Telling It Like It Is

In this week's Secret Avengers, Ales Kot kind of nails the basic difference between Marvel and DC these days:

Ouch, babe.

Manic Monday--The Only Item You Need On Your Résumé

We continue looking at great character moments from Secret Avengers #23.

Captain America is showing an old war buddy around, and introduces him to Flash Thompson, the all-new, all-different Venom. And as, old soldiers are wont to do, they have to compare penis sizes a little bit.

But, as Flash find out, you don't do that with Cap's pals, 'cause you can't win:



HELLS YEAH!!

Jim Hammond 1, Flash Thompson zero!!!

Because really, this is the only item you need on your résumé:

Thank you, Rick Remender, for remembering What If #4 (1977)!

Manic Monday--Hank McCoy Is On Pym Patrol!

The other day, I criticized Rick Remender's portrayal of Hawkeye in Secret Avengers #23.

In fairness, though, in that same issue he does give us a couple of the best Avengers bits in years.

Specifically, when Henry Pym is fretting about the lack of proper computer systems on the Secret Avengers new super-secret super-small satellite base:



"At no point, while I draw breath, will you ever create another artificial intelligence."

Hot damn, it's about time someone called out Pym like that!! It's nice to know that some people in the Marvel Universe share my opinion of the "Scientist Supreme" (sorry, Dan Slott, I love ya, but that was just dorky...)

And thanks, Beast, for watching out for us all....make sure you keep that Pym on double secret probation!!

Maybe He Should Have Checked Wikipedia First...

Hawkeye's got a problem in Secret Avengers #23.

You see, Captain America is trying to put Flash Thompson, the all-new, all-different Venom on the team. And Clint isn't very happy about it:

True, Hawkeye...Captain America would know absolutely nothing about being "saddled" with former villains on his team...they could never be "assets"...

And you, Hawkeye? You would never, ever, ever want to lead a team that had reformed notorious super villains. That's obvious...

Hmmm...maybe when he's done writing issue-length Hawkeye hissy fits, Rick Remender could read up on a little history of the guy leading the team. (In fairness, I was much happier with Remender's handling of certain other characters...more on that later in the week)

You'd think that with Hawkeye coming up in the Avengers movie, Marvel would want to make him look, you know, heroic and all. But between this and last week's Avenging Spider-Man, there seems instead to be a concerted effort to make Clint Barton into an unlikable, reckless, arrogant, incompetent ass who's neither very good at heroing or at leading teams.

If so, mission accomplished, Marvel.

It's Hard Out Here For A Pymp (You Ain't Knowin')

In this week's Secret Avengers, Captain America beams Captain Britain aboard their new super-secret Secret Avengers HQ:

Wait....again, please?

I'm such Rick Remender and Marvel would prefer us to think "Pym-Porter" when we read that.

But admit it--when you saw it, you immediately thought "Pymp-Orter."

Or is it only me, influenced by my incredibly high opinion of Henry Pym?

Because Pym is exactly the the type of whiny, self-pitying fool who thinks that it is indeed hard out there for a pymp.

And speaking of songs that shockingly won an Oscar:

EU Crisis (Geographical, Not Monetary)

Because everybody wants to know where the fictional countries go:

Wait, wait...what about Slokovia? Or Symkaria, Silver Sable's homeland, which borders Latveria? Or...

Man, this fictional geography business is tough....

From Secret Avengers #19

Things That Make Me Smile--Zombie Finest Hour

Why I Love Comics, Chapter MMDXXVIII--Warren Ellis' idea of what a zombified British fighter pilot would say while attacking an American Quinjet (click to embiggen to full glory):

He's probably right...

From Secret Avengers #17

MOKFgasm

So I'm reading Secret Avengers #6, and...

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and....

SQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No spoilers, but Shang-Chi + Ed Brubaker = mucho joy.

He IS Rising (And Advancing)!!

This week's Avengers #5, aside from being a fundamental lesson in how to pad out a 2-3 issue storyline to trade length, also sees Marvel doing more explicit ripping off of DC.

Specifically, they steal the idea of Rip Hunter's blackboard containing mysterious hints of future events upcoming in the DC universe. Except here, it's future Tony Stark laying out upcoming events on a big old sheet of butcher paper (don't worry, there are no spoilers for the actual Avengers story here):

Click to embiggen enough to actually read...or wait for one of the news sites to run a big ol' high-res readable version.

Anyway, DC rip-off or not, the important part comes when we zoom in a bit:

Yup, you saw it:

Now, earlier I was experiencing paroxysms of joy because Shang-Chi is returning for a least one storyline in Ed Brubaker's Secret Avengers, and they've been dropping hints that Fu Manchu might be coming back, too.

But this...surely one little guest-arc wouldn't be enough to justify it's own entry on Rip Hunter's blackboard Tony's wholly original timeline from the future, would it??

Is Master Of Kung Fu coming back, as its own title??

Could it be? Dare I hope??

Or is this going to be like when Bendis gave us Nick Fury's Bulletin Board Of Skrulls, which was scrutinized to death by fans and ultimately turned out to be completely meaningless and worthless??

Don't disappoint me, Marvel...

Fu Fighters

As you know, Master Of Kung Fu is clearly the greatest comic series EVER. About this I will tolerate no argument. Sorry.

And if you've been hanging around here long enough, you also know that Marvel can't reprint 70-80% of the series. They still own the titular hero, Shang-Chi. But in the series he was the son of Chinese bad guy Fu Manchu, and comrade/employee of Sir Denis Nayland Smith of Scotland Yard/MI6, both of whom were characters from Sax Rohmer's pulp novels. And Marvel lost the Rohmer license. Which makes reprinting a bit difficult, because (especially early in the run) Fu was in every damned issue, or mentioned in every issue, or ruminated about in every issue. And Smith was there virtually every story, as well.

Now, Marvel was able to get around this for a new one-shot special in 1990 and a six issue MAX mini-series in 2002 by the clever expedient of having Fu as the villain but not actually calling him by name. One suspects someone's lawyers were asleep at the switch to let Moench and Gulacy get away with this: the MAX series featured a mysterious "Saint Germaine" who was drawn EXACTLY like Fu Manchu, and was discovered to really be Shang's father, so he was just called "Father" the rest of the series. Subtle, guys.

But even though they still own the character, no one at Marvel has really seemed to have any idea what to do with Shang-Chi. Until the November solicits:

SECRET AVENGERS #7
Written by ED BRUBAKER
Penciled by MIKE DEODATO JR.
Cover by MIKE DEODATO JR.
Tron Variant Cover by TBD
Dark forces are at work in Hong Kong to reincarnate a great evil...but the Secret Avengers and that great evil's son -- SHANG CHI -- are also on these dark streets! As is a new secret member of Marvel's hottest covert Avengers team! By the all-star team-up of Ed Brubaker and Mike Deodato.
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$3.99

My head just exploded. Shang-Chi is back...Brubaker's writing it, which is just about perfect...and someone is trying to reincarnate Shang's father?!?

Dare I hope...are they just being coy? Has Marvel gotten the rights back and is bringing back Fu? Will we see Marvel Master(works) Of Kung Fu and Essential Shang-Chi?

Ah, probably not. It's probably still status quo, and we'll play all sorts of name games to not actually call him Fu Manchu. But still, Shang-Chi, handled by Brubaker...damn, I must have earned some good karma this week.

But my fingers are crossed for the return of Fu Manchu, the greatest Marvel villain EVER (eat that, Von Doom!!)