The Time Ben Grimm Took A Back Seat To Beyonce!!

Ben Grimm is fighting the Trapster and the Sandman, because goddamn I love the Marvel Universe, and decides to call for help in the usual way:

Unfortunately, his teammates all have their own things going on at the moment:

Hurry, Johnny--she's carrying twins!!

So...

Don't worry, Ben...all of fans have been waiting nearly TWO YEARS for the Fantastic Four to show up...Sigh...

[SPOILER ALERT: Spider-Man showed up to help Ben. Because goddamn I love the Marvel Universe]

From The Thing #6 (2006)

Friday Night Fights--Covered In Flint Style!!

We're running frightfully late tonight (thanks, Batman v. Superman, whose 151-minutes running time felt like 273 minutes...).

So let's get straight to Friday Night Fights!

It turns out that the Thing's new girlfriend, Hazel, is also the ex-girlfriend of the Sandman!! And he's not a particularly nice ex-bf:

Really, Flint? (Still, it later turns out that she was two-timing both of them with Crusher Creel, so, ewww).

Still, you just know this is going to end up in a fight...

Told ya.

SKPLOOOSH!!!

But there's a messy ending...

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Spacebooger wants you to know that Hazel didn't survive the series.

Flint on Grimm action from Startling Stories: The Thing--Night Falls On Yancy Street #2 (2003), by Evan Dorkin and Dean Haspiel

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight! Why? I've got no time to think of a reason--just go vote!!

The Justice Society Goes To War--The Final Chapter?!?

All morning long we've seen how, right after Pearl Harbor, the members of the JSA enlisted in the military in their civilian identities (except for Spectre, because "ghosts can't enlist.").

And we've also seen that, in every case, they didn't stay in their civilian identities for long, because war is indeed hell, and super-heroes can't resist super-heroing when they're needed.

And so the members of the JSA have sunk ships, shot down planes, taken out tank battalions, captured entire islands, caught saboteurs, rescued troops...it's been a busy morning.

But, despite all those victories, it turns out that all of that super-hero participation in war is a BAD THING!!

Why?!?

Yes, "high-ranking commanders" actually come to blows over whose unit has the best super-hero. Because all upper Army officers are 7 year old boys.

Seriously.

So the "top" commanding officer of the Army has Johnny Thunder summon all of the Justice Society memebers:

"Disrupting?!?!" They're saving your army, fool!!

Ahh...they're "too good." So the solution isn't to discipline your dumb-ass commanders, but to ground the freaking super-heroes?!?!?! I'm not sure all the grunts whose lives are being saved would agree that the JSA are "too good" to have around...

Yes, "pride and loyalty" is a terrible thing in military service...

THE JUSTICE BATTALION OF AMERICA!!! 

And you thought Roy Thomas was just making that shit up...

Of course, they agree...why maximize your resources by spreading them out, when you can lump them together (and let 7 other divisions go without), just because some of your commanders got into a brawl over who was the best super-hero?

Still, one good thing happens:

And then the "top commander" proves himself the biggest hypocrite of all:

Jackass. Good answer, Hawkman...but jackass.

From All-Star Comics #11 (1942)

The Justice Society Goes To War--Chapter 2!!

The day after Pearl Harbor, the entire Justice Society of America enlisted in the military!! How did that go?

Hawkman is a pilot as Carter Hall, but when his plane is destroyed, he finds another way to serve:

OK, that's probably way cooler than smashing crooks in the face with a mace. But you ain't seen nothing yet:

BOOM!!!

Meanwhile, Diana Prince is serving as a nurse. But when pressed into action, she's no ambassador of peace:

Meanwhile, Wesley Dodds is always prepared!

Which is fortunate, because...

Al Pratt has worked his way up to sergeant in a tank brigade. But when his unit wanders into an ambush...

Golden Age science!!

But do you know what? It turns out that all these heroes fighting in our military units...is a terrible thing!!

Why? Tune in later this morning to find out!!

From All-Star Comics #11 (1942)