Manic Monday--Well, It's Better Than Mousetrap!

Hey, it's another cold & rainy day (surprise!). How about a board game?

Impossible odds? No rules?!? 

Hell yeah! I challenge Siskoid to a game!!

The cover is from Mission: Impossible #1 (1967). It's also the cover to Mission: Impossible #5 (1967). Dell, right?

A Modest Proposal--More TV Comics!!

A house ad from Mission: Impossible #5 (1969):

Man, Dell was kinda the IDW of its day, wasn't it?

But instead of just doing licensed comics about toys that were popular with nerds in the 1990s, the were all over the map, covering all aspects of pop culture.

For example, instead of My Little Pony vs. Transformers or G.I. Joe Meets Ninja Turtles, Dell was bringing the youth of the late 60s such gems as:

Admit it: you want to read this comic!

Or this, arguably the second greatest cover in comic book history:

Not to mention...

OK, maybe in retrospect, not such a good idea.

How about this, then?

Holy crap, that's awesome.

But it wasn't just comedies and lighter fare. Dell actuall published comics starring Barbara Stanwyck!

And let's not forget that there was once this title:

How can there NOT be a Mission: Impossible comic right now? How is that, well, possible? What could possibly go wrong with a modern comic book version of the franchise?

AIEEEEEEEE, MY EYES!!!!!!

Slightly more seriously, though--there is room for licensed comic books...but do they all have to be "nerd" or "toy" franchises? Can't we get a few comic adaptations of comedies, or dramas, or straight adventure series? I would read the hell out of a The Good Wife comic. A Hannibal comic? I mean EEEWWWW, but still, why not? Given all the heat right now, why not an Empire comic (the Fox series, not Mark Waid's joint...we'll let the lawyers figure out the trademarks)? Scandal or NCIS? DO IT!!

Seriously, IDW (and others)--licensed comics don't have to be just limited to thinks a twelve year old thought were cool in 1995. Instead of continually going after the same dwindling fan base, broaden it out a bit. Instead of another Star Trek crossover series (Star Trek/Green Lantern? Really?), how about a CSI/The Blacklist comic??

Manic Monday--Why Is This Not A Comic Book?!?

The other day I was whining because there are currently no James Bond comics being published. Which strikes me as something of a crime, because A) I'm a huge James Bond fan, B) James Bond seems particularly adaptable to comics, and C) James Bond is plenty popular, so it seems like it would sell.

Well, naturally, that put me in mind of some other franchises who should have comic book versions, but don't.

Let's note that I haven't researched the rights issues on these in the least. In some cases, it may be  because the rights holder doesn't want comic book versions, I'm sure. In some cases the rights fees being asked might be too damn much. In some cases, there are doubtless complex situations and intense litigation involved, so making comic books are definitely on the back burner. Or, perhaps, in some mega-corporate takeover situation, the owner doesn't even know they have the rights, or not realize what a goldmine they might be sitting on (hello, ROM).

So, with the acknowledgement that these all might be unlikely, or even impossible, allow me to present one man's opinions of the entertainment franchises that most need to get comics.

JAMES BOND

Discounting collections of British newspaper strips and Topps' 1996 adaptation of Goldeneye, America has been without 007 comics for nearly two decades. Eclipse and Dark Horse gave us some original James Bond Prestige series' back in the late 80s and early 90s, but after that...zilch.

Which strikes me as insane, given the obviously popularity of James Bond right now; the 50th anniversary of the film franchise, which seems like the perfect hot iron to strike; and the artistic success of the super-spy genre in comics.

 So somebody should really be getting their act together right now, because they're leaving serious money on the table.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE

Dell/Gold Key had a brief MI comic book in the 60s, but that was only because literally EVERY television series of the era had its own comic (or so it seemed). And, in 1996, when Paramount and Marvel were being all buddy-buddy, this little chestnut appeared:

You're welcome.

Other than that, nil. Zilch.

For many of the reasons cited with Bond, MI would make pretty good comic fodder, I think. Plus the possibility to do stories that cross eras, with Ethan Hunt having to set right something that went wrong on one of Jim Phelps' missions (goddamn, that's a good idea...and we can conveniently retcon away the nonsense of the first movie making Phelps a traitor...).

BONUS: Include AR on the cover, so when you point your smart phone at it, it plays out the mission briefing!! Double bonus if it makes your phone self-destruct in 5 seconds...

HARRY POTTER

This one seems so obvious that I can only surmise that J.K. Rowling simply isn't interested. Which is a shame, since a) the obvious appeal to young readers and b) the wonderful opportunity to flesh out the Harry Potter universe seems like an "everybody wins" situation for fans, for comics shoppes, and for Rowling's pocket book.

LORD OF THE RINGS

This one surprised me. But other than a 3-issue prestige series adaptation of the Hobbit from Eclipse in 1989, as near as I can tell there hasn't been a single other comic book version of either Hobbit or Lord Of The Rings...ever. Anywhere. (OK, there was a Dork Tower: Lord Of The Rings Special, but that hardly counts).

Am I missing something? Given the 15 trillion ersatz LOTR knock-offs that get comics, it's pretty clear that the original would be popular beyond belief. So what's the problem?

FACT: There have been at least a couple of dozen Tolkien-based video games, and only one comic book. That is wrong on a lot of levels.

MONTY PYTHON

OK, this is an oddball thing, I'll admit. And comedy comic books can be difficult to pull off.

But then again, these cats have been doing actual books for years, so the lack of moving pictures and audio can't really be said to be a barrier. And of course, the opportunities for offbeat visuals in comics more than make up for those lacks.

So whether it's adaptations (and who wouldn't kill for a well-done comic version of Holy Grail?), or original material (hopefully with substantial contributions from the surviving members), don't we need a Monty Python comic book?

VERONICA MARS

All right, you already know I am totally this series' bitch.

But the success of other P.I./noir comics, including those featuring female heroes, shows there could be room for this on the market. Plus, if Kristen Bell and Rob Thomas are serious about convincing whomever owns the rights to let them make a movie, getting them to approve a comic might be a good first baby-step.

And the thought of Ed Brubaker writing a Veronica Mars comic just gave me the shivers...

BLAKE'S 7

OK, this is another idiosyncratic choice of mine, especially as only about 5 people in the U.S. have actually seen the series.

But given the current popularity of Doctor Who on screen and comics (soon to be followed, no doubt, by the "it's not as good as it used to be when only I liked it" backlash), it's a surprise that no one has glommed  onto this Terry Nation-created "Dirty Dozen in space," about a rag tag group of revolutionaries & criminals accidentally out to take down the evil Federation (whilst enriching themselves at the same time). Heck, BBC America is so desperate for anything remotely British sci-fi, it's stunning they haven't just started airing the old episodes, or commissioned a new one. SyFy, too, but they'd just turn it into some crappy reality series...

Anyway, good choice for comic book fodder. Which hopefully would convince the BBC to release it on U.S.-viewable DVDs...

WAYNE'S WORLD

If Bill & Ted can get multiple bites at the apple, if Beavis & Butthead can have more than one comic, than why oh why can Wayne and Garth not have their moment of four-color glory?

TWIN PEAKS

I'm telling you right now...put Grant Morrison on this title, and we'll be tripping some serious balls. Comics may actually be better suited than TV or movies for the insane visuals, complex (or convoluted) mysteries, and nutsoid characters of Twin Peaks.

OK, that's my personal list. I've no doubt forgotten/neglected some of your favorites...so what other media franchises need comic book representation?

Jim Phelps, Meet Terry Slon(e)

And the rant begins...now.

As we all know by now, something pretty tremendous and earth-shaking happened in Earth-2 #1 this past week. A classic Golden Age hero, who has been around for 70 years, completely had his history and lifestyle revised, and not for the better.

No, I'm not talking about Alan Scott:



Yup, Terry Sloane, the original Mister Terrific, is now Terry Sloan, apparent villain.

SLIGHT DIGRESSION RANT:

You may recall the television series Mission: Impossible. For eight seasons, Jim Phelps risked life and limb for his country, leading his IMF team on almost 200 missions.

Then came the 1996 movie, which decided to make Jim Phelps the villain, turning him into a traitor who slaughtered his entire team and sold out his country for no particular reason other than a lack of the writers' imagination. It was an idiotic move, one that offended many of the fans (and all of the original cast).

(In fairness, the first three Mission: Impossible movies all revolved around traitorous IMF agents. So, profound lack of imagination all around.)

Still, it was galling: why take a character who had been nothing but a good guy, and arbitrarily make him into a vile scumbag? What was the point, except to say, "Look, we're edgy, and this isn't your father's Mission: Impossible!"

You really can't imagine them doing this with a character that "mattered"...having James T. Kirk actually go rogue and try to assassinate the Klingon Chancellor in Star Trek VI, for example. So in a way it's doubly insulting--having the good guy go bad, and the implicit statement that Jim Phelps wasn't important enough to make the filmmakers think twice about destroying his character.

END DIGRESSION RANT--TRANSITION INTO SLIGHTLY LESS DIGRESSING RANT:

Of course, this isn't the first time James Robinson has done this. Golden Age hero The Spider, of the series Alias The Spider, was just another archer hero from Quality Comics. After the original Crisis, he made an adequate fill in for the now non-existent Golden Age Green Arrow.

But Robinson decided to retcon him in the pages of Starman (along with Geoff Johns in Stars and S.T.R.I.P.E). Now the Spider hadn't really been a hero; he was really a master criminal who had been pretending to be a hero in order to eliminate the competition!! (OK, I'll concede a couple of points for cleverness there.) He had betrayed and tried to kill his teammates on the Seven Soldiers Of Victory!! The Shade killed him, but his son carried on his evil ways!! It's OK, because there are only 12 people on Earth who even remember Alias The Spider!!

Which is not to say there stories were bad. But why go to the same well again in 2012?

RETURN TO MAIN RANT:

Heaven knows Mr. Terrific wasn't the most significant or important or popular guy out there. Let's face it, most folks considered him irredeemably corny and old-fashioned and twee. And let's not forget about the costume:

Still, he was considered enough of a role model to have inspired Michael Holt to become the modern Mister Terrific. (So, in the nu52, Holt just decided to tattoo FAIR PLAY on his arms without it being a tribute to a past hero? Now who is being twee?)

Terry Sloane was a Renaissance man, master of all trades, a genius and self-made millionaire who, instead of wallowing in his own crapulance, dedicated his skills to helping others. He was a hero.

Yet now, James Robinson has transformed him into, in the words of my pal Siskoid, an Ozymandias knock-off. Why? What possible reason, except to show (yet again) that this isn't your father's Earth-2?

Why destroy a hero (again)? Are there so many that we can cavalierly discard them? Aren't there 157 existing villains we could have used in this role, Golden-Agers or Earth-2ers or people who haven't been used yet in the nu52? The villains out there far outnumber the heroes--why are we burning off one of the latter, instead of using the former?

Why not make Alan Scott your bad guy, then? Nope, too popular, fans would be upset. We can't do that to any "important" character. Mister Terrific? Him we can use--he doesn't matter.

Hell, why don't you create an original character? Oh, wait, that wouldn't make readers go, "Oooooo, he's being edgy." And people would call the new character cliched and uninteresting. And inventing a new bad guy would require an excess of imagination. Never mind, let's just use this guy who has been lying around unused. And let's not even bother to spell his name correctly.

Because he doesn't matter. Sure, that's why they killed him off in the first place, back in Justice League #171 (1979)--because when you "need" to kill of someone for shock value, you do it to someone the writers don't know how to use, and to someone the readers won't care about. You do it to someone who doesn't matter.

Well, I'm here to tell you that Terry Sloane matters. Heroes matter.

Heroes are a precious commodity. You don't defame them and run them through the gutter and turn them evil just because you lack a better story idea. It's cheap, and it's lazy, and it's profoundly insulting to say, "This fellow has been a hero for 70 years, but let's just chuck that and make him Lex Luthor without the hair problem."

Yes, James Robinson, no one knew Terry Sloane, or had even read any comics that had Terry Sloan in them. Yet he was deemed enough significant to use in this new role, because you thought people would recognize the name. So you don't really believe he was that insignificant--you just did it for the shock value (again). And you're a better writer than that.

Yes, I'm admittedly corny and old-fashioned and twee sometimes. But I believe down to the core of my being that heroes matter. They belong to all of us, and you don't just flush them down the crapper.

Heroes matter.

And so does spelling....It's SLOANE!! Don't drop the E, dammit!!

Choose Your Doom--Evil Mountains, Or Cephalopods?!?

Some covers just can't help lying to you:

Really, that would be an impossible mission!

For the record, it was a plain old mountain, Mount Leider. The mountain's in Germany, and the name in German translates as Mount Unfortunately. Cute, but hardly an "Evil Mountain."

More interesting is the second story in the issue, which features the IMF trying to infiltrate the despotic nation of Coluramia (ahh, Mission Impossible, you and your fake countries!) via the ocean. But unfortunately...





THE IMF HATES CEPHALOPODS!!!!

Sorry, Mike May, I hate to crib from your act...but I keep running into cephalopods all week!!