Marvel 1981 Week--Iron Man #152!

Let's see... who haven't we checked in on back in 1981?? Oh, I know:

Wait, it's an empty cover! There's no one there!

Oh, how I kid--that's Iron Man in his stealth armor!! But if you have a proper 21st century computer monitor, you can probably see him just fine.

Well, that overwrought cover-blurb ("The Now Ebon-Avenger"--really?) has given us a heads up on the plot, so let's leap right in:

Again, pretty scenery, but no hero?? (Again, I kid...)

And our creators?

One thing about the Michelinie/Layton era, they let the billionaire play with his toys. Tony has space armor, Tony has stealth armor, Tony had snow armor, Tony had deep-sea armor. The cat had almost as many costumes as Silver Age Batman!!

Another thing they loved is have Tony travel around to exotic spots, playing international man of mystery in spy intrigue games (until he screwed up and needed his alter ego to rescue him, of course). Which is why tooling around Berlin is so fitting. Back in the good old Cold War, East Berlin was communist, the West was the Good Guys, spies were thicker than thieves and the Cold War was usually at least lukewarm.

So why is Tony there? Patience. Let's look first an the installation he's trying to penetrate:

Impressive. Practically a Bond villain hide-out. But will stealth armor be enough to get Tony the info he needs? Of course not--a boy has to use more toys!

A sonic screwdriver, you say?


Oh, Tony, you know that whenever you get smug...


All of his special armors had some drawbacks, and this one is no exception:


No problem!

Well, Iron Man the info he needs...but when he tries to leave through the puny East German laser grid:



Tony, lasers have the right to be more powerful, if they want to!.

Tony limps back to an abandoned Stark Enterprises facility in the West side of the country, and we finally get a flashback reminding us why he's there:


Really, Daily Bugle? The entire front page for a spy being caught in East Germany? What, Spider-Man was on vacation?

We also learn one of Tony Stark's methods to influence government workers: BRIBES!!

"Diplomatic assault," my tush!! Hey, Tony, when you try to bribe government officials, you probably shouldn't sign your name.

(For the record, I can't tell you what Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1953 went for in 1981. In 2011, it will run you around $4,300 for a single 750ml bottle, so a case, if you could scrape one together, would be over $50,000. So yes, that would be a bribe, not a "gift.")

Meanwhile, let's check in with Bethany:


What?!? But her husband, the former West German ambassador to the United States, supposedly died in a car accident!!

You really should be asking yourself these questions BEFORE the rescue mission, not during, dear.

Anyway, the KGB got it into their heads that a former ambassador would obviously know the identities of all of NATO's espionage agents in Europe. Which proves the commies were pretty dumb, methinks.

So they tried kidnapped him, faked his death, and tried torturing him with drugs. But as he was a pretty big drug addict himself, well, that just sort of put him into a coma for a few years. So when he woke up...


Well, fortunately, Bethany's ah...ahem...boyfriend ("sorry, Alex, you were dead, bro") has found a way to sneak into the facility:


And being Tony Stark, he's suave enough (and speaks German well enough) to pull off an unlikely impersonation...

...and get access to a very important prisoner:

But surprisingly, she's not happy!


Oops. Fornicated the pet on that one, Tony. And now her plan can't work (it's complicated, don't ask). So the only solution:

Whaaa??


Note to every girlfriend of a superhero who doesn't figure that out: Bethany Cabe suggests that you're stupid.

Next we have a weird little scene that probably plays better in you imagine a smooth-jazz soft-core porn soundtrack playing:

So enough James Bond action!! Time for Iron Man to smash things!! Like this:


And this:


So it's time to leave, and Tony's already making dinner plans...

But remember that "no right to be that powerful" laser system?




Uh oh...

[SPOILER ALERT: Iron Man did NOT die, or fall with burning finality before the unparalleled power of the Living Laser.]

[SECOND SPOILER ALERT: Iron would save Bethany and Alex, but Bethany decided she had to stay with her husband to help him recover. Exit Bethany (for awhile), and Tony cries.]

This was the end of an era. Aside from some cover work, this was Layton's last issue of Iron Man for several years; Michelinie only lasted a few more stories before he, too was gone. They'd both be back, though...

ELSEWHERE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE:

Speaking of Bond-esque spy adventures in Cold War Europe...

Oh, my. A comic adaptation of one of the most criminally underrated James Bond films, drawn by Howie Chaykin?!? Man, I got to find me this...

And speaking of the concluding chapters of movie adaptations in November 1981 by well-known comics personnel:

Raiders Of The Lost Ark?? Cover by Walt Simonson, script by Simonson, art by John Buscema and Klaus Janson?? Great, more comics I have to hunt down...

Marvel 1981 Week--Captain America #263!!

As Marvel 1981 Week continues, we at Slay Monstrobot have a sentiment that can best be expressed by a special guest star:

Thanks, Cap!!

That's right, it's time for:

Look, what we've got here is a Mike Zeck drawn, J.M. DeMatteis written story with Captain America fighting a 20-foot android Cap (with the mind of a Nazi war criminal) at the behest of the Red Skull. And you might be thinking, "Yeah, that's a lot of comic book there."

Dude, we haven't even gotten started yet.

There are plots that are so labyrinthine, so overly complex, so dependent on so many parts coming together that the villain would probably be just as likely to win the Powerball.

Ahhh, but then there are the truly mad and Machiavellian evil-doers, who go one step beyond labyrinthine into a plan that is so far past madness that it actually makes sense again, just a thing of beauty (insane beauty, sure...). This is one of those times. So put on your thinking caps, and fasten those seat belts.

So let's leap in to the action:

Movie?? Wait, wait, let's check out our creators first...

Now, we're coming into part 3 of a three-part story, so I'd best recap for you (with the help of the Skull). Captain America is in California, reluctantly taking part in publicity for a blockbuster movie of his life from a major studio. But he's really there to investigate:


(editors' note--this is well before Jack Monroe took on the role of Nomad)

The Skull is actually telling the truth here...

Hey, wait, a minute...this plan seems kind of...familiar...

Well, I guess we'll come back to that.

Now, even though Lyle Dekker had reformed, Skull managed to take control of Ameridroid...and it ain't gonna be pretty:



You know, the Ameridroid would so be the hot Christmas present...


Well, Dekker is trying to throw off the Skull's control:

But we know that all that's really needed is a speech from Steve Rogers on freedom:

Of course, it works. Dekker throws off his shackles and goes after the Skull, only to get a lecture on the Skull's brand of fascism...



Oh, and he dies.

Which enrages Cap, but Skully has been taking lessons from Doctor Doom:


I am about to blow your mind here: we're still only on page 8. Please remain seated until the story is over.

Meanwhile, we cut the reporter that's been doing his best to destroy Cap's reputation...but things are about to take a bad turn for him:



Stay classy, Will Brynner.

Hey, wait a minute...those members of the Nihilist Order just turned themselves in? Out of the blue? And confessed to the plan to ruin Cap's reputation? With documents and everything? That doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?

We'll come back to that.

Meanwhile, for some reason, the studio has changed plans:

Hey, wait a minute!! Why would the studio pull the plug on a multimillion dollar guaranteed box office smash, and replace it...with a TV documentary?!?!

We'll come back to that.

Meanwhile, Cap has tracked down the real Skull:


Whhhhhhhaaaattttttt??

OK, get ready...here comes some explanation:


Yes...

Cap has sussed it out. Have you, reader?

Yes, but surely it's not about money, Herr Skull?


Ohhhhh....

Well, that's a plan.

Let's recap:

• The Skull buys a Hollywood film studio
• He produces a summer blockbuster about Cap, and asks him to come out to help publicize it
• He creates a new terrorist group, the Nihilist Order
• He hires a stunt man to act as Nomad to fight the Nihilist Order, to ensure that Cap comes out to California, and to make Cap look bad in the media
• He gets Ron Burgundy a local TV newsman to really push the "Cap is a self-aggrandizing, inept loser" meme
• He then has some of his tools from the Nihilist Order turn themselves in, revealing that it was all a plot to ruin Captain America's good name
• When the ruination and subsequent clearing of Cap's name has him the #1 story on every newscast, Skull cancels the film and instead sells a documentary about Cap to a network, who will show it immediately to an audience at least as big as Roots or The Holocaust (and pockets a cool $5 million)
  
• He has treated the film with "a potent hypno-chemical" (don't ask) and inserted subliminal images that will drive everyone who sees it roaming the streets in an "orgy of destruction"
• Red Skull wins

Man, nothing could possibly go wrong with any part of that plan. Seriously.

Well, Cap tries to stop him, but...

Fool you twice, Cap, shame on you!

But there's one player left on the board:

The Ameridroid busts right into the secret inner Skull sanctum, where the real (really, truly this time!) Skull is running things:

That's odd...Hollywood studios usually implode, not explode...

[SPOILER ALERT--That wasn't the real Skull, either]

Cap makes it to the network studio in the nick of time:

And so Captain America has saved us all again!

Uhh...is this something you really want to publicize, to put in the papers? Won't that just make Cap even MORE popular, and so when the inevitable Hollywood blockbuster does come out , it will turn out that that was the film the Skull really treated with hypno-chemicals, and...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I saw the movie this summer, I'm going to die!!!

Still, it was a really good movie, so I guess it was worth it...

ELSEWHERE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE:

Here's hoping Frank Miller didn't read this issue:

In this tale, the Water Wizard is using his "make monsters out of water" shtick to make "evil djinns" out of petroleum in Saudi Arabia, so that gangsta Sheik Hurani can take over every oil-rich gulf nation.

So, since Johnny Blaze feels responsible because he let the Water Wizard loose, he goes over there to settle his hash, while Saudi super hero Arabian Knight also goes in to save his country. Predictable Marvel "let's fight instead of talk" hijinks ensue. But they end up realizing that they're on the same side, beat up the bad guys, and part friends.

Wait a minute!! A demon from Hell and a Muslim hero joined forces to prop up the Saudi regime?? This somehow must all be the fault of all of those "Occupy" hippies and louts and rapists and pond scum who are actually helping al-Qaeda!! And this story proves Islamicism is allied with the Devil. And...

I'll shut up now.