Manic Monday--Don't Forget To Thank Every Human Being EVER!!

Obviously...

...this came a bit before Barry Bonds, eh?

Anyway, you are apparently required to thank every being, physical, supernatural, or symbolic, for your success in sports:

Well, this goes on for a while yet. Let's just cut to the chase: how humble sports superstars celebrate their victories:

Yes, this exactly how championship athletes celebrate, by politely distributing pieces of cake...


Hmm, maybe not...?

From Treasure Chest Of Fun And Fact Vol. 11 #17 ( 1956)

Manic Monday Bonus--The True Reason Sports Stadiums Are So Expensive!!

Sure, it's insane to spend kajillions of public money on sports stadiums...

But look at all the jobs they create, with the villain's complexes hidden beneath them!!

See? Stuff like that doesn't come cheap!!

Plus, when super-villains own your stadiums...

There are a hell of a lot of repair expenses in the off-season!!

From Daredevil #123 (1975)

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Admit It, It's Better Than Hockey!!

Not to disagree with Mr. Lodge...

But he's dead wrong. Because that just might be the greatest winter sport ever invented!

Seriously, someone call the International Olympic Committee...

From Archie's Joke Book Magazine (1971)

Any Given Sunday...

Archie tackles the important issue of sexism in sports:

You see, it's funny, because women are different than men...

 Ah, but that's just a cover gag, right? Surely, on the inside of the comic, we'll see an elegant and well-reasoned treatise about the role of women in sports, right?

And so...

Hahahaha...it's funny when women try to enjoy guy things!!

Enjoy the games today!!

From Archie's Pals 'N' Gals #102 (1976)

My Pitch For The Inevitable Creed Sequel!!

Hey, Hollywood!

I've got your Creed sequel right here:

Oh, come on now--you've got to love the hillbilly gal who is also a master of all sports.

She was great at football, too!

But her true love seems to have been baseball!

Box office gold, Hollywood...box office gold!!

Covers from various issues of Babe and Babe, Darling Of The Hills are from 1948-1950

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--This Isn't How You "Fix" A Basketball Game

I'm no expert...

...but I'm thinking that if you actually shoot a player during a game, you don't get to collect on any bets you made on that game.

I'm just sayin'...

From Underworld Crime #3 (1952)

Manic Monday--Why Popeye Wasn't Allowed To Play In The U.S. Open!

A great injustice has arisen in the land.

All weekend, I heard one plaintive cry ringing throughout the land: Why wasn't Popeye allowed to play in the U.S. Open Golf Championship?

A fair question, friends.

The answer begins here, when Popeye finds Wimpy on his way to play some golf:

Well, you really shouldn't challenge Popeye's manhood like that!

Wagers result. And Popeye is so cocksure, he thinks he can beat Wimpy with only one club!

Well, on the first tee:

Well, Popeye tees up again, but...

That's true--the rules says you have to forfeit if you don't have any clubs.

But our man Popeye--he has an alternative!

Wimpy agrees, but perhaps he shouldn't have...

And that's why the fraidy cats of the PGA won't let Popeye play professional golf!

From Popeye #11 (1950), as reprinted in this week's Classic Popeye #11.

Dennis Learns English, The Sporting Way!

You folks all know that I would never stoop so low as to make fun of our dear British cousins.

Fortunately...

...Dennis the Menace will be glad to do it for me!!

Dennis and family are on vacation in merry olde England. Whilst visiting Runnymede, Dennis decides that learning about the Magna Carta is boring, and takes off to play with some completely authentic British children.

Commence culture clash in 5...4...3...2...1:

As much as I would have loved that scene to continue forever, Dennis' ADHD kicks in, and...

And as Dennis recount his day to his father...

Don't sugar coat it, Dad...it's 5 days!! FIVE!!!

Sorry, England, I've got to agree with Dennis...I love you to death, but your sports are just weird.

From Dennis The Menace Bonus Magazine Series #88 (1971)