You'll all be glad to know that while the Joslins were here last week, Russell  developed an inordinate fondness for Georgette Heyer books. Ha!  The sins of the parents will visit  the children of the third and fourth generation  ;)

BYU Monthly Magazine

I think most of the loyal readers of this blog get the BYU monthly magazine in their home.  I very much enjoyed an article from this month's magazine entitled "A Pattern for a Joyful Life" by Elaine S. Marshall.

Over the years, getting the magazine has been a nice little perk of a BYU education.  Before the Internet, it helped us feel connected to the school and other alumni.  It helped us cheer on our beloved Cougars.  I remember how impressed the missionaries were a few years ago by our free Jimmer poster.  We sometimes recognize people we've known in the section listing accomplishments and sadly, have seen loved ones listed in the deaths.

Some of the articles are entertaining, such as this one written by my sister Miriam.  (Scroll down until you see her name.) Some of the articles are yummy, like this recipe for one of our favorites.  And over the years, many have been uplifting and enlightening.  This is still one of my favorites.

Is getting the magazine equal to the dollars we spent going to BYU and then sending 5 kids there?  Of course not.  But it has been a delightful and happy benefit that we continue to enjoy.

I found this article from the Deseret News interesting.  When asked what she regrets most about her life, Barbara Walters wishes she would have had more children.  I don't believe that anyone can tell a couple how many children they should have.  That's between them and the Lord and there are a lot of factors involved.  We believe in teaching correct principles and letting people govern themselves.  Having said that, I love this quote from Pres. Hinckley:

"When all is said and done, the greatest satisfaction you'll have in this life as you grow old will be seeing your children grow in righteousness and faith and goodness as citizens of the society of which they are a part."

Here are a few pictures of the people who provide us with lots of love and satisfaction.

Addendum

Sorry, but this is an addendum to my last post.  I recently read this  Article about the deaths in Newtown a year ago and found it interesting.  I especially liked this quote "...We don't look at grief as something you heal from like it's an illness, like it's a cold for instance. We use that language a lot, you know 'have you recovered' or 'have you healed from your grief?'...What grief is is a form of love, but with the loved one gone, so it's really the heartbreak of separation from the loved one. So the work of grief is to find a new form for that love, to find a new expression for it, a new commitment, a way to honor the love." 

As members of the Church, with testimonies of Jesus Christ and his atonement and our Father's plan, I think we sometimes think  we don't think we need go through the grief process the same way because we know better.   But I remember very clearly that after Logan died, we knew where he was and that we would be with him again, but the anguish of being separated from him for the next 60 years was hard.  How would WE live without him?

My dad passed away in August of 2000.  When their wedding anniversary came around in December, I can remember that my mom said she was feeling sorry for herself that day and sad.  But being the resolute person that she is, she picked herself up and got busy baking lots of goodies, which she then delivered  to the people my dad had home taught for many years, who were generally not active or who didn't have a lot of friends.   She found a way to honor her love for my Dad.  

I have occasionally read a blog kept by the LDS mother of one of the children killed in Newtown.  It is  painful to read, but also uplifting as she has struggled to find ways to keep Emilie's memory alive and move forward with life.  I guess that's why I feel that we need to experience and express grief.  It's hard, but it's part of why we're here.  I'm comforted by the description of the Savior as a man of sorrow, acquainted with grief.

During the past couple of weeks,  we have attended the funerals of two dear friends.  Knowing them changed us and losing them is hard.  I have reflected on some of the things that were said and that we observed during this time, what I learned when we lost our sweet Logan three years ago, and on some things I've heard people say recently.  These are my observations only.

As members, we often do a pretty poor job of grieving.  Our natural tendency is to want others to feel better.  We think we have the belief system to do that.  So, many times, we say, do or demand of others and ourselves, things that are very superficial and not thoughtful or helpful to the grieving process.  We came to this world to learn and grow and if we don't take the steps necessary to learn from death, nothing has been gained.  Instead, we tend to have the big funeral, a big meal afterwards, and then let out a breath and say, "well, that's over".   And we move on to the next thing without growing emotionally and spiritually.

Some of us seem to feel that because of our beliefs, we shouldn't cry or that we should be cheerful and not sorrowful.  I find that such a denial of all we are trying to achieve in this life.  We become emotional bearing testimonies, at missionary farewells, when seeing friends and family after a separation.  Why do we need to be strong when we lose someone close to us?  It's one of life's deepest learning moments, yet we are uncomfortable with sorrow.  

Elder Nelson spoke over the summer at the funeral of a young missionary who died on his mission. (This is from the Deseret News.)

Elder Nelson then expressed the importance of the family mourning their loss.

"We cry — we weep tears of sorrow. The Lord wants us to cry; he gave it to us as a commandment," Elder Nelson said. "Our tears testify our love for this righteous, wonderful, exemplary, irreplaceable Elder. Our tears also testify of our obedience to this commandment of the Lord."

I remember talking to Preston a couple of years ago after his dad died, followed a few months later by his maternal grandpa.  I asked how his mom was doing.  He said, "well, she's lost the two most important men in the world to her.  How should she be doing?  It's hard."

Our church leaders are not immune.  All of us could plainly see that in President Hinckley when Sis. Hinckley died.  Here's another quote from the Deseret News.

"President Monson’s message was especially powerful and poignant given the sorrow he himself acknowledged feeling since the recent death of his wife, Frances. He noted their 65th wedding anniversary would have been the day after conference ended. “She was the love of my life, my trusted confidant, and my closest friend,” he said. “To say that I miss her does not begin to convey the depth of my feelings.”

Sadness and suffering, he said, “are universal.” They come even to the Lord’s prophet, and they come for a reason.

“Our Heavenly Father, who gives us so much to delight in, also knows that we learn and grow and become stronger as we face and survive the trials through which we must pass. We know that there are times when we will experience heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve, and when we may be tested to our limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become something different from what we were—
better than what we were, more understanding than what we were, more empathetic than what we were, with stronger testimonies than what we had before.”

While I don't always agree with CS Lewis, I very much like this quote.

“Getting over it so soon? But the words are ambiguous. To say the patient is getting over it after an operation for appendicitis is one thing; after he’s had his leg off is quite another. After that operation either the wounded stump heals or the man dies. If it heals, the fierce, continuous pain will stop. Presently he’ll get back his strength and be able to stump about on his wooden leg. He has ‘got over it.’ But he will probably have recurrent pains in the stump all his life, and perhaps pretty bad ones; and he will always be a one-legged man. There will be hardly any moment when he forgets it. Bathing, dressing, sitting down and getting up again, even lying in bed, will all be different. His whole way of life will be changed. All sorts of pleasures and activities that he once took for granted will have to be simply written off. Duties too. At present I am learning to get about on crutches. Perhaps I shall presently be given a wooden leg. But I shall never be a biped again.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

At Christmas time, I find great solace in the story of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

A more cheerful post next time, with cute Christmas-y pictures and everything, I promise.

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Thanksgiving 2013

A little of this...




















And this...
















And this...


 
 
 


















And a lot of love!

Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, "The Savior taught that we should not lay up treasures on earth but should lay up treasures in heaven (see Matt. 6:19–21). In light of the ultimate purpose of the great plan of happiness, I believe that the ultimate treasures on earth and in heaven are our children and our  posterity. "

We are so thankful for the two beautiful babies who have joined our family recently and for our children who seek to live according to The Great Plan of Happiness.  It's not always easy, convenient, cheap or enjoyable to be a good parent, but I know these little ones are our ultimate treasures.