OH MY GOSH!!!

I started the process of working on Puppy. OH MY LANDS! This is some of what was inside. My naive self thought that I could simply open his tummy, where the seam was clearly coming apart. Snip, snip...what?

There was very little "stuffing" to speak of. What I discovered was a lot of...? Dust, rocks, nut shells...? His nose area had a big piece of stuffing, loosely stitched in and his tail had some...a paw I think. That was about it. The rest was this 'natural'? material of some sort.

Such a fine dust, I was sneezing!

This big piece was his nose. Now he's all squished and his eyes even look different. One eye is no longer stitched well.

Almost all of the "stuffing" is out, except a few rock/nut pieces stuck to inside seams.

I finally got to the "shaker" in one of his paws.  It sounds like the clay shakers I made when taking pottery back in 2000. This made me smile, as pottery has popped up all over the place for me lately. I made these by wrapping tiny balls and bits of clay in paper...wrapped them all in more paper, forming a ball and formed the clay around that. After poking a few pin holes in the clay ball (to keep it from exploding in the kiln), it was fired. During the firing, all of the paper burned off and I was left with clay bits in the clay ball, which make a great sound when shook. Each one of them makes a different sound, depending on the size and shape of the clay bits inside. They're pretty cool.

I tried to see what this shaker could have inside, but all I could see was a reddish material that looks quite like the dust inside of Puppy. Dust falls out when I shake it, giving some credence to my thoughts.

My clay shakers are sitting in a handmade basket, a gift from a dear friend, made by her father. Her father, a basket maker for a lifetime. He lives in a very small town in Mexico and to make his baskets, he first goes to the river to collect the raw materials - striping the reeds into long thin strands. Then he can weave. He has made these baskets...forever...and sold them to help support his family. He is very old now and no longer creates his signature baskets, but this one - gifted to me many years ago - he made as an elder, maybe older than I am now. An elder and still doing the physical work to make beauty. I treasure this basket. Now it holds a new memory too.

I took a break to do some research.

The paper towel began to look like a Rorschach Test.

I kinda see the profile of a grinning, evil looking mouse in this bottom pic. HINT: The bit of stuffing is the 'face' and there are no real back legs to speak of.

So, now, while pausing...I'm considering what steps to take next. I'm wondering if the vacuum suction would just rip him apart? How do I get that last bits and dust out? Thank goodness I didn't wash him first - this dust would be mud! Is it possible to get the age and odors out of him (he still smells so strong of cedar). How to ready him for a new generation? Is that possible? How and with what do I re-stuff him? Can I wash him? Will it do even more damage?

What is left of Puppy's stuffing. Amazing. Kind of creepy. Sad.

Then came the harder questions...

Can Puppy be saved? Should Puppy be saved? How and for Who?

If Puppy can not be saved...what ever shall I do with him? How do I honor how much little baby girl me loved him?

In thinking about all of this and feeling rather sad that I even began this assault on beloved little Puppy...I took out Lamby and decided that she is most likely filled with the same or similar materials. She has no obvious seams to open with ease. She elderly, but in tact. I think I'll leave her be. But, then what shall I do with her?

Oh what to do now?

May you take a chance

May you honor your memories

May you find ways to be okay with both

xo

Photos by NAE @pomegranatetrail ©2024