Judgement Day!

Hey, kids--

Erector sets are great fun!!

Why, you can make--

Giant Ferris Wheels!!

Amazing airplane rides!!

And, of course...

YOU CAN UNLEASH SKYNET TO DESTROY US ALL, FOOLS!!

Now, I know what you're thinking...that was 1948, when we were naive about the machine threat. We would never have erector sets with giant robots that could take over.

Wrong.

 Ahhhhhhh!!!!

The worst part?

THEY WILL STEAL OUR WOMEN!!

From Black Terror #25 (1948)

No Love For Marvex!!

Well, Marvex The Super-Robot has just impressed the hell out of Clara Crandall!

But Marvex goes and blows the deal...

Somewhere Data and Vision are face-palming. You're going to blow it for all artificial life=forms, Marvex!!

BTW, Slay Monstrobot does not recommend telling the girl you can't have sex, and then getting naked to show her why. Trust us, that never works!

And no, that was no porn music cue, you dirty-minded trolls. That was the last story panel...

From Daring Mystery Comics #3 (1940)

Who Watches The Watchers--Robot Style!!

Worried about machines getting artificial intelligence and wiping us out? Fearful that our own creations might turn on us? Remember how a few years ago we were worried computers were too dumb to know year day it is, so they're gonna kill us all--and now were worrying they'll become too smart, and kill us all?

Well, then, this comic story is for you.

Slay Monstrobot reminds you: there's no irony like cheap irony!!

From Tales of Suspense #35 (1962)

Best Pulp Cover You've never Seen--Amazing Stories (June 1965)

Because some mornings you just need to see an angry robot swingin' hammers around.

Cover by Gray Morrow

The Real Reason Germany Lost WWII--Stupidly Designed Giant Robots!!

Davy is always getting picked on by the guys in his unit, because he's kind of a runt:

But their Sarge reminds them of another time a runt made good:

Well, Davy is on point as they move out...when:

Holy Hannah, a giant Nazi robot!!

Of course, this is all Hitler's master plan!!

Hmm, maybe naming him Goliath was a bad idea, dude.

But whatever his name, giant Nazi robot soldier is tough!! Planes can't stop him!

Mortar fire can't stop him!

Minefields can't stop him!!

Even the clever ploy of riding a windmill so you can put a bazooka in his face...doesn't stop him!

Sadly, this last gambit kills the Sarge, who has some parting advice for Davy:

Hey. let's try drowning it!!

Well, that worked swell!! End of giant Nazi robot menace!

D'oh!!

Well, I guess Hitler wins WWII now...

No, Davy, there is no physical law of the universe demanding that everything have a "weak spot." That's not the way things work.

Why not just accept that the Nazis have built an unstoppable death machine, and start learning German?

Yes, that will work...

Wait--that DID work? Seriously?

Down goes Goliath! Down goes Goliath!!!

Bonus: this made Hitler very sad!

Maybe, Adolf, just maybe, you should have designed a robot without a weak spot. Maybe you shouldn't have put the most crucial component in the least protected area. Or sprung for the dough to put heavier shielding on the feet.

So much for German engineering...

From Weird War Tales #6 (1972)

Why Your Robot Can't Add, or Why I'm Not Allowed To Write Comics Chapter LXXVII

Hyper-Man, the super-hero of the world of Oceania, has invited Superman to his world. Objective: for Superman to help protect his secret identity!

Oh, Silver Age Superman--you always go straight for the robots.

Well, there's a very good reason why Hyper-man doesn't use robots:

OK...

Ah, DC Science...You know, a good programmer would never blame the zillium...

Anyway, Superman "helps" Hyper-Man by deliberately blowing his identity AND wiping out his super powers! Why? Because Kal has learned the HM is dying, and he wants Chester King to be able to spend the last year of his life in wedded bliss with his love Lydia Long. Hmmm...is that super-dickery, or super-sweetness--or both?!?!

Anyway, for reasons only the elves inside my head can explain, got me thinking about Superman's use of robots, and I've come up with the ultimate Silver Age story:

After getting some ribbing from Batman and Robin about always using robots to get out of jams while not sharing that tech with them, Superman decides to make robots for all his Justice League colleagues.

It all goes swimmingly, until a passing comet (or Superman tunneling through the earth opens a hidden pocket of zillium gas, or...) causes the robots to malfunction (and become invulnerable), and they take over the world as the Robot Justice League. Except one of them is not a robot, it's the real hero who destroyed their robot and is infiltrating the RJL to save the day from within...

And that is why I'm not allowed to write comic books.

[SPOILER ALERT: Eventually the robots are defeated, but "cured" of what caused them to malfunction. So rather than destroy them, Superman transports them to a machine world that has no heroes of its own. And thus begins the the long running Robot Justice League strip in the back of Strange Adventures...along with the annual JLA/Robot JL team-up...]

From Action Comics #265 (1960), as reprinted in Superman #207 (1968)

I Freaking Love Comic Books--Hangman Hits The Nerd Trifecta!!

Look, I know we all think we're pretty cool and post-modern and ironic and hip and knowing,

 But I'm here to tell you that your grandparents were doing geek mash-ups long before silly fanboys.

Our story starts, as they all do, with respected scientists making amazing discoveries:

And it's real, too:

But, as inevitably happens...

DINOSAUR!!!! Ding!!

Well, that's pretty not cool!!

Fortunately, the Hangman is on the scene, and he commandeers some construction equipment!! There's absolutely no chance this won't work!!

Uh-oh...I guess dinosaurs are much tougher than we thought!!

So our unstoppable T-Rex goes on a nationwide slaughter spree. And when I say nationwide...

Wow!!! All the way to San Francisco!?!? On foot?!?! That is one crazy tyrannosaur!!

Ahh, but is there a method to the madness?!? Hangman manages to deduce that the beast's next target will be a defense plant in New Jersey!! So with the help of the workers there, he sets a trap--with tanks!!

Well, that didn't work!! Gosh darn, dinosaurs are far tougher than Land Of The Lost led me to believe!!

Ah, but the attack did have one benefit...

WHAT!?!?

Yes, ROBOT!! DINOSAUR!!! Ding ding!!

So a quick trip into the brute's mouth reveals...

NAZI!! ROBOT!! DINOSAUR!!! Ding ding ding!!! That's nerd bingo, everyone!!!! The trifecta!! The ultimate mash-up!! In 1942!!

Now, if you think about it, this plan is so crazy it's brilliant. A) Invent an unstoppable robot T-Rex B) Pretend you've discovered a real T-Rex, and bring him to America a la King Kong C) Pretend that he escapes D) Send him on a nation-wide quest of destroying defense plants.

Seriously--that's amazing. The Red Skull wishes he ever had a plan this good!! Of course, you might ask, why only one? Why not smuggle a couple of more in and do some real damage? And hell, why not deploy some on the battlefields Europe and Africa, especially if they're so tank-proof?!?

(Duh...this was the only prototype, Professor Gonig's being caught prevented more from being built, because of course he only kept the plans in his head, and the Third Reich didn't have enough resources to build more).

Anyway, the Hangman really doesn't like saboteurs in Nazi robot dinosaurs, so...

Are there steep precipices in New Jersey? Just askin'...

Don't worry, folk--the traitorous Nazi scientist and henchmen are dead, but not the Hangman!!!

Bombs built out of the scrap of Nazi robot dinosaurs, to be dropped on Germany. Because our grandparents did ironic camp FOR REALS!!!!

From Hangman Comics #4 (1942)