Neither Shaken Nor Stirred!

007 knows how to order his bourbon...

Mmmmm...

From James Bond #10 (2016)

Manic Monday Bonus--Licence To Criticize!

007 is on a mission in Los Angeles. He's just rescued a British operative whose cover has been blown, and after a bit of a gunfight, he's on his way to the airport with her...

Ooohhhh....sick burn.

When James Freakin' Bond starts attacking American gun policy, you know something's askew...

From James Bond #7 (2016)

Friday Night Fights--Pussy Galore Style!!

By now you're all aware of my ridiculous pride in being the #1 Google result for "man-on-animal action."

And most of you are aware of what an obsessive James Bond nut I am.

Well, as the commercial said, those are two great tastes that taste great together!

So, as we turn to tonight's Friday Night Fight, we travel across the pond, to the long-running James Bond daily newspaper comic strip. [Please excuse the occasional cut and/or skewed panel. The book these are collected in is not terribly conducive to being scanned...]

So, James Bond is being held captive (along with as nearly naked woman--go figure!), when the bad guys make the typical Dr. Evil mistake of not just putting a bullet in his head. Nope, they've got to kill him with a big cat:

Ouch!!

Spacebooger was expecting Bond to make some terrible cat pun after the kill.

The panels are from the "The Girl Machine" storyline in The Daily Express (the best I can come up with is an approximate date, probably during October of 1973), script by Jim Lawrence, art by Yaroslav Horak.

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight!! Why? James Bond, no gadgets, vs. a big-ass cat. I mean, duh. So go vote!!

Manic Monday--Why Is This Not A Comic Book?!?

The other day I was whining because there are currently no James Bond comics being published. Which strikes me as something of a crime, because A) I'm a huge James Bond fan, B) James Bond seems particularly adaptable to comics, and C) James Bond is plenty popular, so it seems like it would sell.

Well, naturally, that put me in mind of some other franchises who should have comic book versions, but don't.

Let's note that I haven't researched the rights issues on these in the least. In some cases, it may be  because the rights holder doesn't want comic book versions, I'm sure. In some cases the rights fees being asked might be too damn much. In some cases, there are doubtless complex situations and intense litigation involved, so making comic books are definitely on the back burner. Or, perhaps, in some mega-corporate takeover situation, the owner doesn't even know they have the rights, or not realize what a goldmine they might be sitting on (hello, ROM).

So, with the acknowledgement that these all might be unlikely, or even impossible, allow me to present one man's opinions of the entertainment franchises that most need to get comics.

JAMES BOND

Discounting collections of British newspaper strips and Topps' 1996 adaptation of Goldeneye, America has been without 007 comics for nearly two decades. Eclipse and Dark Horse gave us some original James Bond Prestige series' back in the late 80s and early 90s, but after that...zilch.

Which strikes me as insane, given the obviously popularity of James Bond right now; the 50th anniversary of the film franchise, which seems like the perfect hot iron to strike; and the artistic success of the super-spy genre in comics.

 So somebody should really be getting their act together right now, because they're leaving serious money on the table.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE

Dell/Gold Key had a brief MI comic book in the 60s, but that was only because literally EVERY television series of the era had its own comic (or so it seemed). And, in 1996, when Paramount and Marvel were being all buddy-buddy, this little chestnut appeared:

You're welcome.

Other than that, nil. Zilch.

For many of the reasons cited with Bond, MI would make pretty good comic fodder, I think. Plus the possibility to do stories that cross eras, with Ethan Hunt having to set right something that went wrong on one of Jim Phelps' missions (goddamn, that's a good idea...and we can conveniently retcon away the nonsense of the first movie making Phelps a traitor...).

BONUS: Include AR on the cover, so when you point your smart phone at it, it plays out the mission briefing!! Double bonus if it makes your phone self-destruct in 5 seconds...

HARRY POTTER

This one seems so obvious that I can only surmise that J.K. Rowling simply isn't interested. Which is a shame, since a) the obvious appeal to young readers and b) the wonderful opportunity to flesh out the Harry Potter universe seems like an "everybody wins" situation for fans, for comics shoppes, and for Rowling's pocket book.

LORD OF THE RINGS

This one surprised me. But other than a 3-issue prestige series adaptation of the Hobbit from Eclipse in 1989, as near as I can tell there hasn't been a single other comic book version of either Hobbit or Lord Of The Rings...ever. Anywhere. (OK, there was a Dork Tower: Lord Of The Rings Special, but that hardly counts).

Am I missing something? Given the 15 trillion ersatz LOTR knock-offs that get comics, it's pretty clear that the original would be popular beyond belief. So what's the problem?

FACT: There have been at least a couple of dozen Tolkien-based video games, and only one comic book. That is wrong on a lot of levels.

MONTY PYTHON

OK, this is an oddball thing, I'll admit. And comedy comic books can be difficult to pull off.

But then again, these cats have been doing actual books for years, so the lack of moving pictures and audio can't really be said to be a barrier. And of course, the opportunities for offbeat visuals in comics more than make up for those lacks.

So whether it's adaptations (and who wouldn't kill for a well-done comic version of Holy Grail?), or original material (hopefully with substantial contributions from the surviving members), don't we need a Monty Python comic book?

VERONICA MARS

All right, you already know I am totally this series' bitch.

But the success of other P.I./noir comics, including those featuring female heroes, shows there could be room for this on the market. Plus, if Kristen Bell and Rob Thomas are serious about convincing whomever owns the rights to let them make a movie, getting them to approve a comic might be a good first baby-step.

And the thought of Ed Brubaker writing a Veronica Mars comic just gave me the shivers...

BLAKE'S 7

OK, this is another idiosyncratic choice of mine, especially as only about 5 people in the U.S. have actually seen the series.

But given the current popularity of Doctor Who on screen and comics (soon to be followed, no doubt, by the "it's not as good as it used to be when only I liked it" backlash), it's a surprise that no one has glommed  onto this Terry Nation-created "Dirty Dozen in space," about a rag tag group of revolutionaries & criminals accidentally out to take down the evil Federation (whilst enriching themselves at the same time). Heck, BBC America is so desperate for anything remotely British sci-fi, it's stunning they haven't just started airing the old episodes, or commissioned a new one. SyFy, too, but they'd just turn it into some crappy reality series...

Anyway, good choice for comic book fodder. Which hopefully would convince the BBC to release it on U.S.-viewable DVDs...

WAYNE'S WORLD

If Bill & Ted can get multiple bites at the apple, if Beavis & Butthead can have more than one comic, than why oh why can Wayne and Garth not have their moment of four-color glory?

TWIN PEAKS

I'm telling you right now...put Grant Morrison on this title, and we'll be tripping some serious balls. Comics may actually be better suited than TV or movies for the insane visuals, complex (or convoluted) mysteries, and nutsoid characters of Twin Peaks.

OK, that's my personal list. I've no doubt forgotten/neglected some of your favorites...so what other media franchises need comic book representation?

Manic Monday Double Secret Bonus--Sometimes A Trigger Must Be Pulled

In case you're interested, my ridiculously overlong, spoiler encrusted review of Skyfall is up at my other crib, I Expect You To Die. make of it what you will.

P.S. Why the hell don't we have any James Bond comic books right now? Someone fix this...

We Interrupt This Broadcast...

I'm kind of busy today...

Entertain yourselves for awhile. Help yourself to whatever is in the fridge....

Spoiler Saturday--New Ways To View The Dark Knight Rises

FOLKS, THIS POST CONTAINS MINOR SPOILERS FOR THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS. I'LL TRY TO KEEP THEM MINOR & VAGUE, BUT IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FILM YET, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE READING THIS!!!

LAST WARNING!!

REALLY REALLY LAST WARNING!!

Folks, are you tired of idiots (of any political stripe) trying to tell you what The Dark Knight Rises was "really" about?


Well, then hang around, because there are myriad OTHER ways to frame and discuss this film, ways that are far more productive (and far less likely to devolve into really stupid arguments).

Ready??

#1) Nolan's Batman Movies As A Modern Take On The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance:

What? You haven't seen this classic? You mean I've got to spoil another movie?

Let's just put forth, then, that this John Ford/Jimmy Stewart/John Wayne/Lee Marvin western deals quite heavily with the themes of how to bring civil society to a lawless society; when and how violence is justified in such a quest; when (and if) a big lie is necessary to preserve that society; and who is really a hero.

No, it's not like Nolan was doing a scene-by-scene remake. But thematically, his Bat movies and Liberty Valance are so close, I'd be stunned if he wasn't at least subconsciously channeling it.

So go rent or buy Liberty Valance (you'll be glad you did, trust me), watch it, and when someone tries to go all poli-sci dissertation on TDKR, drop this on them.

Plus, Lee Marvin would have made a great Batman villain...

#2) The Dark Knight Returns As A Two Hour And Forty Minute Argument Between Lucius Fox and Alfred:

Unlike the other two movies, in TDKR, Alfred & Lucius have completely opposite goals and philosophies, and Bruce Wayne is trapped between them.

Alfred wants Bruce to give up being the Bat, as he's no longer needed. Fox wants him to keep it up, going so far as to tempt him with new toys.

Alfred wants Bruce to give his crime-fighting tech to the police, so they can use it. Fox (repeating his position from TDK) is afraid of this kind of thing "falling into the wrong hands" and "being turned into a weapon."

Of course, they're both right, in part--Gotham would have been destroyed had Bruce not returned to the cowl, and (maybe) this whole mess could have been averted has he (and Fox) been less paranoid.

Nonetheless, it's still a fascinating move by Nolan, to have Bruce become a pawn in an intellectual/philosophical battle between the two good mentors from the previous films.

#3) Compare And Contrast--Movie Tony Stark & Movie Bruce Wayne

Two billionaires, different approaches to alternative energy.

In the Iron Man and Avengers films, Tony Stark invents a new, clean power source. And even though it can be misused, he goes public with it, powers huge skyscrapers with his "arc reactor" technology, and wants to spread it.

Bruce Wayne, in TDKR, invents a fusion reactor, but decides that it could be used as a weapon, so he (literally) buries it, and ends the project, even at the cost of his own fortune.

Of course, that's just the tip of Bruce's paranoia in the movie. He won't share his crime-fighting tech with the police (even Gordon!), because it "might be turned into a weapon." He buys up software companies just so one program they're working on "might fall into the wrong hands." His mentor, Fox, is gathering and burying all of Wayne Enterprises defense contract equipment and hiding it, to "keep it out of the wrong hands."

Movie Tony Stark vs. movie Bruce Wayne. Tony sees everything as a tool, Bruce see everything as a weapon. Discuss.

#4) Gotham City--Worst Urban Planning Ever?!?

OK, this falls more into the category of nitpicking, I know...

But Gotham put Blackgate Prison, which they boast as filled with violent criminals, right in the middle of downtown?!?

And it opens right onto the street?

Here's the opposite view...Blackgate is right across from what looks to be some school or library or government building??

Yes, I know...Nolan couldn't put it on an island or outside of the city because he blew up access. Still, you don't see maximum security prisons set, say, in Wall Street, or The Loop.

Speaking of access...you remember in TDK when Joker bluffs about blowing up the bridges and tunnels (oh, Nolan, you foreshadowing madman...)? And everybody hops on of Gotham's many ferries to get out of town?

Uhhh...what happened to those ferries? Wouldn't that have been a pretty decent way to evacuate some folks?

One line from Bane or henchman is all that would be needed to deal with this, and given the prominence the ferries played in the last movie, Nolan certainly should have given us that line...

#5) The Dark Knight Returns And The World Is Not Enough:

Again, spoiler territory, but both of the movies feature the exact same plot twist. Discuss.

#6) Sports In A Super-Hero Universe:

If you've seen the trailer, you know there's a scene at a football game, and we're introduced to Gotham City's NFL franchise:

Guys, if you're trying to clean up the city, maybe that's not the team name and mascot you want to go with. I'm just saying.

Still we now have lots of new merchandise for us to buy--hats, jerseys, etc, all emblazoned with the Gotham Rogues logo. Too bad about that godawful color scheme (sorry, Pittsburgh Steeler fans. Not sorry, Iowa Hawkeye fans...).

This gives us lots of opportunity for discussion as to how pro sports might work in a super-hero universe. If, you know, hypothetically, two teams are killed in a super-villain-caused earthquake, and one city is locked off for several months, how does the league continue? Does it? What are the rules if your game is interrupted by super-heroes or villains (ahem, Superman Returns...)?

But, more importantly, here was the PERFECT opportunity to get in a sly reference to another DC city, to ever-so-slightly start the universe building you need for a Justice League movie. So whom are the Gotham Rogues playing?

Wait...what?

The Rapid City Monuments?!? Rapid City?!? And they're called The Monuments?!?!

Hey, nothing against Rapid City. Maybe in the DC Universe (or at least the Nolan Batman Universe), Rapid City is large enough to have an NFL franchise.

But c'mon, guys...couldn't you have had them play Central City? Or Metropolis? Or Opal? Or Midway (the Midway Monsters..heh heh)? Just to throw us the tiniest bone of "there's a larger universe out there" fan service to us?

Sigh...

So there you have it...if you want to talk TDKR but want to avoid squalid political issues or tragic real-life events, I've given you some other ways to frame the conversation. You're welcome.