Chivalry Is Dead!!

It never pays to be a gentleman...at least not in Riverdale!

Sulpher and molasses?!?

And the whole thing could have been avoided if Riverdale just had functional storm drains...

From Archie Annual #26 (1974)

Archie's Tunnel Of Horrors!!

Archie has to pay a $10 traffic ticket. So he's trying to get a job...at the carnival!!

Reggie is taking advantage of Archie's absence by making time with Veronica...at the carnival!

Archie doesn't want Veronica to see him struggling to make money, so...

Now that's one great ride!!

From Pep Comics #52 (1945)

Bold Fashion Choices--Disco Darlings Fashions!!

Admit it...

...you miss the 1970s, don't you?

From Betty And Veronica #290 (1980)

Hey, Ms. Tambourine Girl, Play A Song For Me

Everyone mocks poor Betty Cooper for playing the tambourine.

She knows the truth, though...

You know it, Betty. Shake it until you make it!

Reason #201,654 why Betty is better than Veronica...

From Archie #197 (1970)

The Future Mrs. Richie Rich?

In 1989, Veronica Lodge finally got her own solo series:

For the first 2 1/2 years, Veronica's solo adventures consisted of her going around the world, with various countries and cities called out in the title (take that, U.S.Avengers!).

Why, she even went to...

 Dammit, Siskoid, you missed your chance!!

Eventually, though, the idea ran out of steam. But rather than just return her to normal teen hi jinks and romantic triangles, the covers decided to play up the fact that Veronica was kinda wealthy:

Yup, it was all ostentatious display of wealth, all the time, is a series of covers that often seemed like they might well have been cut and paste from Richie Rich comics:

For a while, she even had the cover slogan "The Whimsical Rich Girl," which sounds like a good much for the "Poor Little Rich Boy."

Yup, it was all coins, and bills, and dollar signs for Miss Lodge...

Oh, and credit cards, too:

And even more displays of 1% privilege:

Eventually they calmed down, and got back to the more traditional cover fare of dating and fashion and boys and gags, until they finally found Veronica's one true calling:

POWERTEEN!!

Sadly, I'm willing to bet we never see Powerteen on Riverdale...

Riverdale High Finds Inner Peace!

Strange things are afoot at Riverdale High...

Oh, Archie Comics, it's another wry jab at a pop-culture phenomena that you really don't understand, isn't it?

I'm pretty sure that this is exactly the opposite of what gurus suggest you do to find inner peace...

Oh, not you, too, Jughead?!?

So, at Riverdale, rather than shedding all wants from the physical world, completely giving in to them is the way to attain a blissful trance.

Which explains a lot about how the Baby Boomer screwed up the world...

From Betty and Veronica #221 (1974)

Miss Grundy And The Bechdel Test!

Y'all may not know this, but one of the first proponents of the Bechdel Test was Riverdale teacher Miss Grundy--long before the "test" was ever "invented."

Sadly, her stand was no match for Betty and Veronica!

The Bechdel Test--it cannot win against teenage hormones!!

From Archie Annual #23 (1971)