Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Cure Comic Book Amnesia--With Comic Books!!

Superman is dealing with an exploding South American volcano, which blows him back into the jungle, as this handy chart shows!

Well, the explosion also gave him amnesia (I know, I know...maybe some red kryptonite in the volcano?!?).

With Superman is missing, Batman and Robin go hunting for him. After encountering some indigenous people, they find:

And the king of these people?!?!

How in the world did this happen?!?!

The answer can only be told...through COMICS!!

Hey, go ask Scott McCloud--those are COMICS!! (And better than a lot of recent Superman comics...cough cough)!

So how to cure Kal-El of his amnesia?

You know it--COMICS!!

Lessons:

A) Robin is a surprisingly good artist!

B) Somewhere in South America, an archeologist is going to find a temple, and scrape off a little paint, and find Superman's secret identity!!

C) Comics can cure anything!!

From World's Finest Comics #111 (1960)

When You Combine Civil War 2 & Planet Of The Apes, We All Win!!

This post that you're about to read...well, it just may change you're mind about Superman, and re-think everything you know about movie blockbusters, and...well, you'll see.

Some members of the Time Patrol have arrived in the present day, asserting that Superman will become evil in the near future, and go on to destroy the 40th century!

So they go all Minority Report/Civil War II, and convince Batman and Robin to capture Superman, and put him on trial for pre-crimes before the United Nations!!

And what a testimony it is!!

Uh-oh!

Yup, that's evil, all right!

But the worst is yet to come!

Wait--what was it? What happened?!?!

And Batman, how could you betray your buddy?!?!

YYECCHHH!!!

And what was so terrible?!?!

Yes, future evil-Superman will create the Planet Of The Apes!!!!!!!

That may be the best sentence that I have ever written.

Well, the court allows Superman to fly to the future to check it out for himself:

Which means, conclusively and 100% canonically:

Superman: "I will turn the Earth into a world of apes!"

OMG, this is the best story ever!!

Well, that's it, folks, we now know the sad future of Superman, and...

What? This is a Silver Age story? There's a big twist coming? Oh I doubt--

Never mind.

See, it was all a plot by Brainiac and Luthor to trick Batman into giving Superman a kryptonite lobotomy, except they would secretly substitute Luthor's Maligno-Ray for the laser, so Kal-El would really turn evil and join the two for a reign of terror through time and space.

Yes, that was their plan.

[Please, please PLEASE don't ask how Superman and Batman sussed out the villains' disguise. Please. Just don't.]

But, if it was all a hoax, what did Superman and Batman actually see on their trip to the 40th century?!?

Wait....

You're burying the lead here, guys--in the 2000 years from now, they'll still be churning out Planet Of The Apes movies!! I imagine two blocks over, they're making Transformers CCCIX!

Which leads us to the the most fantastical thing of all:

People in the DC Universe actually liking and respecting super-heroes?!?!?!? What a bunch of naive fools...

From World's Finest Comics #183 (1969)

That Time Superman Invented Auto-Tune!!

Batman is posing as a fortune-telling swami to lure a superstitious criminal he's trying to catch, and Superman is helping out by making sure that all of Batman's predictions come true!

Next one up is a toughie, though...

And so Superman invented Auto-Tune several decades early....

Meanwhile, the unnamed singer probably ruined her voice forever by trying to sing through laryngitis...

From World's Finest Comics #73 (1954)

Manic Monday--Let's Start Monday By Blowing Our Minds, Shall We?

So, Superman has been trapped in an interdimensional void by the aptly named Void. Let's watch as David Anthony Kraft, Trevor Von Eeden and Pablo Marcos blow our minds, shall we?

Of course, after Kal-El gets back to Earth, he's still pretty mind-blowing...

From World's Finest Comics #305 (1984)

Same As The Old Metropolis

An odd meeting is going on at Galaxy Communications...

NEW Metropolis?

Wait--Bruce Wayne is building "New Metropolis"??? In heaven's name, why?

So, wait...Bruce Wayne is building New Metropolis right next to "old" Metropolis, to "empty the ghettos" and "siphon off excess population"?!? Talk about the ultimate gentrification plan!! Old Metropolis keeps all the desirable residents, the dregs go to New Metropolis? (And what, you can't come up with a better name?)

This is just some pie-in-the-sky type deal, though right? It's not actually going to actually happen, is it?

You've already raised a billion? That's in 1976 $, people...

One might think that Bruce's "build a new city to put all the riff raff in" planning might have start with, oh, I don't know, Gotham City.

Then again, after Man Of Steel, they probably need a New Metropolis pretty badly...

From World's Finest #235 (1976). This story involves real estate fraud, telepaths, carny geeks, Superman reading the news on WGBS, and actual ghosts in Smallville cemeteries. Bob Haney, folks.