Meet The New Gods,Same As The Old Gods!

On New Genesis, everyone is a comedian:

We really do need a "Lower Decks" type story about those minor nobody-has-ever-heard-of-them gods on New Genesis or Asgard or wherever...

From Mister Miracle #6 (2018)

If snell Had Created The Fourth World, There Would Have Been A Lot More Headlines Like This

(editor's note: OK, that joke was so dense and lame that even snell himself didn't get it. Slay Monstrobot apologizes for this)
(snell: shut up, I'm in Vegas, and you're lucky you're even getting a post. So there!)

Headline from John Byrne's Next Men #16 (1993).

A Comic Book About Nouns?!?

From the pages of Adventure Comics #395 (and presumably a number of their other cover date July 1970 comics), DC promotes a comic book about hockey:

Gretzky?

Seriously, and in hindsight, this is obviously an early promo for Jack Kirby coming to DC and kicking off the Fourth World, which would get underway in just three months in the pages of Jimmy Olsen.

But if you can put yourself in the frame of mind of a DC fan of early 1970, this might be the worst house ad ever!! In the pre-internet, pre-all but the most limited fanzines, pre-Diamond solicitations days, these house ads were the companies only real way (along with letters pages and Bullpen Bulletins) of communicating future plans to the fans.

But this ad? It says just about nothing if you don't already know who the New Gods were. A whole generation of DC fans must have been scratching their heads in puzzlement. Let's break it down:

Great One? Who dat?

Since at the time DC was not in the habit of even printing the creators credits in the comics, this sudden break from from artist anonymity to artist as attraction must have come as a total surprise to DC readers. And maybe DC really had no clue how to pitch it. But since DC house ads at the time were used exclusively to pitch stories, not creators, I'd be willing to bet that a great number of readers must have assumed that "the Great One" was a new character, rather than a comic creator coming over from Marvel.

I can only assume that there was some reason they didn't mention Jack Kirby at all. Perhaps because he was still being published at Marvel for the next couple of months, DC was contractually obligated not to pimp his forthcoming arrival...or perhaps they feared some sort of "poaching" or "tampering" legal difficulties with Marvel if they publicly announced it too early. Hell, maybe he hadn't told Stan yet, and didn't want to spoil the surprise.

Still, you'd think DC could have come up with a better way to tip readers that Kirby was coming on board. I've never heard him referred to as "the Great One" before, although I wasn't around back then, so maybe that was a nickname he was known by. But everyone knew him as "King," so why not that, instead of Gretzky the Great One?

OK, so someone at DC was trying to write like Stan...and failing. Anyway, I've always heard the phrase as "from ON high," not "from high," although there might be regional variations of this one. Unless, of course, marijuana use was responsible for bringing Kirby to DC...But again, why the obscurity?

OK...that's not terribly helpful, is it? We're more than halfway down the full page ad, and don't have the vaguest clue about what it's trying to sell us. Plus, it sounds like a rip-off of the Thunderball movie poster:

Can we please get down to content now?

No, we can't. Still hung up on directions (and sounding a lot like Aliens..."they're everywhere!") Seriously, "all around" me?" That drug use joke is starting to sound more and more real...

Finally, some actual content. But seriously...with everything Kirby had coming for the Fourth World, the Boom Tube is the only thing you mention in the ad? That's it? Gods? Anti-life? Mother Box? Forever People? Mister Miracle?? With all of that, all you see fit to mention is a teleportation device that makes a loud bang??

So, DC's going to publish a comic about nouns?

That's the best you've got?!? Can you get any less specific?? Is this an ad to promote comics, or the final round of $20,000 Pyramid: "People, places, things..." "What are nouns?"

Hmm, that might be true...if only you would tell us what the bloody concept was!!

So, we have an ad that wants to trumpet a famous comic creator coming to National, and the exciting things he's going to do...and yet it doesn't actually tell us that a famous comic creator is coming, and doesn't actually tell us any of the exciting things he is going to do, except it involves "People! Places! Things!" It doesn't tell us what comic book(s) this will be taking place in. It doesn't tell us what characters will be involved.

In fact, unless a fan was really keen on the phrase "Boom Tube," the ad gives her no particular reason to look forward to anything whatsoever. What a terrible ad...which was a bit of foreshadowing of how DC wouldn't have the vaguest clue about how to market Kirby's Fourth World to its readers.

Seriously: "People! Places! Things!" What, DC was going to publish a Grammar Rock comic??

10 Questions...

...you provide your own answers. You won't be graded. Except maybe in heaven.

1) We were assured again and again that Final Crisis wouldn't be crossing over into any ongoing series.

So what, exactly, do you call all those books with the "Dark Side Club" banner at the top, featuring pointless appearances by the evil New New Gods?

2) How stupid, exactly, are all the inhabitants of the DC Universe, when characters named Dark Side and Granny Goodness show up, and they don't have an inkling that something is up?

3) Issue #1 of the Fantastic Four was set in Central City. Yes, Central City.

Did the Flash drive them out, or did the FF decide that they were movin' on up to the big city?

4) If you're a super-powered villain, why the hell are you robbing banks in cities with heroes?? Why not knock off a bank in Kalamazoo, or Hoboken, or Springfield??

5) Spoiler if you haven't seen Hulk yet--At the end of the movie, Tony Stark tells General Ross that "the super soldier program was put on ice for a reason." "ON ICE." Get it?!?!? GET IT?!?!

Given that Stark has the shield in his lab...hmmm...

6) OK, spoilers done. What is the likelihood that the Thor movie is going to come over fire for promoting paganism?

7) Scene we need to see filmed: General Ross and J. Jonah Jameson getting massively drunk in a bar and arguing over who's got the worse menace...OK, that's not a question. But still...

8) Whatever happened to Lobo? "The Main Man" just sorta dropped off the face of the DC Universe. Don't get me wrong, I HATED Lobo, so I'm glad, but for a while the guy was as hot as Wolverine. Wha happened?

9) Since the DC Universe has all of the "real" American cities in addition to all their fictional ones, does that mean they have really, really big sports leagues?

10) Why don't people talk more about Jonathan Hickman's books??

The Great and Powerful Morrison

My impression of Grant Morrison answering the questions from the Newsarama interviewer regarding why Final Crisis #1 didn't sync up at all with Countdown or Death of the New Gods:

Newsarama: So. So in essence, you were handed a plate where between Death of the New Gods and Countdown, Orion appeared to have died twice. Picking up with him here, did he wander to the docks from the battle in Countdown #1, or are his terminal injuries from something else?

Morrison:



Newsarama: And so you were left with a handful of continuity issues as result - – why didn’t the Guardians call a 1011 when all the other New Gods died? Why didn’t Superman recount his experiences in Death of the New Gods when he was talking about the New Gods to the JLA? How did the villains capture J’onn? Obviously, if you dealt in all the minutia of every storyline since Identity Crisis or earlier, you’d go nuts – so what was your personal line in the sand that you used in writing Final Crisis in regards to what “mattered” and what didn’t?

Morrison:

I'm just sayin'.

Bait and Switch

Well, there's a lot that's been written about Final Crisis #1 already. And given that there's 6 more issues and about a billion spin-offs yet to go, it would be very premature of me to comment too much on where the story is going. Because frankly, I haven't the foggiest.

Oh, and I do mean a billion spin-offs. In this week's DC Nation column, Final Crisis editor Eddie Beganza lists 8 of them, and he doesn't even mention Brad Meltzer's DC Universe: Last Will and Testament. He does include 2 I hadn't seen mentioned before, Final Crisis: Submit, and Final Crisis: Submit. So they're still coming up with new ones, and probably more will come to light in the next few months.

But I digress. What I wanted to opine about today was one thing that became abundantly clear while reading FC #1: Grant Morrison either didn't read Countdown and Death of the New Gods, or he doesn't give a flying fig about what happened in there.

If the former, well, lucky him. Countdown was execrable, and DoNG was at best underwhelming (hell, its story didn't even finish in #8, but continued into Countdown).

But we were told, time and time again, how important and vital events in those two series were, how they would be the lynch pin of what would happen in FC, how they were laying the foundation for what would come later.

Uhhh...not so much. Morrison not only contradicts what happened in those two series, but also what happened during his much-lauded run on JLA.

Case in point #1: The Monitor flitting about the "celestial fountain of interlocking universes" says that Universe 51 no longer exists. The Monitors exile 51's Monitor Nix Utoan for that.

Except, of course, 51 wasn't destroyed. Or, rather, it was recreated by Nix Utoan in Countdown #9. Yeah, the Earth-51 was ravaged by the Morticoccus virus, experiencing the "Great Disaster," and became the universe that Kamandi takes place in. Countdown spent an interminable 3 issues setting this up and explaining it. But Earth-51 still exists. The Universe 51 was not lost. Morrison either didn't know or didn't care.

Case in point #2: The New Gods. Let's start with Hal Jordan and John Stewart playing CSI: Green Lantern.

Does Jon Stewart seriously believe that Hal Jordan doesn't know about Darkseid? Really? THE ultimate baddy in the DC Universe forever, and Jon acts like he's talking to a rookie GL. Patronizing much?

How about Superman? He's always been closely linked to the Forth World. What does he have to say on the topic?

Look, Kal-El just spent 8 issues hanging around with ALL of the New Gods. During Countdown #2, Superman and the entire JLA sat on the sidelines and watched as Orion and Darkseid battled to the death. Orion and Barda were actually MEMBERS of the JLA during Morrison's run. Mister Miracle was a member during the JLI days. So why, exactly, is the Man of Steel acting like no one has heard of these guys before? "Guardian archives describe?!?!" How about "Remember that fight we just watched a couple of weeks ago?" or "Remember when Orion was a member?"

Now, I'll grant the need for some exposition dump in this launch of the new mega-series. But why pretend that these New Gods are strangers? Just very clumsily done, unless Morrison has already re-written continuity before the series has even begun.

And maybe he has. From a Q&A with Dan DiDio at Wizard World Philly this week:

Q: Was Death of the New Gods essentially, immediately retconned in that many of the gods were shown alive, albeit in a different form, in Final Crisis #1?

DD: “Death of the New Gods was a celebration of Kirby. A chance to say goodbye, and give them a proper send off. But it all makes sense as Final Crisis unfolds. Both the New Gods and Seven Soldiers will factor in to the events of Final Crisis.”

DiDio back in October sold us DoNG as "a story that we at DC have been building to for some time" and the series where "all your questions will be answered, and you will not be disappointed." And it's resolution was really the only point of the entire 52 (ahem 51) issues of Countdown. But now, it was just a "celebration of Kirby," apparently no more in continuity than "Whatever Happened To the Man of Tommorow."

Yeah, this all might be explained away in the upcoming 95 issues of Final Crisis. But you and I know it won't. Morrison's so powerful right now, he doesn't even have to be consistent with book that he's already written., let alone something written by Jim Starlin or Paul Dini.

Again, not that those storues were any great shakes. It's DC's right to do it that way, but it's disrespectful the the readers who bought and read the earlier mags, and disrespectful to the creators of those other mags.

51 Issues and Nothing On

Well, then, here we are: 52 (strike that, 51) weeks later, we've had our "greatest phase of change" and "every major event and and nearly every character spinning in and out of the story." (So sayeth Dan DiDio) So, never minding the sheer editorial incompetence I discussed yesterday, what, exactly, did we learn about the DC Universe? What was the story about, and how was it told? Did Countdown matter, even if ineptly executed?

In terms of the story, at least, we learned virtually nothing. The climax of the storyline, in issue #2 (because most countdowns climax at two, you see) was just the wrap up-up of the storyline from Death of the New Gods. That's right, the the 8-issue limited series DoNG didn't even wrap up on it's own, but was to-be-continued in Countdown. Unfortunately, issue #8 of DoNG appeared AFTER Countdown #2, so we got the story's ultimate chapter before it's penultimate chapter...way to go, guys.

Seriously, that was about it...the entire point of Countdown was to show the outcome of some other mini-series. It turns out the whole reason we were on board for 52 (ahem, 51) issues was to watch Orion kill Darkseid. So why not make DoNG a 9 issue mini-series? Good question, padawan...

What else did we learn? We learned that we were severely misled, as the series premiered with a cover promising this:

and delivered us a series starring this:

Not a good way to start a relationship, lying to us like that (probably a wise marketing decision, though).

We also learned that the emperor has no clothes...Paul Dini, that is. Sure, he's pretty good at Batman, and he wrote some decent cartoons (okay, some really good cartoons), but this series showed that he's not good at plotting something epic length, and that he's not at all good in keeping continuity in a fully shared universe. He has little feel or regard for how characters were portrayed before he took them up, and showed a total inability to explain anyone's motivations. And the number of loose ends left untied, even after 52 (ahem, 51) padded and rambling issues, is stunning.

Let me say one thing before we continue on: I'm tired of hearing "it was mandated by editorial" as an excuse for a crappily written story. Sadly, that's become a convenient excuse to let writers that we like off the hook for piss-poor execution. And frankly, it's self-serving: as we saw with JMS's Spider-Man comments over the years, he's always been quick to publicly declare that every story fans hated was the editors' fault, and everything fans liked was all his doing. Conveniet, eh?

Yes, there are a TON of sins that can be laid at the feet of Mike Carlin and Dan DiDio; but at some point Dini himself is the one who put plot and words to paper, and he has to take his (ample) share of the blame. (And yes, we can always blame some of the "co-writers" and "creative consultants," but Dini was "head writer" throughout this mess, and that means nothing if we keep shifting the blame off to others).

Examples? How about Pied Piper?

Excuse me, Paul Dini, but Piper ALREADY was on the side of the angels. He had reformed, remember? He and Trickster were just infiltrating the Rogues to get the dope on their plans, remember? You ought to remember, because that's exactly what you wrote in #51! So for the big climax to the arcs of one of your main characters, you forgot whether he was a good guy or a bad guy. Smooth.

Example: Captain Atom/Monarch. You know, I won't say Captain Atom is one of the top guns of the DC Universe, but he's hardly insignificant, either. And when someone like him goes off-the-deep-end rogue you really need to have SOME discussion in the series he's "starring" in about WHY he's gone bad, don't you? (Unless, of course, he was possessed by the color chartreuse or some such nonsense) However, we had no such discussion, no characterization, nothing. Hell, we hardly had any mention that he used to be a hero.

Example: Monarch & Superboy-Prime: They were both prime movers in this silliness. They faced off in issue #13, and theoretically killed each other: Prime ripped open Monarch's suit, and the resulting explosion destroyed THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE of Earth-51 (don't worry--it got better. Really). But Captain Atom has survived things like that before, either being thrown about in space/time or into another dimension. And Superboy-Prime survives (he's one of the villains in the upcoming Legion of 3 Worlds, so he was most likely just thrown forward in time). Yet despite the fact we've been beat over the head with how dangerous, how huge a threat to the multiverse these two are, there's not even a single inquiry into their final fate. Not a word balloon, not a thought balloon, not a caption, nit an asterisk, nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Example: The Challengers of the Unknown (what are they challenging? It's unknown!!). We've been shown REPEATEDLY through Countdown that these guys were no match for a single Monitor...but somehow we end up with this:

These guys couldn't take down Lord Havok and his Extremists...yet now they're going to boss around ALL the Monitors? Really? Does that make a lick of sense?

Example: The Morticoccus. OK, those of you who haven't read this series aren't going to believe me on this. The sole point of having Karate Kid in this series (the SOLE point!) was that he was infected with the Morticoccus, a sentient super-virus that can exist in multiple dimensions and is essentially death on wheels. KK's version was especially deadly because it came from the future, and so was already assimilated to 31st century medical technology, and laughed at our medicine. (Note to Brainiac-5: exiling people to the past with extinction-level diseases can't be good for the timeline...) Earth-51's universe is destroyed (the second time) by the Morticoccus...yet despite the contention that it was now airborne and that their immunizations were temporary, the Challengers traipsed back to Earth-1 with no ill effect, and Morticoccus was never mentioned again. At all. The whole "threat to all universes" bit was completely forgotten. The fact that Ray Palmer had to go around spreading his immunity to other universe was never mentioned again. Karate Kid was in this series just so we could spend 3 entire issues showing the origin of the Kamandi universe (which Kirby could have done in 3 pages, or even 3 panels...).

I could go on, with the pointlessness of it all. Jimmy Olsen: got superpowers, lost superpowers, absolutely no character growth. Why was he in this series? Jason Todd: still a vicious killer and torturer of criminals. Why was he in this series? Holly and Harley: were Amazons for 5 minutes, had gods-granted powers for 5 minutes, now they don't have them and are back in Gotham (with no mention of WHY they left Gotham in the first place, or any particular character arc whatsoever). Why were they in this series? Kyle Rayner: well, he was in this because...well, I don't have any idea whatsoever. Now he gets to moonlight by Monitoring the Monitors (get it? GET IT?!?!), with absolutely no mention of whether he gets to keep his day job in the Oan Honor Guard.

Hey, you want a fun drinking game? Check and see how many unexplained events and unexplained characterizations had to be covered by Carlin & Co. in the Newsarama re-caps each week, and drink for each one that is NEVER covered in the 52 (ahem 51) issues. Just don't plan on making it to work the next day.

I used to complain that there wasn't enough story here for 52 (ahem, 51) issues, so all we were getting was padding and repetition. The sad truth, as it turns out, is that there was no story, period. The climax to another (shorter and better) mini-series, the creation of a new group that I guarantee will have less impact (and not last as long) as the "New Guardians" spun out of Millennium, and Mary Marvel being completely destroyed as a character. Seriously, that was it. Anyone care to wager on how much of this gets followed up in Final Crisis? Any of it?

A 52 (ahem 51) issue series with no plot, no characterization, and no reason for being? I'd like a refund, please.

Meet The New Gods--Same As The Old Gods??

Since everyone else is weighing in on the Death of the New Gods (DONG...huh huh, huhh huhh), I guess it's time I threw my two cents into the ring.

In the interests of full disclosure, let me state right up front that I'm no fan of the New Gods. I've always found Jack Kirby's DC work, while visually arresting, to be boring and flat. The characters are, at best, one-note two-dimensional archetypes, with little personality, who never seem to do anything remotely interesting.

Before the deluge of comments calling me an idiot starts, let me loudly acknowledge that I'm only stating my personal opinion, and that I freely admit that many many people out there love the Fourth World. Then again, there have never been enough who've loved them to actually support any series featuring them, so maybe I'm more representative of the majority than I think.

Also, before you deluge me with examples of various New Gods stories that were thrilling and great, let me say, don't bring up Cosmic Odyssey, because DC did its level best to pretend that it never happened, and most of the good parts involved the "regular" DC universe characters, not the New Gods. And none of the New Gods stories I have read, no matter the creator, have ever spurred me to pick up another.

As to the future, we're all just speculating now. No one knows what is going to happen as a result of DONG and Final Crisis. Dan DiDio revealed last week that the Fourth World is indeed ending and we will be getting the Fifth World. This is hardly a new idea. Grant Morrison was hinting at that way back in his JLA run (you remember, the one where Orion and Barda were members and didn't actually do anything...) . And Jack Kirby himself said that the whole New God/4th World was part of a continuing cycle of destruction and rebirth. Himon et al arose from the Ragnarokian ashes of the Old Gods. So it seems odd to me to decry the "destruction of Kirby's characters" when he himself based them on a cycle of rebirth and destruction.

That being said, the question is over exactly WHAT is being done with the NG. Some suggest that they won't really die, that DC will revive them when copyright time rears its head. Perhaps--although, seriously, aside from Darkseid and Mister Miracle, who among the New Gods has any merchandising potential? The general public's awareness of ANY of the New Gods, even those two, is zero. And frankly, killing them and then resurrecting the same gods as part of Fifth World goes more counter to Kirby's conception of their universe than killing them.

Some have suggested that the current crop of DC elder heroes (Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, et al) will be elevated into New Goodhood, with the youngsters now taking the limelight in the DC universe. That may tie in with the rumor of Bruce Wayne's forthcoming death.

But it's all so much woolgathering until we get some more information. So instead of speculating, let me offer some suggestions as to what the Fifth World should be like, with the understanding that they come from someone who wasn't enamored of the Fourth.

1) No Mother Box!!! PING PING Lordy, I hate this never-ending deus ex machina. PING PING. The idea of a "living computer" PING PING that is "linked to the Source" PING PING isn't necessarily a bad idea, but as used, it was noting but an ongoing plot cheat by lazy writers. Here's a partial list of Mother Box's abilities. PING PING. You might as well give each of your characters a Cosmic Cube. PING PING. And then cross it with R2-D2 for those riveting conversations the audience can only understand one side of. PING PING. If a New God is really a god, he shouldn't need this magic wand. Which leads me to...

2) Make them Gods. Why, exactly, are they gods? I ask this not just as part of some semantic quibble, but for a serious purpose. What is their role in the DC universe??

They don't seem to have worshippers (unless you count the Foragers). They don't seem to have godly duties, like Asgardians. So, what is it, then, that makes them gods?

They don't seem more appreciably powerful than, say, the Oans. Or even the Monitors, for heaven's sake. Superman can go toe-to-toe with them, even Darkseid, and he's no god. They depend on technological marvels like Mother Boxes for many of their greatest feats.

For once, I'm not being snarky. But if we're going to continue these characters or concepts, one thing they really have to deal with is, what does it mean to be a "god" in the DC universe? What is their purpose, what are their responsibilities, what is their position in the balance of power in the universe? I don't think anyone who's handled them, even Kirby, has bothered to do anything more than assert their godhood, with zero examination of the meaning or implications of that title. If we want the Fifth World to work in a 21st Century comic book universe, we need something more than "they're really old and kinda powerful."

3) GIVE THEM BETTER FREAKIN' NAMES. Whatever you think of Kirby's work, naming characters wasn't one of them. Beating the reader of the head with punny "allusions" was, though. Darkseid...get it, Luke? Get it? Apokolips...see, it's evil!! See, he's named Desaad, and he likes to torture people!! Hey, she's called Stompa, and she stomps her foot!! And don't get me started with Virman Vundabar...fix this, DC.

4) ENOUGH WITH THE DARKSEID ALREADY. It's probably way too late for this suggestion. Is it possible for DC writers to make it through an epic storyline without making Darkseid the mastermind? Does EVERY arc in Superman/Batman have to feature Darkseid's villainy? It was cute when he only appeared once in awhile, like in the Legion or JLA. But now he's everywhere, and I, for one, am sick of him. When Darkseid appears more often than the Joker, you know you've got a problem.

It's devalued him tremendously. I mean, we've gone from requiring the ENTIRE Legion of Super-Heroes, or the combined forces of the JLA/JSA/New Gods to (barely) stop him; these days he's rather easily thwarted (or at least stalemated) by pretty much anyone. Next week: Blue Beetle throws a monkey wrench into Darkseid's plans.

Worst of all, no one ever does anything all that interesting with him. He's always manipulating, always seeking some piece of the latest conception of the "anti-life equation," whatever the hell that is. No new goals, no new companions, no new methods. Just a jaunty "you may have won today, but soon you and the rest of the universe shall pay" as he fades away.

I know they'll never actually get rid of him, because DC writers need the crutch. But could we at least ease off the use of him? Let's make it an event again, something to fear, something special, not just an easy answer to "whose a big villain we can use in this fill-in arc??"

Hmmm, for a concept I've never really cared for, I've sure ranted on awhile, haven't I? OK, bedtime.