Self-Awareness Sunday: I Am Shocked--SHOCKED--To Find A Crisis In This Establishment!!

From this week's Justice League #40:

So, this little commentary saying that the DC Universe had had too many crises, that it's hurting the universe's cohesion, that it's been done too often, that the DC Universe cannot survive another crisis?

That was written by Geoff Johns.

The same Geoff Johns who wrote Infinite Crisis.

The same Geoff Johns who wrote Flashpoint.

The same Geoff Johns who had Superboy-Prime "punch the universe" to rearrange continuity to his liking.

The same Geoff Johns who bent logic and reality to restore his favorite characters to life.

The same Geoff Johns who is, in the very comic just scanned, starting yet another "crisis" with "The Darkseid War."

So...is Geoff Johns critiquing himself, and his body of work? Or is he just displaying a ridiculous amount of chutzpah?

Or, perhaps, is he just totally unaware of the ridiculous irony of what he just wrote?

"Reality has been taken apart and put back together too many times"??? Physician, heal thyself!!

Uncrisis

Let's begin by noting that, like many of my previous flights of hypothetical prognostication, there's no possible way that this is right. Aside from the fact that I'm an idiot, I have no contacts with anyone at DC Comics, and I possess no insider knowledge of any type. I will admit up front that I am 100% certain that this is wrong. This is all just fanciful speculation on my part, unsupported by anything. So take it with a full shaker of salt.

Of course, one of the big hubbubs around the comics internet right now is "what the hell does DC have planned post-Flashpoint"?

A number of factors have created the buzz. DC's solicitations stated that only one book, the final issue of Flashpoint, would be published the final week of August, because of that book's "impact on the DC Universe." From those same solicitations, virtually every other DC title seems to have its current storyline concluding in the August issue. Everyone at DC and the grandmothers have been required to sign non-disclosure agreements, and given the industry's penchant for leaks and hints, DC personnel are being remarkably close-mouthed. And on June 11th, Geoff Johns and Jim Lee will be making "bombshell announcements about the future of Superman and the entire DC Universe," conveniently just before the September solicits are released.

Well, the non-hype hype has worked like gangbusters, because the lack of anything to respond to has led to speculation gone wild. DC will re-launch everything, and have new #1 issues for all titles--maybe with a full reboot! DC isn't going to undo the new reality of Flashpoint--that's going to be the new DC continuity (at least for awhile)! DC is going to put all new creative teams on every book! DC's going to announce they're no longer publishing monthly single issues!!

[UPDATE--Timing is everything. DC just announced today that they're renumbering the entire DC line at #1 in September...that doesn't necessarily preclude any of the other potential changes, though...]

And of course, there are the responses to those theories. They'll never lose the numbering on Action or Detective! They can't do that, because it would mess up what Grant Morrison is doing in Batman Inc! They wouldn't revive all those characters in Brightest Day just to do a reboot!!

Well, Geoff Johns has said "All I would say right now is that the speculation hasn’t been wild enough. The last thing anyone should do is to hold back their imagination." All right, Geoff, you asked for it.

My friends, based on absolutely nothing more than a hunch and a gut feeling, I think DC is going to undo Crisis On Infinite Earths.

There's a couple of reasons I think this. The reason often given for COIE in the first place--DC's continuity was too convoluted and confusing--doesn't really seem that valid anymore (if it ever was). First, in this internet age, any continuity questions a reader has can be answered in seconds. Secondly, the average fan base is growing older, and in a media culture where alternate universes are a much more common concept, the thought that readers can't handle "this occurs on Earth-1, while that occurs on Earth-2" is kind of quaint. Third, the continued successes of Marvel's Ultimate and Max lines show that the market can deal with separate continuities within a company.

And of course, on one level, a bunch of fans never really accepted Crisis, and were never satisfied with the "new" continuity that DC established. Certain characters just couldn't be comfortably "fixed"--Hawkman, Donna Troy, Wonder Woman, Power Girl, or who the hell was in the original line-up of JLA--and were constantly being tinkered with, and entire crossover maxi-series were put together just to "fix" frankly trivial continuity issues. And the wholesale transfer of so many of DC's acquired properties into the "real" DC Universe was never smooth, with characters like Captain Marvel and Plastic Man and the Charlton heroes never really fitting in (or, at least not being particularly well-handled) and often shuffled to the sidelines by a less-than-enthusiastic DC.

Or course, many of those discontented fans went on to become comic creators themselves--and now they were in a position to do something about that discontent. Look at Geoff Johns' DC career--at times it seems as if he's single-mindedly set about to revert DC to 1985. He revived Barry Allen Flash and Hal Jordan Green Lantern. He wrote Infinite Crisis, which turned the heroes of COIE into villains and undid much of what COIE did. He co-wrote 52, in which it was revealed that the multiverse was reborn. He undid large chunk's of Byrne's Man Of Steel, returning Superboy to DC continuity, declaring any newer version of Toyman and Brainiac were really robots or probes or some such, and making sure that the original Legion Of Super-Heroes circa 1985 was the one whose continuity was followed.

And now he's writing Flashpoint, which is apparently going to profoundly change the DC Universe.

There's other indications, too, I think. After going through the gymnastics necessary to resurrect the multiverse, DC has steadfastly refused to do anything with it over the subsequent 4 years, except for the more forgettable bits of Countdown and some glorified cameos during Final Crisis. Dan DiDio has declared multiple times that they're "saving" the multiverse for Grant Morrison to play with, but there's been no sign of any project coming down the pipeline. And the only other real use of the multiverse was the JSA/Powergirl "Earth-Two" annual--written by Geoff Johns.

Yet after letting the concept essentially lie fallow for the past few years, the latest issue of Booster Gold--the only other regular DC comic to be taking part in Flashpoint--went out of its way to mention the 52 worlds of the multiverse not once, but twice. That same issue revealed that there are also no more alternate timelines, just the one--in other words, if we want a different version of DC history, we'll have to use one of the other Earths.

So what do we have? A writer who seems bent on undoing COIE, writing the series that will change everything, and suddenly, we're getting hints that the multiverse might come back into play.

What do I think? I think they're going to have COIE unhappen. No more "everybody merged into one universe and one continuity." The end of Flashpoint will see lots of heroes shifted back to other worlds--the Shazam heroes will be removed from New Earth and sent to Earth-S again, the Quality heroes and the Fox heroes and the Charlton heroes will all be distributed back throughout the universe. That way no one will have to worry how they fit in with "New Earth" any longer. And everyone can have their own Hawkman and Wonder Woman again, and we can stop picking at Donna Troy's history like an itchy continuity scab. And we can do Golden Age Batman and Superman stories without having to make them "Elseworlds," and you just know there are some people chomping at the bit to do that.

Yes, there will be some juggling and suspension of disbelief required, but no more so than was needed for the post-COIE fallout. And since DC continuity is essentially just wikinuity under current their management, they really don't have to do anything more complex than they did when Geoff Johns magically waved his hands while chanting "Superman really was in the Legion Of Super-Heroes as a teen." It worked for him. And for anyone who requires more, well, that's what those September issues will be for, whether they're all #1 or .1 (it's not like Marvel can trademark that, right?) or double-zero or whatever.

Now, do I feel this would be a good idea? Heck no. I'm all for moving forward, for embracing history but keeping momentum going in a positive direction. Even if you believe the COIE was a huge mistake, accept it and move on...or else you eventually end up with Pam finding Bobby Ewing in the shower, and you lose all credibility and respect with your creative audience. Besides, Zero Hour et al show that you will never, ever EVER satisfy DC's continuity porn contingent--they'll just keep scrubbing and scrubbing like an OCD sufferer who never thinks the floor is clean.

But then again, I'm completely wrong here, and DC really isn't going to undue COIE...are they? So we shouldn't worry...right?!?

Which Universe Will Superboy-Prime Punch This Time?

You know they're going to do it again.

The history of DC editorially since Crisis On Infinite Earths can best be described as an OCD sufferer who simply can't stop cleaning that spot on the carpet, time and time again, even though to everybody else it appears perfectly clean.

This is a group of people who, in the past 25 years, has gone through 5 or 6 different versions of who the founding members of the Justice League were.

This is a set of writers and editors who put out huge, company-wide maxi-series, seemingly just to address whether or not Batman ever caught Joe Chill.

This is a bunch of cats who are so obsessed with making Hawkman and Donna Troy's history make sense that they keep redoing it...and redoing it...and wait, this time we really have it...nope, one more time.

Seriously, 99.9% of readers would be fine with a "this is how it is," a nod and a wink to any inconsistencies, and moving right along. Not DC, though. They're constantly trying to make their past continuity "perfect" (as well as being in line with whatever the latest editorial whim is). They can't stop washing the carpet...

Which brings us to:

So, we've got a House Of Zoom event here, wherein the history of the entire DC Universe is going to be set askew, and, after 50+ issues of sturm und drang, everything will be reset to the way it was.

Except it won't, will it? After Zero Hour and Infinite Crisis, we know that DC is going to return everything to status quo EXCEPT they'll use the whole changing history business as an excuse to re-adjust whatever niggling points of continuity they feel are staining their carpet right now.

So, what will change this time? A reboot for the Shazam family? Sgt. Rock surviving WWII? Power Girl being a founding member of the Justice League? Yet another Hawkman tweak?

Whatever changes they make, though, you can bet that they won't be permanent. 3 months after Flashpoint, someone at DC will look at things and go, "Wait, that doesn't 100% work," and start to stare at that "spot" on the carpet again...

FINAL Final Crisis Preview--Another Tricky Day

Well, the time is almost upon us, when we get yet another DC crisis, this time THE FINAL CRISIS!!

This is no final crisis

This is DC having fun

Even though I've run many, many helpful previews of what I thought might be upcoming in the latest DC cash suck, I can with confidence say that we will not see the Gay Ghost, Jerry Lewis, Gabby Hayes, AAU Superstar, Prez, or Superbaby. Unless, of course, Grant Morrison secretly reads this blog and takes notes. Yeah, I know, bloody unlikely.

No crisis

Getting burned once again

So, what are we getting from the Final Crisis (aka the series that Paul Dini had no idea what it was going to be about so Countdown meandered like a drunken lemur for 52 (ahem 51) weeks)?

Sadly, a strong clue came from DC Universe #0 last week:

Oops. I did that on purpose. Really. Why?

The world seems in a spiral

Life seems such a worthless title

One of the problems with Infinite Crisis (aside from its title being one of the most blatant cases of false advertising since the Neverending Story) was that, to paraphrase my man Winston Churchill, the pudding had no theme.

That it, it was a disparate collection of story threads that really had not a thing to do with each other OR the central story line. Instead of being built from the top down, it felt as if it were built from the bottom up (hence my upside cover--dude, it's a metaphor!!). Let's not start with a the main story and pick out some subplots that tie in well. No, let's throw out all these plot lines--villains teaming up, the Spectre's war on magic, the Rann-Thanagar war, OMAC's--and try to connect them to the main story. Seriously, what the hell did the bloody magic war have to do with anything? NADA.

Just because there's space

In your life it's a waste

And that's what DCU #0 showed us. A bunch of stories that, even if you think they're interesting individually, seem to have no possible relationship to each other, let alone whatever the main thrust of Final Crisis may be. If there is one.

So our big FINAL Final Crisis Preview question: does this pudding have a theme?? or is it one big gloppy mess thrown at the wall to see what sticks? We'll find out soon...

This is no Final Crisis

Just another tricky day for DC

Lyrics adapted from Pete Townshend.

Best reason to bring back Superbaby?

Thou Shalt Not Kill...Unless You're a Superhero

One of the more distasteful recent trends in the DC Universe is heroes killing with impunity. Oh, sure, there's always some excuse: they were justified, they were controlled, yada yada yada.

First, we had Hal Jordan, as Green Lantern, go genocidal. He killed a lot of folks, murdered most of the Green Lantern Corps. Oh, but you see, he was really controlled by some parasitic entity, you see, so it's OK. Oh, and he later sacrificed himself to save the Earth, and became the Spectre, and served his penance...so he's all forgiven.

Then we had Wonder Woman. Maxwell Lord had gone rogue, and had the ability to control Superman. So what does Princess Diana do? She snaps his neck.

Now she does this despite the fact that:

a) there are multiple villains in the DC Universe who have the power to possess people, and apparently there are non-murderous ways to detain/capture/imprison them;

b) we had just finished the whole Identity Crisis storyline that hammered into us that Zatanna could brainwash criminals to forget secret identities and forget how to properly use their powers and even reform them into good guys;

and c) Maxwell Lord used to be seen as one of the good guys.

Does she even momentarily consider any of this? Nope. She summarily executes him. Snap.

Eventually, of course, because she's a "hero," the World Court and a US federal grand jury give her a pass. Scooter Libbey wishes he could find a grand jury that forgiving. Even the other heroes don't see fit to even mention it any more. Heck, Batman still distrusts Zatanna more than Wonder Woman, so apparently he's more forgiving of cold-blooded execution than of brain-washing. I hope he remembers that next time he has a choice of going after either the Mad Hatter or the Joker...

And then we have Jason Todd, the former Robin. He died. I remember, because we voted on it. (By the way, is anyone interested in joining my class action suit against DC, for violating their promise to abide by our 1-900 votes? I want my 50¢ back!). Then, in a series of events so non-sensical it defies description, he came back to life. Except now he's mean.

First as the Red Hood, then as faux-Nightwing, he killed criminals. Executed them. Murdered them. Slit their throats. Remember that, DC?

But now, after a silly adventure with the real Nightwing, he's all better. And somehow it was all the fault of a Lazarus Pit. Oh joy.

But despite the fact that he's a killer, Batman hasn't hunted him down, Superman is helping Jimmy Olsen get interviews with him, and now he's a prime player in the ridiculously poorly conceived and written Countdown. Donna Troy's hanging with him like everything's cool (well, I guess because she's SOME relation to Wonder Woman--who knows what these days--she's forgiving of executing criminals). The whole DC Universe will just pretend nothing ever happened.

Look, I've got nothing against Punisher/Death Wish type characters. There's plenty of room for them in any universe. But the Powers That Be at DC are trying to do it cheaply, and have it both ways. They want the grit and glamour from one of their heroes going rogue, but then wuss out worse than having Bobby Ewing turn up in the shower. There are no consequences, no lingering fallout, no serious stories resulting from having their Stars go bad. They haven't the balls to actually show one of their heroes going to jail, or turning permanently bad, so they rush out some lame rationale, and everyone forgives them. Families of people killed by rogue heroes need no justice, and once the heroes are "restored" it's like the murders are erased from the books.

You know, the wrong company had the Civil War: if any universe needs the government to register their out-of-control heroes, it's DC. At least that would keep their editors/authors from reaching for the same stale storyline one more time. But just watch: Hawkman will kill someone, but then it will turn out he was influenced by alien-toe-fungus, and two months later all will be forgiven. This is what passes for adult story-telling at DC these days.