Manic Monday Bonus--A Field-Spotter's Guide To Green Lanterns!

From Green Lantern Secret Files #2 (1999):

There will be a quiz on this later...

Friday Night Fights--Justice League Style!!

It turns out that Batman's not the only JLAer who can triumph without superpowers, as we'll find out in this week's Friday Night Fights!

Flash and Green Lantern are trapped in the microverse (?!?)! The dickweed Mikrid have set a bomb that will kill Carol and Iris if the heroes use their powers at all!!

Powers? Who needs powers?

Aw, yeah!!

Spacebooger is terribly disappointed that Baron Karza wasn't the villain in this story.

Fists of fury from Green Lantern #20 (1963), by John Broome, Gil Kane and Joe Giella.

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? Because we're going to need fighting skills like this when the microverse rises again!! So go and vote!!

Crazy Crossover Fever!!

I'm not sure which insane cross-intellectual property cross-over was the more joyously nuts yesterday...

I mean, it's hard to beat Tarzan fighting General Ursus:

And yet, when you have John Stewart, Guy Gardner and Kilowog summoned to a meeting with a Star Fleet admiral:

And Hal Jordan discussing logic and temporal mechanics with Spock:

AND Carol Ferris knocking boots with Scotty:

Well, I'm only human, guys. Star Trek/Green Lantern for the nerd win!!

From Tarzan On The Planet Of The Apes #5 (2017) and Star Trek/Green Lantern #2 (2017)

This Election Is Rigged!!

It's election time on Qward!

And how does one win a popularity contest on Qward?

Well, Sinestro's plan fails miserably.

But, three issues later, the final results still aren't in:

Off course, old Crimson McBigForehead fails again. So, no electoral win for him!!

Still, I would have liked to have seen what Gypo-Bax did that was so evil. And let's not forget  Gny-Gryngg!! How is it possible Geoff Johns never gave us a story about them?!?!

BTW, the Qwardian media takes their elections very seriously...

Oh, come on. He's plenty evil. His problem is that he's incompetent. And incompetence never gets elected...

From Green Lantern #15 (1962) & #18 (1963)

Rhyme Crime!

Look, when the monkey's paw gives me control of DC Comics, there's gonna be some changes.

First and foremost: Enough with the goddamn rhyming!!

A few years ago, I made clear my disdain for continuing to have Etrigan rhyme, even though he no longer had the rank that required him to rhyme.

Mainly, though, there's the fact that--sorry, esteemed authors--most comic writers seem to be pretty damn terrible at writing in verse.

And then there is this week's Green Lanterns #10, wherein we get the Phantom Ring and the Phantom Lantern and--impossible as it is to believe--yet another riff on the Green Lantern oath:

Greta Rao, will you people just stop already?!?

That's so bad, Alfred Bester is spinning in his grave. (And yes, I'm aware that Bester may not have actually written the first use of "In brightest day..." Regardless, that above doggerel is so bad, all dead writers are spinning in their graves)

Seriously--just knock it off, guys.

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Mano A Mano

Look, if DC is going to insist on having Batman fight Superman, because that somehow leads to justice, can we at the very least insist on a straight up gladiator fight?

Isn't that much more tolerable? No innocent bystanders, no collateral damage...just pump in some of the original Star Trek fight music, and you've got you're damned movie!!

Or, if shields and swords are too boring for you:

Of course, if we have to have a Superman vs. Somebody movie, you know who it should be:

Because, man, I would buy an awful lot of tickets to watch Kal-El pummel Hal Jordan...

World's Finest Comics #143 is from 1964, #163 from 1966. and #201 from 1971

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--No Oath Required!

Around these parts, we've discussed the utility of Green Lantern's oath before.

Specifically, does a Green Lantern have to say the exact wording? Will any set of words do? Is it a "password" of sorts, needed to unlock the lantern?

Or is it merely a timekeeper, a way to ensure that your ring is placed against the battery for the requisite 10 seconds (more or less) it takes to recite the mantra? Or, could you speed-recite your way through the thing if you were in kind of a super-hero hurry? Or, if you're a slow-talker, would your ring be fully charged by the time you reach "no evil"?

Well, as mentioned in that post I linked to above, there have been many different variations of the oath over the years, so it's clearly not a password.

And now we have conclusive proof that it's also not a timing issue, either!

Hal's ring is out of power, and he's getting his but kicked by a bug-monster!! So, there's no time for niceties!!

Jordan literally holds his ring against the lantern for only "a second," and he's good to go!!

So for all those years, all those years of portentously intoning the oath--it's just a ritual. It's the Oan Pledge Of Allegiance!

Think of how many comics panels we could have saved over the years!! Just tap 'n' go, Hal, just tap 'n' go!!

From Flash #223 (1973)

Think Of it As De-Evolution In Action!!

Hal Jordan has stumbled across some dumbass aliens trying to destroy the Earth.

How?

Seems like normal Hal to me...

I joke because I love Hal...sort of...

Oh, Hal, you never had that many thoughts, to begin with!

But it turns out that devolved Hal is a much more effective Green Lantern!

All right, you have to admit, seeing monkey-man Hal riding a flying saber-tooth while chasing a spaceship is wort the price of admission!

Yup...flying saber-tooth beats spaceship every time!

D'oh!! Now you ruined it!! Give us back devolved Hal!!

Sigh...

From Flash #243 (1976)

All Wishes Come True, Eventually!

From the Answer Man column appearing in Ghosts #86 (1980):

Gold star for that answer!

It only took 33 years, kicking Green Lantern to the curb after a bomb of a movie, and changing Ollie's name to Arrow because CW was embarrassed to be doing a super-hero series. But "Unsigned", you've got your TV show!!

Still, with the success of CW's efforts, how long do you think before we get "Lantern" (gotta drop the green) drops by "Starling City" (sigh) and we get some "hard-traveling heroes" on a, say, 3-part road trip during sweeps week?

Mary Marvel Vs. Geoff John's Color Corps!?!

I have found conclusive proof that Geoff Johns has invented a time machine, and has gone back  to the 1940s to write comics.

A new jerk has come to Fawcett City (or whatever they called it back then) to wield his malevolent powers...

Color King? What kind of wiener is this guy?

Tibet? Those guys are always training people and letting them come over here to make trouble: the Shadow, Dr. Doom, Dr. Strange, Iron Fist...and now Color King! Isn't it about time we imposed some immigration restrictions on people traveling to Tibet?

Well, this dude can't be too bad. What kind of trouble can red eye beams cause?

The color red makes people angry? Hmmm, why does that sound so familiar?

Don't worry, though--Mary Batson is on the scene to make peace!

OMG!! The emotional spectrum? In a Marvel Family story?!! In 1946?!?

But the Color King isn't limited to just one color...

Green ="soothing"? No wonder Hal Jordan is always so mellow!

And Color King has many more tricks up his sleeve...
 

Blue = depression? I guess that makes more sense than "hope." You don't see many hopeful people playin' the blues...

 And the blue makes this guy more than just a little depressed...

Don't worry--Mary saves him.

Next in our Crayola Box Of Emotional Powers?

Purple is the color of madness?? Not love or compassion (depending on whether you think it's violet or indigo)? Well, I suppose if you were Von Doom or such, you would declare that love and compassion are madness, so there you go.

Again, no worries...Mary rescues the King Kong wannabe.

But our villain has one more deadly hue in his color quiver:

Black is death? Death isn't even an emotion!! This has got to be Johns, right?

A restaurant that has a doorman dressed like a Russian Cossack?!? Only in Fawcett City!!

OK, that is terrible advertising for your restaurant!!

Again, don't be worried--Mary saved the day once again!

But there is a point to the Color King's reign of inconvenience:

Well, Mary gets caught skulking about...and just like every other crook in Fawcett City, Color King keeps a good supply of  gags handy!

And now, the ultimate expression of his power!

Fortunately, Mary has found the one flaw in Color King's powers:

They can't effect you if you close your eyes!!

Time for Mary to pretend to be an empty husk...

In her Marvel form, she's immune!!

SHAZAM!!!

Colors carrying the power of emotion? "Death" being on that spectrum, as black, even though death is not an emotion and black is not a color? Come on, this has to be a Geoff Johns joint, right?

From Mary Marvel #3 (1946)