What Mark Waid's Archie is Missing!

After starring in Pep Comics, and getting his own title, Archie seemed to be pretty darn popular:

Wait...what about the "side-splitting features"??

Man, I can't believe this modern Archie reboot hasn't once mentioned Sqoimy The Woim.

Get with it, Mr. Waid. Get with it!!

Ad from Zip Comics #36 (1943)

FF Week #12--No Respect, No Respect

Mark Waid was a prophet, foreseeing the modern world's disrespect for the Fantastic Four:

Oh, the humiliation...

From Fantastic Four #60 (2002)

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Choas Magic, The Rebuttal

Let's recall the halcyon days of 2004. The Avengers were disassembling, and Bendis (via Doctor Strange) revealed a surprising fact about Wanda's powers:

Yup. No such thing as chaos magic. Firm words from the Sorcerer Supreme. Can't be any doubt, right?

A decade or so later, in the most recent issue of S.H.I.E.L.D., Fitz is possessed, and shoots Wanda with a "magic bullet":

So now Mark Waid (via Dormammu!!) says there is chaos magic, and Wanda is all about the stuff!

Bendis/Dr. Strange, or Waid/Dormammu? Who are you going to believe?!?

No, notintheface and I will never get tired of kvetching about this...

From Avengers #503 (2004) and S.H.I.E.L.D. #5 (2015)

Manic Monday--Mark Waid's "Archie: Birthright"!!

You may have heard that Archie Comics is relaunching/rebooting/rebranding Archie, with an all new Archie #1 by Mark Waid (!) and Fiona Staples (!!).

Mark Waid writing Archie?!? 

I'm imagining that his take on the teen from Riverdale might go a little something like this:

And at least with Waid writing, we can be pretty confident that Archie won't go around snapping people's necks...

From Archie #157 (1965)

Where's Dum Dum, Chapter 5!!!!!

An extra tricky edition of Where's Dum Dum for you today, faithful readers...so look extra-carefully: can you find Dum Dum Dugan in this panel from Captain America #10 (1998)?

Think you've found him?

WRONG!!! 

As dramatically revealed in the completely sad and unnecessary retcon series Original Sin, Dum Dum Dugan has been dead since 1966, and EVERY single appearance since then has really been an LMD programmed by Nick Fury to believe that he's the real, original Dum Dum. So sorry...

Oh, by the way, in that panel Cap is attacking Dugan (and S.H.I.E.L.D.) because the Avenger has been possessed by Nightmare.

Of course, since Dugan is just a machine, there's no way that Nightmare could possess Dum Dum just a couple of issues later, because...

Oops!!! I guess the LMD's were so good, even Mark Waid was fooled!!

Or maybe LMD's dream of electric sheep...

Manic Labor Day--All Internet Nerd Fights Summarized In One Panel!

From Captain America #10 (1998):

Feel free to replace "Micronauts" and "Transformers" with whatever two nerd franchises that end up in zero-sum internet flame wars.

Yes, this is taking place in Nightmare's realm--and don't think that that in and of itself isn't an additional bit of commentary from Mark Waid...

Spoiler Saturday--Why Mark Waid Isn't Allowed To Work At DC Anymore

From this week's Daredevil #34:

Wow. Can it really be that simple?

For nearly 3 decades post-Frank Miller, Daredevil writers seemed locked into a never-ending cycle of one-upsmanship, a continuing game of chicken as to who could make Matt Murdoch the most miserable (I'll see your "have his wife driven insane by super-villain so he can never see her again" and I'll raise you "possessed by a demon and heading a murderous ninja clan.").

And then along comes Mark Waid, saying "enough is enough, folks."

So, yeah, it really can be that simple. Bad stuff can happen to your hero. He can face trials and struggles. He can acknowledge all of the stuff that has gone before. But he doesn't have to be a broody nimrod 24-7.

No wonder DC didn't want Waid around. He's the anti-nu52.

Spoiler Saturday--The Fox And The Man Of Steel

Gee, it's been a few months...I wonder if Mark Waid is still miffed at the Man Of Steel film.

Let's find out, shall we?

The Fox is fighting the evil Madame Satan, and just can't seem to beat her...

 Let's blow that up, Cambot:

Sick. Burn.

So, yeah, Waid is still cheezed off.

And, yes, I still feel that way, too.

From The Fox #1, plot and art by Dean Haspiel, script by Mark Waid. Don't worry, that didn't actually kill Madame Satan.

Spoiler Saturday--Rocketeer: Cargo Of Doom #2

Look, I'm about to spoil the living hell out of Rocketeer: Cargo Of Doom #2.

Seriously, this is a GREAT reveal, and if you have any interest at all in reading the series, leave now and go read it.

But because there are some people who aren't reading it, they need to see why they should, and they most effective way to do that is to show the most brain-melting villain plot ever.

So, if you don't want to know, flee now.

Spoilage begins after 3 Rocketeer pictures...



Still here? OK, try to keep up.

The villain known only as The Master is trying to haul a cargo full of some unidentified but dangerous and exotic animals...but he gets distracted by a burning desire to steal the Rocketeer's jet-pack. Why?

Well, Cliff gets himself captured...so it's monologuing time!!


Wait a minute!! That's...!

You're seriously going there?!?!

OMG!!!

So our villain raided King Kong's home, Skull Island, and captured a bunch of dinosaurs, to unleash them on New York City?!?!

But why does he need the Rocketeer?



Mark Waid and Chris Samnee, you magnificent bastards, we salute you. You've put my dreams on paper!!!

What If...Civil War Had Been Written By Folks Who Understood The Characters?

In Iron Man/Captain America '98, Kurt Busiek and Roger Stern (plot) and Mark Waid (script) set up the following situation:

After thwarting a plot by Mentallo to take over every mind on Earth by using his telepathy and the "World Wide Web" (hey, it was 1998), Tony Stark takes advantage of the failed plot to...

So, he erases knowledge of his secret ID from every mind on Earth.

Captain America, however, is not pleased:



Well, they bicker back and forth throughout the entire annual about freedom and civil rights and such, while battling A.I.M. and M.O.D.O.K., until Cap is forced to make a similar decision vis-a-vis giving a group their freedom of choice or letting them die (long story):


So, tough decisions are made, bad guys are thwarted. And the result of Iron Man and Cap's contentious political debate over rights and freedom is a 7-issue miniseries with long battles, heroes murdering other heroes, and heroes acting out of character, right?

Uh...no:





5 panels?? They put their differences aside, decided they were "on the same side," shook hands--in just 5 panels?!? No protracted event?? No "this changes everything" series? No 11-issue companion series to show how this affected everyone else in the Marvel Universe?? No decompression, no attempt to milk us for as much money as possible?

Geez, Busiek, Stern and Waid...no wonder you're not "Marvel Architects."

Where Does He Get Those Wonderful Toys?

Mark Waid is about to take over Daredevil, and I certainly hope he can break DD out of this two-decade plus trend of gloom, despair, fatalism, cheap religious allegory, and magic ninjas. Enough of everyone trying to out-Miller Frank Miller!!

And one of the best ways to do that? Let's re-gadgetify Daredevil's billy club!! Because back in ye olden days, it was nay so much just a billy club as a James Bond gadget full of Q-developed gimmicks.

Take, for example, Fantastic Four #40 (1965). Dr. Doom is trying to hunt down a depowered FF, and to that end he's taken control of one of Reed's inventions, the unmanned flying spy drone:

Well, Daredevil is no pushover like Taliban militiamen or Mexican drug lords--he knows how to deals with this--to the billy club!!






Yes, Daredevil had a sniper rifle concealed in his billy club!!! Shades of From Russia With Love!!

Have we ever seen this again?? Couldn't Matt Murdock have used something like this against Bullseye??

But we're not done yet. Later, inside the Baxter Building, Doom is about to nail DD with shrapnel from a self-destructing rocket-probe thingie:


An umbrella telescoping flexi-shield built into the billy club??

Great Scott, is there anything the guy didn't have built in there? A pogo stick? Shark repellant?

So please, Mark Waid, take a lesson from Stan and Jack--enough nihilistic overkill. Make Daredevil fun again. At least let Matt Murdock smile once in awhile! And give him toys!!