What *Really* Good Marvel Stories Should Have?!?

From the "Mark's Remarks" column in Namor Annual #4 (1994):

All well and good, Mr. Gruenwald. And there are certain comic book companies out there that could stand to remember some of these rules, especially #8.

Oh, but he didn't stop there...

Well, no fair. You can't end it there, without telling us!!

Still, since this was 1994, it can't be too tough to look at what Marvel was publishing then, and deduce what the other top ten list should be, right?

And, dear reader, I have done that for you. So, presenting, based on the evidence of their own publications, What Really Good Marvel Stories Should Have (circa 1994):

1. Desperate Attempts To Spin Villains Into "Anti-Heroes" 

And hey, two for the price of one...

2. Clones!

3. Terrible, terrible costumes

4. Ridiculous, overpriced, and well-nigh unreadable gimmick covers

5. Never-ending attempts to "homage" Marvel's own past and claim past glory for current stories

6. Amazingly crappy logos, often rendered in fonts that made then even worse:

7. Punisher. Lots and Lots of Punisher

Those were all from one month...and there was one more we'll get to in a minute...

8. Attempts to reclaim the heat of departed prodigal sons; a.k.a. Image rip-offs

9. Inappropriate team-ups

10. Continual redonkulous crossovers

Well, there you have it. Although I thought those were supposed to be things "really good" Marvel Comics were supposed to have...we must be grading on a 1990s curve...

All covers from 1994