Manic Monday Triple Overtime--If They Were Smart, They Wouldn't Be Crooks!!

It's the first appearance of Black Adam...and the Marvel Family can't take him down!!

Don't worry, folks--good old Uncle Dudley is on the job!

D'oh!!

You know, the word "blackguard" really needs to come back into vogue...

Villains--it's a good thing they're stupid.

From Marvel Family #1 (1945)

Uncle Dudley's Big Day!!

Oh, dear sweet Uncle Dudley!

We all remember how Dudley started out as a bit of a scammer, but quickly proved to have a heart of gold, so the Marvel Family indulged his silly little game that he had powers like theirs...

But, even in a whimsical universe like Golden Age Fawcett City, hauling along a non-powered civilian on your adventures was probably a daft idea:

Well, given that the Marvels have a direct line to the gods, someone heard Mary's musings!

So that's what the gods do all day!

Well, the effect on Dudley (and his physique) is immediate!

Woo hoo!

And so the crooks get their comeuppance!

But beware the capriciousness of those old gods!! The next day, as Dudley tries to protect a man from a bully...

Geez, Zeus, what a stickler! Would two more minutes have hurt?

And after Dudley is knocked out...

Good old Dudley!

From Mary Marvel #28 (1948)

How To Rescue The Marvel Family--Shazam, Inc.!!

Look,we all know that I am not allowed, by various international treaties, to ever actually write comic books.

So I'm going to give this idea to DC for free. Gratis. Pro bono.

See, the solution to the whole Marvel Family problem that has been plaguing DC for years is simple.

And it's not going to come from Geoff Johns. People have been waiting for years now for him to unleash the SHAZAM! (sigh) relaunch, but it's not going to come from him, because upper management has him limited to writing just one monthly book (so he can focus on his Chief Creative Officer duties)...and he's not giving up Justice League. And no one else at DC seems that interested.

But I've got the perfect solution. And it's just two words.

Shazam Inc.

"What the...?" you say?

Well. let's go to the Wayback Machine, and visit Wow Comics #18 (1943), for the first appearance of Dudley H. Dudley, a.k.a. Uncle Marvel!!

After Mary Batson initially meets him, and they have an adventure together, she goes to visit him at his new office:

I love this version of the SHAZAM acronym...

Anyway, the save a rich man from some crooks, and get a $5,000 reward! And Dudley wants to alter the bargain a bit:

But before she can confront him, we learn that Dudley is indeed a hero at heart...

Well, his adventures and good deeds have made Dudley a better man, and...

And thus Shazam Inc. became a recurring idea in the Marvel Family books (mainly Mary's), becoming in the words of The Marvel Family Web "a charitable organization that allowed the common man to access the Marvel Family for help." I don't believe the idea ever made to transition to modern Marvel Family comics...

But holy crap--that idea could work! It would really work!! "A charitable organization that allowed the common man to access the Marvel Family for help"?? That's Heroes For Hire run by the Marvel Family!!

Look, DC has already drummed up some fannish interest in the general concept thanks to Batman Inc. So why not extend the "Inc" franchise, as it were, as use it as a way to integrate the Marvel Family into the new nu52?

Sure, you can use the new Geoff Johns SHAZAM! (sigh) concept (not my cup of tea, but whatever). But it the new DC era of "continuity doesn't count, story does," they can elide the concept, or merge something or other post-Multiversity/Convergence, or whatever. But they can do any story they bloody well feel like, given the concept. If you want to have the Lieutenant Marvels team-up with Captain Marvel Junior to protect a neighborhood from a drug gang, you can! If you want to have Uncle Marvel meet Thunder, the Captain Marvel from the year 9000, while he's investigating smugglers of rare artifacts, go for it! And in a DC universe where the "heroes" often seem too busy to actually help the common man, well, Shazam Inc. would fill the gap!!

Plus--and here's the beauty part--You can plaster Shazam Inc. on the cover, and you wouldn't have to change Captain Marvel's name to SHAZAM! (sigh) on the inside. You've got a reason to call the book Shazam, and don't have to jump through silly hoops to justify it. (Bonus beauty part: then you don't have to worry about the ridiculous contortions you'd have to come up with to re-name Mary Marvel, Captain Marvel Jr., etc).

Shazam Inc, DC. I gift this idea to you. Make it happen.

(Double bonus beauty part--Tawky Tawny teams up with Hoppy the Marvel Bunny. Vs. Bat-Mite. MAKE THIS HAPPEN!!!!!)