Only in fiction

Dear Film and Television Writers everywhere,
Excuse me while a pick a nit, but this has been bothering me for years--nay, decades!--and I need to get it off my chest.

There is a phrase that I hear ALL THE TIME in movies and on my shows, that I have NEVER ONCE heard someone utter in real life. I don't know why it keeps showing up on screen, except that I think writers are watching a lot of film and TV, and their ideas about What People Actually Say are being fed by fiction in some kind of vicious, weird meta-cycle.

What is this phrase I loathe so much? The phrase that makes me wince at the uncreative weakness of the writer that wrote it and generic blandness of the actor that uttered it?

"I'd like that."

Not as in, I'm at a bakery and I see a fresh batch of jumbo chocolate chip cookies come out from the oven and placed in the case and the mere sight of them makes me drool all over the glass and lose my ability to speak politely so that when it's my turn to order all I can do is point to the cookie and say, "I'd like THAT."

No, no. It's more like, the couple has cute-met at the bakery and she spilled her coffee on him and after splitting a cookie and arguing sweetly over the merits of Scrabble, or something, he gets up the nerve to ask her on a date, and she responds, "I'd like that."

Only in fiction to people ever respond to an invitation with, "I'd like that." In real life, people say, "Sure" or "That sounds fun" or even, "I'd love that!" (Even though, "I'd love to!" is far more likely.) I've never once heard anyone I know utter the response, "I'd like that."

The first time this got under my skin was in the movie Heathers. (Oh, Heathers. You beautiful masterpiece of noir teenage comic camp. I love you so much.) The dialog in this movie was so creative and fresh that it created its own lexicon of words and phrases that are still in heavy rotation today. And then, Veronica blows up the school and her boyfriend, steals the almighty red scrunchie, plants a sooty kiss on Heather Duke's bewildered mug, invites Martha Dumptruck to hang out, and what does Martha say?

"I'd like that."

Even at 14, when I first saw this movie, I was like, ...Really? Not that Martha wouldn't want to hang out with a sooty Veronica, but who says that?? (You'll note that I easily believed that teenagers in high school said all the other crazy stuff that was in the movie's dialog; this was the only bit that rang false. You'll also note that people today will still throw out lines about Diet Coke-heads, or eating a brain tumor for breakfast, but no one, I swear, ever says the other thing.)

Now, nearly 20 years later, it has become (or still is, I don't know how far back this goes) this over-used crutch meant to indicate that the person saying it is, or has recently become, warm and receptive to the person with the invitation. Or something, I honestly don't know why it's used so over-much. All I know is, I would enjoy all the myriad movies and shows I watch a hell of a lot more if you would knock it off with the weak "I'd like that" response, and start writing the way people actually talk.

I would love that, in fact. I really would.
xoxo
D

killing me, repeatedly

In other movie news, Bolt is fantastic. I kind of hate to say awesome, since it's kind of THE word of the movie and I don't like being all played by movie marketing.... but I'm a sucker, and it WAS awesome.

Most people to whom I say, "I saw Bolt last weekend," respond with, "What's Bolt?" So in case that's you, here's the scoop:

Bolt is an animated Disney movie about a dog TV star who thinks he has super powers. He gets separated from his person, Penny, and has to team up with a sardonic cat named Mittens and a crazy hamster named Rhino to get back to her.

It's simple, sure, and a kids movie. But it's SO GOOD. The animation, for one, is beautiful. The characterization of the animals is spot on in the funniest possible way. Rhino in particular was killing me, repeatedly. He speaks, I laugh--it's that simple. The message about keeping and loving your pets is great, and anyone who's ever had a pet will get teary--you can't help it. All the Hollywood TV production stuff is wonderfully tongue-in-cheek. And, with the exception of John Travolta as Bolt and Miley Cyrus as Penny, the voices aren't this huge, distracting cast of A-list actors. This is fantastic, because you don't spend the whole movie trying to place the voice or name the actor--you just enjoy the story.

So, this Thanksgiving weekend, if you want to escape the Black Friday madness or just need an activity to enjoy with the whole family, I highly recommend checking out Bolt. We went with our staff, and all 7 of us enjoyed it. I can only imagine how much kids would like it.

Let it begin!

I am not 14 years old

Twilight movie review: spoilers abound, proceed with caution!

I saw the movie last night, and when it was over one of my friends said, "Don't let anyone make you feel bad for liking it." But what if I feel bad because.... I didn't like it as much as I feel like I should have?

What was good:

• Everyone in the cast who WASN'T Edward & Bella. Charlie was AWESOME, all the high school kids were great, Jessica was a surprise treat, and Jacob was darling. The Cullens were mostly okay, except that Emmett's sideways hat was stupid and Jasper looked like a Fraggle.
  
• All the scenes with high school kids interacting like normal high school kids. These were fun and well done and provided great normal contrast to the whole vampire thing.
  
• Sweeping shots of the beautiful Olympic Peninsula. Amazing.
• Scenes with Bella & Charlie. Again, I thought Charlie was the best. I loved how when he showed her around her room and pointed out, "This is a good work lamp." Just exactly like a dad would do.
  
• Vampire baseball. And Alice pointing her toes when she pitches.
  
• The fight at the end--particularly how Alice, well. I don't need to spoil everything, but she's awesome.
  
• Edward popping the dent out of Bella's truck--that was my favorite Edward & Bella scene, which should tell you something.

What was unintentionally hilarious:

• Carlisle Cullen/Peter Facinelli in BAD vampire makeup strolling through the hospital door like it's his first scene of Can't Hardly Wait: "Huntington Hills, kiss my ass!"
• Way-too-skinny Angela saying, "I'm taking control of my life!" and my friend Molly leaning over and whispering, "Girl needs to take control of a cheeseburger."
• Bella Googling "cold ones" and Mac whispering, "Like that wouldn't bring up 'Beer'." And then the phrase "The Immortal Drink" floating past us on the screen.
• Edward reacting to Bella's scent in biology for the first time.
  
• Edward and Billy staring at each other from their cars.
• Edward's sparkly skin. Honestly, he just looked sweaty. Hopefully we get a bigger special effects budget for the next one so the whole skin thing looks a little less stupid.
  

What was bad:

• The screenplay: the narration and all the Edward/Bella dialog in particular. I mean, it's way cheesy in the book, but I thought they were going to make this better? If they thought they did: FAIL.
  
• Robert Pattinson's "acting."
• Kristen Stewart's "acting."

And this is just a note to the young actors of the world everywhere, because I've been noticing this a lot lately: Contorting your face into different variations of "Confused," is not the same as acting. Making weird faces and staring only makes you look weird and stare-y, not intense. And, for the love of God, can we stop moving and sighing and twitching and looking about and doing all kinds of other things with our faces that are NOT acting, are ONLY distracting. Let's try being in the scene, making some choices, and sticking with them, shall we?

My two biggest problems with the movie:

• This was not a good movie; it was a faithful adaptation. There's a huge difference. It was painfully clear to me while I was watching that they were so focused on making fans of the book happy, that they forgot to make a good movie. So, you know, some stuff was good and fun for me, because I like the book and they put that on screen for me. But other stuff was just an uncreative, verbatim lift off the page that didn't translate to the screen at all, so it fell flat.

• My biggest problem with the movie, though, was this: I liked Twilight, and the rest of the series, because while the vampire stuff is fun, it's the whole First Big Important Love story that's really thrilling. First love is THRILLING. Or at least it's supposed to be. It felt that way in the book. In the movie, all the Edward & Bella scenes were drawn out with so many Dramatic! Pauses! Neither of them EVER looked happy to be in each other's company, like, don't they enjoy each other ever? I know there's a whole primal attraction vs Danger! thing going on, but in the book it seemed like they enjoyed and liked each other more. I can't claim credit for this description because I read it somewhere last week, but it's apt--basically, Robert & Kristen just made me feel like they were engaged in a 90-minue-long Intense-Off.

So....not horrible, but disappointing. I'll watch it again on DVD, and I'll check out New Moon for sure (I never thought I'd be on Team Jacob, but for the movies, yeah. For starters, he's WAY CUTER). But overall, it was uneven and fell way short of its potential.

Then again, I am not 14 years old. I'll ask my niece what she thought of it, I bet her opinion is way different.

YOUR Twilight soundtrack

Like many of my friends, I am totally SQUEEEE! over Twilight and read all 4 books and already have my tickets for the movie, etc etc I'm a dork. The movie soundtrack was released a couple weeks ago and I looked it over and was like, what? No.* These are not the Twilight soundtrack songs.

So I made my own soundtrack**:

1. Something Bigger, Something Brighter - Pretty Girls Make Graves
2. Only Happy When It Rains - Garbage
3. Creep (acoustic) - Radiohead
4. Disarm - Smashing Pumpkins
5. You Look Like Rain - Morphine
6. Ageless Beauty - Stars
7. Waiting For The Night - Depeche Mode
8. In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel
9. Take My Hand - Dido
10. Tacoma Trailer - Leonard Cohen
11. Never Tear Us Apart - INXS
12. Together - The Raconteurs
13. Save A Prayer - Eve's Plum
14. The Horror Of Our Love - Ludo
15. Blood - Pearl Jam
16. The Promise - When In Rome
17. This Modern Love - Bloc Party

If you want I can walk you through my liner notes, but most song choices are fairly obvious, including the fact that my version of the soundtrack is way heavy on bands and songs I liked in jr high and high school and loving boys for the first time, since that is the feeling these books bring back for me. (How Bella feels about Edward = How I feel about "Never Tear You Apart" and that dreamy senior I crushed on.) I also tossed in a heavy dose of songs that remind me of my time in Seattle and the PNW, for obvious reasons.

Now, my fellow Twilight fans, here is the question: What would you put on YOUR Twilight soundtrack??

*I know, I sound like every other hyper-critical Twilight fan out there. "That isn't how I would have done it. That's not who I would have cast. I don't know why they had to change that part of the book." etc etc etc. What can I say? I am a fangirl.

**I also have songs picked out for New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn that I will post later. Cause I'm a nerd and they're awesome.

bullets & updates

Happy Labor Day! Just a couple bullets & updates:

• I cracked the plasma in my Macbook a while ago, and finally got around to getting it fixed (being without a computer, cracks or no, is darn near impossible for me). The Apple stores, even the "unofficial" ones, wanted a stupid amount of cash to repair it. Like, just a couple hundred more and I could have a whole new computer instead of just a new screen. Ridiculous. But I was prepared to pay it because it had to be fixed, and I took it to the Genius Bar, and you know what they introduced me to?

iResQ--they fixed the exact same thing for HALF THE COST and you don't even have to go anywhere. They send you a box, you send them your broken machine, they send back a fixed machine. Genius. I'm telling all my friends. They also repair iPods.

• I saw House Bunny. As tired as I am of this whole, "Oh wait guys who aren't total douche trucks (and even some who are) actually LIKE smart girls who choose to be themselves over dim bulbs trying to be sexy?" message, I mean COME ON. The whole storyline is insulting. That said, get over it, and go see it anyway because it's also ridiculously funny. That Anna Faris is a comic genius. She wins the whole movie. And I can't stop saying people's names like I'm possessed now. (See the movie, you'll get it.) I really hope boob punching doesn't become a thing, though.

• Finally, my sister Matti sent me some fantastic CDs for my birthday, including a Monkey Mix that is brilliant and kicks off with this song, "Did Charlie Make a Monkey out of You?" sung by The Fischers. It is SHOCKING. It's this song, but it's sung by a child and includes an intro with a child pretending to be a snooty, British science professor teaching evolution, and includes a charming refrain of "wackadoo! wackadoo!" that's missing from this version. I don't know how she found this song, and I can appreciate its place on my mix (which is also part of a Darwin project she's working on), but the whole fact that these people are for real just makes me sad for humanity.

• Actual final note. My parents got to go to Invesco Field to see the last day of the DNC and said it was amazing. I am completely jealous.

surely I can sort this out

Aaaaaaaaaalrighty then. Let's get caught up:

Last week's results show kicked off with Wade Robson's latest creation, and Mac watched it with me and almost lost his mind over how weird and fun it was. Only one of the couples in the bottom three was one I'd predicted, but the one I did predict, Rayven & Jamie, was the one sent home.

Also, earlier tonight I went to a screening of Get Smart, and it was Awesome. And there was a dance-off in it, so yay! That's not all, there were a lot of other really great things about the movie, I'm just trying to stay on topic, kind of.

Let's get to tonight's show.

First of all, I would just like to say for the record that I'm kind of bummed that the adorable Cat Deeley was ever made to feel self-conscious about the way she says "judges," because now she always makes the audience say it for her, and, well, I miss the way she says it. *sigh*

1. Chelsea T & Thayne, Jazz: Raise your hand if you love a Mandy Moore jazz routine. Me too!! I like this couple, too, I think they're super cute. This routine, though.... The costumes were weird, okay. And I think they're great dancers, but the whole performance came out really tame and boring when I think it was probably supposed to be super fierce and dramatic. I'm with the judges on this one--meh.

2. Chelsie H & Mark, Argentine Tango: Beauty and the Freak! These two are so cute to me, oh my God. Also, when the music and the routine create a false ending in the middle, and you find yourself hoping it isn't actually over, that's a good sign, no? I find the adjective for these two together to me is... deft. They're swift, and focused, and smooth--deft. So nicely done. (Also do I need to say, again, some more, how fantastic and fabulous Cat Deeley is here, helping Chelsie out with her shoe? Love!)

3. Jessica & Will, Hip Hop: Oh, fine, these little packages are making me like the contestants more. I'm buying what they're selling, this whole "Will is classy and awesome and Jessica is a sweetheart" thing. FINE. Their routine is the first one to make me go "Wow" out loud. So precise, and yet so fun and relaxed at the same time. The choreography is brilliant, and their attitude is right on. Sure, Will is stronger than Jessica, (even "genius," as Mia said) but I thought she did great, actually. This is a big winner for me, so far. (Cat: "Word, Nigel. Word." OMG.)

4. Kourtni L & Matt, Foxtrot: If there were any more concerns about these two being "too heavy," I think they took care of them with this routine. I thought it was dreamy. I mean, you hear "foxtrot" and you think "boring," but this made me wish I could foxtrot so I could do this routine. Now, the judges give these two a lot of criticism, but it's interesting, because most of it is actually constructive advice to help them be better, and most of it is geared towards two really proficient dancers. Plus, they offer this kind of constructive criticism to some of the other dancers, but no one gets as much as these two. By the end of their critique I was feeling like, "Well... I thought it was dreamy, but y'all had a lot to say...because these two are so good you expect them to be better? Um, okay. I still think they're dreamy, then."

5. Courtney G & Gev, Contemporary: So, I'm watching, and it's nice, and their chemistry is great, and then it dawns on me how gracefully Gev is dancing, and I'm like, whoa. These two, for me, are kind of the underdogs in the competition because they're just this side of immature. I just wish they each had an ounce more strength or experience to be able to pull off their routines. That said, I thought that despite a few stumbles here & there, they did a pretty beautiful job with a very sweet routine that really suited their personalities. (Also, I heart Mia Michaels. She's always so constructive and honest with the dancers, yet classy enough to be gentle as well. I want to grab her & Cat and go get some pink drinks and gossip about just how lecherous Nigel really is. They live here in LA, surely I can sort this out.)

6. Katee & Joshua, Broadway: After last week, I have high hopes for these two. (Oh, and Tyce is welcome to join Cat, Mia and me for cocktails. Call me!) When I see they're dancing to "All for the Best" I squeal a little bit, because it's one of the numbers I learned in my musical theater dance class at the Y last fall. As for the number, I find it delightful. Granted, it's probably going to take a major screw-up for these two to end up in the doghouse for me, but this was so much fun, and so well done! As soon as I rewind my DVR to watch it again I know I have a new winner for the night. To the point that I don't care what the judges think, but I feel a little smug when I finally let it play afterwards and see Nigel get up out of seat and dance around because he's so overcome with the awesome that is Katee and Joshua. Love love love love.

7. Susie & Marquis, Salsa: Susie can finally show who Susie is? Oh, dear. And I think that vein in her forehead is coming to get me. Oh, fine, you caught me, I still don't like her. As for the dancing, for me it was a hot mess. I think these two are kind of the opposite of Katee & Joshua--they'd probably have to have lightening & moobeams & rose petals literally shooting from their hands and feet for me to be impressed, and I know I'm maybe not being fair, but this just didn't do it for me at all.

8. Kherington & Twitch, Viennese Waltz: Is it just me, or are these two the best-looking couple on this show? My, my, so much pretty. And so is their dancing. I'm starting to believe that Kherington can do anything she puts her mind to--she's vibrant and effortless here. Twitch isn't quite as effortless, but for a popper? DAMN. He really went for it and succeeded here, for me. Very graceful, both of them. I didn't need the heart-tugging story about Jean-Marc's daughter to make this piece moving for me, but knowing how personal it was for him just made me glad that these two did it so, so beautifully.

9. Comfort & Chris, Krump: YES. I love a good krumping routine. And this one's pretty good, actually. Not as tough as I would I have liked it, maybe, but I think they pulled it off for the most part. I think this is the most mis-matched couple of the competition, so I think they're kind of at an unfair advantage, just in general. This routine really showcases how mismatched they are, both in terms of size and in dancing style. Comfort is tiny and her moves are tight. Chris is big and his movement here feels big. I thouht they did a fine job, but I wish they could have found a way to overcome the differences in their physicality to match their dance styles better.

Overall, I think it's going to break down like so:

Staying:
Chelsie H & Mark, Jessica & Will, Kourtni L & Matt, Courtney G & Gev, Katee & Joshua, Kherington & Twitch

Bottom Three:
Chelsea T & Thayne, Susie & Marquis, Comfort & Chris

In conclusion, Mary Murphy's cleavage scares me.

Eeeeeeeeee!

Oh my god. Those geniuses at Pixar aka "The Masters of Cute" have done it again.

Check it out.

I pretty much spent the whole trailer with my hands bunched up in front of my face squealing "Eeeeeeeeee!"

general bad-assery

I should have blogged this a week ago, but straight up? This year's Oscar party was a smash success. (Skip ahead to full-on photo album here.) Our friends Jeff & Erica came down from Seattle and while it was super awesome just to have them here to celebrate with us, they were also amazingly helpful in getting everything set up.

Erica & Jeff, our beloved friends and tireless assistants.

As usual, we decorated with various Oscar things--stars, statues, lots of silver & gold. We rolled out the red carpet and set up every room in the house for maximum viewing enjoyment. Mac pulled strings with his various connections to create some awesome prizes for the runners up in the Oscar betting pool (the winner obviously gets the cash), and Jeff bagged them up beautifully.

The rain threatened to bum out our good time, which we compensated for by putting the outdoor viewing area in the tiki hut and turning on the tv in the garage as well.

As usual, we provided lots of popcorn & movie candy for our guests, as well as a fully-stocked bar and coolers of soda, water and beer.

And the rest of our menu of food, well. It got a little out of control. In the best possible way, but still. You'll have to check Mac's blog for all the super-awesome signs he made for all of these items. I would also like to take this moment to give mad props to Jeff and Amanda, without whose cleverness we wouldn't have some of these punny masterpieces.

Here is this year's Oscar Party Menu:
Cocktails
There Will Be Bloody Marys
Funch (A recipe we created way back when Will Smith was nominated for Ali, named thus by our friend Therese who says, "It's fun, and it's punch--it's Funch!")


Hors d’Oeuvres
Ratatouille - The deconstructed ratatouille from the movie, served atop crostini with a small dollop of soft goat cheese.

Michael Bacon-Wrapped Dates
Pirates of the Caribbean Dip - My crowd-pleasing 7-layer dip
No Cornbread for Old Men - Texas-style cheesy jalapeno cornbread
La Brie en Rose - Baked brie stuffed with toasted almonds & dried cranberries, wrapped in puffed pastry

American Gang-Stir Fry - Pinged for time, but still a super clever name
Surf & Turf's Up - Trader Joe's frozen mini crab cakes and marinated & grilled skirt steak skewers
Juno's Cravings - Sliders, (White Castle cheeseburgers from the frozen food section of the grocer!), pickles, and orange Tic Tacs

Même les Poulet vont au Enfir (Even Chickens Go To Hell) - Buffalo Wings
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Curly Fries
The Golden Quiches
Weenie Todd The Demon Barber of Meat Street - L'il smokies in grape jelly bbq sauce and a platter of gourmet cured meats
Prawn Baby Prawn - Cocktail shrimp
Norbits - Crudités
3:10 to Yummy - Cheese platter

The Popcourne Ultimatum

Dessert
Atonemint Chocolate Chip Cookies
The Diving Bell and the Butterscotch Cookies
Enchanted Apples - With caramel dip


Mad baking skillz. I haz dem.

And, of course, I also baked Oscar-shaped sugar cookies that Erica painstakingly packaged up into party favors for everyone to take home.


How do I do all of this, you ask? Well, I'm a little crazy, which helps. I have an awesome husband who is as committed to general bad-assery and also topping last year's party as I am. I also have a mighty spreadsheet to guide along Mac, me, and anyone generous/foolish enough to help us.


And then there are the results, which totally pay off all of our hard work. It's worth it knowing that our friends have an awesome time and walk away feeling like the party was really fun, even on those years when the Oscars themselves lack their usual luster.


I'm even starting to think about plans for next year's party already. Starting with hiring a caterer.

I really and truly thought I was gonna hurl

I don't want to get in trouble for reviewing the movie too early or something, but by now you've probably started seeing ads for Cloverfield, and may be considering checking it out when it hits theaters January 18. By all means, go with your own gut on this, but I saw an advanced screening of it today and, if I may, here's a quick word about your gut before you take on this movie.

It's shot entirely with a hand-held camera. ENTIRELY. The whole concept of the movie is to really try and put you IN the experience. So it's all hand-held camera work, and the sound can get really brutal. There's also a fair amount of screaming and lots of people talking at once.

There were a truckload of people in today's screening, and lots of them seemed unfazed by this whole deal. I, on the other hand, really and truly thought I was gonna hurl about 10 minutes in. About 10 minutes after that, I moved as far back in the theater as I could, and still had to look away from the screen a lot. And the loudness, screaming, and talking-over thing made my head hurt. Basically I really wished I could lie down after it wrapped, and it's not even that long (about 1 hr 15 min).

So, you know, if you're curious about the movie but found the Bourne Ultimatum to be a bit too shaky and Blair Witch made you vomit in your mouth a little, then maybe this isn't the movie for you. Or, if you really want to check it out, but are concerned about the motion sickness, maybe sneak in some Saltines & ginger ale in your bag. Or some Dramamine. Or a barf bag. Those squooshy ear plugs you can get for concerts might not be a bad idea either.

I'm not saying the movie is bad--there's a lot about it that's really cool and interesting and creative and authentic and I don't mean to review it. I'm just saying, if I'd had anything in my stomach besides coffee, and maybe some earplugs, and my seat was even further away, I might have enjoyed the movie a little bit more. Just a little public service announcement from me to you, my fellow movie fans.

Is this the right answer?

Everyone in LA is all up in bunches about the writers strike. I have friends closely connected to the industry here--writers, sound techs, grips, talent managers--and I am extremely sympathetic to their plight. I am also concerned for how the effects will trickle down in ways that we can't even yet imagine.

I find that people here are very quick to be sympathetic to the writers. After all, studios are raking in cash hand over fist for all these movies and TV shows, and the writers are only asking for pennies to the dollar in residuals resulting from sales in "new media" (e.g. downloads on iTunes). I've Googled the crap out of this, and am having a hard time finding the exact terms to source, but I've heard it's around $.04 for every $15.

Why so stingy, you stinking studio bastards?

Rich, high-profile writers contend that they're fighting for the little guy, the one who doesn't get a lot of writing gigs, and needs his residual checks to get him through the dry patches. They garner sympathy with movie goers and couch potatoes everywhere, saying that the only reason we're being deprived of our late night talk shows and promising new shows like Journeyman is because of studio greed.

This is all probably true. I think that, ultimately, we the consumers will suffer in entirely different ways.

I'll explain (warning: math ahead!). Let's work with my un-confirmed, yet conservative estimates of $.04 for every $15 per writer. The size of a writing staff will vary between TV and movies considerably, but for the sake of easy math I'm going to discuss TV only, and make an assumption of five writers for an average TV show. Some quick multiplication and the studios are now paying out a total of $.20 per $15 made by that one show, and netting $14.80.

These still seems unreasonably stingy, right?

My question is, what happens when this strike lays groundwork for the directors guild, and then the actors guild? Right now, none of these hard-working artists are seeing dime one from new media, and that should change, right?

The truth is both the directors guild and the actors guild contracts are also coming up soon. Terms reached in this strike WILL lay groundwork for the directors and actors.

If (when) it does, let's see how that adds up. Let's suppose a TV show is working with about 5 different directors, has 10 writers, and has a cast that includes 20 actors. Let's suppose the terms are exactly the same. Now, for every $15 made on iTunes, writers get $.40, directors get $.20, and actors get $.80, yielding a grand total of $1.40 per $15. Now the studios get $13.60. Still, a lot.

These are conservative estimates, mind you, for small shows. Late night comedy teams can be up to 15-20 people strong. The Lost cast is ridonkulously huge. Payouts for these kinds of shows could start to look like $3 - $5 per $15, making the studio net around $12 - $10.

It still doesn't seem like much. My question is, when does it stop?

I ask this question based on my experience at Ticketmaster. Everyone hates Ticketmaster, because of their so-called ridiculous, expensive fees. The truth is that there was a time, when Ticketmaster was first starting, when they were the good guys. They usurped the big bad ticketing company, Ticketron, by making an event's entire inventory available to purchase everywhere at the same time, instead of different record stores having different inventory. For this service, they charged a service fee. It was bundled into the ticket price, and no one was the wiser.

Then Pearl Jam, and the fees were broken out, and everyone got furious. What they didn't know is that all of the people involved in an event-promoting chain, like buildings and promoters, saw that little fee as their own "new media," and they wanted a piece. Ticketmaster said, fine. BUT. For every cut divied up for someone else, they needed to make up that profit elsewhere. And these entitled parties said, Fine. Pass it on to the consumer. We don't care if everyone hates you.

And ever since Ticketmaster's fees started becoming a revenue stream for all these other parties, they've started asking for bigger and bigger cuts, passing along the increase to the consumer every time. There are even buildings and promoters who now think they can provide the same service as Ticketmaster, and collect the whole fee (note: this doesn't mean the fee goes away if Ticketmaster goes away).

Back to the topic at hand. Right now, you can download Ratatouille on iTunes for $12.99. You can get 6 episodes of Reaper Season 1 for $11.94.

Presumably, a cut of this sale goes to iTunes, and a cut goes to studios. Fair. No cut goes to writers, directors, or actors. NOT fair.

I guess my question is, what happens when studios start sharing their new media profits? They'll put the squeeze to iTunes, and renegotiate that contract. Ultimately, however, every party still wants (needs?) to get their share.

And prices go up. Maybe it's $13.99 for Ratatouille and $12.94 for Reaper. Maybe it's more. Most likely, it will be more. All this before anyone really knows for sure what the market will bear.

Look. Even as I'm exploring this, I feel I must state for the record, that I do agree that $0.00 is NOT the right answer. But is squeezing the consumer at the end of the day the right answer either? Ultimately, how much do you want to pay for a movie that takes up space on your hard drive, and plays on a small screen with crappy speakers? Sure, technology will advance to keep up with new media, and mediaphiles and early adopters will upgrade, and spend more money for the convenience. We'll grumble about it--we may even learn to hate iTunes the way we despise Ticketmaster--but we'll do it.

I don't know. I don't know the answer. I think it's generally a good idea to ask questions and look at every side of the issue, but I don't really have a powerful conclusion. I don't want anyone to lose their jobs, I'm not advocating one side or the other. I'm just wondering, will the outcome of this strike kick off a slippery slope of kick-backs, and, if so, where does it end?

And will anyone in this town give a shit when Joe Consumer ends up paying for it?

where I'm living

I was looking up something in my blog for someone and got sidetracked by some of my older entries. Remember when I didn't just post videos and recaps of silly dance competition shows? Good times.

This is where I'm living these days:
- Work is going pretty well, but just when I think I've figured out how to run things and my To Do list is fairly under control, all this other stuff crops up. Like, hey genius, you need to write copy for your website and finish your budget, and what about those reports, and those case studies, and and and.... I finally bought a new chair yesterday so I'm not working all day hunched over in my cute-but-uncomfortable Ikea chair, but I also need a new desk with some proper leg room. And a new keyboard. Basically, I'd like to finish out a work day in my new home office without the pain I've started to learn to live with. I'd also like to finish a work day and feel like at least a few things are finished. Maybe I should stop blogging. Just a few more quick updates while I eat, and it's back to it.

- Some of my friends are falling in love and getting engaged and getting married and buying houses these days. It's fun to be the one they can turn to for a change, instead of the freaked out one that was all, "If these are good things why am I so STRESSED OUT!?!?" A nice change indeed.

- I'm still embroidering and really need to upload photos. My friends have also been repopulating the earth a lot lately, so there's a lot of baby stuff in the mix. Wait 'til you see baby Aiden in his cute embroidered "Rock Star" cap, though.

- I'm considering bringing the Mix of the Month back to life. I'm working on one for July that's a lot of fun for summer. We'll see. It's nice to be fired up about music again, I'd gotten a little burned out lately.

- I watch a lot of Food Network and read a lot of cookbooks, but still don't cook as much as I should. I've been studying Alton Brown's textbook-like "I'm Just Here for the Food" like I'm going to be quizzed on it. I want to try out some more of the recipes my brother in law gave me for Christmas, and I'd like to learn to make more pies. I mean, who doesn't love pie? Specifically, I want to learn some savory pies, or quiches, if you will. And I will, because, hi: YUM.

- When my parents visited in May they brought several boxes of stuff I've been saving since childhood. There's at least one whole blog entry waiting to happen, from my old journals alone.

- Summer movies have been a mixed bag so far. I enjoyed Transformers, Ratatouille, Waitress, Knocked Up, Hot Fuzz, Live Free or Die Hard, Ocean's 13, and the surprising Mr. Brooks. I did NOT enjoy Spiderman 3 or the Fantastic Four. If I haven't mentioned it, I haven't seen it. I'm still ridiculously excited for Harry Potter, the Bourne Supremacy, Talk to Me, and Hairspray even though John Travolta as Edna is already making my skin crawl because his voice is terrible and his makeup makes him look like Miss Piggy. I will see it anyway though, because I love that Amanda Bynes, I'm curious about Queen Latifah, Christopher Walken is always entertaining, and I think Michelle Pfeiffer is going to OWN this movie at the end of the day. Plus the music is truly fabulous, as anyone who's seen the stage musical will tell you. Finally: Becoming Jane, please don't disappoint me. I really want to love you, I have very high hopes. Be my new comfort movie, won't you please?

Best Movies of 2006

This post is nothing but a straight-up pimp of mAc's blog. I love that his list ranges from Dreamgirls to the Descent; I love the pithy reviews of each movie even more. To know mAc even a little is to understand his love of movies. I think his 2006 list really showcases not only his passion, but his knowledge as well. What else can I say? I'm impressed. I think you will be too.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Nice!

Hee!

Tonight mAc & I went to see Dreamgirls which was totally fantastic and everything I hoped it would be. Yeah, uneven & all the other things critics have said but whatever. The songs were great, the cast was great, the costumes were sensational, the choreography was outstanding and that Jennifer Hudson totally blew me away. Good on ya, girl!

What made me giggle, however, was when they panned past a building as though it was the outside of a recording studio, and I realized--hey! That's my office building! Look, there's my office! Eddie Murphy's singing like Marvin Gaye in it! Nice!

Sidenote: every time we go to the Arclight to watch movies (the only good place to watch movies in LA, with nary a screaming kid or ringing cell phone to be heard, and a pretty good restaurant & bar to boot) we see a celebrity. Usually a "Hey, it's that guy" type person, although once it was Tom Hanks. Tonight? Dita von Teese, looking fabulous in those ubiquitous, red-soled Louboutin pumps.

all carried away

Golden Globe nominations are out! And while I certainly fall into that group of entertainment consumers who think a Golden Globe isn't as good a TV award as an Emmy, or nearly as good a movie award as an Oscar, it's still exciting. It's nice to see what new TV shows are getting recognition in their first season (Heroes!). Plus the movie nominations often provide clues for what we might see come Oscar time, and I put money on those nominations.

The one I'm most excited about, however, is Ben Affleck's nomination for Best Supporting Actor. SO WELL DESERVED. I'm so freaking happy for him. Like, an unreasonable amount, considering it's not like I know him personally or anything.

It's just, look. I like Ben Affleck. I would consider myself a Ben Affleck Fan. I think he's dreamy, for starters, all tall & swaggering and cute smile, plus the sharp sense of humor and rich vocabulary (yes, a good vocab is a turn on. The rest of you young lads need to read more books). I've seen him do a couple special feature things with Kevin Smith as well as a couple interviews, and he's always intelligent and self-deprecating and funny and charming. And that's just why I like him as a person.

As an actor, I find him wholly engaging. I'm not even going to point to Chasing Amy, though I could, because it's not even my favorite. I really loved his supporting role in Good Will Hunting, actually--mostly understated, but the bit about the sandwich on layaway kills me every time (and I watch that movie a lot). I thought he was the perfect hero in Armageddon, which I've also watched a lot. What? It's entertaining, and that's what movies are FOR. I thought he was viscous and funny in Dogma, I thought he was sympathetic and sweet in Jersey Girl, and I thought he was a perfect Matt Murdock in a somewhat imperfect Daredevil. His entrance in Shakespeare in Love is one of the best, ever.

But y'all, he was AWESOME in Hollywoodland. Really, really good. He delivered a multi-layered performance that was fascinating and heartbreaking. Of course it was absolutely perfect casting, but he really owned that role. I was so impressed, and have been rooting for him to get awards ever since I saw the movie.

I didn't expect to get all carried away with the Affleck love here, but whatever. I'm happy for him. He's got really tough competition in his category ( Eddie Murphy for Dreamgirls, Brad Pitt for Babel, and Jack Nicholson and Mark Wahlberg for The Departed) so I guess we'll just see how the Hollywood Foreign Press votes. (If I had to pick someone else in this category, I'm going with Wahlberg for what was, in my opinion, his Best Role Ever.)

In conclusion: Yay!

happy

In no particular order, these are things that are currently making me happy:

So You Think You Can Dance

It's over, which is sad, but I still have Wade Robson's zombie dance to Roisin Murphy's Ramalama Bang Bang saved in my TiVO. And that makes me very, very happy.

The cast of the new Hairspray movie.

Depp and Burton, together again.

Tim Gunn.

Even if you don't watch Project Runway, you should read his blog every week. You should especially read this past week's because he disagrees with the judges, and makes them sound like idiots, except only because he's so suave and articulate. Beautiful. I love him because he's intelligent, incisive, critical-but-kind, and so thoughtful. He really cares about the designers, their efforts, and wants to see them succeed. Just like a really good teacher should.

The Rolling Stone Women in Rock Collection.
It's infinitely sing-a-long-able.

My horoscope.
Lately it's been totally spot on. Trippy.

Psyche.

So, so funny. Check out the "Psyche outs" on the site, if you don't believe me. Start with "Electric Avenue." I love these guys.

My dreams. Last night, I got to eat Twinkies and hang out with John Krasinski. Actually, we were in a play together ("Cat on a Hot Tin Roof"), but I woke up before the curtain went up.

This cat.

Gofugyourself.com. Every day.

And, last but not least, my sister's new research site. Go here before you Google!

Planning the Oscar Party

Dinah: Our Best Picture nominees are not lending themselves to good themed food. This is the best I've been able to come up with:
Dinah: Brokeback Bacon-Wrapped Dates
Dinah: Capote Cucumber Sandwiches (Amanda's idea. I don't even know if they're in the movie or what)
Mac: BROKE-BABY-BACK RIBS
Dinah: Munich Munchies
Mac: Cool.
Mac: NICE!!!
Dinah: Or, like, brats or something.
Dinah: Little grilled brats with mustard & sauerkraut for dipping?
Dinah: CALLED Munich Munchies?
Dinah: Okay, I'm actually liking that one
Mac: Totally!
Dinah: Um, and.....
Dinah: You'll CRASH if you drink too much Funch and Good Night and Good Luck thinking up any more themed food!
Mac: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Dinah: See.
Mac: Crash Funch. That's perfect.
Dinah: Really?
Mac: Ooh! Or the Funch could have "Walk The Line" under it!
Mac: I think we could have normal food "Sponsored by;"
Dinah: Well, see. That's just the Best Pictures. Other movies I haven't even played with:
Dinah: Constant Gardner.... something veggie? Maybe I could do a cute veggie basket like my aunt did at my shower.
Dinah: Hustle & Flow. Heh. We should have a keg for that one.
Mac: TOTALLY.
Dinah: Or a chocolate fountain
Dinah: Walk the Line...... Maybe the Funch? Maybe something southern? They didn't eat much besides pills in that movie.
Mac: What's a funny Canadian dish? We could call that North Country.
Mac: I thought the Funch should be Walk the Line.
Mac: Get it? Drunk test?
Dinah: No, I get it.
Dinah: North Country, Pride & Prejudice, Transamerica.
Mac: Carrot cake for Wererabbit?
Mac: Something dead for Corpse Bride?
Mac: Another drink for Goblet of Fire?
Mac: Maybe Funch should be Goblet of Fire
Dinah: Hee. We could serve tea and scones for P&P. With a side of Jake Jelly-hall.
Mac: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!
Dinah: The squid and the whale..... nah. Too obvious.
Mac: Calamari?
Dinah: Yeah, but. "The squid and the breading and the marinara sauce. And the whale."
Dinah:Except without the whale. We're not eating whale.
Dinah: now I want calamari.
Dinah: Rachel Weisz it so hard thinking this shit up?
Mac: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!
Dinah: Somewhere, Gene Shallot busted his spleen in jealousy.

Follow-up

As a weirdly appropo follow-up to my thoughtful entry on my musical history and passion, I would just like to say:

If those bitches in the EPC don't stop playing the BEP's "Hump" song (loudly, repeatedly), I am going to slap them.

(Incidentally, I should have slapped them yesterday when I happened upon them watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off in the lounge, and all I had to see was one frame of Matthew Broderick in a fedora kissing that chick in the white fringe jacket to be all, "Right on! Oom bawmp bawmp--Chick, chick-a chick-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" and THEY were all, "Is this, like, an OLD movie?")

Pride & Prejudice: A Review

Last week I was lucky enough to attend a "ladies night" screening of the new version of Pride & Prejudice at the Arclight Theater in Hollywood. This is the review I sent out to my mom, sisters, aunt, and cousins, all of whom are big Jane Austen fans. The movie opens today.

Well hellooooooo ladies!
I have seen the new Pride & Prejudice, and I figured if anyone cared about what I thought, it would be this group.

We all know the story, so I'm in no danger of spoiling the plot. As for this adaptation, well? It's different.

I should actually start by saying that I expected to hate it. I'm a BBC fan ALL THE WAY, and I don't think any new adaptation could stop me from feeling the Colin Firth love. Plus Keira Knightly bugs me. Well, Keira Knightly's teeth bug me. They're long, she's got this weird underbite... Anyway, she's the only one I knew was in it, and I was completely annoyed and prepared to hate it.

Until I found out Judi Dench was Lady Catherine. That's when I thought maybe this new version would have some potential.

They did a lot different in this version. It's more rugged than I'd ever pictured, the dress and style and surroundings for the Bennets are far more country-fied and less refined than you've even seen them [My cousin Laura wrote back to tell me that she heard they styled this movie to take place during the time it was written, which was actually several years before it was published. Most adaptations reflect the publishing date]. They moved a lot of really important scenes outdoors, some in the rain, which I found to be way more Bronte than Austen, and I'm not sure if I agree with it.

The cast is a mixed bag. Keira and her teeth were fine. The Eliza in this adaptation is far more casual and sarcastic than she's been in the past. It's not accurate to the book, but it actually kind of works for the movie. Brenda Blethyn is perfectly over-the-top as the ridiculous mother, Donald Sutherland infused Mr. Bennet with more love and realism than I've ever seen before, and Jane Bennet is appropriately sweet AND, I thought, appropriately prettier than Elizabeth. As she should be.

Mr. Bingly is ADORABLE. They made him way dumber than I ever thought he actually was, but I kind of forgave it every time he'd smile. Mr. Collins totally made me squirm and laugh, so well done there. Wickham looked eerily identical the younger brother of a guy I went to high school with, so that tripped me out the whole movie (though he is handsome and, of course, a rake.) And, as you can imagine, Judi Dench as Lady Catherine was completely fabulous.

As for Mr. Darcy, well. I am sorry to report that I didn't like him at ALL at first. I've read that the actor and director agreed on his wooden, unlikeable acting choices for the beginning of the film because they felt it was in character... but I just found his performance in the beginning of the film to be, well, wooden and unlikeable. But then suddenly he NAILED Darcy's first agonizing declaration of love, and I went all shmoopy, forgave him everything, and loved him for the rest of the movie. Now, is that because I am a dork when it comes to this story, think Mr. Darcy is the ultimate romantic ideal and am therefore inclined to like him no matter what? Ummmmmmmm.....Maybe.

Oh, and the actor is pretty cute, too. Which never hurts.

The adaptation of the story is fine. It felt extremely rushed to me, but it's a lot of story to pack into a normal-length film, which is one of the main reasons the BBC version works so much better. That said, if you don't have 6 hours to devote to a little romantic escapism, this version will do.

Some of the dialogue is new and a little cheesy. Mind you, I had this same problem with Sense & Sensibility when I first saw it, thinking they'd updated some of the dialogue too much, and now it's one of my favorites. So it could grow on me. They kept a lot of Jane Austen's original dialogue in, however, and that's really why we see these, isn't it? Every time I'd hear a snippet of that original witty banter, I'd just smile and feel like I was visiting old friends.

Finally, the music is truly divine. It helped give the movie that overall "Bronte" feeling and, again, I'm still not sure I agree with it. But wow, is this soundtrack beautiful.

So, in conclusion, it wasn't perfect, and it certainly wasn't the best version I've ever seen (still BBC). But at the end of the movie I felt like they made this adaptation with a lot of love and respect for the source material, that the end result was dreamy, and I look forward to seeing it again. Because that's the real test, right? Will it stand up to multiple viewings with moms and girlfriends and sisters and aunts and cousins and really big bowls of ice cream? I say, Yes.

Finally, in case you're wondering about the attached photo--they had a party after the screening with mini cupcakes, champagne, gift bags and a cardboard stand-up of Mr. Darcy. So, naturally, I had to take a photo. I SO WISH that you all could have been there so see this with me!! That said, I can't wait to hear what YOU all think of this adaptation. Even if it is to tell me that my take on it is totally and utterly wrong.
Much love,D

Who needs bat-shaped throwing stars?

Pity, party of One
I'm sick, and totally feeling sorry for myself. What's worse, is I'm not just feeling sad because I'm sick and really don't want to be, but I'm feeling completely frustrated by the fact that it's been a really busy week at work. In other words, no sick day. Not only did I not get a sick day, I had to work really hard on Wednesday, when I was all snot-filled, oozy, woozy and high on DayQuil. Imagine my tears of frustration when I got home from work, LATE, exhausted and hungry, wishing desperately that I'd been able stay home, nurse my head cold and watch my Season Three Girlmore Girls DVDs all day.

(Sidenote:
I enjoy watching the Gilmore Girls, but I'm starting to suspect that it's really bad for my self esteem. The reason is that while I like to think I identify most with Lane, with our shared rock & roll history obsessions, the truth is I find myself unwillingly identifying with Rory. And often when I watch the show, I don't like Rory because I find her passive, unoriginal, and a weaker character than her friends and family think she is. A fraud, even. So when the over-identification occurs, the self-esteem plummets. Yes, it's irrational. Shut up.

Of course then I quickly get over it because, like Lane, I can find unending solace in the right musical selection. Today it's Nouvelle Vague, and a big thank you to Amanda for hooking me up. Moving on.)

Okay, so then yesterday, still sick, I had to dope the hell up on 3 different kinds of shit so I could fly to Vegas, do a client presentation, and fly back. Which was The SUCK, as both flights helped to build up so much pressure in my already congested head that I seriously thought I was going to have an aneurysm. I didn't, however, so today I'm back at work and blogging defiantly, because I still feel entitled to the Sick Day That Never Was.

I'm a Dork
I've actually been trying to figure out how to blog this little "I'm a dork" story, but it involves me going out of my way to sit near a cute guy on the plane, which I happen to think is perfectly innocent but, well. Tell me if you agree.

It's a Southwest, choose-your-own-seat kind of flight and there are two window seats left at the front of the plane. One is next to old fat guy, the other is next to cute college athlete (who looks like an old high school crush). What's a girl to do? Be a dork, take the window seat near the cute boy who may or may not be Samoan or Brazilian, be totally disappointed when the 50 year old mom-type woman takes the middle seat between you (stupid full flight), and spend the rest of the hour between Las Vegas and Burbank trying to find a way to insert yourself into their conversation, even though it's totally boring and about him going to college in Utah and playing sports or whatever. And then, after landing, realize that you are a dork for wanting to sit next to Cute College Guy in the first place, as he says his super sweet goodbye to the woman and tries to recruit her by giving her a freaking Book of Mormon as a gift.

Which, by the way, is totally uncanny because not only did he look like that cute Shane Magalei from high school (Samoan, total Renaissance dude, sweetheart), but they both went to BYU. Are the Mormons, like, actively recruiting super-cute, super-tall, exotic-looking athletes? Because, if so, it's not a bad strategy. These guys could convert a bunch of cute little wives that way. Each.

I'm Also a Geek
That's right, I love comic books. I do! When I was little I used to read all of my brother's Star Wars and Indiana Jones comics and as an adult, I still read all my husband's DC and Marvel comics. Granted, I'm not so obsessed that I can name all 6 Green Lanterns or whatever and for the love of GOD do not correct me because I don't care. But I do enjoy the stories behind comic book heroes. In fact the more backstory the better. Unlike my friend Alf, I prefer the Marvel universe to the DC, because the heroes use their pain to become better people/crime fighters. (He, on the other hand, doesn't like his super heroes to have "issues." Although, looking at some of the DC outfits, I'd argue they do whether they've been explained or not. Red panties OVER the blue tights? I'm just saying.) That said, there's one DC character I love: Batman.

So dark, so mysterious, and seriously? A bat? Why a bat? Catwoman, I get--cats are slinky, mischievous, playful and viscous. Bats, on the other hand, are flying rodents who get in your attic and have to be chased out with a tennis racket.

I have other questions about Batman. Like (to quote The Joker) where does he get those wonderful toys? Think about it. There's Bruce Wayne with his bazillions of dollars, ordering all of his crime-fighting shit from wherever. How exactly does that conversation go?

Bruce: "I'm going to need 200 grappling hooks, 4 boxes of smoke bombs, a flat of bullet-proof car armor (black), and 6 cases of bat-shaped ninja throwing stars."
Supplier: "Not a problem Mr. Wayne. If you don't mind my asking, though, what's all this for?"
Bruce: "Nothing! Nothing at all! Just a hobby!"
*click*

Well, my friends, if you have ever cooked your noodle wondering the same thing, do yourself a favor and go see Batman Begins. If not for the imaginative back-story, killer sets or the understated Gary Oldman performance, then go for Christian Bale. Because seriously, who needs bat-shaped throwing stars when your cheekbones can cut glass?

Jones? JONES?
Finally, I have to tell you about the best celebrity sighting EVER. I have been dining out on this story for weeks ever since I heard it. I just discovered today that I got it ALL WRONG. To get the full scoop, here's what you do:
1. Read the story told by the person who actually had the sighting, Amanda, in her blog entry entitled "Surrender Dorothy."
2. Come back here, and discover that I thought she was actually talking about this guy.

Maybe we should have watched High Fidelity instead

Ever wondered how my mind works? Let me take you on a little journey through my thought process.

Start by watching one of my all-time favorite movies, Almost Famous, with your honey on Valentine's Day. Now that you've been reminded of how awesome the music in the movie is, crank the soundtrack and listen to it all day long the following day.

Find yourself zoning out over track 5, the Beach Boys' "Feel Flows." Notice how the guitar riff in the song sounds exactly like the guitar in Madonna's "Swim" on her 1998 album Ray of Light.

Toggle between the two on your iPod--confirm that it is, in fact, the exact same note sequence.

Google all variations of Madonna, Swim, Beach Boys, Feel Flows, etc. to find the individual track credits on Ray of Light and see if the Beach Boys were credited. Note that Madonna's official website says the words AND music on Swim were written by Madonna and William Orbit. Google some more to see if someone else has noticed your discovery.

Find nothing. Realize you've wasted a good solid 45 minutes on pointless, albeit mildly interesting, research. Get back to work.