a story for the year

Once upon a time there was a woman who found herself on the first day of a new decade a little lost. She went to the beach and contemplated a few things.

First she thought of how alone she was. This was due to the fact that she went to a party last night and there were many couples around. It was also a reflection on the fact that she looked around her and saw nothing but couples on the beach.

Then she started to think how things had lined up the way she had hoped they would. No life partner, no house....actually the feeling of no real security.

Following this passing thought she realised that she wanted things to happen now! Not in a few months time but now! She was sick of waiting.

Then she remembered to breath. As she breathed she focused on the waves and the clouds. She started to think how things really aren't as bad as she thought they were. She remembered that last night she danced up a storm with a group of people who told her that her attitude was impressive. She remembered how there was a tall, dark handsome man who made her feel lovely. Then she remembered how much fun she had all together.

Another thought that then ran through her head was the fact that she hasn't quite worked out how to get from making polite but flirty conversation with a tall attractive man, to getting his phone number (or giving hers) and taking the next step.

Breathing again she worked through the whole thing and reflected on the fact that it was fear that was holding her back. This made her think about how fearless she had been in her life and on something so intimate she was scared shitless.

She got up and strolled back to her home with a two thoughts running through her head. Patience and overcoming fear. That was what her new years thoughts led to......Overcome her fear of the intimate and develop some patience to allow it to happen.

Settling in......

You have to laugh really. Here I was concerned about the unit and how I would get along in it.

Today the owner came to fix the windows. he started at 11.30 and left around 5pm. He was scraping the old stuff out of the frames, then he filled them up again. He scraped down the edges of the windows and made them fit. In his scraping and sanding and filling, he discovered that the windows needed a lot more work than he anticipated! But we talked amiably about Jazz music and he helped me get the dvd connected to the stereo system.......so I can listen to the artists that he was thinking I should listen to! In amongst all of this he cleaned the upstairs windows! It is startlingly bright up there now!

He patched the holes in the floor. It took him a while work out how to fill the big hole but he sorted that out. He was so impressed with the way that he had filled in the hole, he had to show me and tell me about the process. He was so excited. It was cute.

I made coffee and we talked of the coffee culture that has developed in the time he has lived here in Melbourne. I made tea (white tea) and we talked about the different sorts of teas that you can get. When I asked if he wanted tea, he replied "yes, white tea" which then led me to ask if that was black tea with milk or actual white tea? It was incredibly confusing. I think he wanted black tea with milk but decided to try the white tea. He decided that it didn't have much of a taste and he might avoid it in the future.

He heard the boys (likely lads) using the pool and then heard one of the other residents go off like a banshee at them for them to leave. It was an entertaining moment. I asked him if he had heard the commotion and he replied that he had. I told him they were the boys who decided to use the pool...."ah! Free pool for dropkick kids! Lovely."

I was entertained by the lady going off. She has young kids and they wanted to use the pool but felt a bit intimidated the lads......she was fabulous. I felt like going out and cheering her on but thought better of it as I have made the decision to ignore the pool. I was on the phone to a friend of mine when the lady went off, and she heard it on the other end of the phone! My friend asked me if I have or will use the pool. Probably not is my thoughts. Why would I use a pool when the beach is so close and the water doesn't look the cleanest that I have seen.

I am now sitting contentedly on my couch about to cook dinner for myself and have an early night in a room where the windows actually seal up and the air doesn't come through. I might not hear the trains going past! It is my first night home in days and I am so looking forward to having time at home!

This morning I went for a walk on the beach. 30 minutes and I managed a km up the beach and back again.

What was I so concerned about?

unwind

I have made an early New Years' Resolution.....but I wont be telling anyone the exact wording of it. It is more about me getting things happening.

Leaving that aside for the time being, I have been rather busy doing nothing these last few days. I think I am just getting the hang of doing not much, and I believe it suits me well.

To try and unwind I decided to do a jigsaw puzzle that I have had in the house for a few years. 500 pieces that I thought that it might just last me to the end of the year.

I started Monday and finished yesterday. It was a great picture of dolphins, fish and other sea critters swimming in a beautiful blue ocean with a vibrant yellow sky. The shape of the pieces was the tricky bit, but the fact that there was only one of each fish underwater made it easy.

Each evening I have made sure that I am out. Monday night I went to see 'Heartbreaker', a great film which I didn't register was going to be in French when I decided to go. It was a surprise when the movie started as a this gorgeous French language came out at me. 30 seconds later and I settled in for watching a very entertaining film with subtitles.

Last night I went out for great Malaysian dinner with a group of people that I don't really know and had a great time.

Tonight, jazz in the inner city.

Holidays are great!

Hurry Up!

Slowly, slowly. That's how you settle into a place. Unfortunately it is more like "hurry up and be done already" in my mind.

I lived in the last place for over 6 years - close to 7. It was a lovely place to live and I loved it. My plans had been to move from there into my own place. Somewhere I could look around and say "this is mine". This was not the way the world had it lined up for me. A phone call from the real estate agent and I was needing to find new accommodation.

To say that I hit the panic button is an understatement. I ran full pelt into it. And when I panic, my whole body goes into meltdown. I don't eat and then when I try to eat I can't take in carbohydrates or milk based products. That wipes out most things available. Eating becomes a painful process, which leads to headaches etc. I was in a spiral and things only became worse as the time went on. Thanks to my sister and some ideas she had for getting nutrients into me, I have started eating again.

I moved into this unit because there was something about it I liked. But once I was in I was seeing fault everywhere. The big things I have let the real estate agent know about and the landlords came to visit yesterday to check out the things themselves. I feel a little calmer having met the couple. They are an older couple who are planning on retiring here so they want the property to be in the best condition. As a result they looked at everything quite seriously.

My major concern about the windows (don't quite shut properly and no fly screens) will probably be fixed in the next month, taking into consideration the time off at Christmas and New Year. The downlights will be checked out when the electrician gets here!!! The oven doesn't have a seal - that will be rectified this week I believe.

Actually, the oven was the silliest thing that I experienced....I was frightened to use it. It uses gas and I hadn't used gas in 7 years and so was feeling very scared to light the thing! I lit it yesterday and it didn't blow up! I am still here.

Friends came over yesterday and helped me change the blinds upstairs in my bedroom. Well when I say they helped me.....I purchased new blinds and the male of the couple changed them over for me! There was a bit of too-ing and fro-ing as he took the white matchstick blinds from my bedroom and placed one of them in the kitchen. This replaced the two RED matchstick blinds in the kitchen. My kitchen looked like a brothel in the morning due to the hue from the curtains, it was a little depressing.....

Last night my bedroom was really dark and I slept quite soundly. I woke up a few times during the night - but I think that is more habit than anything else.

He is a cheeky sod. While we were out purchasing the blinds he found a few other things to do. He moved the outside blind that I had put up, up just a little higher so that the sun can't get in the window, he cleaned up the front gate lock so that it acts the way it is meant to. It clicks shut by itself without needing to have the handle lifted. It was lovely to come home and find these things done.

In relation to the boys going past to use the pool, we put screening up so that I can't really see them. The only thing I can see them through is the gate, and that is a fleeting moment. But it has been really quite cool here and the boys haven't been here. Yes, it is illegal what they are doing (when they use the pool) but I am going to keep my head down and ignore them. I know that the others will probably deal with them. I have decided that I am going to develop a sanctuary out in my backyard and spend some time just sitting out there and reading, sleeping or whatever.

I realised last night how tired I am. I knew I was getting a bit tired by the end of the year -but it was only when I stopped and had a drink with my friends yesterday, that I realised I was exhausted! Thank goodness for 6 weeks off!

One thing that this move has made me realise is the fact that I was too comfortable living the way I had been. I would come home and plop. Nothing wrong with that - except that it doesn't help when you want to find a soul mate to spend your life with.

Next year, well actually from now, I am working on me. Finding me, preening me and then sending me out to socialise and find that soul mate. The journey will be interesting and will be the source of my blogging.

I am also going on the journey of finding my OWN home. Somewhere that I can say "this is mine". This will also be the source of a blog or two.

It's a big year really house, love and my travel to the Mediterranean.

I am looking forward to it!

Getting active......again!

Last week (Friday 5th March to be exact) I had a moment where I realised that I HAD to do something with my health! I don't know exactly what made me think this but I decided that I had to do something with my overall health.

The last few weeks have been ridiculous in terms time management. I just felt that I had nothing working the way I had hoped. I was so tired and lethargic and really didn't want to get out and greet people. This is not a good place to be.

Then I had this very interesting time when three friends told me outright that they were concerned about me. None of these friends work with me. They were just concerned with the frenetic energy I was dealing with everything. One friend told me that I seemed to have forgotten how to breath.

Another friend reminded me that no matter how much I put into the work place it will not replace the life I have afterwards. The question she put to me was to think about what I would be like when I am 70 and all I really have to show is a lifetime of successful concerts........at first I was peeved with this but then I reflected and knew that she was right.

Where is that balance that I had demanded of myself two years ago?

Two years ago I was searching for that balance but forgot that I had started on that journey. The weight that I had worked so hard to remove had crept back on. I had/have little or no energy for doing things away from the workplace and basically I was becoming an awesome couch potato.

So - I had a wake up moment. I was leaving work and thought that I should do something......what? I remembered that at the beginning of last year I had joined the local gym run by the council and that maybe I should get back to that. I rang and made an appointment with a personal trainer for the very next morning.

It was fantastic! The trainer I met was the woman who had started to help me at the beginning of last year. She remembered who I was and was genuinely concerned about what had happened in the past 14 months.

With her help I have developed a program. It isn't much to look at at the moment, but you do have to start somewhere. I have been to the gym 3 times this week and I have also been for a swim at the same venue. I started with just cardio work - and boy am I unfit! When I went swimming I discovered that I can only turn my head one way and developed a crick in my neck! I have enquired about stroke correction classes.......

Yesterday I found out how to use the equipment - and thoroughly enjoyed the process. My weights are puny.......but considering the fact that I have been dealing with rehabilitation from my back issue from June last year, I am quite impressed! The trainer setting up my program only allowed me to do certain gym work AFTER she had spoken to both my osteopath and physiotherapist. So thorough!

This morning I went for an hour walk along the beach. I feel quite energised!

The program that the trainer got me on is basically to get me moving every day! Make time to get out and get active. I have noticed that I am feeling a lot better as a result. I have to work on the diet part - which I seem to have been working on a little, but this is the week to get that sorted. Food diary at the ready.

For those wondering about local council gyms, get out and join one. They provide everything that a brand name gym provides but at a fraction of the cost. I have a personal trainer - or a program manager, full gym facilities and then there is the swimming pool that I have complete access to. I paid under $700 for all of that for 12 months and then got a month free. I can also go to any of the group classes that I want!

I feel really happy that I have done this!

I feel better now......so much better

So today was a much better day.

I would estimate that we have got 90% of the kids in - maybe that would be closer to 96%. Entered in their instrument, teacher, group, ensemble and then who has paid so far. Tomorrow is the day that we enter other ensembles that kids may belong to and input all the kids that the bursar has that should be paying their ensemble fee.

Also I feel much more relaxed as the year 11 and 12s left early for their formal preparation - and I didn't have a rehearsal to run. I did have a meeting at lunchtime though which I was much more relaxed at as they fed me and I got to sit down.

Now the only thing I have to overcome is the waking up in the middle of the night stressing over things. I am putting a notebook beside my bed (with a pen/pencil) so that when I wake up I can write down what is stressing me and then, hopefully, get back to sleep.

I believe that today is Thursday.

January 7......I haven't done much since the last update.....we had a family Christmas which was very fun.

I went to a funny New Years Eve ball and had a great time.

I have had a great few days sleeping in....often not getting dressed until well after midday. Oh such joy and rapture.

Reading - loved Stieg Larsson's books Millenium trilogy......The girl with the dragon tattoo....etc.

I have caught up with some essential daytime television. I have caught up with friends that I don't see during the term, in the evenings. I have potted around the house. I have avoided finishing cleaning the study - but I will get onto that this afternoon........maybe. I'll let you know.

I've been out every evening pretty much. It's been lovely. I have to think about what I am going to get at the supermarket as I am not home for many meals...mainly the basics at the moment. I have decided that once the school term starts I need to be out a little more often than Friday and Saturday nights.....will be harder as I have a leadership position and will be expected to be at work a little more.......but I will work on the balance. My resolution.