Zatarra Has Some Advice For Roy Harper

Hey Roy,

I think I've got a solution for your problem:


6 arms! Hell, one extra arm should be no sweat, then.

Too bad Zatarra's dead, though. Maybe if you ask Zatanna really nicely...

From World's Finest #39 (1949). What the hell is going on here?? More on that tomorrow...

Vic Stone Has Some Advice For Roy Harper

As Roy Harper prepares to audition for a guest spot as drummer for Def Leppard, we've been asking for some perspective from other similarly unlucky residents of the DC universe. Today, Roy's fellow Titan Vic Stone, a.k.a. Cyborg, has a few words to say. Take it away, Vic:



You lost one arm, Roy? Just one? That's it? No other body parts?

Man, you better not start up with any self-pity jive, because I have you beat twelve ways to Sunday. Hell, you've got working parts that I would kill to have, if you know what I mean.

So no whining, no moping, just get yourself up and be thankful some other bits weren't removed. Maybe you can still get lucky with Hawkgirl...

Thanks, Vic.

Arthur Curry Has Some Advice For Roy Harper

Let's allow Aquaman to handle this one himself, shall we??

Roy, Roy, my friend's apprentice. Let me tell you a little something. What was that line of yours?

Well, guess what?

I could feel my fingers. So I win. No nice, clean amputation for me, no sir.

Plus, I'm the King of the Freakin' Seas...and my hand was eaten by fish. Talk about embarrassing...that's like if you lost your hand to an arrow, or Zatanna accidentally saying, "ekat ym dnah, esaelp." Humiliating...

Ah, but Roy, there is good news. Once you've finished your 4-issue "journey into despair," you're bound to be treated better than I was. I mean, they tried to make me into a badass...

...but c'mon now--a hook? A stupid harpoon? What am I, a rejected Shang-Chi villain?!? I guarantee you're going to get something much cooler...some kind of prosthetic gun arm or such. Why else would they keep calling you Arsenal? And whatever you get, it's going to be better than a bloody hook...what were they thinking? A harpoon? No wonder fish didn't want to listen to me any more...

Plus, at least you'll know your status. I've been dead/revived/wait, no, not revived/oh yeah revived but now dead/who the hell was that in that really bad issue of JLA/oh, that was an alternate universe me/no, that was a mini-clone-half-brother-mutagenic-serum-what-the-hell...I've been jerked around so much over the past 5 years, even DC's editors don't know (or care) about my status right now. You, you're getting a nice mini-series to sort out your status quo. Me, I'm just rotting in limbo...

Thank you, Aquaman. At least your wife is getting a lot of screen time in Blackest Night...you, not so much. Sorry.

Garth Ranzz Has Some Advice For Roy Harper

With Roy Harper now ready to audition for the role of the killer in The Fugitive,we've been seeking the advice of others with similar afflictions. Yesterday we saw Oliver Queen man up when he lost both arms but STILL beat enemies by shooting arrows.

Well, 1965 was a big year for loss of arms in the DC Universe:

That's right, Lightning Lad (Garth Ranzz) lost his arm to "The Super-Moby Dick Of Space." (Ha, we're gonna trick those kids into reading literature!!)

The beastie "infected" Garth's right arm with poison:

Should have gotten your vaccinations, Garth...

Now, did Garth need a four-issue mini-series detailing his "dangerous journey into despair?"

Nope. He got himself a new arm, and went out and captured the beastie that did this to him.

They made real men back in the Silver Age, dammit.

Oh, and Garth has one other piece of advice to help your recovery, Roy:

Get yourself a hot blond to take your mind off your troubles...

Ollie Has Some Advice For Roy Harper

Starting in March, DC is going to be publishing a 4 issue mini-series, Justice League: The Rise Of Arsenal, dealing with how Roy Harper will deal with the tiny injury he recently sustained:

There's the obvious question, "What, he's Arsenal again? So that Red Arrow nonsense is over?" But there's the other question: "4 issues? Really?"

Which is a good question, because Oliver Queen dealt with the whole not having arms problem in just a few pages. Yes, I said "arms."

Travel with me back to Justice League Of America #36 (1965). The doofus villain Brainstorm has given each member of the JLA a disability...

...including having Green Arrow lose both his arms!!

Did we get moaning and wailing? Did we get a 4 issue mini-series? Nope...Ollie just sucked it up and got the job done!!

And later, he does it again!!

Ollie was short two arms, and there was no trauma, no "dangerous journey into despair" (as the solicit puts it), and no 4 issues. That's how a Justice Leaguer does it, Roy (and DC writers).

Comic Character New Years Resolutions--Roy Harper

Comic book characters make New Years resolutions, too. For example, take Roy Harper:

"I resolve not to shoot up any more."

Well, you're half way there, Roy...

OK, sorry about that. Won't happen again...at least until DC's next dismemberment...