Showing posts with label Perry White. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Perry White. Show all posts

Monday, June 19, 2017

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Morgan Edge Is A Dickweed!!

Time for Morgan Edge to make everyone thinks he's still an evil clone working for Darkseid:

And now, he gets personal:

Oh, silly Lois...collaborating like that, when you should know that he's going to turn on you next!


Just for the record, from the very same story, here is exactly how "soft" Lois Lane is:

Yup, real soft, all right. She really needs "firming up." Uh-huh.

Morgan Edge, go frak yourself.

[BTW, Lois goes to investigate the "health farm," and she discovers that it's run by an insane millionaire who has her android staff hypnotize patients into leaving their fortune to the clinic and then kill themselves. But she defeats the evil death factory, thanks to klurkor and solar reflectors. Just so you know]

From Superman Family #196 (1979)

Thursday, November 12, 2015

The Lois Lane Guide To Staying Awake!!

Sometimes Superman isn't terribly smart...

Yeah, what possible harm could come from leaving an unknown alien artifact loose on Earth?

Especially when Perry's a total klutz!


Later, when Perry proves that he's a real newspaperman by falling asleep during a political speech:

Uh-oh...

As we saw earlier this morning, those aliens did manage to take over Jimmy, too!

So how does Lois manage to stay awake (and free)? First, she has to pull an all-nighter:

And the she overhears a sinister plan:


Well, Superman's gone from Earth for the next ten days. So Lois must, on her own, face:

Sadly, Lois didn't hear the part where the aliens say you have to be wearing the gem when you fall asleep to be taken over, so she never thinks to take the damn thing off.

She has some ways to stay awake, though...

...like slapping...

...and slurping...


...and Netflix...

...and wacky tricks...



...and excruciating tooth pain...

...and a non-Cosmic treadmill!

The evil aliens are getting impatient, so possessed-Jimmy slips Lois a rufie!!

But evil aliens have never seen Bugs Bunny cartoons!


Finally, on day 10, the aliens come up with the ultimate plan:

THE FAKE MATTRESS ADVERTISEMENT!!

Works every time!


Ah, but then Superman shows up, and destroys the gem shards (yes, I know, it woulds seem that he's killing the intelligences inside them. Shhhh....)

And Lois didn't turn, because earlier that day a reformed pickpocket she was doing a story on swiped her gem, to show her how good he was!!

So finally, sleepy-time for Lois!!

From Lois Lane #18 (1960), as reprinted in Superman Family #179 (1976)

Monday, October 19, 2015

Manic Monday Bonus--The Fisherman Of Metropolis Can Be Bribed Pretty Easily!!

When Lois first tried to get hired at the Daily Planet, Perry White was kind of a dick:

"Sorry, Lois...you got me the Pentagon Papers yesterday, Watergate the day before...but no scoop today? You're trash! Get outta here!"

Well, Lois is up to the task, and she gets the first two scoops. But on Day 3, she runs into a little bit of trouble:


Come on, guys--no jokes about "big bones," OK? This is a family blog.

Only an hour to press? What's the problem, Lois? Just write it up on your tablet, tether it to your cell phone, and...oh, wait. Wrong century.

Ah, but Lois has a plan!

Wait...one more time?

"I'll put that $5 bill in with a note telling the finder to keep it if he rushes the scoop to the Planet!"

5 whole dollars, Lois? Sure, that'll make anyone snap to attention, drop what they're doing, and rush to fulfill your whims!

But you know what? She was right! Never underestimate the "thriftiness" of Metropolis fisherman!

"Hurry, Charlie!! Drop everything, dump our catch, rush in to shore, and then rush to the Daily Planet--then and only then can we can keep this $5 bill!!!"

"Uh, couldn't we just keep the $5, Joe?"

"NO!! Than we wouldn't have actually earned it!!"

Those big city folks are so sweet and honest...

From Lois Lane #17 (1960), as reprinted in Lois Lane #81 (1968)

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Spoiler Saturday--Why I'm Done With The Superman Books (Again)

So, what are the people of Metropolis, the people of DC Earth, like?

Here's one version:

That is from The Essential Superman Encyclopedia (2012), by Robert Greenberger and Martin Pasko.

Boy, are they naive idiots.

Here's one of the examples of criminals trying to tarnish heroes they talked about: the post-Crisis mini-series, Legends:

Of course, the public's turning on heroes was short lived, as it was soon revealed that Darkseid (and Glorious Godfrey) are behind it all:

But of course that didn't take, and that series served to relaunch the Justice League, and establish the role of heroes  in the new, post-Crisis universe. No, seriously, people really loved their heroes!! Go figure!!

Today's DC, though? They've decided that they prefer the "before" to the "after," as they try to make their universe as unfriendly to heroes as the first issues of Legends were.

For example, from this week's Action Comics #45:


Yes, that's why I read comics...for the disapproving public opinion polls on heroes.

Even after Superman saves a bunch of people from a storm...

It's not just the man in the street, either:

Oh, Perry White, you damned jerk.

Now, the last few weeks have revealed that there is some nebulous being called Wrath in the background, making everyone angry and, well, wrathful. The nu52--for those who thought Jack Kirby's villain names were too subtle!!

Another point we should note is that all of this (recent round of) public hatred of Superman is not just because he's an alien--that's been pubic knowledge for awhile (and how could it not be, with every other villain having "ties" to Krypton).

No, people are upset because they found out that Superman had been living amongst them, "posing" as a mere human.

Now, it seems to me that a lot of fear and distrust could be cleared up by Clark giving a TV interview--to Oprah, say--explaining that he wasn't "posing," he was living with the name he was given and raised with by his human foster parents--he's always been Clark Kent, and Superman was the assumed identity. Not for nothing, this goes back to the Legends era, because that was the punchline of Byrne's Man Of Steel relaunch:

But instead, DC has chosen to base their universe on the fever-dream paranoia of Pa Kent from the Man Of Steel movie, where Pa chose to kill himself rather than allow a hint that Clark existed, because he was convinced that society would hate him and try to destroy him. So congratulations, DC...you fulfilled the prophecies of a man who though Clark maybe should have let a busload of kids die, because being a hero is a really bad idea.

Speaking of the Kents, well, there was one more effect of Lois doxxing Clark:

Yeah, because that's the universe I want to follow--where the fearful government digs up the corpses of old couples because they're so terrified by the concept of someone who actually does good because it's the right thing.

To be fair, though, it's possible it wasn't the government that exhumed the Kents' bodies. No, maybe they just burnt up from the friction of spinning in their graves when they heard their son did this in last week's Superman #44:

Yeah, I bitched about that last week. But it does show that Kal-El himself has lost the mission in this dour and wretched reboot.

So that's why I'm dropping the Superman books. Even the "good one," Action Comics, is forced to wallow in this dire plotline. Superman blackmailing erstwhile allies and blowing up hideouts? Clark without most of his supporting cast? An entire universe turned against heroes, not just as part of a mini-series to redefine what heroic is for a "new universe," but as a permanent condition? The news leads with polls showing him having lower public opinion polls than Donald Trump? The man who has saved Earth Rao knows how many times is wanted, despised, hunted? Former staunch allies turned on him? (Hey, Perry, if what he did is so bad, when are you giving back the Pulitzers the Daily Planet won for covering Superman?!? Huh?)

I don't mind anti-heroes, even if I don't care to follow most of them. It's a big fictional universe. But I do mind when an entire fictional universe becomes anti-hero, and the people are portrayed as merely a collection of our baser instincts. I object when Superman is supposed to inspire others to be better, to do the best they can, and that message is rejected, forcefully, by the government, by his friends, by the vast majority of the American population.

That's the Anti-Life Equation, folks. That's the world that Darkseid was trying to create in Legends. And the folks running DC have given it to him.

So I'm hopping off this trolley. I'm not asking, or expecting, anyone else to do the same--I'm just trying to explain why I'm not buying these books anymore, and why you'll be reading a lot less about nu52 Superman around here for awhile.

In the meantime, perhaps you can ask yourself, which version of the DC Universe do you prefer--the one described in the paragraph I reprinted at the top of this post, or the one we've been given today?

[For a fuller, and much better, review of Action #45, please go check out Anj's post. He's probably more rational than I am.]

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

How To Save Print News Media, World's Finest Style!!

Like much of print journalism these days, the Gotham Gazette is in serious financial trouble:

But here's one solution--find a billionaire "angel" to solve your problems!

But...

Bruce Wayne, if you're so worried, you could just BUY the newspaper--and as it's about to shut down, you could probably get it for pennies on the dollar.

Also, if raising circulation is the concern, I would think that Bruce Wayne could easily "arrange" an exclusive interview with Batman, a ride-along in the Batmobile...you know, all the stuff that works so well for the Daily Planet.

And speaking of the Planet...Bruce reaches out to Clark Kent for help, because apparently there are no competent reporters in Gotham. But there's no way Perry White would agree to loan out his star reporters, right? Unless you use reverse psychology:


I guess the Planet will just publish recipes or something for the next 30 days...

But there's even more trouble in Gotham!



And what kind of editor is Lois?

Total tyrant.

Fortunately, Superman and Batman manage to track down that big crime scoop...but how to get the paper out in time?


So, all's well that ends well!

That's the way to save modern newspapers--get a billionaire to steal top talent from other cities' papers, and use non-union labor to distribute your papers!!

From World's Finest #80 (1956), as reprinted in World's Finest #188 (1969)