Why Are They Outside???

I'm a little late to the party with this one, but I still have questions.

This house ad ran back in November's DC issues, pushing their annual You Must Buy These As Christmas Gifts  Essential Reading List for graphic novels.

So, umm...

A) Are these guys locked out of the Hall of Justice, or what? Because yeah, they've got powers and insulated costumes...but damn, it's cold out there!

B) Do you really think longboxes could support Cyborg's weight?

C) Why exactly are their stacks of longboxes outside in the winter, anyway?

D) Leaving graphic novels lying in the snow?!? What kind of inhuman monsters are you guys?!!!?

E) What are the odds Batman smacks Flash for reading over his shoulder? Especially since there's another copy of the same book just lying in the snow 7 feet away?

Plus, I mean, does Barry reading over anyone's shoulder make any sense? Every nanosecond he's finished a page, and has to wait a relative eternity for the non-Speed Force reader to turn the damn page!!

F) Really, there's no way Finch could have drawn this scene indoors, so all the books would get ruined?!? No way you could convey "Christmas" that way?

G) Why the hell are graphic novels falling from the sky?

H) Superman's lack of red trunks is really front and center here--let's make Kal-El's area the focus of the scene!! Why?!? Why not?!?

I) Seriously...WHY ARE WE STACKING COMICS IN THE SNOW?!?!?!?

April Madness--The Seven Justice Soldiers of The Victory League Society!!

Of course, the greatest of all of the Justice League/Justice Society team-ups took place in Justice League of America #100-103 (1972):

I will accept no opposing opinions on this. Earth-2 is about to be destroyed by a giant "nebular" space hand, and the JLAers & JSAers must traipse through time and space to recover the long-lost members of the Seven Soldiers Of Victory, who had the secret of stopping the hand.

Comics, brother.

(Those covers are by Nick Cardy, BTW. Awesome)

Anyway, as was the style in those days, the heroes broke into mixed teams to track down the Soldiers, and it got me thinking...if these temporary mini-teams had to fight each other, who would win?

Yes, I'm an idiot.

Anyway, presenting your teams:

Earth-1 Atom, if there's any question.

Earth-1 Superman, and gas-mask wearing Sandman.

Earth-1 Hawkman, Earth-2 Wonder Woman. And who knew that Doc Mid-Nite had a little "Rx" in his logo? "My prescription for you...is JAIL!!!"

Earth-1 Batman.

Earth-1 Green Arrow.

Hal Jordan Green Lantern.

Earth-1 Flash.

That's seven...let's use these guys, who showed up late, to make it an even 8:

That's Earth-2 Green Lantern, Robin/Batman of Earth-2, and Mr. Terrific.

So pick your team--who would win?

Next week, we'll break them into brackets, and begin the April madness that is The Seven Justice Soldiers Of The Victory League Society!!

The Real Reason Most Heroes Don't Wear Glasses!!

Linda Danvers is out shopping for groovy clothes, when a very odd shopkeeper steps in...

Of course, it's a plot by shiftless aliens!

Kara even has to wear them when she goes into action as Supergirl!!

But she's under the alien's control...so a quick visit to Metropolis!

Wait--is that a tiny, Atom-sized pair of glasses? Yes, yes it is!

So, while Kara manages to escape, Superman goes all Amway on the Justice League:

Fortunately...

Whew...that was close.

Too soon, though, as we never got a change to see Hal or Ollie wearing those glasses over their domino masks...

The moral of the story: get contacts.

From Adventure Comics #423 (1972)

Self-Awareness Sunday: I Am Shocked--SHOCKED--To Find A Crisis In This Establishment!!

From this week's Justice League #40:

So, this little commentary saying that the DC Universe had had too many crises, that it's hurting the universe's cohesion, that it's been done too often, that the DC Universe cannot survive another crisis?

That was written by Geoff Johns.

The same Geoff Johns who wrote Infinite Crisis.

The same Geoff Johns who wrote Flashpoint.

The same Geoff Johns who had Superboy-Prime "punch the universe" to rearrange continuity to his liking.

The same Geoff Johns who bent logic and reality to restore his favorite characters to life.

The same Geoff Johns who is, in the very comic just scanned, starting yet another "crisis" with "The Darkseid War."

So...is Geoff Johns critiquing himself, and his body of work? Or is he just displaying a ridiculous amount of chutzpah?

Or, perhaps, is he just totally unaware of the ridiculous irony of what he just wrote?

"Reality has been taken apart and put back together too many times"??? Physician, heal thyself!!

DC's Clone Saga--Short But Sweet!

So Superman is flying into Project Cadmus to rescue Jimmy and Lois from nefarious goings-on, when...

What?

Uhhh...

In no particular order:

1) A tiny Hawkman is pretty not-threatening. Seriously. Mini-Green Arrow, too...unless he has kryptonite arrows or such.

2) So clones are...tiny? Miniature? Diminutive? What the hell, DC?

3) Mini-Hal Jordan has a power ring "that siphons energy from the original's ring!"

If you can siphon power from Green Lantern's ring, why do you need a clone? Why not, you know, just use the ring yourself to implement your dastardly scheme to wipe out humanity and replace it with clones of yourself? The most powerful weapon in the universe might come in handy there...

4) Does mini-Wonder Woman's lasso "siphon the magic of the original," too?

5) Maybe, just maybe, the Justice League should reconsider their policy of donating cell tissues to evil organizations. Or even good ones. Nothing but trouble can result.

6) So evil Cadmus had "cell tissues" from Superman. They must have used kryptonite or red sun radiation to obtain them, right? Because invulnerability and stuff? So, why not use that kryptonite and red sun radiation instead of sending the Lollipop Guild after Kal-El?

SPOILER ALERT: Lois makes a big brain explode and the clones die. Don't ask. It's Metropolis, Jake...

From Superman Family #194 (1979)

Bold Fashion Choices--Damien Vs. The nu52

In last week's Batman Li'l Gotham #11, Damien is having some hallucinations while traveling in the desert:

And later, when they hook up with Azrael...

Man...calling out Jim Lee's designs like that?!? No wonder the book has been cancelled...

The Man Who Put The Justice In Justice League

So, what's the big news this week?

Oh, yes, Lex Luthor is joining the Justice League.

No, this isn't Bizarro-World or Earth-Pi.

Geoff Johns tells us we will see

the post-'Forever Evil' world with the lines being a little bit blurry between good and bad and seeing what kind of heroes it will take to not just protect the world, but defend the world.

Blurry? Really?

In a separate interview at Newsarama, Johns tells us that, "I think evil is very relative." (Not just relative, mind you, but "very relative.")

Oh. OK. Let's look at "relative" and "blurry," shall we?

In Action Comics #23.3 (a.k.a. Lex Luthor #1):

Just hours after being released from prison, Lex blows up a space shuttle, and the four astronauts on board, just to make Superman look bad:

This is the man who will be in the Justice League.

Deliberately killing four people to just to make Superman look bad.

Blurry lines. Evil is very relative.

And when his assistant, Casey, tries to do the right thing and report this monstrous crime?

This is the man who will be joining the Justice League.

The man who slaughters astronauts and throws women off of roofs.

Blurry lines. Evil is very relative.

Ah, you say, but that issue was scripted by Charles Soule. Perhaps it doesn't reflect Johns' conception of the character. Even though the book leads directly into the first page of Forever Evil #1, where Johns has Luthor threaten to throw a man out of a helicopter and kill his wife and son. We still shouldn't judge Johns' Luthor by this story.

Well, then there is Forever Evil #2, wherein a Johns-scripted Luthor is helped during the crisis by security guard Otis--a harmless man who admires him--and Luthor has him killed just to test out how well Bizarro works:

This man will be on the Justice League.

Blurry lines. Evil is very relative.

Maybe at the end of Forever Evil, Luthor will go through some amazing moral transformation, and no longer be the mass murderer than Johns and company have portrayed him as in the nu52, Touched by an angel, or such.

But it sure looks like, even if that is true, he won't be reformed to the extent that he is willing to confess to, and pay the penalty for, his crimes. He's not in jail, not in some remote hermitage praying for forgiveness--he's in the Justice League. Instant reformation, instant sweeping of any past crimes under the rug.

Lex Luthor in the Justice League. Justice League. Justice, as in what the 4 astronauts, Casey and Otis won't be getting any of. Because I will bet you any amount of quatloos that whatever happens, they will never be mentioned again. Past crimes? Oh, they have nothing to do with the all-new, all-lovable Lex Luther.

That is the type of "heroic" universe Johns and his stunted, adolescent moral sense want us to believe in--that the vilest murderer or dictator can simply say, "Hey, I've seen the light," and they can walk away unpunished from piles of bodies.

This is a universe where acts of murder are so heinous and so warping to the world that they created Batman. And Robin. And...But if you commit murders? No problem, as long as you're an interesting character. In Geoff Johns' conception, it seems, if Joe Chill were to see the light, he could just join the Outsiders, and never have to serve a day for murdering the Waynes. Because "evil is very relative", to Johns, means "no consequences."

"Blurry lines," Mr. Johns? You, sir, are the one who is blurring them. "Evil is very relative?" Perhaps you could turn that keen moral sense on yourself and your writing, and figure out where your work falls.

That seems unlikely, though.