You Know Who I Miss? I Miss THIS Guy...

You know who I miss?

I miss the Falcon.

He's been largely absent ever since Marvel NOW! kicked off. Yeah, he's been in Hickman's Avengers, but for what, 2 panels?

It's not just him--despite the fact that S.H.I.E.L.D. has been all over the damn place since Marvel NOW! kicked off, as far as I can tell Sharon Carter hasn't appeared in a single story since the latest Captain America #1. I guess that's what happens when you shuttle Cap off to another dimension for a nearly year-long storyline--his supporting cast gets ignored by everyone else.

Still, I miss Sam Wilson. And yes, I know he's going to be in the forthcoming Mighty Avengers. But that's going to be as a member of a big team, and judging by past performance, Sam will get less attention than everyone else, because he's not as "cool" as Luke Cage, not as popular as Spider-Man, etc. He's just, you know, The Falcon--old school and old-fashioned.

Well, he doesn't have to be.

Did you know that next year is the 45th anniversary of his first appearance? Yes, he debuted before Cage, before John Stewart. He was the first African-American super-hero, and the first black hero not encumbered with having a name including the word "black." Doesn't this guy deserve his own series?

Falcon has been an Avenger. A Defender. A Hero-For-Hire. Don't you think there's some stories to tell about this guy?

Sam was a former social worker--at least, until Steve Englehart retconned him, revealing that had been a mobster until the Cosmic Cube altered his memories. There are stories to tell here.

Sam has been, at various times, a mutant, or not a mutant. Why were Charles Xavier and Sentinels so confused? Don't you think there's some stories there?

If you go with the various retcons, Falcon has been substantially altered, mentally and physically, by the Cosmic Cube. Don't you think there are stories to tell there, especially as Infinity approaches?

Falcon flies with Wakandan technology, partially made with vibranium. At a time when Wakanda has lost most of its vibranium, don't you think there's a story or two there (especially as Wakanda and Atlantis go to war?)?

Sam has a telepathic/empathic/gosh-knows-what link with a bird of prey, and at times has been shown able to control other birds. Folks, that's like Aquaman, but with better animals. Think about Hitchcock's The Birds for two seconds. Now try and tell me there's not some serious story possibilities here.

I miss the Falcon. Will some Marvel writer out there pick up the torch and run with it? Please?

Pin-up by Don Hudson in Captain America Annual #12 (1993)

Bendis, The Avengers And The Illusion Of Change

At the end of Bendis' record-setting Avengers run, we should acknowledge the many lasting changes he brought to the team (and we also should acknowledge that, as lynchpin of the Marvel Universe and the focus of many "events," other hands also deserve a share of responsibility/blame here).

The Scarlet Witch went mad, and killed several Avengers. Then she went madder and eliminated most of the worlds' mutants. Oops, never mind, she's better now, and the mutants are back.

Scott Lang was killed. Oops, never mind, he's alive again.

Hawkeye died. Oops, never mind, he's alive now.

The Vision was destroyed. Oops, never mind, he's all fixed.

The Wasp died. Oops, never mind, she's all better now.

Wonder Man went nuts, and decided to destroy the Avengers. Oops, never mind, he just sorta snapped back to normal with no explanation. All better now.

Doctor Strange lost the title of Sorcerer Supreme, and in a very overlong story, it went to Brother Voodoo. Oops, never mind, Voodoo died, and the title went back to Strange.

Avengers Mansion and/or Tower was destroyed at least three times (four? five?), and each time Tony Stark declared he was too broke to fix it. Oops, never mind, somehow it got fixed each time.

Bendis had the Scarlet Witch turn public opinion against the Avengers. And then Tony Stark turned public opinion against (some of) the Avengers. And then Norman Osborn. And then Wonder Man. And then Norman Osborn again. Silly villains--that trick never works!

And let us not forget the massive contributions of new members such as Echo, Quake, Storm, and the Protector! The Avengers would never be the same after their legendary tenures!

Yeah, I'm being a dickweed here. The time for a real retrospective will come later. And it has to be acknowledged that, during his tenure, the Avengers grew larger as a brand than it had ever been, rivaling the weight of Marvel's X-Titles.

But for now, let's just note that Bendis basically undid every single change he had made to the Avengers as he exited. Maybe that's just being polite--putting all the toys back in the toybox so the next kid can start fresh. Or maybe that's just an acknowledgement that nothing really happened during those 9 years.

Ahem

...told you so...

When Unstable Personalities Rise To Power...

...these are the types of conversations they have:

I mean, "Scientist Supreme" nonsense aside, Hank Pym can make Norman Osborn look like a stable guy...

P.S. You know, if a guy with a history of mental breakdowns suddenly started telling everybody that the physical embodiment of the universe had just appeared to him and informed him that, despite the instability, he was the most important dude ever, wouldn't you take that with a little grain of salt?!? And if said unstable man starts saying, "Yeah, this nebulous guy told me I was smarter than Reed Richards AND Tony Stark, I'm the Scientist Supreme," wouldn't you be looking around for the nearest straitjacket, and preparing for another Ultron attack? I'm, just saying...

A Promise Or A Threat?

During his recent Twitterfest, Bendis declared that the post-Siege Avengers and their lineup will see "the biggest change in over a decade."

Really?

Obviously, the limitations of Twitter sometimes make precision of statements difficult, and doubtless there's some amount of hyperbole involved here. So we shouldn't be too picky in evaluating Bendis' declaration.

But the biggest change in over a decade??

Marvel has said that the Big Three (Thor, Iron Man, and Captain America) will be together during the Siege, and has been dropping many hints that they will stay together in whatever the post-Siege incarnation of the Avengers might be.

Well, that would hardly be the "biggest change in over a decade", since the three were together as Avengers as recently in 2003. So bringing them back together wouldn't really be the biggest change in a decade...unless they're all coming back in drag or something.

Let's see, what else has happened in the last decade?

The United Nations put the Avengers in charge of the entire world...

One of their own members went crazy and killed several Avengers (although some of those got better), and the entire team dissolved...

Three separate and competing teams of Avengers formed, including one formed entirely of villains...and that's not even discussing the Young Avengers, or the Initiative...

One of the Avengers (who was on two different teams!!) turned out to be the Skrull Queen...

Many, many (MANY!!) "non-traditional" Avengers have joined the teams, including Spider-Man, Wolverine, Luke Cage, Doctor Strange, Iron Fist, Spider-Woman, the Sentry, Ronin...(not to mention Bullseye, Venom, Norman Osborn, etc from the Dork Avengers)...

So what, exactly, could be done to result in "the biggest change in over a decade?"

A restoration of the Big Three wouldn't come anywhere near that, either in terms of "over a decade" or "biggest change." And given the eclectic mix of characters Bendis has brought in over the last 4 years, it's hard to think whom could be brought on that would justify the "biggest change" description. He'd have to work pretty hard to come up with an odder line-up than this one, anyway.

Maybe he's reviving the West Coast Avengers??

Anyway, you're on the clock now, Bendis--you've made one hell of a big promise, and set the bar pretty high for yourself. Here at Slay Monstrobot we'll be watching to make sure you really do give us the biggest change in a decade. So this had better be bigger than the Avengers becoming the de facto world government and a sovereign entity, bigger than the dissolution of the entire team, bigger than the death of several long-time Avengers, bigger than one of the team being an alien traitor, and bigger than filling 2 of the 3 teams with people who have never been Avengers before.

Good luck...

Friday Night Fights--FSHAM Style!!

Hey, sometimes sound effects are great in a fight. And sometimes, when the creators phone it in, they're a tiny bit repetitive. Just a tiny bit.

Case in point--the "Mighty" Avengers are facing the terror of Ultron, who is controlling dozens of Iron Man's spare/old suits of armor:

Well, this is going to be difficult. And what creative tactics does Ultron use?

OK, the repulsor ray barrage is cute, and FSHAM is nice. What else you got, Ultron?

Hmmm....anything else??


O...K...that's a whole lotta FSHAM, isn't it??

But Ares is pretty pissed off...

Surely, he can overcome the constant FSHAM, can't he?

Uh, not so much.

Time for a change in tactics:

Ah, here we go...surely a jet boot won't make the same sound effect as a repulsor ray, right?

Sigh...

You know, Spacebooger could have come up with a few more sound effects--in his sleep!!!

Bendis, Cho, and "Artmonkeys' Dave Lanphear" get extremely lazy with their sound effects in Mighty Avengers #4 (2007).

And There Was Much Rejoicing

Dan Slott will be taking over The Mighty Avengers.

Brace Yourselves...

...but I actually liked this week's Mighty Avengers!!

I know, I know, what is this world coming to?

A couple of notes:

A) Given that issue details the background of Skrullektra, who was killed and revealed in the New Avengers; and how she was behind the prison break on the Raft, which was the impetus for re-forming the New Avengers in NA #1; given that, shouldn't this particular batch of flashbackery have taken place in New Avengers rather than Mighty Avengers?? Or is there any rhyme or reason to the well-nigh infinite run of "fill in the past" stories in those two mags?

B) Hey, look, powered Skrulls actually using, you know, powers:


One of the biggest beefs I've had with Skrullapalooza and its spin-offs is that all we get are massive indecipherable melees, with generic Skrulls in amalgamated costumes (because, you know, Skrulls apparently can mimic powers only if the mimic costumes, too). Part of that is because of the artistic shortcomings of Leinil Yu, who couldn't draw a comprehensible fight scene if you paid him (oh, wait, they are paying him). Lots of dudes with Colossus arms and visors, not a lot of bamfing or actual power use.

So, thanks for throwing us this bone, Bendis and Pham.

C) Not to get all persnickety here, but with all of these flashback issues of NA and MA, don't you get the feeling that Bendis is just shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look how clever I am, look at all of these clues I've been planting for the last 3 1/2 years, and now I'm going to show you every single one of them in intense detail just to prove how clever I am."??

Bendis is sort of the anti-Morrison...Morrison would die before he would stoop to explain any of his references, and Bendis will sidetrack the entire runs of two separate mags to do it.

I'm just saying, enough, Bendis. We get it. You're clever. Can we please have some Avengers stories, with actual Avengers in them, again??

But I did like Mighty Avengers #16. Really.

Thanking Heaven For Small Favors

After this and this, Bendis gives us another gem in this week's Mighty Avengers:


Given his mastery of Dr. Doom's dialogue, and the random "dey" and "den" from Ben Grimm, I'm thanking my lucky stars that Bendis isn't writing Fantastic Four. Dat's the truth...

Nick Fury's Avenger Babies

Hmmmm....too quiet around here...no more Countdown, Final Crisis hasn't started...whatever shall I rant about?

Ahhh, thank you, Bendis.

Let's start with Mighty Avengers #13. For the 3rd consecutive week, Bendis has given us a regular Avengers title in which THE AVENGERS DO NOT APPEAR!!

The pattern is that Mighty Avengers will cover Nick Fury's secret doings doing his time gone walkabout, while New Avengers will look at the Skrull side of things.

I asked this question last week, but let's try again: why is this stuff in the Avengers, and not the Skrullapalooza maxi?? Maybe it's just me, but if you're going to have stories that reveal the backgrounds and characterizations of your main players of your major event, shouldn't that actually APPEAR in that big event? Or if somehow you can't shoe-horn that into your packed series (yeah, right...see below), or maybe as a separate mini-series? Why banish the Avengers from their own books??

Frankly, they should just change the title of Mighty Avengers to Nick Fury's Avengers Babies. Then it would make sense.

I should point out, in Bendis' defense, that in one page here he actually gives Ares' more dialogue and character than in all 12 previous issues of MA combined!! Wow.

By the way, does Fury's plan make a lick of sense? Look, he suspects everyone, so he's collecting "unknown" offspring of super-powered beings. The theory being, that if the Skrulls didn't know they were super-powered, they wouldn't have replaced them.

Huh? A) The theory didn't work so well with Jarvis, did it? B) Wouldn't the Skrulls want to get close to some of the heroes? So even if it wasn't known that Ares' son Alex was Phobos, isn't it possible that a Skrull still replaced him just to get to Ares?? C) Fury's assumption that nobody else knows about his "caterpillars" is dangerously arrogant, ain't it? If Fury can figure out that these kids have powers, why the hell couldn't the Skrulls??

On to Skrullapalooza #2. Sigh.

Here's one of the reasons I'm complaining about all this background taking place in the Avengers. Because NOTHING happens in this issue. Nothing at all.

Look at the plot lines set up in Skrullapalooza #1: fake Pym discombobulating Reed Richards. Not followed up in #2. Agent Brand and the rest of the SWORD agents are about to die in space. Not mentioned in #2. The SHIELD Helicarrier is about to crash into Manhattan. Not mentioned in #2. ALL the Stark tech on Earth is down. Not mentioned in #2, except for Iron Man's armor. There were prison breaks at the Raft and the Cube. Not mentioned in #2. Captain Marvel attacks the Thunderbolts. Not mentioned in #2. Johnny and Franklin and Valeria are being sucked into an exploding Negative Zone. No follow-up.

Yup, from the vast and sprawling epic set up in #1, the ONLY plot line covered is the Avengers fighting the "returned heroes" in the Savage Land. Issue #1 was just a tease, #2 the cold shower.

This might not be so bad, except....

A) It turns into 18 pages (with 3 double page splashes!) of "I'm not a Skrull! Are you a Skrull??"
Talk about padding...
B) Since Leinil Yu cannot draw a competent fight scene, 85% of the time you have no idea of who is doing what to whom.
C) For the second issue in a row, a marauding dinosaur interrupts events. I know we're in the Savage Land, but c'mon, Bendis...we're 2 issues in and you've already run out of original ideas on how to stage things?
D) Once again, Bendis wants us to believe his characters are morons (or, conversely, he can't even follow the premise he's set up). In this issue, we reinforce that when a Skrull dies, they revert to Skrull. Hawkeye and Wolverine and Cage have now seen this several times. Now, given that Hawkeye SAW Mockingbird die, saw the body not turn into a green alien, he knows that she wasn't a Skrull back then. So how can he possibly believe that this one could be real? Not to mention, they know Skrulls can now do powers, including telepathy, so the fact that "Bobbi" knew one of Clint's secrets ain't much proof. And even if you grant that Bendis killed off Hawkeye AND resurrected him just to have him be a complete idiot at a crucial moment, Logan and Luke (the new Heroes for Hire?) should know better. It's very frustrating when the author treats both his characters and audience as morons...

Let's see if Bendis can keep the streak going, and have a dinosaur disrupt another "are you a Skrull" argument in issue #3.

And I still say that, given a Skrull Warship has landed in midtown Manhattan, it's not a "Secret" Invasion anymore...

The Big Question??

From the solicit for Mighty Avengers #16:

SECRET INVASION TIE-IN! Blah blah blah blah blah blahbity blah blah. Blah blah blah blah! Skrulls blah blah Elektra blah blah!! Blah surprise blah blah!! Plus the answer to the biggest question in modern Avengers history...

Hmm..."the biggest question in modern Avengers history?" Whatever could that be? Let's take a stab, shall we?

• What the hell was the deal with Dr. Druid?? (editor's note: I don't think that's what they mean by "moden Avengers history...")


• Why the hell is Wolverine an Avenger?


• If the Scarlet Witch was as powerful as claimed, and she wanted to destroy the Avengers as claimed, how come she only managed to kill Ant-Man and Jack of Hearts, for heaven's sake? She can alter reality but can only take down C-listers? (editor's note: Hawkeye and the Vision got better...)


• What the hell was the deal with Reed and Sue joining? (editor's note: again, likely not modern enough...) And Gilgamesh? Huh?


• Given his amazing record of psychological instability, not to mention his complete lack of ANY scientific success since discovering Pym Particles decades ago, why in the world would anybody have Hank Pym helping run the Initiative or investigate Skrull corpses?


• Why the hell was Doctor Strange an Avenger?


• Why was Avengers HQ/Sentry Watchtower, which was demolished during World War Hulk, mysteriously undamaged in the Avengers' own titles?


• Ares? Seriously?


• Why is Doctor Doom talking like a street punk?


• Hey, guys, why don't we remember Spider-Man's secret identity? I swear he and his family lived here...


• How many times can the Mighty Avengers confront the renegade New Avengers but let them walk away unmolested? Man, that never gets old...


• Are you a Skrull?? Speaking of never getting old...

Any other ideas for "the biggest question in modern Avengers history?" Chime in, guys...

Just Askin'--Doom Slang?!?

From Mighty Avengers #10 last week:

Doctor Doom says "Okay"?!?!?!?

Really?

Maybe it's just me, but somehow I don't picture Victor Von Doom, monarch of Latveria, possessor of a raging superiority complex over all things super-hero and American, indulging himself in American slang, especially when trying to prove his superiority to Tony Stark.

"Okay"?!?!?! Instead of "All right" or "Touche" or any of 50 other options that don't involve him talking like Spider-Man or Hawkeye or everyone else Bendis writes??

Of course, he could be a Skrull...that's the hidden beauty of the ridiculousness of the upcoming Skrullapalooza (aka Secret Invasion aka Millennium II): it's a cheap way to excuse any inconsistency or poor writing!! Although you'd think that if these Skrulls were any good at infiltration, there wouldn't BE that many inconsistencies to explain away...

Anyway, Doom saying "Okay?" I can't wait to see what Bendis has him saying next issue...

Friday Night Fights--Bendis Assemble Style!!

Since Brian Michael Bendis is writing BOTH Avengers mags right now, well, no one should be as able to pull off a massive fight scene as well as he can, right??

So let's start with Mighty Avengers #8, released 2 weeks ago. The scene: Ms. Marvel, leader of the Mightys, has the drop on all of the New Avengers, pooped out after a long battle.. They're breaking the registration act, so it's time to take those rapscallions into custody. Prepare for Avenger vs. Avenger action!!


Oh, here it comes...
OOOOOOOKKKKK....not quite the fight scene I expected...but that's all right. Let's try again!!

Let's jump over to New Avengers Annual #2, out the same week. The situation this time: Ms. Marvel and a squad of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents have the drop on the New Avengers, pooped out after a long battle. This time, nothing can stop the big throwdown!!



Ummm...not so much.

What the hell is this, Bendis?? You keep setting up these great battle royale scenes, and you keep pussing out!! And, worse, it's a virtual replay of the other scene....

All right, all right, 3rd time has to be the charm, right? Let's check this week's New Avengers #38. The scene: Ms. Marvel and the rest of the Mighty Avengers have the drop on Luke Cage, emotional distraught while having an argument with his wife. This has gotta be the one, right?? This time, it's personal!! This time, no holds barred!! This time...




Sigh...Does Bendis get paid for writing THE EXACT SAME SCENE 3 times? Ms. Marvel let's the New Avengers walk, and argues with a subordinate about it? In 3 separate issues released 2 weeks apart?!? C'mon--we've got Wonder Man and Ares and the Sentry and Ms. Marvel and Power Man and Iron Fist and Spider-Man and Wolverine violently opposed to each others' positions, arrests imminent, and we have fewer punches thrown than the average epsiode of The View?? Maybe he just wanted to see three different artists interpretations of the same seen...

Dammit, Bendis, what am I gonna do for Friday Night Fights now?? I've gotta have somebody punching the bejesus outta somebody!!!

Ahhh...see, you do know how!!

Too bad Bahlactus isn't writing the Avengers these days...

Scenes of Bendis turning the Avengers into endless Gilmore Girl reruns are from Mighty Avengers #8, New Avengers Annual #2, and New Avengers #38. Someone actually getting belted is from Mighty Avengers #8. Stay tuned for Mighty Avengers #9, where Ms. Marvel lets the New Avengers go, and New Avengers #39, wherein Ms. Marvel decides against capturing the New Avengers. And don't forget Mighty Avengers Annual #1, in which Ms. Marvel confronts the New Avengers, but decides to do nothing.