"He came up behind him like a librarian": Vale Dennis Cometti (1949-2026)

In the front rank of sporting commentators anywhere was West Australia's Dennis Cometti, who passed away this week.

These were some of his best commentary moments ...

"There are some rivalries in sports that stand the test of time..."

"There are some rivalries in sports that stand the test of time, not simply because two fanbases are fuelled by hatred for each other, but because the two teams involved are so consistently successful that whenever they meet, the stakes are incredibly high.

"Take Barcelona and Real Madrid or the All Blacks and Springboks. It doesn't matter when these sides meet, there's always a sense of extra edge to the fixture.

"You can throw Hawthorn and Geelong into that category too.

"While this is the first September fixture between the two clubs since 2016, and the Cats enter as significant favourites, it's undeniable that form, recent history and even the venue doesn't matter when these sides play for a spot in the Grand Final on Friday night."

~ Hayden Farquahar from the post '“Nothing else enters my mind”: Geelong midfielder addresses Hawthorn rivalry, potential tag on superstar' 

*** AFL Preliminary Final tonight between Geelong Cats and Hawthorn Hawks. (Cats eat Hawks.)***

*** MATCH NEWS HERE ***

***Where the hell you watch it, I don't know. Sky perhaps? I'll be watching it on bigscreen via WatchAFL.***

*** Go the Cats! ***

Emotionally committing to a sport

 

ONE THING RUGBY DOES (did?) almost better than any other sport is to create moments of great intensity, great drama, that hinge on actions taken ine the next few moments, or seconds, on the outcome of which it feels (at the time) like worlds might fall or empires crumble.

It seems, on the evidence of the weekend, that that might be over. That rugby officialdom has shot all that in the foot.

To be emotionally invested in a sporting contest -- and that's why we invest so much time and, sometimes, money, to watch the damn things, isn't it? because we are so emotionally invested -- then we have to know that what we're seeing in front of us is final. Is authoritative. Is complete. Is over. That the thing that's just happened has happened, is irrevocable, that worlds have lost (or been won), and we can rejoice or lament as deserved.

In short, that the actions of that moment, for good or ill, are exactly as final as death.

But why commit emotionally when you know all decisions (bar send-offs) are contingent?

Why commit, as a fan, to your team defending the line for phase after heroic phase, when you know there's a match official with his arm out waiting to bring the game back five minutes by saying "No advantage." 

Why care, even a little, when you know the defensive effort will only be a reward for the other team?

And why care at all about a try, the one thing his or her team is straining heart and sinew to score and the fan can celebrate with whole heart and soul? Because even this, after whistle has gone and celebrations subside, can be taken away now at the tweak of an off-field match official's microphone which happens to bear the words "No try; we're going back four phases [four phases!] for a fumble on the other side of the field." A fumble which the on-field match official saw, at the time, and said "Play on"!

Why celebrate? 

Why care?

Why invest emotionally, even in (what should be) the greatest of things in the sport, of a scintillating and possibly match-winning try in a World Cup Final, when even that can be overturned so blithely? (Turns out, ironically, that the one thing, the only thing, that is irreversible is the awarding of a penalty. Even if the match official himself tells the players before the resulting kick is taken -- for three points in a game lost by just one -- that the decision he made was wrong, it turns out that he's barred from reversing it.)

I ILLUSTRATE BY CONTRAST. I take you to the very end of this year's home-and-away AFL season, in which the fortunes of five teams hinged on the result of one game -- a game in which Adelaide kicked what looked like a winning goal against Sydney. To give them a win. But almost immediately (and the speed was the key) the goal umpire called "no goal." No goal, he said, because the ball had hit the post. No goal, meaning that because of that decision teams went into the final eight that wouldn't have otherwise, and other teams missed out. Including Adelaide. (And my team, Geelong.)

Turned out however that the goal umpire was wrong. That the ball didn't hit the post. That Adelaide coulda-shoulda won. That (because of that putative win) several teams who had already started their off-season prep might have to be called back. 

So what's the AFL to do? Here's what they did: they came out on the Monday and said two things: "We wuz wrong." And: "Tough." It was left to sports commentators to say the third: "Suck it up."

At the time, I thought they were empty-headed. That they were wrong. Not so. What they perhaps understood, and what the weekend's failure of officiation illustrated so well, by its absence, is (and I capitalise this to be sure to make the point) that FANS NEED TO KNOW THAT WHAT THEY'RE SEEING IN THE HERE-AND-NOW REALLY MATTERS. Because if they don't, if they start to think that it's all contingent, that it's all mutable, then there's no point in hanging on the outcome of every damn moment in what otherwise is a pretty stupid spectacle.

And when that happens, people just stop caring. And stop watching.

And let's not even get started on red cards and yellow cards, and the foolishness of importing, into a man-on-man game of collisions in which every man matters, a system borrowed from soccer. (I'll let a sports writer at RNZ do some of that heavy lifting for me, suggesting a sport from which it might be better to borrow.)

Let's instead lament the decision of our team leaders who decided not to take three points when it mattered, and congratulate the Springboks and their coaches -- who worked out that to win, with the rules as they are, that it's best to play low-risk rugby in which you invite the other team to make the mistakes.

And to wonder whether we should really care about it at all.

Soccer? Rugger? Football? Footy?

"Archery was essential for defence of the realm; football wasn't....
    "Small wonder that the game was royally disliked. Its origins were as common as gum under a tavern table. At first it didn't even have a name with any distinction. All the royal edicts called it 'ball play or 'playing at ball.' The term 'football' first appeared in a 1486 document, but it didn't mean a game in which a foot came into contact with a ball. Instead, it meant a game played 'on foot' rather than on horse, as was royally-approved jousting. The name also showed that football belonged to the commoners; only the nobility could afford to use horses for games!"

~ PFRA Research, from their article 'A Friendly Kinde of Fight: The Origins of Football to 1633'

"The earliest written reference to a game called 'football' dates from the 15th century, although the game itself has been around a lot longer.
   "In its oldest versions, any part of the body could be used to control the ball or tackle opponents. The name it acquired refers not to the fact that only the feet could be used to propel the ball, but that the game was played on foot. This marked it out as a game played by ordinary people, as distinct from the team games of the nobility which were played on horseback....
   "This early knockabout version of football probably derived from a game called 'harpastum,' which was played by Roman soldiers. This would have looked a little like our modern-day rugby and was used as a training exercise. It involved plenty of body-tackling and general commotion. The locals then perhaps created their own rough-and-ready version."

~ from 'History of Football,' from ICONS Online (commissioned by UK's Department for Culture, Media and Sport)

"Football, by the way, originally just meant any game played on foot, as apart from a game played on horseback. So it’s been a game of the streets, indeed much of the early history of football is told from the ways in which it was banned by successive monarchs, who felt that playing football would take people away from archery; equestrian sports were more obviously of military value.
    "With the growth of industrialisation in England from the middle of the 18th century, with urbanisation and the move from the fields to the cities, then the nature of the game might change. The sort of football played on paved streets is different from a game played in the fields....
    "INTERVIEWER: Where does the name ‘soccer’ come from?
    "A: There’s nothing definite in that. But essentially by the turn of the century, one of the stories is someone asked one of the chaps at school, ‘Want to come together at Rugger, old chap’ and he said, ‘No, I think I’ll stay and have a game of soccer’, and it’s the Association Football, shortened to soccer. As ‘rugger’ and ‘Assoc’ becomes ‘soccer’....
    "In 1863 after a series of discussions in the paper, in the field, that a group of old boys from the various Public Schools got together in London in the Freemasons’ Tavern in October of 1863, and founded the Football Association. That is the defining moment in the founding of soccer. It also the defining moment in the first football code, Rugby, which had been played at Rugby School for decades before that ... the essential difference then between the two major forms of football, one is the game in which you run with the ball, carrying it, and the other is the dribbling game. Much of that would depend on the school you went to. Rugby, wide open spaces, green grass, you could run, you could tackle, you could play the rough game. If you were playing at Winchester or the Cloisters on hard grounds, then you had bans because of space, of the surface, on handling and running and tackling."

~ sports historian Bill Murray, from an interview on the ABC's Sports Factor

"The English roll their eyes when Americans talk about 'soccer.' But actually, it's what the game should be called. And it's a British word....
    "The word comes from 19th-century British slang for Association Rules football, a kicking and dribbling game that was distinct from Rugby rules football back when both versions were played by British schoolboys. The lads who preferred the rougher game popular in schools like Rugby and Eton seceded from Britain's fledgling Football Association in 1871 to write their own rules, and soon players were calling the two sorts of football rugger and soccer.

~ Der Speigel, from its article 'It's Called Soccer'

Meanwhile, in a land down under ...

"Since its creation in Melbourne in the 1850s ... it [Australian Football] has evolved to a higher form, leaving behind other codes, which the writer Oriel Gray termed 'necessary steps in the ascent of man'."

~ Stephen Alomes, from his chapter 'Tales of a Dreamtime: Australian Football as a Secular Religion,' p.48

Sherlock Holmes watches the world's most libertarian sport [updated]

Well, not Sherlock Holmes himself, but his author, Arthur Conan Doyle, who wrote the following about the world's most libertarian sport, Australian football, after watching the 1920 VFL Grand Final between Carlton & Richmond:

I know something about football, for I played Rugby for the Edinburgh University and soccer with the Hampshire team. I have also seen the best American football. I consider the Australian game is magnificent, and from the spectacular point of view it is probably the best of them all.
    The man-handling element in the British game, when the play is fast and the scrums break up, make it an extraordinarily fine game, but in the Australian game there is such constant movement that it stands by itself. They have developed several points which are quite new to me. One of them is accurate passing by low drop kicking. I think that could be introduced into the English game with very great advantage, for it seems to be faster than any pass by hand. Another point that struck me was the extraordinary accuracy of the screw kicking—that is to say when a man running past the goal kicks a goal at right angles to his own line. I have never seen anything to touch the accuracy of both the punting and drop kicking.
    I should think that it is the most gruelling of any game I have seen, and yet the players appeared to be as fresh in the last quarter as they were in the first, and they were playing with just as much vigour.

UPDATE:

World's most libertarian sport?

Football is not a game of rules, it is a collection of understandings. It must be so because a game that is played across a vast open field with an odd shaped ball by 36 players who are permitted to tackle and bump and maintain physical contact cannot be subject to rules. Its like suggesting that a war be subject to the off-side law.
   So, it is a collection of understandings that governs the behaviour of the players. They will not act dangerously and push an opponent in the back, they will not trip each other, they will not strike each other with intent, they will not throw the ball, they will not tackle each other above the shoulders. These notions are what we might call football’s “truths”. The umpire is only there to adjudicate when a player goes beyond these boundaries. True, there are rules around certain aspects of the game, like the scoring, but the essence of the game is not found in government.

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So the decision is finally announced!

Yes folks, now we know!

The decision we've eagerly awaited for the last few weeks has finally been made, and I'm excited!

Yes folks: It's just been officially announced that Gary Ablett Jr. is returning to the Geelong Cats next year.

The return of the little master.

Great news.

So who else is excited?

Is there a better centre trio than Ablett, Dangerfield and Selwood?

Exciting times.

In sports anyway.
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How things have changed

 

It’s easy to forget how many things have changed so very much in so very few years. Those of you especially who have grown up with the internet might look askance at this story a friend plucked out from his archives this morning; a story from a London newspaper about my former West London footy club.

It was considered “a “story because, wait for it, the club was connected to something called “the internet.” This, at the time, was considered impossibly exotic. Explains the unofficial archivist and former official webmaster:

Twenty one years ago today, we launched the third Australian Rules football club website in the world* which made a grand total of eight sites on the planet devoted to Aussie Rules.
    In the initial days, our email was faxed to us because unbelievably, none of us had an email address in London … and if you tell that to the young people today, they won't believe you....

* Pipped by Essendon and Collingwood.

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Sometimes a banana is just a banana

 

The sport of AFL never gets reported in NZ, except when something non-sport happens. Latest non-sport news: A Port Adelaide fan is banned for throwing a banana at Eddie Betts after kicking an impossible (winning) goal for the Crows. (Eddie, by the way, is aboriginal.)

A banana? At ‘The Footy Almanac' Earl O’Neill writes’:

“The banana has me intrigued.  Did she plan on throwing it at Eddie?  Was she thinking, when looking through her kitchen for a convenient, healthy football snack, ‘Apple, no racial connotations there; orange, no; banana, yeah, awright!  Eddie will cop it!  The other Eddie will love it!’
    “People may have objections to cultural practices like clitoridectomies but to hate someone purely because of their ethnicity is something I just don’t understand.  Eddie Betts is a player who has always seemed to be well-loved by all for his freakish skills, big grin, baggy shorts, except when he’s kicking goals against your team.  Then you hate him like you’d hate any other player, i.e., until the end of the match or until you’ve properly vented your spleen.
    “‘Goddamn you Betts, ya flipping bastard, kicking four impossible goals outa yr arse!’
    “No need for boong, nigger, etc.  … What if the next Eddie Betts was named Tran Tinh Nguyen or Ahmed al-Heraza?  Would the likes of Banana Woman be packing egg noodles or felafels?  You can buy both at the Showground, meat pies and burgers too, in case you have something against Anglo-Celtics.
    “I’m pretty much a free-speech absolutist and incidents like this illustrate why.  How are you gonna call out petty bigotry if you don’t know it exists, if you don’t have examples like Banana Woman? And, on top of that, how are you gonna fluff up your own self-righteousness without her and her confreres?”

Which is what the AFL head honcho and sundry Melbourne journalists were doing all day yesterday.

I can’t help wondering what cigar-loving Sigmund Freud might have said about it all. But I’d bet he would have enjoyed round 22’s best moments (including Eddie’s out-of-his-arse goal at 4:40):

 

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AFL: Hot & bothered about an ice bath

 

Just one of many reasons I abhor the local media: it does precisely zero to report on AFL, yet the second it sees any kind of controversy in AFL it jumps in to report it.

Dickheads.

Anyway, if you do have an interest in the story they reported -- of AFL chairmen Eddie McGuire, James Brayshaw et al joking about Caroline Wilson, one of the few journalists to ask them hard questions (even if she does write them up for the paper at the worthy end of the spectrum) – you may (or may not) enjoy her response on the Footy Classified show last night.

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#AFL–top ten this weekend

 

Here are the top ten moments from this weekend in the world’s most libertarian sport.

You’re welcome.

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#AFL : Top 10 moments from the long weekend

 

It’s never a bad long weekend when you’re there live to see around half of your sport’s top-ten highlights.

Enjoy.

I know I did:

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World’s most libertarian sport: Grand Final this Saturday! #AFLFinals

Yes, folks, instead of just watching NZ push around the fatties from Georgia this weekend, you get to enjoy the Grand Final of the world’s most libertarian sport, the culmination of the AFL year!

Watch it live on Skysport, on TVNZ’s Freeview 13, on WatchAFL, or you can get down to one of functions in NZ’s main centres where there’ll be bar tabs, BBQs and drink specials throughout the afternoon.

Wellington: Five Stags, Dixon St, Wellington

Christchurch: Redwood Tavern, Redwood.

Dunedin: The Terrace Bar, 6 The Octagon, Dunedin.

And in Auckland, you can join me and Auckland’s AAFL clubs at The Empire Tavern:

Tickets are available on the door, or through your local AAFL club.

See you at The Empire …

DETAILS:

GRAND FINAL FIXTURE

West Coast v Hawthorn
Saturday, October 3, 5.30pm NZT at the MCG

TV Coverage begins, 3.00pm on the following channels:

TVNZ POP-UP. Freeview Channel 13

Sky Sport 3

Get excited!

To all those who’ve asked me, YES, you can watch AFL on telly in NZ.

And just in time for finals!

I’m told that Sky NZ currently broadcasts one AFL match per week of the premiership season (though I’ve never heard of anyone finding when), including the upcoming finals series. And TVNZ has just signed up to broadcast up to three live games per week for the next two years, and a further two matches either live or delayed per week of the home and away season, all on the Freeview 13 channel.

And if like me you prefer watching online, there’s both WatchAFL (live games plus replays), and Smart Replay (free games on replay).

So get tuned in ready for the finals series, starting this Friday night! (Thank me later.)

Just make sure your fridge is fully stocked. With this game, you can’t afford to miss a second.

10 best moments from the weekend

You don’t have to know much about the world’s most libertarian sport to enjoy the ten best marks, goals and tackles from the weekend.

Best of the weekend

You don’t have to know much about the world’s most libertarian sport to enjoy this weekend’s best marks, moves, mistakes and goals.

AFL: The best 10

You have to know very little about the world’s most libertarian sport to enjoy this weekend’s best marks, moves, goals and fumbles … and Adam Goodes.

Top 10 moments …

You don’t need to know anything about the world’s most libertarian sport to enjoy the 10 best goals, marks, moments, moves and fumbles from the weekend’s action. Oh, and Adam Goodes …

Best marks, goals, kicks and tackles, Rd 17

.You don’t have to know anything about AFL to enjoy this week’s best marks, goals, kicks,and tackles!

Not just the world’s most libertarian team sport, but also the most fast-moving …and just what is he doing up there in number 7!

Best marks, goals, kicks and umpire abuse, Rd 16

You don’t have to know anything about AFL to enjoy this week’s best marks, goals, kicks,and pocket picking!

Not just the world’s most libertarian sport, but also the toughest umpires…and number 2 you’re going to have to watch at least twice!

Best marks, goals, kicks and blunders, Rd 14

You don’t have to know anything about AFL to enjoy this week’s best marks, goals, moves and blunders!

There’s no other game like this.