Spoiler Saturday--Soviet Spider-Slayer Slaughter!

You all may remember when J. Jonah Jameson would use a "Spider-Slayer" robot to try and take down Spider-Man, right?

Well, what you probably didn't realize was where he got the inspiration:

Why, sure, that may be the disembodied, computerized mind of former president Franklin Delano Roosevelt inside a Soviet robot body, but make no mistake:

He is a slayer, all right!

And unlike Jonah, there's an army of hammer-and-sickle-wielding FDR death-bots:

I said an army!!

And yes, that is Albert Einstein and Richard Feynman gunning down a horde of FDR-controlled robots. Except, of course, that's not Albert Einstein, that's an evil Albert Einstein from an alternate universe.

So, yes, you should be reading The Manhattan Projects.

JJJ from Amazing Spider-Man #167 (1977). Amazing presidential destruction from this week's The Manhattan Projects #8. 

Hat tip to notintheface for inspiring this post.

Caption Of The Week

From Fantastic Four #603.

Why I Love Comics Distilled Into One Sentence

"Imprisoned for centuries, Nostradamus persevered until (Isaac) Newton's son Leonid released him in time to witness a violent battle between and a time-traveling Leonardo da Vinci."

From this week's S.H.I.E.L.D. #1, wherein Jonathan Hickman gives us Marvel Handbook pages for Leonardo, Newton, Nostradamus, Nikola Tesla, and others.

Also, along with David and other sculptures in Michelangelo's studio, there is this:

So, yeah, this comic rocks my little world.

Lazy Bullet-Point Catch-Up

Well, there were about a billion announcements last week, none of which I was really able to talk about here, because I was stuck in 1995.

So, how about a marathon of uninformed, ill-considered snarkiness?

• Wolverine: The Best There Is...seriously? That's the actual title for the series? It sounds more like a razor jingle...isn't Marvel at least remotely embarrassed to release a comic with that title?
  

• Let's see, Action Comics, and now Squire & Knight...you know, Marvel, all you had to do was find a way to not cancel Captain Britain and MI-13, and maybe you could have kept Paul Cornell around, creating cool things for you instead of them...
  

• You know, when I saw this placeholder cover...

...the very first thought to pop into my head was, "Maybe on that road home, he'll pass Superman going the other way, and kick Clark's ass for being such a dingus." We can only hope.

• To those who approved of my Superman #701 bashing, these guys did it better, and in only three panels.

• Batman: The Dark Knight, the new ongoing by David Finch, puts Batman "into a world of demonology, dark arts, and mystery. He's the ultimate detective, faster, stronger and smarter than any villain, but now he faces creatures to whom logic and mortality don't apply."

Color me skeptical, albeit open-minded. Yes, it's good to take Batman out of his comfort zone once in awhile...but isn't that what the last three years have been already? And I don't think Batman mixes well with mystical, except in very small doses (Your mileage may vary). So if that's really the long-term premise of the book, as opposed to just an arc...well, we'll see. I'll give it a chance.

• Wait a minute--Jonathan Hickman writing an Ultimate Comics Thor? You mean I'm actually going to have to read an Ultimate book?? Damn you Marvel--damn you to hell!! (Note: this title hasn't been confirmed by Marvel yet, so it could be just a rumor).

• I'm thrilled that DC is finally getting around to doing the T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents (what took so long?? You announced this a full year ago!!). And I actually think the concept makes a better fit for the DC Universe than Red Circle or Milestone--it's basically The Order done 1960s meets Checkmate, so it's got a healthy vibe ( but since the premise is heroes no one in the DC Universe knows, facing "global threats the rest of the DCU don’t even know exist," you wonder why it has to be in the DC Universe...).

However, along with the lengthy delay, the fact that DC has assigned back-benchers to the creative team leaves me fearful. Nothing against Nick Spenser and CAFU--but they're not exactly household names, and the renown of the creative team is usually a sign of DC's commitment to a project these day. Just watch--the first DC guest-stars will be Magog and and members of the Global Guardians--the will prove the strip is doomed.

Meanwhile, here's a helpful (OK, not too helpful) primer of the T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents.

• Satan Girl?? Yessss......

• A new John Carter comic? YYYYYYeeessssssssss.........

Thank you Dynamite!!!

Quote Of The Week 2--When Reed Richards Says This, You Know It's Weird

From Fantastic Four #575, written by Jonathan Hickman:

Tru dat, Reed...tru dat.

Deja Vu All Over Again And Again And Again...

If you haven't read Fantastic Four #574 yet, please stop here. There's a bit of spoilerishness, and I'd hate to do that too you. So gaze at the pretty Alan Davis cover, then go and read it. Spoilerishness starts after the cover.

Hey, Jonathan Hickman and various Fantastic Four editors--

Jon, bro, I looooove your FF, man. Love it to pieces. Especially after that Millar/Hitch run which was so unbearable that even Millar and Hitch couldn't be bothered to finish it.

Yup, I love it unreservedly.

Well, one reservation.

In FF#551, Dwayne McDuffie started his final story arc, in which a future Doctor Doom came to present day to prevent Reed Richards from implementing his plan to "fix everything," because (he claimed) it would lead to tyranny and the destruction of the world (that was a lie, of course, but that's not the important point here).

During the Millar/Hitch trot, they introduced a new governess for the children--who turned out to be a future Sue Richards (from a different future, apparently) who had come to find a refuge for the 8 billion inhabitants of their dying earth.

Now, in FF #574, you've had a future Franklin Richards (from yet another future, I suppose), whose come to give cryptic warnings to Valeria, because "the future must be avoided at all costs."

To quote Ian Fleming, "Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action."

Guys, that's three times in 24 issues you've used the same plot device. That's once per the last three creative teams!

Seriously, are we trying to turn this book into a bad parody of 1990s X-Men? Are the creative teams bereft of new ideas for The World's Greatest Comic Magazine? Isn't there anybody in the editorial department saying, "Hey, we just did this damn story?!?"

Hey, Mr. Hickman, I'm sure it'll be a great story. But I'm getting a little tired of the "older version of one of our characters visiting from the future" gambit.

So knock it off, OK?

Thank you. Now keep up the rest of the good work.

Wishes

Why I Wish Jonathan Hickman Had Written Secret Wars (I and II):

Strangely enough, that's also why I can't wait for him to take over the regular Fantastic Four...please please please let this Millar madness end ASAP, Marvel...

Hickman and Sean Chen rock my world in Dark Reign: Fantastic Four #3.

Quote of the Week--Test Monkey Timmy

Genetically altered test chimp Timmy tells it like it is:

Testify, brother.

Incredibly cool shit that nobody else seems to be talking about comes from Jonathan Hickman & JM Ringuet in Transhuman #3. Just be glad I didn't show you the really cool part...