Manic Monday Triple Overtime--British Reality Shows Are The BEST Reality Shows!!

Well, I never suspected that things were so swingin' at Scotland Yard!

No wonder Lestrade could never solve the case!! Too busy kissin'!!

In the office of Inspector Ronald Kirk (who is pretty clearly an ancestor of one James T. Kirk);

Hey!!

Yes?!?

Well, that was a pretty good guess, Inspector.

But it turns out that it's a lucky thing you didn't let her kiss you.

YOW!! Kiss 'em and then pretend to kill 'em? That's my kind of show!!

Except the "pretend" part wasn't so pretend!

HOLY SCHNIKES!!

Kirk tracks down the other potential victims. Two are saved, but sadly...

Man, I love reality TV!!

Of course, the whole bit about this being a publicity stunt for a TV show would have been more believable if there had actually been, you know, publicity...camera men, photographers, anything?!?

Because it's not actually a good mystery. As we just saw, even if they succeeded, the girls are going to wake up and tell the police who sent them. Which leaves the bad guy just one out--murder his twin brother, making it look like suicide, while he hides in the closet. No, really.

So, terrible mystery, poorly planned crime--but gosh darn, what a reality show!! Someone let FOX know!!

From Mysteries Of Scotland Yard #1 (a.k.a. as A-1 #121) (1954)

Don't Bring A Snake To A Gun Fight!

If you're going to try to kill Scotland Yard's Scott Hunter...

...don't try the "poisonous snake delivered in a way that can be easily thrown back in my face" method. Because Hunter Of The C.I.D. is all over that little tactic!

I hope he saved room for desert!

From The Killers #2 (1948)

A Very British Mystery

Some crime stories are so very British that they can only be told with tea and crumpets!

Take, for example, when Inspector Farnsworth of Scotland Yard, and his major domo Chipp Cromwell) are called out to investigate...a murder most foul!!

See, they say "chap" and "bloke"--clearly they are very, very English!

Anyway, it seems the victim was killed when he surprised a burglar in the night. And his distraught wife describes just how very special, how sensitive her brilliant artist husband was:


OK, that's...odd.

Now we've gone from "being sensitive" to "being a complete douche." (But bonus for her being a "charwoman"--very, very English!)

Are you sure you're upset that he's dead, lady? Because he sounds like he was real unpleasant to live with...

But Farnsworth promises the wife he'll solve the crime!

The problem with getting all the specialists involved, however, is:

"Blokes." Hee, hee.

And how dare they give me papers, and reports. Duece it all, nobody told me this job involved reading!

The wife comes by for an update on his progress:


"Old brain-wheels"?? Must be another Britishism...but those wheels are a-turnin', and Farnsworth figures out the case. He has Mrs. Evans trailed to a mysterious apartment, where:

What?!?

Yes!! It turns out Evans, sensitive man that he was, had used up all his family money. So they befriended a "derelict" who fit Evans' general description, dressed him up in Evans' clothes, and killed him so they could collect the life insurance! (Don't ask how they faked the the Van Dyke...I'm guessing most 1950s British derelicts wore one, anyway...)

Still, Evans has the drop on Farnsworth and Cromwell--how ever shall they bring in their man?


Gee, what a puss. No wonder he fired the charwoman with the awful voice...

So, case closed!! But Farnsworth--however did you solve it??


A case solved by fish and chips!! You can't get more British than that!!

You might be surprised, because of the overwhelmingly convincing Britishness of this story, but this was actually an American comic book!! Yup, it was Charlton's Scotland Yard #4 (1956). Oi!