Nothing Comes Between Me & My Alessandro

Finally I get to post about Papa Nivola! No offense to adorable Sam his son who's taken over Hollywood twinkdom with his turn on The White Lotus but Alessandro will always be my bread and butter, so I couldn't run here quick enough when I saw the news that not only does he have a new role... he's got a new GAY role. He's going to be playing none other than the one and only Calvin Klein in Ryan Murphy's upcoming miniseries American Love Story, about the whirlwind romance between John F. Kennedy Jr. and Carolyn Bessette. Bessette was working as Klein's publicist in 1992 when she met John-John -- speaking of if you missed my post about model Paul Kelly who's playing JFK Jr. click here and familiarize yourself with that hotness. 

I guess there's a little bit of a physical resemblance between Alessandro and Calvin, something I never would've picked up on without this casting -- anyway you slap him in a white tee and jeans and let Alessandro do his thing (his thing being "act real good") and it'll work. And calling this a "gay" role is probably a bit of a stretch that will never meet those expectations because Calvin was of course married to Kelly Klein during this period, and also one assumes his personal life isn't going to be the focus of his scenes. But who knows! Leave it to Ryan Murphy to insist on a scene where Calvin is fitting Marky Mark for his tighty-whities.

(Which we should note was happening in 1992 on the dot!) But just in case the show doesn't have time for a Marky Mark excursion you can count on me to include a gif, at least! Ahhh those were the days. Anyway another nice side-effect of this casting news is I found this photoshoot of Nivola for Contents magazine that I somehow missed last fall around the time The Brutalist was landing -- read the chat here. Or hit the jump for all the as ever fine Papa Nivola pictures...

Tom Holland's Booty Search

If you're going to go see the video-game adventurer Uncharted to simply see Tom Holland in a series of wet t-shirts and bulging khakis (see down below) then you're going to get what you're looking for -- our Spider-twink looks plenty fine in the film, hitting theaters on Friday. It definitely has that much going for it! Otherwise not so much though, so be forewarned, and get your fore more warned by heading over to The Film Experience where I have properly reviewed the film today. The basic gist is I have seen far worse movies in my life, this one has some big action-movie-spectacle moments, but it's also soullessly bland to the point where it's already half-slid off my brain less than 24 hours later. I miss action movies with actual character, you guys.

Uhhh pic.twitter.com/7jU52doagi

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) December 23, 2021

Good Morning, World

That there is the one and only Matthew Modine in the 1990 thriller Pacific Heights, which I rewatched over the weekend during a quite random binge I did of mostly early 90s thrillers that fit the "The [Blank] From Hell" mold -- movies like Pacific Heights (which has Michael Keaton laying the tenant from hell) and The Crush (which has Alicia Silverstone playing the teenage girl from hell), Single White Female (with Jennifer Jason Leigh playing the roommate from hell) -- you know the movies! The idea of a binge came upon me pretty randomly -- a college-friend of mine sent me a message that she'd re-watched the 1996 film Fear (starring Mark Wahlberg as the finger-blasting boyfriend from hell) and that sounded like a wonderful escape after all of the Sundance work I'd just been immersed in. A way to shut my brain off and enjoy some trash. And did I ever. 

What if I just watch 90s "The [Blank] From Hell" movies for the next three straight days, what if that pic.twitter.com/bCoHqPqbiD

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) January 29, 2022

If you click on that tweet it'll take you to a gigantic Twitter thread that I live-tweeted over the course of the binge -- I'm actually not done, I still have several movies on my list, and so that thread might well grow longer. It wouldn't surprise me a bit -- it was a seriously fun binge to binge, and I haven't even re-watched The Hand That Rocks the Cradle yet! Anyway I hope to do more than just this "Good Morning" post about this series of flicks, there's so much more meat on this particular bone to gnaw upon, but for now we'll keep it tight like Matthew Modine's torso. But if you've got recommendations for my binge-list, any faves of this type of movie that you wanna talk about, please do tell me in the comments!

I Wanna See Sweat Comin' Out Yo Pores

I don't think any of you will mind this specific randomness, but I was reminded this morning of a seminal photograph -- I posted it on the Tumblr a minute ago -- and now I'm having Marky Mark flashbacks. They do come with a measure of guilt, given what a tool he is, but they're inescapable in their horny nostalgia once they arrive -- I was 15 when his Calvin Klein campaign happened, and could put up no fight. If you're feeling a whiff of these same "Good Vibrations" now I recommend clicking back to this old post of ours, which delved a little deeper into this particular 90s moment.

Pics of the Day

Earlier I shared with y'all the new poster for the very scary horror movie The Vigil, which stars the handsome and alliterative Dave Davis as a Jewish man tasked with watching a dead body overnight in a strange house which, as you might imagine, goes terribly wrong. Boo, and such! The trailer's here -- the movie is out on February 26th, so on and forth et cetera. That professional business aside, not long after I shared that poster with you it was brought to my attention that Mr. Davis wore the outfit you see here in front of you for the press rounds at TIFF back in September of 2019, and... clearly I had to share this information. You see...

... having come of age in the 1990s, circa Marky Mark and the New Kids couture, I have never, despite knowing better, been able to resist a the sight of a man wearing just overalls and nothing else. Never. It just sends me back like lightning to being 13-years-old and flipping through a pilfered issue of BOP magazine -- I was naturally far too embarrassed to actually buy my copies of BOP magazine and so, like the porn it was, I stuffed them down my shorts and swiped them all from the local grocery. This spectacle takes me right on back there and for that, Dave Davis, I thank you. Hit the jump for a few more photos... 

Indiana Twink

Tom Holland has just premiered the first photo of Tom Holland playing the adventurer Nathan Drake in the big-screen video-game adaptation Uncharted via his Insta -- I have never played that game because I don't play games except little puzzles on my phone during my subway commute or occasionally some Mario Kart. But I understand Uncharted to be a kind of Indiana Jones rip-off, just twinkier, correct me if I'm wrong. Ruben Fleischer of Zombieland fame is directing this, and Tom's joined by Mark Wahlberg and Antonio Banderas -- filming had been interrupted by the pandemic I think, so who knows what the timeline is anymore -- I know Tom's also supposedly supposed to have been filming the next Spider-man movie right around now too, so I don't know what's happening. There's your headline. I don't know what's happening. Oh except one thing I do know is I never shared those photos of Tom recently spied half-naked in public here on the site, but I did share a few over on the Tumblr, I do know that. Hey it something.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Three Kings (1999)

Archie: What's the most important thing in life?
Troy: Respect.
Archie: Too dependent on other people.
Conrad: What, love?
Archie: A little Disneyland, isn't it?
Chief: God's will.
Archie: Close.
Troy: What is it then?
Archie: Necessity.
Troy: As in?
Archie: As in people do what is most
necessary to them at any given moment.

David O. Russell's Iraq War flick came out twenty years today, and I can't really say whether it stands the test of time or not or not as I haven't seen it in probably fifteen years? But I sure did like it at the time, and its themes of war profiteering seem awful smart upon reflection, and most importantly I think we can all agree that we're always blessed whenever Spike Jonze decides to act in front of the camera for us.

Have you seen Three Kings recently?

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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Boogie Nights (1997)

Todd Parker: Who's 'vette is that out in the driveway?
Reed Rothchild: DIRK! I'm so jealous.
Todd Parker: That shit's jammin', man. Start down low with
a 350 cube, three and a quarter horsepower, 4-speed, 4:10
gears, 10 coats of competition orange, hand-rubbed lacquer
with a huplane manifold... full fuckin' race cams. Whoo!

I have no idea what he just said, but Thomas Jane's performance as the coke-head to end all coke-heads in Boogie Nights is really underrated, I think. There are enough side characters of god-like stature in that movie to make ten lists but you never hear him get love. He totally should! I would watch an entire spin-off movie about his "dancing" career.

It's Jane's 50th birthday today so a happy one to him! Although he's not as prevalent as he was a decade back I'm glad he still works a lot -- it was good to see him in The Predator and the little horror flick Before I Wake is super under-rated. And I haven't kept up with The Expanse but that's still going on right? 

Anyway if I weren't busy finishing up my awards today I'd totally do a list of my favorite performances from him because I'm a big fan, but since I am busy with that I'll just ask y'all -- What's your favorite Thomas Jane? I mean besides this photograph obviously...

Good Morning, World

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I don't have anything of interest to share with regards to John Singleton's 2005 movie Four Brothers this morning - I just happened to have to file on my computer because we used it for a "Five Frames From" post last week and as I was skipping around it looking for said frames...

... I was reminded of the fact that we get a quick flash of Garrett Hedlund naked here and voila, insta-post. I've never actually even seen this movie. Is there any reason to? Now that I've already seen Garrett Hedlund's butt, I mean? 

In related news Garrett is still going out of his way to banish all of my skepticisms about his supposed long-time (and terribly sexy) friendship with Charlie Hunnam - now they've been spotted jogging together (shirtless, natch) - you know how actors go overseas to entertain the troops during war-time? I feel like this is the Trump-era equivalent. We all feel like we're at war right now and so these actors are entertaining us. They do good work; they put positive things into the world. Hit the jump for the gallery...

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Boogie Nights (1997)

Floyd Gondolli: I like simple pleasures, 

like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. 

That's just me. That's just something that I enjoy. 

 Happy 20 to Boogie Nights!
Who's your favorite character?

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Garrett Hedlund Five Times

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I keep forgetting that Mudbound - the new southern racial drama from director Dee Rees - is playing the New York Film Festival - it's been strangely kind of quiet on that front even though the film's initial reviews from an earlier fest were very very good. But it is playing and I am seeing it in two days and a bunch of the folks behind the film will be there up to and including Mr. Hedlund, so stay tuned for pictures on our Instagram! Until then this fine new photo-shoot (via) will have to keep you company.

Oh and this bit from the attached interview:

"In the early days, people often mistook him for actor Charlie Hunnam, particularly during Hunnam’s stint on Judd Apatow’s campus sitcom Undeclared. “We went up against each other for the same parts for years,” he says. Now the closest of friends, they recently found themselves shooting Glocks together under the blistering July sun. “I was out in the middle of nowhere, doing weapons training with Charlie, and we had a blast,” he says, and then points to the sunburn on his arm. The plan is for the two of them to co-star in a military drama with Mark Wahlberg."

While I go spend some time thinking about blond gods Garrett Hedlund and Charlie Hunnam hanging out and handling their guns together you can hit the jump for a couple more pictures...

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:
.

Boogie Nights (1997) 

Dirk: What can you expect when you're on top? You know? It's like Napoleon. When he was the king, you know, people were just constantly trying to conquer him, you know, in the Roman Empire. So, it's history repeating itself all over again. 

A happy 47th birthday to the director Paul Thomas Anderson today! (I like that I specificed "the director Paul Thomas Anderson," just in case you thought I meant "the ballet dancer Paul Thomas Anderson" and got confused.) Anyway this reminds me I never said anything about the retirement of Daniel Day-Lewis, whose "last" film will be PTA's next film, Phantom Thread... which IMDb still for some reason has listed as "Untitled Paul Thomas Anderson Film" - catch up, IMDb! Maybe the folks running IMDb dislike that title Phantom Thread as much as I do? It gives me bad Star Wars prequel flashbacks.

Anyway perhaps I am cynical (obviously I am cynical) but I read DDL's retirement with an invisible asterisk attacked that says he will "retire" after campaigning for (and probably winning) a fourth Oscar, and he will un-retire ten or fifteen years from now when there's a new role he feels like digging his teeth into... which will probably bring him another statue. Cynicism aside I like this plan more than I like Meryl Streep making a garbage movie every year, so.
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5 Off My Head - Wild Man Bill

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Today we're wishing the great William H. Macy a happy 67th birthday by picking our favorite five performances of his off the top of our head. I feel kind of bad that all of these roles are so old (none of them pass the Y2K mark) - I wish I watched Shameless so I could judge how he's been on that, but I do not. Oh well - these are all stone-cold classics (well maybe not the last one, according to some, but I love 'em all) and he's got a career any actor would kill for, and I've no doubt he'll continue being great for many years to come. (And he should totally show up on a season of Fargo, dontcha think?)

Jerry, Fargo

"But seeing as it's special circumstances and all, 

he says I can knock a hundred dollars off that Trucoat. "

Little Bill, Boogie Nights

"My fucking wife has an ass in her cock 

over in the driveway, alright?"

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith, Magnolia

"And the book says, 'We may be through 

with the past... but the past is not through with us.'"

George, Pleasantville

"People change?"

Arbogast, Psycho

"We're always quickest to doubt people 

who have a reputation for being honest. "

-------------

So what's your favorite?

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The Finest Bana

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There's been a criminal lack of attention given to the fact that Eric Bana is The Finest Hours out this weekend -- if they'd worked on reminding me that there was "New Bana In A Uniform" to be had I'd have been paying way more attention. No all those trailers show is footage of a boat going up a wave - footage that makes me do a double take every time, thinking I've stepped through a time portal and it's the year 2000 and The Perfect Storm is suddenly new again. Nobody needs that! Give me Bana or give me nothing, nothing at all, or Eric Bana wearing nothing at all, that's what I always say.

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... sharing a load with Michael B. Jordan.

Well Creed is out this week and it seems to be getting pretty stellar reviews - AO Scott says it might be the best boxing movie since Rocky! (AKA he apparently forgot Raging Bull exists). Naturally MBJ is all over the place press-wise - you should definitely check out this photo-shoot he did for Men's Fitness which I posted on the Tumblr. One of those pictures reminded me of one of my most favorite pictures from my youth though, so I gotta ask...

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Thursday's Ways Not To Die

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The Happening (2008)

Yup, that happened.

That sure... happened.

Happy birthday, M. Night Shyamalan!

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Previous Ways Not To Die: Phone Jacked -- Poker Face -- Not Ready For This Jelly -- World's Greatest DEAD -- Swiss Miss Meteor Strike -- The Whim of a Mads Man -- Big Wheeled -- Deep Red -- Bunny Petit -- Ding Dong Going Down -- The Headless Hitchcock -- Oops I Dropped The Soap -- Mary had A Little Slam -- The Beast With Too Backstabbed -- Wrath of the Merman -- Stomach Bug -- Something Icky This Way Comes -- Dagon It -- The Passion of Margaret White -- Worm Food -- Kim Jong Kill -- Harkonnen A Vagrant -- A Little Off The Top -- Laid Out By Lamas -- 1 2 3 Dandy -- One Ringy-Dingy Two Ringy-Dingy Die Ringy-Dingy -- Nanny Slam -- Forced Head -- A Wolf at the Door -- X-Ray'd -- Helen Helen Helen -- Bad Robot -- Giggle Gassed -- Dark Meet -- The Lady in the Iron Mask -- Croaked -- Exit Stage Crazy -- Cold Cocked By Colin Farrell --  Comb Over -- Wishing You Happy Father's Day -- Bright Light Bright Light -- Flame With Ash Highlights -- Don't Spoke Unless Stuck Onto -- Teen Angst Bullshit -- Come What May (Day) -- Dodge This -- The Dead Knock At Dawn -- A Gentlemenly Sacrifice -- Spade & Neutered -- Flambe By Vincent -- L.O.O.K.E.R Over -- Something in the Fog -- Polly Wants A Scalpel -- Major Swirly -- White Meat Dark Meat -- Oh Dae-su You Devil -- Unto Darkness Delivered -- A Hammock Built For Slew -- Venom Down -- Worm Turned -- This Anaconda Do Want Some -- Cereal Murdered -- Deady Dearest -- Spotted Dick -- Chinatown Syndrome -- Feeling the Fury -- Blank With the Blank in the Blank -- Kill the Cook -- You be The Steeple -- Boiled Bashed Stabbed & Gassed -- Iced Princess -- Straight Razor Symphony -- Prey For Mantis -- Talos Unplugged -- A Mysterious Raptoring -- Mad Monkey Robo Rampage -- Give Me Liberty, Or... -- Horns of Plenty... Dead! -- Mistress-And-Run -- Wolverine Interrupted -- Who Let The Guts Out -- Zzzapped Innards-Side-Out -- Bad Romance -- Twas Beauty (And Also Aeroplanes) -- Bad Head -- Valentine's Day Massacred -- Belly Buster -- For Being Not The Babysitter -- Splat In Slo-Mo -- To Be Dis-Continued -- For Being Mouthy -- Do You Smell What Billy's Mom Is Cooking -- The Milk Done Gone Bad -- An Inability To Stop Drop and Roll -- Bug Sprayed -- Extreme Makeover: Leatherface Edition -- Window Seat Suck -- Razor Bunting -- Stabbed Thru The Heart And Witches Are To Blame -- Shark Kibble -- Is That a Straight Razor In Your Trunks Or Are You Just Happy To See Me -- Bad Dates -- Fry Guy'd -- Super Battle Bystander Shrapnel Shred -- Staring Contest of the Dead -- Satanic Self Sacrifice -- Fist and Fortune -- Psychedelic Penis Slice To Window Toss -- For Crimes Against Accent -- Sacked -- Speed Bumped For Traffic Spikes -- Shark Versus Jet-Ski -- Hot Oil Treatment -- Tucked In By Jason -- Just A Pair of Snowbodies -- Poison Pellet Kibble Swap -- Dolly Disassembled -- Fire Escape Fall Out -- Unbuggered -- Tell 'Em Large Marge Sent'cha -- Blue Man Gooped -- Tongue Stung -- Now Wouldn't Cha, Barracuda? -- Leaving on a Rat Plane -- Panthers! -- Fashion Faux-Pwned -- "It's Just A Box." -- Blasted Pigeons -- Taunting Ahnuld -- The Too Hot Tub -- Beyond the Veil -- Sunken Prayers-- Super Crack -- Brains Blown -- Fur For The Boogens -- White Hot Bunny Rabbit Rage --Dragged To Hell -- The TV Van That Dripped Blood -- Don't Mess With Mama -- Heads Ahoy --Martyred For Sheep -- Heads Nor Tails -- He Loves Me Knot -- The Great Bouncing Brad --Miss Kitty's 8 Mishaps -- Boat Smoosh -- Meeting the French-Tipped Menace -- A Magic Trick -- Slick Suck -- We Who Walk Here Walk Alone -- Raptor Bait -- Kneegasm'd -- Dare to Dream in Fincher -- Reach Out and Throttle Someone -- De-Faced -- Voluntary Drowning -- Cross Borne -- Pulled Up Hell's Sphincter -- An Arrow Up The Ass - The Numerous Violent Unbecomings of Olive Oyl -- Ack! Ack! Zap! -- Baby's First Acid Splash -- Chop, Drop and Sashimi Roll -- Forever Rafter -- Can't You Hear Me Now? -- Daisies Ways #5 - Harpoony Side Up -- Acid Dip -- On a Wing and a Prey -- For Standing in the Way of Sappho -- Busting Rule Number Three (For The Purpose of Number Two) -- Daisies #4 - Window Dressed To Killed --Hands Off the Haas Orb -- Bullet Ballet -- A Single Vacancy at the Roach Motel -- A School Bus Slipped Thru The Ice -- Trache-AAHHHH!!!-tomy'd - For Mel Gibson's Sins -- A Wide Stanced Slashing --- Daisies Ways #3 - Scratch n' Snuffed -- The Victim of a Viscous Hit & Run-- Curled -- Kabobbed -- Daisies Ways #2 - Aggravated Cementia -- Boo! Nun! -- 2009's Ways Not To Die -- Bug Scratch Fever -- Daisies Ways #1 - Deep Fat Fried in My Own Unique Blend of 500 Herbs & Spices -- By the Yard End of the Stick -- Screwed From A Very Great Distance-- A Righteous Bear-Jew Beatdown -- Fisted By Hugo Sitglitz -- Xeno Morphed -- Fuck-Stuck -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 4 -- Lava Bombed -- The Cradle Will Rock... Your Face Off!!! -- The Food of the Nilbog Goblins -- The Slugs Is Gonna Gitcha -- Phone Shark -- Hide The Carrot -- Sarlacc Snacked -- Avada Kedavra!!! -- Hooked, Lined and Sinkered -- "The Libyans!" -- Axe Me No Questions -- Pin the Chainsaw on the Prostitute -- The Wrath of the Crystal Unicorn -- The Ultimate Extreme Make-Over -- Drown In A Sink Before The Opening Credits Even Roll -- The Dog Who Knew Too Much -- Don't Die Over Spilled Milk -- Inviting the Wrath of Aguirre -- An Inconceivable Outwitting -- The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -- Nipple Injected Blue Junk -- Your Pick Of The Deadly Six -- Thing Hungry --Don't Fuck With The Serial Killer's Daughter -- DO Forget To Add The Fabric Softener -- Any Of The Ways Depicted In This Masterpiece Of Lost Cinema -- Rode Down In The Friscalating Dusklight -- Good Morning, Sunshine! -- Mornin' Cuppa Drano -- The Cylon-Engineered Apocalypse -- Tender-Eye-zed -- Martian Atmospheric Asphyxiation -- Maimed By A Mystical Person-Cat -- The Sheets Are Not To Be Trusted -- Handicapable Face-Hacked -- I Did It For You, Faramir -- Summertime In The Park... Of A Pedophile's Mind -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 3 -- Strung Up With Festive Holiday Bulbs By Santa Claus Himself -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 2 -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 --Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye --Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away --Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door-- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue-- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!!-- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded --Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare --Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head
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