Laughter

"Laughter is proof of intelligence. It's the mind recognising absurdity and choosing joy over confusion, a small rebellion that makes us both wiser and kinder."

~ Stephen Fry

Tom Waits's Thought for the Day: On gentlemen

 

... attributed, possibly incorrectly, to Tom Waits. 

Laughter

 

"Laughter is a reflex, but unique in that it serves no apparent biological purpose; one might call it a luxury reflex. Its only function seems to be to provide relief from tension.
    "The[re] ... is a striking discrepancy between the nature of the stimulus and that of the response in humorous transactions.
    "When a blow beneath the kneecap causes an automatic upward kick, both 'stimulus' and 'response' function on the same primitive physiological level, without requiring the intervention of the higher mental functions. But that such a complex mental activity as reading a page of Thurber should cause a specific reflex contraction of the facial muscles is a lopsided phenomenon that has puzzled philosophers since Plato. ...
    "Humour is the only form of communication in which a stimulus on a high level of complexity produces a stereotyped, predictable response on the physiological reflex level. Thus the response can be used as an indicator for the presence of the elusive quality that is called humour—as the click of the Geiger counter is used to indicate the presence of radioactivity.
    "Such a procedure is not possible in any other form of art; and, since the step from the sublime to the ridiculous is reversible, the study of humour provides clues for the study of creativity in general."

~ Arthur Koestler, composite quote from his book Act of Creation and his entry on 'Humour' in Encyclopaedia Britannica —using "dense academia-speak" to say that humour has psychological benefits [Cartoons by Thurber. Hat tip Gordon McLauchlan's Acid Test]

Neurotic v psychotic

"A psychotic is an out-and-out loon. He may think his father is poisoning his yoghurt, that his wife is planning to strangle him with noodles, or that the US Government should flood Las Vegas with soda water.

    "A neurotic on the other hand is a determined sufferer, afflicted by things like depressed cuticles, a fear of pistachio nuts or underarm humidity. 

    "To put it most simply, a psychotic thinks two plus two equals seven ... A neurotic knows that two plus two equals four — but he just can't stand it."

~ Leo Rosten from his novel Dear Herm [hat tip Gordon McLauchlan's Acid Test]

"Politics is the art of announcing what is going to work, then never explaining why it didn’t."

"During those 35 years, I worked under 11 different Prime Ministers, some more memorable than others. ....
    "Looking back it seems that politics is the art of announcing what is going to work, then never explaining why it didn’t."

~ cartoonist Garrick Tremain from his post 'Reminiscing ...'

Things AI can do for us, #137

Making life easier ... 

"The most successful hundred days in the history of this country"

Well, not this country, of course, but that other one.

The one that used to feature at the end of the TV news broadcast in the 'Only in America' slot.

Oh for those days again ...

You have to feel for the comedians. It's hard to make comedy out of this shit. 

UPDATE: More takes on those first hundred days, here.

Which is the best Logical Fallacy?

(A list going around on email, originally credited to Brian McGroarty. Hat tips and additions to and from Stephen Hicks, Paul Hsieh, Nancy Tang, Bob Marks, Steven Den Beste, Mike Williams, Justin Weinberg, James Dominguez)

Ad Hominem: This is the best logical fallacy, and if you disagree with me, well, you suck.

Affirming the Consequent: If it is proven that Affirming the Consequent is the best, then I will be very happy. I am feeling very happy, so obviously Affirming the Consequent is the best fallacy.

Appeal to Authority: Your logical fallacies aren’t logical fallacies at all because Einstein said so. Einstein also said that this one is better.

Appeal to Emotion: See, my mom, she had to work three jobs on account of my dad leaving and refusing to support us, and me with my elephantitis and all, all our money went to doctor’s bills so I never was able to get proper schooling. So really, if you look deep down inside yourself, you’ll see that my fallacy here is the best.

Appeal to Fear: If you don’t accept Appeal to Fear as the greatest fallacy, then THE TERRORISTS WILL HAVE WON. Do you want that on your conscience, that THE TERRORISTS WILL HAVE WON because you were a pansy who didn’t really think that Appeal to Fear was worth voting for, and you wanted to vote for something else? Of course not, and neither would the people you let die because THE TERRORISTS WILL HAVE WON.

Appeal to Flattery: If you agree with me that Appeal to Flattery is the greatest fallacy, it shows that you are intelligent and good looking and really good in bed. And a snappy dresser.

Appeal to Force: If you don’t agree that Appeal to Force is the greatest logical fallacy, I will kick your arse.

Appeal to Ignorance: No one has been able to prove that another fallacy is better than Appeal to Ignorance, so it must be the best.

Appeal to Majority: Most people think that this fallacy is the best, so clearly it is.

Appeal to Novelty: The Appeal to Novelty’s a new fallacy, and it blows all your crappy old fallacies out the water! All the cool kids are using it: it’s OBVIOUSLY the best.

Appeal to Numbers: Millions think that this fallacy is the best, so clearly it is.

Appeal to Pity: If you don't agree that Appeal to Pity is the greatest fallacy, think how it will hurt the feelings of me and the others who like it!

Appeal to Tradition: We’ve used Appeal to Tradition for centuries: how can it possibly be wrong?

Argumentum Ad Nauseam:
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.

Bandwagon Fallacy: It's obvious that Bandwagon is going to win as the greatest fallacy. You wouldn't want to be one of the losers who choose something else, would you?

Begging The Question:
Circular reasoning is the best fallacy and is capable of proving anything.
Since it can prove anything, it can obviously prove the above statement.
Since it can prove the first statement, it must be true.
Therefore, circular reasoning is the best fallacy and is capable of proving anything.

Biased Sample: I just did a poll of all the people in the "Biased Sample Fan Club" and 95% of them agree that Biased Sample is the best fallacy. Obviously it's going to win.

Burden Of Proof: Can you prove that Burden of Proof isn’t the best logical fallacy?

Complex Question: Isn't it terrible that so many people disparage the Complex Question fallacy and beat their wives?

Composition: Each of the other fallacies suck. The Fallacy of Composition is therefore better than the whole lot of them combined.

Denying the Antecedent: If Denying the Antecedent were not the best fallacy, then I would be sad. I am actually in quite a good mood right now, so obviously Denying the Antecedent is the best.

Division: This is the best list of fallacies. It follows that there could be no better description of the Fallacy of Division than this.

Equivocation: The best fallacy is on this list. Equivocation is on this list. Therefore, the best fallacy is equivocation.

The Fallacy Fallacy: Some have argued that the Fallacy Fallacy couldn't be the best fallacy because some arguments for it being the best fallacy are themselves fallacious. Clearly, this is a fallacious argument, from which we can only conclude that the Fallacy Fallacy is indeed the best fallacy.

False Analogy: Just as the jelly donut is the best donut, so too is False Analogy the best fallacy.

False Dilemma: I’ve found that either you think False Dilemma is the best fallacy, or you’re a terrorist.

False Premise: All of the other fallacies are decent, but clearly not the best as they didn’t come from my incredibly large and sexy brain.

Gambler’s Fallacy: In all the previous talks about this subject, Gambler’s Fallacy lost, so the Gambler’s Fallacy is going to win this time because it's the Gambler's Fallacy's turn to win!


Genetic Fallacy is best because all those other people who proposed fallacies only believe them because of their social conditioning.

Guilt by Association: You know who else preferred those other logical fallacies? *(insert pictures of Hitler, Stalin, and Pol Pot here)*

Hypostatisation (personification): Go, Hypostatisation Fallacy, you can do it! If you just try hard enough you can be the best fallacy there is! Oh come on now, don't look at me like that

Non Sequitur: Non Sequitur is the best fallacy because none of my meals so far today have involved asparagus.

Post Hoc/False Cause: Since I’ve started presuming that correlation equals causation, violent crime has gone down 54%.

Red Herring: They say that to prove your fallacy is the best requires extraordinary evidence, because it’s an extraordinary claim. Well, I’d like to note that “Extraordinary claims demand extraordinary evidence” is itself an extraordinary claim.

Relativism: Well maybe all those other fallacies are the best for you, but to me, the relativist fallacy is the greatest logical fallacy ever.

Slippery slope is the best logical fallacy, and if you disagree with that, well, it’s a few short steps to the total collapse of the logical abilities of mankind and consequent downfall of society in general.

Special Pleading: I know that everyone is posting about their favorite fallacies, but Special Pleading is out-and-out the best, so it should just win with no contest.

Straw Man Argument: Apparently you think the Straw Man Argument is bad because you have something against the Wizard of Oz. Well, you know what? It doesn't have anything to do with the Wizard of Oz! Therefore, the Straw Man Argument must be the best fallacy.

Vale Bob Newhart

 

"I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who do like country music, denigrate means 'put down'."

~ comedian Bob Newhart, died at 94 — the man after whom Billy T. James named his new heart. You can tell how old he was 'cos he was making jokes about tobacco...

50 or so from 'The Devil's Dictionary'

Ambrose Bierce's famous Devil's Dictionary (aka the Cynic's Dictionary) emerged out of his column for the San Francisco Examiner written from 1881 to 1888, emerging as a best-selling book sixteen years later. Usually cutting, always funny, these were some of the best entries. Few are spared...

Abdication, n. An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of the high temperature of the throne.

Absent, adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilified; hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection of another.

Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.

Advice, n. The smallest current coin.

Air, n. A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

Alliance, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third.

Applause, n. The echo of a platitude.

Archbishop, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.

Armor, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

Babe or Baby, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and antipathies it excites in others, itself without sentiment or emotion.

Back, n. That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.

Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other. 

Brandy, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan. Dose, a headful all the time. 

Brute, n. See Husband.

Cabbage, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.

Cabinet, n. The principal persons charged with the mismanagement of a government, the charge being commonly well founded.

Calamity, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Cannon, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.

Capital, n. The seat of misgovernment.

Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

Cemetery, n. An isolated suburban spot where mourners match lies, poets write at a target, and stone-cutters spell for a wager.

Cerberus, n. The watch-dog of Hades, whose duty it was to guard the entrance—against whom or what does not clearly appear; everybody, sooner or later, had to go there, and nobody wanted to carry off the entrance.

Childhood, n. The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth—two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age. 

Christian, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbour. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin. 

Clergyman, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones. 

Club, n. An association of men for purposes of drunkenness, gluttony, unholy hilarity, murder, sacrilege and the slandering of mothers, wives and sisters.

Conversation, n. A fair for the display of minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of this neighbour.

Conservative, n. A statesman who is enamoured of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others. 

Consul, n. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country. 

Curse, v.t. Energetically to belabour with a verbal slap-stick. This is an operation which in literature, particularly in the drama, is commonly fatal to the victim.

Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic’s eyes to improve his vision.

Deputy, n. A male relative of an office-holder, or of his bondsman. The deputy is commonly a beautiful young man, with a red necktie and an intricate system of cobwebs extending from his nose to his desk. When accidentally struck by the janitor’s broom, he gives off a cloud of dust.

Diagnosis, n. A physician's forecast of disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

Diary, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.

Die, n. The singular of “dice.” We seldom hear the word, because there is a prohibitory proverb, “Never say die.”  

Divorce, n. A bugle blast that separates the combatants and makes them fight at long range.

Dog, n. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world’s worship. This Divine Being in some of his smaller and silkier incarnations, takes, in the affection of Woman, the place to which there is no human male aspirant. The Dog is a survival—an anachronism. He toils not, neither does he spin, yet Solomon in all his glory never lay upon a door-mat all day long, sun-soaked and fly-fed and fat, while his master worked for the means wherewith to purchase an idle wag of the Solomonic tail, seasoned with a look of tolerant recognition.

Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

Elegy, n. A composition in verse, in which without employing any of the methods of humour, the writer aims to produce in the reader’s mind the dampest kind of dejection.

Envelope, n. The coffin of a document; the scabbard of a bill; the husk of a remittance; the bed-gown of a love-letter.

Exhort, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.

Exile, n. One who serves his country by residing abroad, yet is not an ambassador.

Fork, n. An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth. Formerly the knife was used for this purpose, and by many worthy persons is still thought to have many advantages.

Frog, n. A reptile with edible legs. 

Gallows, n. A stage for the performance of miracle plays, in which the leading actor is translated to heaven. In this country the gallows is chiefly remarkable for the number of persons who escape it. 

Government, n. A modern Chronos who devours his own children. The priesthood are charged with the duty of preparing them for his tooth. 

Handkerchief, n. A small square of silk or linen, used in various ignoble offices about the face and especially serviceable at funerals to conceal the lack of tears.

Harangue, n. A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harangue-outang.

Hearse, n. Death’s baby-carriage.

Historian, n. A broad-gauge gossip.

History, n. An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.

Homicide, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable and praiseworthy.

Hostility, n. A peculiarly sharp and specially applied sense of the earth’s overpopulation.

Husband, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.

Idleness, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices. 

Incompossible, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both—as Walt Whitman's poetry and God's mercy to man. 

Interpreter, n. One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter’s advantage for the other to have said. 

Intoxication, n. A spiritual condition that goeth before the next morning. 

Introduction, n. A social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies. 

Irreligion, n. The principal one of the great faiths of the world. 

Judge, n. A person who is always interfering in disputes in which he has no personal interest.

Jurisprudence, n. The kind of prudence that keeps one inside the law.

Jury, n. A number of persons appointed by a court to assist the attorneys in preventing law from degenerating into justice.

Justice, n. A commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.

Kilt, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotsmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

Lawful, adj. Compatible with the will of a judge having jurisdiction.

Lawyer, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.

Liar, n. A lawyer with a roving commission.

Libertarian, n. One who is compelled by the evidence to believe in free-will, and whose will is therefore free to reject that doctrine.

Libertine, n. Literally a freedman; hence, one who is in bondage to his passions.

Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basis of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion—thus:

Major Premise: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man.
Minor Premise: One man can dig a post-hole in sixty seconds; therefore—
Conclusion: Sixty men can dig a post-hole in one second.

This may be called the syllogism arithmetical, in which, by combining logic and mathematics, we obtain a double certainty and are twice blessed.

Man, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.

Legislator, n. A person who goes to the capital of his country to increase his own; one who makes laws and money.

Litigation, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

Love, n., A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Male, n. A member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex. The male of the human race is commonly known (to the female) as Mere Man. The genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.

Medicine, n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.

Misdemeanour, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.

Miss, n. A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Missis (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. In the general abolition of social titles in this our country they miraculously escaped to plague us.

Mythology, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later. 

Nose, n. The extreme outpost of the face. From the circumstance that great conquerors have great noses, Getius, whose writings antedate the age of humour, calls the nose the organ of quell. It has been observed that one’s nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell. 

Notoriety, n. The fame of one’s competitor for public honours. The kind of renown most accessible and acceptable to mediocrity. A Jacob’s-ladder leading to the vaudeville stage, with angels ascending and descending.

Novel, n. A short story padded.

Piano, n. A parlour utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

Piracy, n. Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.

Polite, adj. Skilled in the art and practice of dissimulation.

Politician, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice. As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive.

Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Prejudice, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.

Presidency, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.

President, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom—and of whom only—it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.

Public, n. The negligible factor in problems of legislation.

Quiver, n. A portable sheath in which the ancient statesman and the aboriginal lawyer carried their lighter arguments.

Rear, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

Recruit, n. A person distinguishable from a civilian by his uniform and from a soldier by his gait.

Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

Sycophant, n. One who approaches Greatness on his belly so that he may not be commanded to turn and be kicked.

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

Tenacity, n. A certain quality of the human hand in its relation to the coin of the realm.

Un-American, adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

Virtues, n.pl. Certain abstentions.

Vote, n. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

Wedding, n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable. 

Wheat, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can with some difficulty be made. Also used for bread. 

Woman, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. It is credited by many of the elder zoölogists with a certain vestigial docility acquired in a former state of seclusion, but naturalists of the postsusananthony period, having no knowledge of the seclusion, deny the virtue and declare that such as creation's dawn beheld, it roareth now. The species is the most widely distributed of all beasts of prey.

Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

Zeal n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.

 Check out the online version (complete and said to be unabridged).

"Subsidy is for art, for culture..."

"Subsidy is for art, for culture. It is not to given to what the people want. It is for what the people don't want, but ought to have!"

~ Sir Humphrey, from the episode 'Middle-Class Rip-Off' from Yes Minister

 

Beer O'Clock: "I was blue mouldy for the want of that pint ..."

 

Just in time for your Friday pint is this line from James Joyce's Ulysses's 'Cyclops' section, said to take place in Barney Kiernan's pub.

The two men [Hynes and the Nameless narrator] enter Barney Kiernan’s, where the Citizen is passing time with a mangy dog called Garryowen, waiting on someone to arrive with money enough to stand rounds. The Citizen and the Nameless One are spongers - people without money who’ll drink up whatever someone else will buy for him. Hynes offers to buy a round, and the men place their orders.
    In an interruption, the Citizen is described in fantastic terms: this middle-aged former shot-putter becomes a “broadshouldered deepchested stronglimbed frankeyed redhaired freelyfreckled shaggybearded widemouthed largenosed longheaded deepvoiced barekneed brawnyhanded hairylegged ruddyfaced sinewyarmed hero” with “rocklike mountainous knees” and whose “heart thundered rumblingly causing the ground, the summit of the lofty tower and the still loftier walls of the cave to vibrate and tremble” (12.151-67). The technique listed for this episode in the schema is “gigantism,” as this passage exemplifies.
    Terry, the publican, brings the three pints, and Joe Hynes puts down a £1 coin to the amazement of the Nameless One. The Citizen then reads the marriage announcements and obituaries from the newspaper. As the narrator takes his first sip, he offers a truly wonderful string of phrases to describe the satisfaction of his thirst: “Ah! Ow! Don’t be talking! I was blue mouldy for the want of that pint. Declare to God I could hear it hit the pit of my stomach with a click” (12.242-43).

Alright, get that pint downya. Make it click.

[Cartoon from the Ulysses "Seen" graphic novel project. Bernard Kiernan's pub from the Ulysses Guide website.]

The coup that went WTF

This description on Twitter of Prigozhin’s coup is spot on: 

“Yesterday the defenders of Russia decided to seize power in Russia.

Therefore, other defenders of Russia flew to kill the first defenders of Russia, but they themselves got killed.

And the Hero of Russia Prigozhin went to kill the Hero of Russia Shoigu.

Because of this, the Hero of Russia Kadyrov went to kill the Hero of Russia Prigozhin.

And because of this, the Hero of Russia Bortnikov opened a case against the Hero of Russia Prigozhin but immediately closed it.

Because the most important hero of Russia, Putin, first guaranteed that the traitors would be punished, and then guaranteed that they would not be.

And no one gives a damn about those very first defenders who were killed.

The main thing is that they are all defenders and heroes, and we can continue to be proud of what heroic defenders Russia has.“

 

Don't leave money in the hands of taxpayers!

"See, when the Government spends money, it creates jobs; whereas when the money is left in the hands of Taxpayers, God only knows what they do with it. Bake it into pies, probably. Anything to avoid creating jobs." 

~ Dave Barry

 

Greta says: Only fourteen days left ...

... and if we're basing it on Scandinavian time, we're only got until 2:18pm Wednesday week until we all go the way of the dinosaurs.

So get busy.

(Must be true. Greta said so.)

National/Ethnic Pride

"I've never understood national pride; I've never understood ethnic pride....
    "Because ... to me pride should be reserved for something you achieve or attain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth.
    "Being Irish isn’t a skill. It’s a fuckin’ genetic accident.
    "You wouldn’t say, 'I’m proud to be 5 foot 11 inches. I’m proud to have a predisposition for colon cancer.”
    "So why the fuck would you be proud to be Irish, or proud to be Italian, or American or anything?
    "If you're happy with it, that's fine. Put that on your [bumper sticker]."

~ George Carlin from his monologue 'Proud to be American' [VIDEO]

"When a clown moves into a palace..." [CORRECTION]

 

"When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn't become king. The palace becomes a circus."

~ Turkish proverb [Hat tip Monica B.]

UPDATE: 

CORRECTION:  So it isn't a Turkish proverb. Well, not exactly, anyway. It's an old saying tweaked by British writer Elizabeth Bangs -- and it's a fascinating story of its own, full of political arrests, journalists gone bad, and memes gone wrong. She writes:

“There is a famous saying,” Turkish Journalist Sedef Kabaş declared in a live broadcast on the 14th January 2022, “‘A crowned head will get wiser.’” She continued, “But we see that this isn’t the reality. There is also a saying that is the exact opposite: ‘When cattle go into a palace they don’t become the king, but the palace becomes a barn’.”
    On Friday evening, January 21st, she repeated the saying on Twitter and Instagram, in slightly different form, adding that it was a Circassian proverb (in Turkish: öküz saraya çıkınca kral olmaz, ama saray ahır olur). At 2 a.m. that Saturday morning, she was detained for ‘insulting’ the Turkish President, which is as strong an admission that she’d hit the mark as it’s possible to imagine.
    Two days later, Sunday 23rd January, I sat at my kitchen table and read about the arrest. It struck me immediately that the saying also had resonance in the UK’s political moment. I read several translations, with ox, bull, stable, barn and so on and for a second or two, considered settling on the best I could find. But, something didn’t quite speak to our situation. The old rural analogy using a heavy, slow bull or ox in his barn or stable was not a perfect fit, when transplanted to contemporary British politics. I needed something more biting, more apposite. The proverb was quickly reworked and 8.36 a.m. it became:
    When a clown moves into a palace, he does not become a king. The palace becomes a circus....

You won't believe what happened next! [>>>READ ON]

"There’s not a politician, living or dead, whose face doesn’t belong on a toilet seat"

"The co-president of the St. Johns Rotary Club is promising an investigation into how a cut-out cardboard mask of former Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern ended up taped to a toilet seat.
    "The investigation is happening basically because our media demanded it. Why this co-president didn’t respond to enquiring journalists with a sharp ‘FUCK OFF’ ... will long remain a mystery to me. Harassment from intolerable puritans surely warrants nothing less? ...
    "In a free and open democracy politicians people feel are subpar end up on toilet seats and the like ... When a politician is considered saintly, to the point their image can’t be tarnished by satire or even the lowest forms of comedy, this says people are caught up in a brand and not the leader’s substance....
    "[P]oliticians need criticism – ferocious criticism – and to be ridiculed, otherwise they have no reason to do the right thing.
"Why a responsible media would seek protect the powerful from low-level offence is beyond me.... There’s not a politician, living or dead, whose face doesn’t belong on a toilet seat."

~ Dane Giraud, from his post 'Every politician’s face belongs on a toilet seat'

Contemptible European Philosophy: Final Exam

[Humour alert: When philosopher professor Stephen Hicks last taught Contemporary European Philosophy, he offered this alternative final exam.]

Contemptible European Philosophy
Dr. Shicks
Alternative (Reality) Exam

1. Identify the correct choice. Jean-Paul Sartre was a(n):

a) Existentialist.
b) Essentialist.
c) Excellent way to put yourself to sleep.
d) Guy who knew how to have his way with the ladies.

2. “Why does the universe exist?” is logically equivalent to:

a) “Why doesn’t the universe not exist?”
b) Itself.
c) Asking for a one-way ticket to the mental ward.
d) All of the above.

3. Michel Foucault wrote a book.

a) True.
b) False.
c) The statement must be deconstructed to reveal its hidden power agenda.

4. Suppose during the exam that you look deeply into the soul of the person next to you and find the meaning of life. This would be:

a) Proof that you have mastered the metaphysics portion of the course.
b) Cheating, and therefore a violation of the university’s Honor Code.

5. The number of angels that can dance on the head of a pin is:

a) Infinite, since angels are non-physical beings and therefore not bound by physical limitations.
b) Zero, since angels are non-physical and dancing is by definition a physical activity.
c) Zero, since dancing is a lewd activity that morally pure angels would never engage in.
d) A statement that is in principle unverifiable and therefore meaningless.

6. The greatest philosopher of the 20th century was:

a) That beret-wearing guy.
b) Scooby Doo.
c) Oprah Winfrey.
d) Greatness is over-rated.

Bonus Question

7. Show your work.

[Disclaimer for a litigious age: This is not the real exam. This is an exercise in humour. If necessary, please look up “humour” in the dictionary.]

"Burning books that we don’t approve of is the only way to stop fascism."

"There has been much handwringing in the press lately over the progressive rewriting of Roald Dahl’s books, as though this were a bad thing. If I had my way, every copy of every book by every straight white male would be incinerated. Burning books that we don’t approve of is the only way to stop fascism....
    "[I]nstead of simply tinkering with children’s literature, why not just stop teaching children how to speak in the first place? .... To live in a truly free society, there must be limits on individual forms of verbal expression. So, if we never talk to children, or provide them with books, they will simply grow up without the capacity to express hateful ideas.
    "I can’t believe no one else has thought of this."

~ satirist Titania McGrath, from 'her' post 'Speaking English is Colonial Terrorism'