Hardest Part

This has to be the worst week in my entire life.

Entire.

I thought I would enjoy the time spent with her, loving on her, grooming her. I do, don't get me wrong, but it also breaks my heart knowing what is coming. I can't stop crying, and I haven't told a lot of people. I can't listen to their opinions. Now that's a trot left this quote, and I need to keep reminding myself, "Better when it's hard for us than hard for them." That has helped me a lot (I already am crying all the time so I am saving the video for later.) It still breaks my heart that she is so happy right now. She can't move without almost falling over, but she's happy doing it.

My husband and I talked again about the "what if's" but it keeps coming back to the only way she would be safe is if she is in her stall all the time. I can't do that to her. I love her way to much to do that to her.

I went and bought her one of each type of apple to see if she has a preference. Nope, she loved them all (well at least the ones I fed her. I didn't want her to cholic and suffer.)

Tonight was a friend's surprise party, so a few weeks ago her husband asked me to keep her busy. So, being a good person, aside from the massive brusing, and internal heartbreak, I kept up with my promise. She is from up north, so I took her to the tack shop that is farther south.

Like an idiot, I picked up the expensive snacks I never bought for Denali (because I can make them myself for 1/4 the price) and while checking them out I burst into tears and stood there in my too tight yoga pants, and slightly shrunken hoodie bawling. I didn't even explain, I just walked out and waited for my friend. Poor girl. I hope she had a good party. I couldn't go and be a party pooper.

I love you Nawlers.

I asked my husband to finalize the plans. I can't do it and I know I will keep putting it off.

*Ah Choo*

I made an attempt to go to work yesterday.

I say attempt because I was useless. I called the classroom and reminded my assistants (who rock) that I was coming down, and that the kids CAN NOT TOUCH ME.

That was the extent of my day. I sat in a chair and talked to my kiddos, who I really did miss. One little boy just kept looking at me. Finally he ran up, apologized, and then hugged me. It really was cute, and didn't hurt to bad.

THEN my allergies struck. I honestly don't know what hurt more, Denali kicking me, or my ribs after sneezing. Ugh.

No more work for me. I am taking my Dr.'s advice and staying home, in bed.

No news on Denali. The x-rays haven't been read yet by the radiologist. The vet called me today and told me she'd give me an update tonight.... It looks like that might not happen until tomorrow.

Me vs. 5 year old.... Me - 0, 5 year old - 1

Well. I'm back to officially being a horrible horse mom.

Monday I dreamed that I couldn't breath and woke up on Tuesday wheezing so hard I thought I was going to die (thanks Asthma...no, I haven't missed you for the past 10 years, but thanks for asking!)

Yesterday I got bashed in the head, either by a kids fist or he pulled the door closed on my head. I don't remember, but I do remember it really !@#$ing hurt. I think it was his fist.

Keep in mind he is 5...

I stayed at work and felt okay, just my head hurt pretty bad.

Today I woke up so nauseated and ill. I went to work, walked into my classroom and laid down. I guess I looked whiter than normal so my principal made me go to the hospital. (Because I LOVE the hospital, no, not really.) Nothing is broken in my head, but I have a concussion and bruising around my temple. (I knew this, but didn't have a choice in going.)

The nurse asked me if I was in an abusive relationship, stopped and snickered, and then said "at home." HA, yes between work and the barn I'm always being abused.

Saturday the Holistic Vet comes out... Here's hoping that Denali doesn't give her a head injury.