes full Kimberly-on-Melrose and yanks off his wig at a dramatic moment. (Seriously, say a prayer that that happens.) I'm kind of hoping it's for his next flick though, his re-team with the In Bruges guys (writer Martin McDonagh and actor Brendan Gleeson) though, because then he can be bald and hot at once, which Penguin probably won't afford. Anyway we'll see eventually, I guess -- for right now let's just fix our eyeballs on this fine series of photos today, after the jump...

Good Morning, World

Listen. I know these photos of Orlando Bloom wearing a mask and short-shorts coming out of a supermarket are approximately three-billion internet-light-years old. (Yes, that equals a week.) But they hit when I was on my holiday break last week so I never got around to posting them! And I should post them. This website needs to have them. So since I have nothing more pressing to post this morning, we fill in this Orlando Bloom shaped hole. You're welcome. Hit the jump for like thirty plus photos... 

Orlando Bloom Ten Times

Saved by the bell again! Or rather by The Bloom -- I was worried that I wouldn't have any photoshoots to share today to distract us from The General Madness, when lo should I stumble upon an old shoot of Orlando from 2017 that I'd totally missed at the time! Now one might wonder how one misses a photoshoot of Orlando Bloom...

... frolicking in just his underpants for GQ Italia. Well let me tell you how -- once upon a time there were "other things" in our "lives" and we could "go outdoors" and "see" "people" -- hard to understand here in 2020, but all of these things were once upon a time true! So occasionally I missed things. No more, that's for sure! Hit the jump for the whole shoot...