one year ago . . .

Greetings all,

One year ago, my husband landed in Afghanistan for his third deployment of that dusty hell hole.  The last thing he said before leaving was "thank you" for letting him go.  I've done that 5 times now, leaving him a base, dock or airport, saying goodbye as he leaves for up to 9 months in a war zone.  I don't think about being alone or parenting solo, it's not knowing what he's doing or when i'll hear from him next, it's wrenching.  I cry my heart out & the children are numb for a while . . . our handsome soldier has gone away again.  

I have been madly in love with this man for 19 years, he was my teen love through University & we've both changed - i was going to be a forensic scientist (before it was CSI cool) with tonnes of attitude . . . he was in a few dead end jobs & apprenticeships, i always knew he'd end up in the regular Army, deploying to war wasn't on the cards.  We grew together, i softened . . . love, marriage & children came naturally, living all over Australia, having twins, holidaying in Europe twice, taking the children to Disneyland & creating a farm dream have been lovely surprises we never expected on a low income.  I tell you, it's not how much money you make, it's how you use it & save, save, invest & save some more.    

My husband has an innate sense of responsibility, many servicemen do, he has uneasy calm in difficult situations & can be un-reactive.  I don't do drama, so we're kind of perfect for each other.  I find hot heads very unattractive.  I know he supports me in everything i do.  It's the most wonderful feeling to know someone is your rock, unconditionally there for you & eternally kind to your heart.  I can't tell my daughters about what it feels like to have your heart broken by a boy, but i can show them true respect in a relationship.        

Best of all he doesn't question why i live my life with rosy glasses & looking for eternal goodness.  Sure i have reality, war zones are never far from his world, i figure it's a more positive brain space to live in the moment & love it.  He knows not to question why i covet metal signs, leave my mobile phone at home, hang bunting around the house, walk into shops i can't afford to buy anything in, collect petals for the chickens, match pegs with washing on the clothes line, eat a cookie then run flat out for half an hour . . . or why i'd photograph a cabbage . . . "is that going on your blog??"  He just lets me be me.   

 Last weekend we cuddled up in watched the special forces movie Act of Valor.  They included the soldier family life - BBQs, kicking a ball around with the children - then they walk away to a deployment.  I can't imagine how it must feel for my husband to leave us, other than confusing . . . he can't put it into words, just tears . . . keeping extremely busy & focused on his job.  

Then he comes home to all these girls, a son desperate to have father & a life of home baked goodness, it couldn't be more removed from a war zone.  He slowly finds his place back in the family, fixing things - not necessarily when convenient to me (like changing engine oil while i'm serving dinner??) - so i look at the helpfulness of his actions & intentions.  I let him potter, i do not nag.  I've found him tidying up the dreaded cupboard above the fridge (which i can't reach) & the cutlery drawer, he might vaccum around the lounge (not under it) but pull out the fridge to mop behind it??  No rhyme or reason, i just let him go for it & not complain when i can't find steak knives!!

We are trying to get handsome soldier posted back to Canberra & living with us again, that means countless appointments & paperwork, or he'll be in Brisbane for 5 years, on his own.  I said to the last 'authority' involved in the decision "this is all positive, we really love each other" & she said "i can see that".  Then i realised she must witness many marriage break downs & worse, we must have been a breath of fresh air, still so happy after almost 2 decades.  I've had a crush on my husband since 1994, butterflies & giggles, blushed cheeks, i still get them.  Love Posie

a refreshing take on love & weddings

Greetings all,

Just took an unintentional bloggie break, which did include a family trip to Brisbane for a beautiful wedding & some internet issues.  It appears i'm back on line so, hello!!  

One of my husband's soldiers was marrying his beautiful & patient girlfriend of 10 years.  It was pouring with rain, however, it didn't hamper the atmosphere.  What i love about weddings most - at the ceremony - is watching the groom, waiting for his bride.  It was such an honour to witness their marriage, very formal yet incredibly relaxed.  It truly was all about the love.  I knew how this bride felt, she just wanted to get married to her handsome soldier - fidgeting, looking around, smiling, tears, breathing in the moment, then letting out the loudest 'i do' ever!!

 The bride had organised the entire event while her groom was deployed & no detail was missed (she's a designer too, we notice everything) & i knew it would be a magical event starting with the stunning invitations.  The groom was instructed to bring 8 dozen champagne pashminas home from Afghanistan for the chairs - aren't they beautiful??  He was also meant to ask his father to make a speech, he forget . . . his father threw together a heartfelt speech in a few minutes!!  I do like a groom who isn't fussing about flowers, food or fonts. 

 The reception was incredible, delicious food & fantastic company, in the barrel room of a vineyard.  I really enjoyed finally meeting my husband's work mates, some had wives (with 4 children), some had lived in Canberra, some were freshly engaged - there were PLENTY of conversation starters.  I was seated in the middle of 5 soldiers (husband on my right) & on the same long table as the bridal party (we're so A list).  Everyone relished the fine dining & amazing wines.  

 The whole event had a classic vintage feel . . . handmade, pretty, whimsical with flower girls tossing petals & page boys in kilts.  Above all, every single guest was made to feel incredibly welcome & comfortable, no expense was spared.    

So we clocked up 3000km on the new car, not bad for it's first week, cruising up to Brisbane with a niece & nephew collected from boarding school, they were our babysitters.  It rained the entire weekend, so we actually left early, returned our babysitters to their parents & then all headed out to dinner, with my parents.  That was tough, my mother is very childlike in her Alzheimer's now, clinging to my father, giggling, she was our family matriarch . . . i don't think i'll ever get used to this.  I'm so glad my husband was there to help me be brave & let me cry myself to sleep at the motel that night.  It's certainly left me drained this week, so we're hanging out at home, raising chicks & ducklings (yes DUCKS!!) & a movie at the cinema - The 5 Year Engagement - i loved it!!  Love Posie

these are a few of my (soldier's) favourite things . . .

Greetings all,

Phew, my handsome soldier is almost home, yahoo!!  I did the grocery run to collect all the things he misses while away in the desert.  He's super healthy so this junk will last him a while (he's the kind of fit & lean person who will eat 2 Smarties a day, rather than pour the packet into his mouth) & appreciates treats, especially after 9 months at war.

He likes freshly squeezed orange juice & fancy vanilla ice cream (we may have been very poor at times in our marriage, but he never stooped so low as to buy generic icecream.)  

Sure soldiers are sent care packages with Tim Tams, Tic Tacs, chips & chocolates while they are deployed, they can even get coca cola on some bases!!  But i know he likes real ginger beer, proper whole egg mayonnaise, ripe avocados & my mum's caramel slice (still trying to replicate it, even the dog had a tough time chewing the last batch i ruined & the children refused to eat.)  FYI he never asks for anything!!  I also stock the fridge so he can cook - cooking is his happy place & i'm very happy for him to go there.  So i make sure we have every possible type of cream for whatever might take his fancy & he loves camembert on French bread (he can never remember if he likes camembert or brie, so he always buys both) . . . it's camembert darling!!

A sweet friend of mine Tina said "oh you did the 'i love you' shop, buying his favourite things", what an adorable way to put it.  Have to say, i had a big smile on my face while popping these things into the trolley.  

You might spy a box of light globes.  Gawd, every time he is about to come home, i kid you not, at least 6 lights will blow . . . table lamps, down lights, outdoor spot lights, bathroom heat lights (just to increase the degree of difficulty) . . . freaking annoying but you have to replace them as these guys come home & literally forget where things are & bump, trip, fall over things in the night, so you need to replace those globes!!  I spent the day craning my neck, balancing on a stool & changing those globes, when i really should have been shaving my legs, ooppss!!  Love Posie

i've got Christmas totally wrapped up

Greetings all,

Phew, marathon wrapping session yesterday, all the nieces & nephews, our parents & those pesky people who also have birthdays in December & January too, now i can post them off to 3 main family focal points later this week. 

Armed with some brown paper, twine, tags, tape & feature wrap, i got busy.  The children were out on their bikes so i managed to wrap most of their gifts too!!

 Don't the gifts look sweet??

 While my eldest daughter was out with her boy-who-is-a-friend, the other children decorated the Christmas tree & i continued to wrap on the kitchen counter.  It took a few goes, they didn't follow the golden rules of: check the lights work, then add evenly to tree; add tinsel, green is great on a cheap & nasty plastic tree, bulks it up; then decorations & finally add the special angel 

 It's just not Christmas when handsome soldier is away, so we didn't do a real tree, sigh.

 However, the same quantity of decorations we'd apply to an 8' real tree, we slathered onto our 3' plastic wonder.  I kind of like it.

 I helped fill in some gaps the children left.

 The love birds made me miss my husband even more.

 I love my fabric, glittery & fluffy birds too!!

 It looked so lovely last night, one child fell asleep on the lounge so i tucked her in & left the lights on.  It was so dreamy.  I stayed up waiting for my first born to be returned, at almost midnight, must have been a good date??!!  They are great mates & i adore the whole family, it's so lovely that my girl has such a nice 'introduction' to boys, which isn't always smooth, especially when you're at an all girls school & mostly all girls family.  The mummy (she has 4 boys also welcomes our families mixing) said they talked non stop for 12 hours, swimming, at a BBQ, a Christmas party & just hanging out!!

Thanks to forward planning & minimal events in December, i can glide into Christmas with ease now, all pressure lifted.  A big hello to my handsome soldier too, i know he's missing all this & as much as it upsets him, here are the photos . . . he was home last Christmas, it was fantastic, crazy but in the past 2 years he's been home with us for only a few weeks, ditto for the next 2 years THEN he's all ours, we'll have our home & yikes, 3 girls in high school.  Love Posie

social commentary Sunday . . . 'our 2 year plan??'

Greetings all,

I am floundering.  My carpal tunnel ridden hands can no longer grasp things - i've gone down hill very fast - surgery is looming.  I type with flat hands & scoop things up to hold them.  Lately, i can only manage the basics . . . constantly dropping cutlery, keys & phones along the way . . . i have no sense of my grip.  Strange thing is, i'm Ok with this, my husband says i sound happy & relaxed.  I can't sew or design, so i'm taking a break with focus on our 2 year plan: finding a block in the country & building a homestead; getting my husband back home from Afghanistan/ then Brisbane; & having 3 children in high school.  Will i want to go back to designing??  Of course, it's my passion, but i will do business differently.      

We have a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy on where my children find flowers in da 'hood.  I'm glad to accept flowers from anyone, anytime, anywhere.  Sorry neighbours!! 
I'm still inspired to design, but at my age - how often do you hear of someone discovering cancer/ husband leaving them/ a child has an issue??  I don't want to take my eye off the ball, especially with teenagers.  My hands are my little nudge to make changes, mind, body, soul & work on our family's future. 
I've realised i'm a rare demographic, the housewife private high school mum without plans to resume the workforce, regardless of qualifications & options.  My husband is a soldier, not highly paid, we've just been sensible with our deployment money & property investments.  When my husband goes to war, we make plans for every scenario, horrible but necessary.  Days like today - we discover on the news that 3 soldiers have been killed & 7 wounded in Afghanistan, where my husband is right now, i cling to our plans & focus on the future, lucky we have one.  I hear the news as quickly as you do, when incidents happen, there is a total communications block, my husband can't contact me.  Yes we have planned how i would be told if something happens to him.  Simply the most awful conversation you'll ever have with your beloved husband. 
War is completely different now to how it was 12 years ago - he would call once a fortnight between patrols, now he can email, Skype & phone almost daily.  We are both using the farm dream as a healthy distraction - sending links to properties back & forth, ideas, plans for a pool & a pony.  We are forced into breaking up our life into '2 year plans' to match our postings to different cities (my husband posted to Brisbane on his own 2 years ago, we stayed in Canberra for a smooth transition to high school) & he still has 1-2 years to go in Queensland (so does my free holiday house bachelor pad!!)  
I often wonder if people in the real world, plan in small 2 year chunks like this.  A 5 year plan sounds a bit communist to me, or like we're ploughing fields, which we might very well be doing in the future too!!  As for the families of the fallen soldiers, my heart goes out to them.  I have already had several people ask if my husband is Ok, but those boys were someone else's sons, brothers, husbands & fathers.  It's a reality check & i will sigh great relief when i finally speak to my handsome soldier.  Love Posie

i'm grateful for . . . 'breathing the same air as the Queen'

Greetings all,

Ok i'm dragging out my brush with Her Majesty The Queen . . . she's still on our shores Australia, soak it up 'subjects'.  After such a fantastic response to my 'Going to Canberra to visit the Queen' photo post earlier in the week . . . here are the details.  I'm so very humbled & grateful for the experience of breathing the same air as the Queen!! 
If i knew it would be SO easy to be THAT close to the Queen, i would have run to the florist, dragged my children out of school & twins off camp . . . to hand Her Majesty flowers!!  I was in tears & speechless just being there . . . imagine if my children conversed with her??  I was completely incoherent when i rang my father to tell him.  He has met & dined with our wonderful Queen several times, as lucky naval commanders do.  I know my Mummy doesn't know who the Queen is anymore (Alzheimer's) i still wished she was with me.  The Federal Police were excellent & very entertaining while gathering the children with flowers to meet the Queen.  Just like that - no nominations, ballots, screening or invitation-only-guest lists . . . you've got flowers, hop over the fence.
Here i am with flat wet hair & scarf, The Duke of Edinburgh an arms length away, just moments after the Queen passed me, thanks UK Daily Mail!!  

I lined up an hour before she was due to arrive at the War Memorial & pow, straight in the second row, front & centre to the stairs, behind one little 5' tall elderly lady.  Whether you are a monarchist or a republican, you have to respect this particular monarch, she's simply awesome.  I was surrounded by British tourists who said they'd NEVER get this close to her at home.  The atmosphere was electric. 

You know she's coming when this flag is flying . . .

 I'm a fan of General Peter Cosgrove retired, the director of the War Memorial.  He came over to tell us that the Queen would be arriving shortly & going straight inside, but . . . would then be coming out & walking along side us.  FYI that is not his pretty-ruffled-cream-umbrella, it's the lady in front of me.  Gorgeous, non??    

 I was directly on the other side of the car . . . i saw this on the news when i got home. 

 Apparently she had a little trip up this step but brushed it off & powered on.

I took my proper camera - the Nikon D70 SLR & didn't use/ need the enormous phallic lens, all pictures were taken with the regular one.  I didn't want to stuff up the camera (my lens changing skills are limited + it was raining) when i knew she'd be coming so close.

 Here she is inside the War Memorial, looking at pictures of herself from over 50 years ago.  She is still so beautiful, aged 85.  How 'bout the Duke at 90??!!

Check out my amazing vantage point.  The only thing i could have done better was bring a milk crate to stand on, or my tall husband & get me that fabulous man (in the grey suit) who followed the Queen around with a see-through umbrella!!  Sweet Julie from Mama of 2 Boys blog said my photos were better than The Woman's Weekly!!  Yay, thanks Jules.  I'm 'the people's photographer'. 

The engaging lady in jade is her Lady In Waiting.  The Queen passes all the flowers & gifts to her . . . 

who relays them to this guy, who fills up the convoy of cars with the flowers, which are normally shared around local hospitals & nursing homes.

I had time to dash down to view the motorcade leaving too.  Prince Phillip waved to me.  Such a shame it rained, Canberra is Australia's sunniest city with little rainfall.  It did suit the mood of this particular engagement as she was laying a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, viewing the Afghanistan exhibition & the names of the 29 soldiers who have been killed there.  I was thinking of my husband, in Afghanistan right now, the whole day.  I quickly emailed him the best photos & then he called me, super jealous but SO happy for me.  I love you handsome soldier, i'm so proud of you!!

  For more Gratefuls this weekend, check out Maxabella Loves, love Posie

ACT locals: check out this fantastic book giveaway by Kid's Book Review!!

things i'm loving . . . 'finding fun'

Greetings all,
Can you believe my husband has been in Afghanistan for a month already??!!  I'm finding plenty of fun ways to keep busy, happy, distracted & positive . . . i do have tears as well, i'm not made of stone, i'm just very well practised in this routine of solo parenting 4 children while my husband is away at war.  Thanks for your support bloggers!!  One amazing blogger Cherry Red Quilter has gathered her troup of seamstresses to sew laundry bags for our troops, thanks Jan-Maree, you're a doll!!

I have always found sewing projects = avoid boredom.  A young lady ordered a lllloooonnnngggg pencil roll in Babushka fabrics from the last Handmade Market.  I delivered!!  

 Like the pencil & texta combination to fill the 16 pockets??

 First week of term 4, my primary school children have a new 'focus of inquiry' . . . 'outer space'.  This is not my forte & i wish my i-can-navigate-by-the-stars husband was around.  He might also ace camping, but i totally nailed glamping!!  Anyway, i can make some fun bunting & hand flags for Team Gravity.  I'm the teacher's pet-parent!!  

 How much fun are giveaways & swaps in blogland??!!  I am in an international swap with NZ Green Buttons blog, who sent this parcel of kiwi goodness.  Thanks Louana!!  Check out the play NZ money, maps, badges, stationery, chocolates . . .

 meanwhile i'm busy at the post office, this is my 4th parcel to handsome soldier.  This random box includes a diary, wind up kangaroo, moisturiser, soft-thick-luxurious-daddy-toilet-paper, a little softie & some meusli bars. 

 Finally, still losing myself in the Dottie Angel book, she's a fellow Babushka fan.  I've added more Russian Nesting Doll goodness to my collection this week too.

I hope you enjoyed the little tour around my head this week, Things I'm Loving is finding fun in my world.  Those who know me will be shocked i'm reading so much, it's the sunshine & my new slow down attitude. 
Don't forget my latest giveaway, it includes a Babushka fabric pencil roll.  Follow my blog now as i have new giveaways coming up with Sesame Street Wii games & hello . . . Donna Hay products!!  Stay tuned. 
Special shout out to Julie-Ann who featured me on her Decorating Forum all week, thank you, 'twas fun & welcome new readers - i believe i've taught you a some tricks from day beds to glamping.  Love Posie
PS PaisleyJade hosts things i'm loving each Friday, go check out her last few posts, she is one amazingly dedicated, cool mummy of 4, you should see what she made for her son's birthday (crocheted gift, layer cake & party games!!)

i'm grateful for . . . 'my handsome soldier'

Greetings all,

This week i am over-the-top, madly-in-love, cheerleading & most-absolutely-grateful for . . . my handsome soldier.  Thanks for asking Maxabella Loves!! 
Regular readers know my husband comes & goes from our life in Canberra, as he lives in Brisbane (for 3-4 years) & is always on course, exercise, training or deployment.  Right now, he's at war, back in Afghanistan.  Those gorgeous posts of him home recently . . . were actually him saying goodbye, for 9 months.  

 Here is my handsome soldier, aged 13, at cadets.  It's as close a photo of him i can share.  Striking resemblence between father & son, non??  I never complain about the Army, my husband was born to be a soldier.  He has an incredible sense of justice, responsbility, protection & repsect. 

 So he's back in the desert, his 5th deployment.  The war has been going on for 10 years now.  Whether you think it's justified or not, please support the Australian soldiers who are over there, they are just doing their job. 

  I found this incredible display of Australian soldiers in Afghanistan, including special forces with beards & beanies, bushmaster vehicles + the taliban, at the Lego Brick Expo midyear.  I wonder if they'll ever release these Lego sets commercially??

  Confronting - a Lego IED explosion.  Let's hope there will be zero during his tour.  During my husband's last deployment, Australia lost 10 men, mostly to IEDs.  I simply can't imagine what that was like, attending 10 ramp ceremonies in only 8 months & having to go back outside the wire to patrol again & again, knowing the hidden dangers. 

I am positive about his deployment, we chose this life.  Of course there are days when i am flat, sad, miss him terribly & the children ask why daddy can't come to assembly/ sport/ school/ home . . . often perfectly timed with locking myself out of the house/ keys in the car, or blowing a fuse/ tyre/ electrical appliance . . . i also get tired of weeding, maintaining the cars, mixing 2 stroke & mowing the lawns . . . I have many roles, most importantly - I am the most loving wife & best mother i can be to our 4 children, so he's not distracted by any dramas, doubts or worries at home.  It takes dedication & determination. 
So here's to my handsome soldier, he's a little homesick, his team has arrived now, so he's busy & distracted.  We love him to pieces & i really do blog for him, so he can watch the children grow & see what i'm up to.  I expect a phone call about not buying anything from Donna Hay soon.  Love Posie
PS for a change of pace . . . i'm having a crafty giveaway including Mollie Makes magazine & handmade goodies.
EDIT: Just in from Afghanistan: "i don't want to come home to find any of that ugly green milk glass stuff from Donna Hay in the cupboard".  Ok, so he's a total bloke, but . . . he didn't say pink or white milk glass though, did he??!!

i'm grateful for . . . 'allowed to be sad'

Greetings all,

I've been doing fluffy posts all week to cover up the huge hole in my heart.  This is not a sympathy seeking post, i just have to let my emotions out.  It's not dirty laundry, more a lesson in how lucky you are if you have your family close in your heart, healthy & home.

I’ve had possibly the saddest week of my life . . . farewelling my husband, that is always tough, but when my father rang to say my mother (suffering Alzheimer’s) woke up one morning this week & said she didn’t know who he was, I’m heart broken.  56 years of marriage, this is how their love story is going to end??  I’m shattered.  It's the moment i've been dreading.  Alzheimer's Disease can leave the patient with the blur of feeling like they should know the people around them, only they can't put it together, they feel stupid & often scared.

This year I have done many posts on things I’ve given up, paused or postponed, from the P&C to my website, small markets to working at Shop Handmade, all things I loved but I knew how this year was going to run (husband away & elderly parents) + high school is as full on & involved as expected, especially if your child has missed 2 weeks due to a virus & suddenly assignments for every subject are due to wrap up the term & vital school work is missing.  Pressure & stress, she likes to give her best. 

I like to have everything in order in my house so we can enjoy school holidays, not use that non-school-run-time-savings on sorting the cupboards.  Alas, I have a big double Handmade Market on next weekend, fabulous & that is where every spare moment is going next week, sewing!!  Oh throw in another teacher’s strike too & regional athletics carnival.  One more week of school, then we can all catch our breath . . . & visit my parents, the cupboards can wait. 

I’m grateful I’m allowed to be sad, take it all in, compartmentalise what I can help with & make changes to, along with that I can’t do anything about, only wish for the best – like my darling Dad’s daily dealings with the cruel Alzheimer’s which is stealing my mother from him.  They have moved to live closer to my doctor brother & his incredibly dedicated wife, for 'supervision', a very sensible move.  I have my mental health, i can deal with this, absorb, slow & calm.  I throw myself into positive pursuits like sewing & the gym, i walk the dog a bit further each day, he knows all my worries.  Pets as therapy anyone??  I'm also very grateful i don't have to be anything other than a daughter, wife & mother, focus on family, that is my only goal to wrap up this emotional year.  More Gratefuls here with sweet Sonia from Lioness Lady.  Love Posie

i'm grateful for . . . 'an unexpected family week day together'

Greetings all,
Well with yesterday's post (chemical explosion in Canberra & school closures), it's no surprise we high tailed it to the countryside - to Poacher's Pantry, with the children & ate up a storm. 

 Seafood platter including locally caught salmon & trout from the lakes on the property.

 The meat platter with lamb, piggie, beef & possibly kangaroo, always a variety.

 Amazing bread selection with crackers to scoop up all the condiments & dip selection.  We also ordered fish & chips, smoked sausages & deep fried zucchini balls, as our children eat like horses!!

 As a surprise day off, it was just lovely to have a care free day at a restuarant, then all the way back into the city to the Lake to hang out with the swans, while handsome soldier & i chilled out on a rug.  My husband is all about building memories, which is gorgeous & heart breaking at the same time.

 Our children were climbing willow trees & all came back with head dresses of vines.  Naturally our middle girl was the self appointed queen of the forest people.

 This image totally sums up our 3rd born, she was truly born in the wrong era . . . who else looks this comfortable wearing a table cloth (it's a Country Road kaftan) & weaving vines.

  I swear his jeans were not this ripped when we left the house!!  I also promise to mend them tonight.

 Then again, there are so many explanations on how he rips his clothes!!

 The swans at Lake Burley Griffen are so tame, we usually find a party of 6 black swans.

SO there you have one very relaxed way to deal with a chemical explosion close to home which gives you an unexpected week day off with the family.  I have a million more photos from today, it was hard to narrow it down to a few.  We also went to a Home Improvement centre (how much work is it to design a house, every tile, every tap, every window) then a Seafood dealer, mmmm.  Making the most of soldier boy before he leaves us, again. 
For more Gratefuls, the gorgeous Brenda from Mira Narnie is hosting today.  She's all about family, married her teen love, just back from Italy & is an all round sweetheart.  Love Posie
PS the Riley book & pencil roll giveaway ends Sunday 18th, enter now!!