Miss Reena: The Tragedy

Showing posts with label The Tragedy. Show all posts

Finding hope with a run in the park

I'm going straight to the point.
I miss my people.

N and D obviously.

My colleagues from the place I'd previously worked at.

My team makan is next and the list goes on and on.

Now I'm in the time of the month where my hormones are up

so I get emotionally sensitive for no reason.

And I really miss those people bad.

I miss the weather in KL. The hot and humid KL.

Not that I don't love the weather here, but I just started to miss the heat very much.

The worst part of all is that I'm starting to have doubts about myself.

Like is it right for me to be here,

am I missing out something in life,

what if I don't have any friends for the next one year,

what if I'm making the wrong choice to be here,

what if I fail, what if I can't fit in here later and etc

I couldn't bare to let my sappy self dragging all day so

I went out for a run along the street that I never walk into till I found the park.

Behold the Albert Park in Middlesbrough

You see, the ducks are actually swimming towards me,
they thought I was bringing breakfast for them..
I felt sorry for coming empty-handed.
I would've brought you ducks something if I just knew you and the park exist here!

I'll be here with breads in my pockets next time ok my ducklings?

Seeing these ducks-pack ducking their head in water and swimming away,

made me feel I'm just so full of myself.

God has create these beautiful creatures and obviously has loads

to think about other than the selfish little me.

Like how His people and creations are getting by, their hopes,pains and sorrow.

And I am good and healthy, just emotionally distressed.

But here I am, acting as if the world must be glittery all the time for me.

I believe everything happen for a reason and I end up where I am in God's willing.

I just wish I'm a little bit stronger like I was once before.

I wish I could embrace whats in front of me rather than thinking the what if's.

I hope I'm able to let go of the past and enjoy the life I am destined to.

I hope, I hope, I hope..

Hee. Lot of I hopes there.

Regardless, the fate will happen in their own ways anyways.

Better as well learn to survive and let it be.

Just remember my dear self to always rise and pray

Notice the colour, its black and white ducks and they are couples!

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xoxo. Love you!

March 2013 Summary

Had dinner at my favourite dining place, Passage Thru India in Bukit Damansara.

When I get my hands on the briyani and naan, I couldn't stop.

The mutton briyani and dhall is so succulent I even asked the waiter to pack the leftovers.

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March evenings was filled with windy rains.

Look at the blown out trees at the background.

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The last banana toffee dessert I had was at Banquet in Bangsar Village.

The place closed down couple of years ago and my tummy has been longing for one.

Then I tried this at Bens Gen Foodstore though I'm not sure what it is called.

It has toffee banana + biscuits + fresh cream all mashed up in one slice

and OMG..

it was absolutely toffeeness-divine.

The dessert has instantly made its way in my top 5 dessert list.

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New work place, new environment, new people and gorgeous outfits.

They all wore pretty clothes and smitten shoes to work.

So it sort of make me want to be pretty too.

Trying to be one lah at least.

But being pretty takes time and effort.

And I was just not meant for that.

There was one time I was wearing make up and an eyeliner to work and yes,

I did feel the extra confidence radiating within me but my goodness....

By noon I went to the loo and I saw a zombie staring back at me in the mirror.

My eyeliner was all over my eyes!

Then I remember I must have ter'gosok mata tadi.

Ish Ish.

Thats it.

Don't want to be pretty anymore.

Just a plain baju kurung, flats and a properly combed hair will do.

This is the part where I actually miss my internship at AGI.

During my internship, I can actually wear silly outfits like safety shoes and baju kurung like these.

I know I look like a monkey wearing boots.

But at least I don't have to spent 2 hours every week thinking what

clothes and shoes to wear for work.

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My new workplace is almost awesome.

I made new friends.

They were awesome.

Somehow they keep my mind off of things.

Which is good and also bad.

Good because meeting them was a blessing.

Bad because it means the past still lingers.

Regardless how much time had passes by, it still creeps in.

And my darling bumblebees have been very busy with their job and studies.

I blame them for making me feel like this. Boleh?

Hee.

***********************

My silly funny sweet colleagues.

They almost made me swear not to publish this photo when I snap it but I just had to.

It would be a shame for me not to mention them here.

They never failed to made my day.

*********************

And I miss this two very dearly.

Love you.

xoxo!

Holiday Surprise!

The holiday which I previously planned going on my own..was joined by my team sparkle!!

Totally unexpected.

A complete surprise on my end.

I had plan on this holiday to find myself back.

I never thought I would do this with Dyana and Nadrah with me.

Syukur Alhamdulillah.

God really works in mysterious ways.

Subhanallah.

And...

I 'm celebrating my 25th birthday today!

That explains the cupcake and the candles in the picture.

Hee.

Till then, toodles.

xoxo

Seeking Myself

Once upon a time, this was me.

********************

Ola..

I'm taking a holiday! Yeay!!

I guess this holiday comes at the right time.

I'm not going anywhere out of the continent though..

just somewhere close by to take on the new scene.

Life has been really hard since November till this year.

It took a lot for me just to stand up to walk and smile.

I'm always grateful that Allah SWT has always ease my ways.

But honestly I miss myself. A LOT.

I haven't been myself in awhile. Particularly since November last year.

Life was so different this time last year.

Back then, I was just being the silly me with a little drama here and there.

But now I'm miserable, more like unstable.

I can shed tears at any given time over petty reasons.

I keep on reminiscing the past and the future unconsciously.

I become constantly aware of myself when walking around in a crowd and

driving in a certain area would get me so anxious.

I can get easily confuse over small amount of information and my focus...urghh..

I think my focus span could only last for like 8 seconds top.

Its been months, and I'm still longing for the loss.

And the hurt of losing, it never goes away.

How can a year changes everything? Changes the very existence of being me?

I want to feel alive again.

I want to wake up in the morning without feeling sad or afraid.

I want to be able to feel at ease when I'm seeing my friends or being in a crowd.

I want my confident-and-silly-me.

Through out the years I've never thought I loose that. Loosing my me-ness.

But I did.

And I want it back.

Which get back to why I needed this holiday.

To reflect and find myself back.

I don't know how I'm going to do this but I'll try.

God works in mysterious ways. I hope He gets His miracles to work on my end.

I knew Allah SWT would never put on my plate more than I can bear.

Everything Allah SWT planned happens only for the best of us.

But at some point, I wish I could say,

I'm tired. So tired of facing this hurt and terror everyday for the past months.

I tried to make it all come to an end.

I've made myself busy, constantly praying for Your help and guidance.

And due to Your love Allah SWT, I have survived today and yesterday.

But if there's anyway I could've stop this pain in me, please show me the way.

Till then, I'll update soon.

Thank you munchkin for reading this,

Love you. xoxo

The sad thing called The Tragedy

Me, Dyana Lulu and Nadrah, my own personal Sparkles.

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There were a few..who actually asked,

"Reena, what happened? "

and
"What is the tragedy that you're referring to in your blog?"

As much as I want to share it with you girls,
the matter has been very private for me to share.

I think everyone has their own share in life
that they have to went through to make them stronger.
So "the tragedy" was my share in life to make me a stronger person.

I believe it happens for a reason.
I prayed hard that may it happened for the best of us.

All I knew when "the tragedy" happened,
I was shattered to the core.
I lost myself in the process.
I was blind to all the beautiful things that God has surrounded me with.
I was numb.
It got worst when I could just burst into tears out of nowhere at any given time.

It was tragic.
Even talking about it now almost got me choked up.

Days had passed since it happened and it still hurts.
There are times when I still cry myself to sleep
and felt like ripping myself apart every time I try to overcomes it.

But Allah SWT has helped me so much,
and I am forever grateful for that.

I never knew that sometimes
what seems like the right thing to do could also
be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life.

Despite all of the tragic drama that happened,
there was never a moment seberat zarah pun of regret in me.
I am happy that it happened.
I am happy that I get to share the bittersweet experience with them.
May Allah blessed me and the people that I cared about always.
Thank you to all your silent prayers.
I love you, always.
xoxo

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My 18 year old baby bro bought me this colourful hand band as a graduation gift.

Aww. Sisterly tears. Thank you munchkin!

Random

at The Bee

12.12.12

I had to like state the date for today though I didn't feel anything extraordinary about it but still.

The date will only be around for once in my lifetime, hence, the stated date.

I've been MIA for quite awhile.

Something happened for what I like to called it "the tragedy".

Wouldn't want to elaborate bout it but oh boy,

it took every piece of me to pull myself back together.

Thank you Allah S.W.T for granting me the strength to overcome this.

I am so grateful (beyond grateful,actually)
that He has surrounded me with all these beautiful souls that cheered me up
like seeing a pumpkin in the middle of the road. Huh?!

Honestly, I would've never survived without these beautiful souls and my hummingbirds.

And thank God for "the tragedy",
I get to experience so much love from them and know that
I can always count on them when I needed it.

Thank you for not judging and have your faith in me sayangs.

You girls knew who you are. Love you heaps :')