This Super Power Should Come With A Warning From The Surgeon General!

Hmm, Johnny hasn't used this power in quite a while:

Now...wait...that doesn't...I mean...

Forget it, snell. It's comics!

Meanwhile, Johnny has his theories about the roots of crime:

Preach, Mr. Storm!

From Strange Tales #108 (1963)

Bold Fashion Choices--This Is Why He Was Replaced By H.E.R.B.I.E.!!

It's George Perez's first issue of the Fantastic Four!!

Let's look what he does with Johnny Storm!

Uh...what is he wearing?

O.M.G.

Oh, dear...

Sweet Melissa...

Egads!

Bonus: when he has to "de-flame" his arms in order to catch a falling dude:

Good gosh.

Let's make sure to share the blame with inker Joe Sinnott and colorist Petra Goldberg.

Don't worry--I'm betting this Perez kid can overcome this and make something of himself in the industry someday!

From Fantastic Four #164 (1975)

When Two Torches Go To War!

What does the art team do when they have to draw two Human Torches fighting each other?

In Fantastic Four Annual #4 (1966), the Mad Thinker finds the remains of the original, android Human Torch, and forces him to fight the Fantastic Four.

Now, this presents a bit of a challenge to an art team, because you've got two characters who are nearly identical when they are in their "Flame On!" states--you can't see their facial features or costumes. They're just covered in flames!!

So, if you're not careful, you end up with panels that look like this one--spectacular, but you can't tell which character is which (hint--look at the legs!!).

But for the most part, Jack Kirby, Joe Sinnott and colorist Stan Goldberg pull it off. The make Jim Hammond (the original android Torch) a little more orange than Johnny Storm...

Whereas Johnny has the traditional lines covering his flaming body, the flames on Hammond's body looks a little more natural and organic (ironic, as he is the android):

And then Hammond died again...but don't fret. He was soon resurrected as The Vision. Except it turned out he wasn't. But then it turned out that he was. But then it was revealed that he both was the Vision and was not the Vision. And then...Comics, man.

By the way, it has now been over two years since Marvel has published the Fantastic Four. TWO. YEARS. Grumble...

Buffalo To Super-Heroes: DROP DEAD!!!

Johnny Storm and Wyatt Wingfoot are having a little "boys will be boys" tussle--mainly because Johnny's being a butthead--and they end crashing on someone's roof.

Unfortunately, this isn't in New York City...

Dang.

And so...

So all you super-heroes? STAY OUT OF BUFFALO!!!!

From Fantastic Four #143 (1974)

FF Week #30--Lo, There Shall Be An Ending!

And so we come to end of Fantastic Four Week here at Slay Monstrobot.

Heaven knows, there's a lot more I wanted to talk about. But while the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak, and honestly, I'm stunned that I posted as much as I did this week.

But at least I think I conveyed some of my deep love of the Fantastic Four and their rich history.

And I can always go back for more later. And we should remember, this isn't the first time that the Fantastic Four have been down.

Super-villains, family strife, tragedy, loss of powers, wars...the Fantastic Four have seen "The End" so often, and always bounced back.

So why should we believe that one high Marvel executive with his head firmly up his posterior will be the death-knell for Marvel's first family?

Yes, this may be a low point in their comic book career--no book published for the first time in 54 years?!?--but, like the FF, I'm optimistic enough to believe that they will bounce back.

Because at it's core--when you break it down to its very (unstable) molecular essence--the Fantastic Four is about optimism.

It's about Stan Lee and Jack Kirby taking the monster comic template, and turning it on its head--the terrible tragedy resulting from foolishly challenging the laws of nature didn't end with a terrible, ironic end in the last panel. Instead of being merely transfigured into monsters and a snide narrator ending the story there, we were shown these people, this family, these heroes, overcoming that fate. They took the lemons a cruel universe gave them, laughed in the face of the cynicism of horror comics,  and pledged to make the world a better place, despite their freakishness. And they founded an entire fictional universe, which at its best embodies that same hopefulness, that same optimism.

And if you think I'm reading that wrong, I invite you to go back and re-read what Jack and Stan put on the page.

In the very first issue, despite being transformed into freaks, our heroes vow to help the world. Meanwhile, the Mole Man decides that his "freakishness" and bad breaks justify hatred, and taking over the world...and he literally goes to live with the monsters. Right there, at the very beginning, the message was there.

Victor Von Doom, like Reed Richards, was the victim of his own scientific hubris. But he chose to blame everyone else beside himself, and turn to the path of darkness. You couldn't ask for a clearer "compare and contrast."

So, hopefully, that terrible, terrible movie will tank, fade away, and we'll be given our heroes back. We need them more than ever in this world. We need more of this:

Reed, Sue, Johnny, Ben...come back soon. We miss you, and you're needed.

Panels from Fantastic Four #60 (2002)

I Get This All the Time From Former Girlfriends

I have no idea what that even means, Crystal. Then again, I usually don't understand the reasons I'm given for being dumped, either.

From Secret Invasion: Fantastic Four #2. And to everyone who thinks I'm always too negative, I actually love this little mini-series, and I LOVE this issue, especially...well, I won't spoil it. But this is by FAR the best thing to come from Skrullapalooza...See? I can do the love!!

"What Is Your Favorite Color?"

Really, was that so hard?

From last week's Secret Invasion: Fantastic Four #1. Let's set the scene. A Skrull, posing as Susan Richards, has forced open the Negative Zone portal, sending part of the Baxter Building there. She's trying to convince Johnny Storm that it's really Ben Grimm who's the Skrull. Let's watch, shall we?

So, after 95 months of "Are you a Skrull? No, but you're Skrully! Oh, there's no way we can detect these Skrulls!!", we finally get someone who's smart enough to actually try to figure out--by logic and questioning-- whether someone actually IS a Skrull. And it's not Reed Richards or Tony Stark or Nick Fury. Nope, it's Johnny Freakin' Storm.

I mean, look at it...these Skrulls are supposed to be the ultimate infiltrators, perfect duplicates who are completely undetectable. And yet they can't handle a simple frakkin' question. "What's your favorite movie?!?!?!?!" Seriously, how can these clowns infiltrate anything?? They apparently couldn't even win the Newlywed Game, let alone pose as people's loved ones.

This example is ESPECIALLY egregious, because it turns out that the Skrull posing as Sue is Lyja. Lyja, who was MARRIED to Johnny Storm, and a de facto member of the Fantastic Four for awhile. Lyja, who in theory would be the Skrull who knew the FF better than any other Skrull, and thus the one best able to pull off the infiltration. Lyja, who couldn't remember even the most basic information from Sue's Facebook page, and so was revealed.

So that's the big threat from Skrullapalooza: morons who didn't even do their basic homework on their subjects, who can be revealed with the simplest of questions? You think Bendis and Marvel have maybe been overselling this a little bit? A mean, based on what we've seen here, this guy could stop the whole invasion by himself:



Now if only everyone else in the Marvel Universe were as smart as the Human Torch, this thing would be wrapped up next issue, and we could go back to focusing our hate on DC...