Be Brave

There's nothing that makes me want to do something more than to tell me that you don't think I can or that you're not so sure....blah, blah, BLAH.

I'm getting an ulcer. It's been a while, but I'm defiantly feeling it. I'm sure the gallons of Coke Zero I've been drinking hasn't helped.

Yesterday I ran out to the barn because I wanted to talk to my trainer about our conversation the night before. She was riding her horse and told me that she didn't have time to talk but we really needed to sit down and have a conversation.

You can't fucking tell me that and then expect me to not say anything.

I got pissed, even more so because I knew in my heart what she was going to try to tell me. I grabbed Denali (MY HORSE) and took her into the round pen. I did a little walking and trotting and getting her to listen to me. Then I went and got the dreaded flag.

You would have thought that the flag was on fire and trying to attack her. We worked for a long time, and I called it quits when she stopped freaking out and just stood still. She tried to rear a few times but I just made her go backwards as fast as I could so she'd think rearing was a really bad idea. I need to have a lesson on this, I don't remember how to do it exactly.

After that I was still pissed. I went to my trainer and asked her if she wanted me out of the barn and that's why she wanted to talk to me.

She said no, then went on to say that she's just not sure if Denali and I are a good match. Yada, yada, yada. Honestly it was an hour long conversation, but if I tried writing it all here my hands are going to fall off.

She said she just needs to sit down and think the pros and cons. I told her she hasn't given either one of us a chance. Denali has been ridden, but has not been in training since August. That I haven't done ANYTHING in the past 6 months really, and that she's not giving us a chance.

She said that she was talking with the other trainer from Monday night and that she just has some concerns. Safety is her number one priority (or so she said) and she just wants to make sure that this is a safe partnership. Honestly, I feel like it's me and Denali now against the world, and we no longer have a supportive trainer. If she can't believe in me, then it's going to be hard to believe in myself. If Denali was rearing up, or bucking, or trying to dump me, yes, I'd revisit the situation and wonder if it was a good relationship. BUT, she's not. She's green. I'm green. She's also a Thoroughbred. A young Thoroughbred who was trained to race. She needs time.

I told her if it never worked out that she was a riding horse that I'd keep her as my pet. She asked me if that was fair to Denali. Have you met my horse lady? She LOVES eating. She actually excels at it. Also, there are never guarantees when you sell a horse. Would it be fair for Denali to be ran into the ground then forced to have babies? Would it have been fair for her to be on someones dinner plate? There is no way for me to keep any of that from happening if I don't own her.

I was very nice talking with her of course. I love, love, love the barn. I love her too, but not when she doesn't seem to believe in me (or Denali.) The barn is so nice, but I feel like I need to start looking for a new home, JUST IN CASE. If Ophie and her mom weren't there I would have been gone after the "bit incident of '10." I think it would break my heart to leave and feel like I couldn't go back and visit them. I need to do what is best for my horse and for me.

I'm really frustrated. My husband (non-horsey husband at that, who is BEYOND supportive of me) put it best. "Maybe we need to find another trainer if she's not confident enough in herself to stand up for what she believe." (After bit incident and then yesterday.) Both times she's said things or done things is after other trainers have been at the barn. I'm not sure what it is she is thinking. He also said, "If you did put her up for sale what are the chances she'd offer to buy her or know someone who wanted her?" He's a smart man.

What I do know is I'm going to prove her wrong. I'm going to make the best relationship with my horse that she's ever seen, and then remind her that she didn't think it was going to work. I'm not an idiot, I know my horse. I've seen people with horses and a relationship that didn't work. I don't have that with her.

What do you think? I'm going to write in my boots "Be Brave" to remind me that I'm not going to die and I'm going to prove her wrong.

In the world of boarding, I need something 20 miles from Seattle (closer obviously better) with turn out for the majority of the day, but still able to feed grain at night. Indoor arena, stall, and being allowed to have my own trainer come in. All for $450.00. Not an easy task to find. Essentially I want my barn. Sigh.

Trainer Showdown

My trainer suggested a few weeks ago that I have another trainer ride Denali. She has been this trainer to break her young horse since she can't right now. I thought it would be a good idea, she's been going really well for her lessee but I always like the opportunity to have someone different ride my horse.

My husband decided that he'd want to come watch her be ridden so we headed out and got there right before this other trainer. I went and got Denali who nickered at me, made me feel good. Got her cleaned up just as the trainer showed up. She was all business and did no small talk. It took me a second to get her attention to introduce myself.

I went to get her bridle, and wasn't sure if she'd want the running martingale so I grabbed that too. When I got back over to her, my trainer, and Denali I asked her if she wanted the martingale and she said no, but then questioned me why I was using a running martingale and a French Link boucher bit. She said they contradicted each other and that I shouldn't be using both (which I didn't know, and that's fine for her to tell me.) THEN....THEN my trainer said, "That's what I've been telling her?" WHAT THE FUCK! Seriously? When did you ever, EVER say anything about my bit/martingale combo? Ugh. I just met this woman and already I look like an idiot. Not only do I not ride my horse, I use the wrong bit/martingale on her. I was PISSED to say the least. I informed her that she had NEVER, EVER told me to not use those in conjunction with one another (also, side note: I never ever have cranked Denali's face using the running martingale, it usually just hangs there unless she takes off.) She said, "Oh, I have." Really? I respected you. I obviously would NEVER do anything wrong for my horse, especially if it could confuse her.

It gets better. I was pissed and stood on the side of the arena refusing to talk to my trainer, she was trying to make small talk while we watched the ride and I gave low grunts as responses. We watched the ride, and Denali looked beautiful. She doesn't open her stride up as much as she could, and at one point the other trainer said, "You can tell that she hasn't had much formal training, she doesn't loosen her back up." My trainer said, "yeah, I only put 2 months on her." Yep. March, April, May, June, July. That's definitely 2 months.

I don't understand trainers? I really like mine, aside the whole throwing me under the bus thing. My husband said on our way home that he's been to lots of conferences and he hasn't seen as much posturing there as he did at our barn today. Yes hunny, sometimes horse people are crazy.

She was asking me about what I feed Denali, and she told me that she doesn't know much about Cocosoya oil, but she wondered it's fat content and if she was getting enough to be the 20% of fat that she needs. I don't know. Frizzle, do you know how much is in it? She (trainer 2) thinks she needs more fat to build muscles. I'm going to e-mail her and discuss her thoughts. I also and going to remind her that I was told it was fine (actually a good idea) to ride her in both the martingale and the boucher.

Denali will be getting a loose ring french link snaffle soon. We'll see how she goes in it. I talked to Denali's lessee tonight and vented to her about my experience. She made me feel better, she said, "Funny, because she (our trainer) specifically said to ride her in the martingale." Thanks!

My hubby leaves tomorrow for a week for work. I have when he leave. The bed is cold, and empty and I have no one to talk to. Hopefully I get to the barn more this week.

There is so much to learn about with horses, and I'm pretty sure I know 1% about it. Ugh!

Also, LBR posted links to everyone's horses in the post from Friday. Thanks LBR! I was only able to find Laz on racereplays.com. It's fun to see how much everyone's horses won. Denali, squat!

Dear Jerk (Part 2)

You won't believe this one... our brand new truck? It got broken into last night. The same way that our car was broken into. I'm so pissed! Seriously!? They stole the stupidest things! Why must people be so rude? This is why I prefer animals over people (except our followers, you're awesome!)

I'm thinking about dressing all in black and hiding in the bushes at night. Go all ninja on them!


I've spent the night researching:

I tried explaining to Denali that you don't use weapons when you're a ninja, she disagreed and prefers to take them out using a semi-automatic. Her treats are in the car....she cares very much about those!!

Once Upon a Time....

Do you know what I hate? Pathological liars. Hate might be the understatement of the year, and I usually can tell when they are lying, but continue to ask questions just for fun.

Let me tell you a story....

Once upon a time there was a horse. This horse was very famous in the PNW because he bit a certain kill buyer. His owner was a very selfish woman who obviously didn't care about him, since she "requested" that he went to slaughter.

Fast forward. There is a girl who is looking at a horse. The horse is amazing, beautifully built and nicely put together. He is an OTTB, and still young. The horse is owned by a friend of mine and the girl who is looking at the horse use to board with me. I've been told by many people that this girl is a liar. I've always wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and ignored many of her stories that I knew were not true, just because I always try to see the good in people.

Another few days go by. I get text messages that the horse was sold to the woman who dumped the first TB at the auction. I was shocked, especially since the 2nd, younger TB looked SO MUCH like the first one. I asked the girl if I could contact someone to look into the situation. She said sure, but she didn't want her name mentioned. I agreed and contacted this person to look into it.

The story seemed so real. She described to me the truck, trailer, the woman, that it was her name on the check. That she was there with a check for $3,000 offering the horse, but that the owner said he'd rather have the $5,000. She told me with frustration in her voice that he didn't want to load, that he knew that he was going with an evil woman.

The next day she sent me texts (which I still have saved if you care) describing how she overheard a certain trainer talking about this new horse she went in on with the woman who sent the first horse to slaughter. (Still following me.)

I gave this information to the person who was helping me. She contacted the owner, and some things were said that weren't very nice (or so I was told.) I start to realize that the girl who went to look at the horse was lying. I tell her she needs to call the owner and tell her that she did. She tells me that she did. I decide to call the owner and explain what happened. I didn't want people who both have the same passion to be angry at each other because someone decided to come up with an elaborate story that I believed. The owner, thankfully, believed me and totally understood. She's mad. She's upset. But, not at me.

The next day. She calls the girl. She asks the girl what happened. The girl then proceeds to tell the owner that I MADE UP the whole thing! WTF! Seriously? Luckily the owner and I have known each other for some time and she knows that I'm not that kind of person. The owner finally got her to admit that she lied. Why? That's what I want to know. Why do people do crazy things like this?

In case you missed it. The horse in question, the one who supposedly went to the woman who sent her last one to slaughter? She's not with her, I don't think she even knows he exists. He's in a very happy home.

The girl then sends me an e-mail telling me that people have called her phone and told her she's a horrible owner, etc. etc. I find it interesting since I talked to both the other women and neither of them gave out her number. I asked her to not contact me again. Really? I'm almost 30, the last thing I want to be involved in is drama. You started it. If you'd like to finish it the right way, that's great, but when you drag my name through mud and say that I AM THE ONE LYING, as my friend puts it, "So not okay!"

We'll be back to our normal pony loving broadcasts tomorrow. I just needed to vent. Since I can't vent to other people because I don't want to spread the story around, I figure I'd let you hear it. I'm sure she's saying horrible things about all three of us. I don't care. You can only cry wolf so many times.

Re-Introduction

Hi. Let me Re-introduce myself:

I have zero desire to WIN first place on my horse, I have all the desire in the world to put my horse FIRST.

I am confident that with the right rider, she could go far, but that rider is not me, and I don't want her going anywhere.

I do not own the world's most amazing horse (in my OPINION I do), nor will she go Grand Prix, but she is mine, and I wouldn't sell her for a million dollars.

I am a re-rider, this time dressage, 10-15 years ago, I did hunter/jumper at a barn that would probably be featured on the fuglyblog.

I am learning. I am learning about dressage, I am learning about riding, I am learning what it is like to take on an OTTB as your first horse, but you know what? No one can love her like I do.

This blog is about me learning, and in my learning sometimes I am wrong.

This blog is my opinion. Sometimes I'm spot on, and other times (see learning) I am wrong.

Giving me grief doesn't make it go away, BUT you can if you don't like it.

My rant for the morning. Thank you.

Dear Jerk

Dear Jerk,

I totally understand why you targeteted my car, I mean who WOULDN'T want a 1998 Subaru Legacy. They are a high ticket item! The parts alone would probably get you at LEAST $10.00. Although, you obviously changed your mind and decided that the car wasn't for you, you did decide that my nice GPS would go nicely in your junk wagon or POS car that you drive. OH, no wait, you're probably going to sell it to fuel one of your habits. Thanks for leaving me the garbage, that will come in handy. It makes me feel really good that you went through ALL MY STUFF. I hope that you found what you were looking for. As for me, if I EVER see you TOUCHING my car...well let's just say my ability to hold my temper isn't very good. Have a good fucking weekend.

Sincerely,
Me.


Seriously? I really feel that I'm on some tv show that I don't know about. My laptop was attacked by a virus that TOTALLY shut it down. It turns on and off, but nothing else works. My husband took it to work to try and fix it. I hope that worked out! THEN I walk out the door of our house to my Subaru with doors open and my GPS missing. Sigh. I loved my GPS, it got me from poing A to point B without needing to stop for directions.