Question Answered, 7 Years Earlier

Cover blurb question:

Cover blurb answer (?):

Wait...does that mean Jimmy Olsen is the Green Goblin? Flash Thompson is Superman's pal? I'm so confused...

The cover to Action Comics #570 (1985) is by Eduardo Barreto. The cover to Amazing Spider-Man #176 (1978) is by Ross Andru & Frank Giacoia

Manic Monday Bonus--I Hope He Saved The Receipt!

Great Moments In Over-Optimism:

"No chance of a fatal error"?!? Err, Norman...you might want to double check that...

Too late.

From Amazing Spider-Man #13 (1965) and #122 (1973). Yes, I know, the Flying Broom isn't precisely the same as his Goblin Glider. Yes, I know he survived (in a terrible retcon), so it technically wasn't a "fatal" error. Don't let pickiness get in the way of a good joke.

Spider-Manic Monday #1--Great Moments In Science!!

It is frankly a miracle that everyone in the Marvel Universe is still alive.

Exhibit One:

Oh, yes, a grand idea. Please have experiments in "radio-activity" open to the public, and have no shielding or protection of any kind.

LIKELY BUT NOT PROVABLE FACT: except for Peter Parker, everyone at that demonstration was dead of radiation poisoning in 6 months.

It must be noted--when this place is described as "on the outskirts of town," they mean New York City. An atomic research center "on the outskirts of" millions of people. A plant that had two atomic accidents within one issue (OK, one was deliberate, but still...).


It's bad enough that fugitive Flint Marko was able to sneak into a nuclear testing site--although I suppose that if teenager Rick Jones was able to, Marko could. But it was later revealed that this occurred near Savannah, Georgia. So, they're actually detonating actual nuclear bombs near cities of 100,000+ people.

Those panels are from Amazing Fantasy #15 and Amazing Spider-Man #3 & #4. So in the world of Spider-Man, scientists were a little bit lax in protecting the public, is all I'm saying.

Then again, that was positively the theme of the first few years of Spider-Man. People like to comment on the preponderance of "animal" villains in Spider-Man's Rogues Gallery, but honestly, it wasn't so much animals as "science gone mad."

**Spider-Man himself is born of a ridiculously unsafe science demonstration (AF #15)
**Adrian Toomes invents as flying harness (that also makes him stronger, yada yada). Instead of patenting it and being a gazillionire, he commits robberies and kills people. (ASM #2)
**A radiation accident not only gave Otto Octavious his powers, but drove him criminally insane (ASM #3)
**Atomic testing turned Flint Marko into an incredibly powerful being (ASM #4)
**Unsanctioned and unethical testing of his formula turned Curt Connors into the Lizard, and almost led to the downfall of the human race. (ASM #6)
**An "electronic brain"/robot goes berserk, terrorizing a high school (ASM #8)
**The Green Goblin was later revealed to have been the result of yet another bit of ill-advised tampering with God's domain (ASM #14)
**With the help of J. Jonah Jameson, corrupt scientisits try to surgically create super-powered villains (Scorpion, ASM #20), create killer robots (Spider-Slayer, ASM #25), and more experiments create tragic super-crooks (Molten Man, ASM #28)
**Greedy scientists refuse to help idiot Norton Fester investigate a meteor he found, so his unsafe experiments create The Looter (ASM #36)
**More scientists with killer robots (ASM #37)

I could have stretched to fit Electro and Mysterio in there, if I tried hard enough.

If you look at the Lee/Ditko run, perhaps more than any other Marvel title, Amazing Spider-Man hammered home the pint that scientists were dummies who couldn't control their creations, could be bought, and endangered society. It wasn't completely anti-science--there were good scientists, and Peter often used his science knowledge to resolve the crises. But the first few years of Amazing Spider-Man read like a primer on how dangerous science was.

Perhaps, then, the true lesson was: With great science, must come great responsibility...

Friday Night Fights--Worm-Eating Scum Style!!

It's The Green Gauntlet this week at Friday Night Fights, a special St. Patrick's Day battle which must include a green character.

Well, I'm going with the first thing that popped into my head--from one of the very first super-hero comics that I ever owned (and must have read one billion times).

So, the Green Goblin has just killed Gwen Stacy--

Yeah, I'm going there.

Anyway, Spider-Man has just tracked down the Goblin, and ambushed his ambush attempt:













Of course, a couple of panels later, the Goblin will accidentally kill himself with his Goblin Glider. Really. Dead. Oh, Spacebooger, how naive we were back then...

Spidey beats the living bejesus out of Norman Osborn way back in Amazing Spider-Man #122 (1973), , with the able assistance of Gerry Conway, Gil Kane, and Johhny Romita & Tony Mortellaro.

Now, I'm not telling you that you have to vote for me. But if you don't, the evil and vile Notre Dame football team may show up on your doorstep, and then you'll wish you had me at your back...

Tangled Web?

Well, well, well.

After months (and months) of studiously avoiding the issue of exactly what the frell happened at the end of "One More Day," some info has finally started to trickle out.

First, in the freebie Marvel: Your Universe Saga (available free this week at Marvel Digital Comics, if your missed it at your local shop), which recaps the last few years of Marvel continuity, we get this gem:

Using his vast powers, Mephisto saved Aunt May's life--at the cost of Peter and Mary Jane's marriage, which the demon erased from history. Unaware of what he has lost, Spider-Man continues his adventures.

Now, one would hope Marvel wouldn't print that without it being kind of official. So it wasn't some amnesia spell--Mephisto actually rewrote history, and Peter Parker is unaware of it.

Which is interestingwhen we consider the other precept they laid down back in the first issue of Brand New Day: ""Absolutely no one knows that Peter Parker is Spider-Man. Not Daredevil, not the Avengers, not anyone." At the time, I wondered exactly how that would play out with characters who HAD to know Spidey's identity, such as Venom or Norman Osborn (unless gazillions of stories were wipe out of continuity). This made the situation sound more like a mind-wipe than an actual historical change. But now Marvel says nope, it's a historical change.

Which brings us to Amazing Spider-Man #569, where Norman Osborn is confronting Peter Parker (click to make it larger if you can't read it):

"Everything WE did?"

Second thing to note: Venom can sense old host Eddie Brock from blocks away, but can't sense that Parker was a former host when they're in the same room. And he remembers that he was bonded with Spider-Man, but not Parker.

Third thing, when Spider-Man confronts Osborn:

"This time, you have no idea who I am."

So, assuming everyone's been playing fair with us, (including the editorial staff in their "official" pronouncements):

Peter doesn't know about the deal with Mephisto, which actually altered the timeline (so this speculation would be wrong).
Osborn used to know who Spider-Man was, but doesn't anymore (so past stories DID happen, Peter remembers, others don't, at least not the revealing parts).
Everything "we" did is still "up and running." (so the reason for the lack of memories is due to some specific steps Peter and ? took)

So Mephisto changed history, but within that new history, Peter and someone did something to erase memories of Spider-Man's secret ID.

Who? Could be Professor X...he's got the mojo to wipe out that many memories. But a Spider-Man connection? And could he effect an alien symbiote like Venom?

Could be Doctor Strange. He's got the mojo, at least from time to time. And he was hangin' with Webhead, during the "New Avengers on the run" days.

But what about the Sentry? He's pulled this "everybody forget about me" shtick twice now, with his awesomely undefined powers and his ultra-super-computer CLOC (and with help from Dr. Strange the second time). He and Spidey were New Avengers together, and Avengers HQ was the Sentry's Watchtower.

So what if, after Peter reveals his identity publicly (but before he splits the official Avengers), he has second thoughts, and gets Sentry to help him undo that with his awesome memory-eras-o-vision thingie? Or, after he splits, he sneaks back in, and gets the Sentry to help him anyway (or someone else..."we"...Doc Strange, perhaps?).

Just noodling. But that's my guess: Sentry.

Now the real question. Was that part of the deal with Mephisto...perhaps what Mary Jane whispered to him? Or was it just a natural occurrence of the new timeline--without MJ's support he wasn't as confident of his decision to reveal his identity, so he recanted and rigged up a giant Zatanna for everyone?

Obviously, I think about these things too much...

Deus Ex Vita Forma Inlex

Caleb has done a fine job of ripping Secret Invasion #5, so I don't want to belabor the point too much. There are, however, two things I've got to say:

First, as Caleb notes, we FINALLY finish the confrontation between the Skrull Captain Marvel and the Thunderbolts that started way back in Skrullapalooza #1 (remember...5 issues in, and only 20 minutes have elapsed. Wondrous pacing).

Anyway, my question is this--since the Skrulls' haven't announced themselves to the world yet...and these Skrulls are supposedly completely undetectable (except by Reed Richard's magic ray gun, which he hadn't invented yet)...my question is this:


How does Norman Osborn know that Mar-Vell's a Skrull? What, he assumes that Mar-Vell is a shape-shifting alien with Mar-Vell's powers, instead of the usual mind-control option? Osborn's not telepathic, but even if he were, these guys can't be detected telepathically. Is he just guessing? Or is it just that Bendis can't be bothered to remember his own premise when he want a "dramatic" scene to play out? Some would call that cheating.

Secondly, we've established multiple times that ALL Stark tech and ALL S.H.I.E.L.D. tech are down. All communications are down, the internet is down. S.H.I.E.L.D. itself is lousy with Skrulls. Bendis has established this time and time again. So how do we get Maria Hill out of her tense (and by tense I mean 3 issue-long 2 minute conversation...) situation:

Yup, all Stark and S.H.I.E.L.D. tech is down...except for this one thing, which we suddenly reveal (without prior hint or clue) has somehow magically not been compromised, and we unveil this only at the moment when it can save Maria and kill the Jarvis Skrull. Life Model Decoys to the rescue!!

That's not only cheating, that's piss-poor story-telling. (And yes, I get the irony of beating the Skrulls with undetectable doubles...but since it blatantly contradicts the situation Bendis has laboriously set up, it's nay so much irony as cheating...plus, the Skrulls brilliantly took down everything Stark/S.H.I.E.L.D., but somehow forgot LMDs??).

Bendis: he loves you...just not enough to play fair in his story-telling.

The MOST Disturbing Thing I've Seen This Week

VERY high up on the list of things that I really really didn't need to see:

Norman Osborn ogling Sue Richards' breasts.

There's not enough E's or W's in my keyboard to express the level of "eeeewwwwww" this causes. Plus, wholly unnecessary! Thanks, Jenkins and Gulacy!

Then again, we already knew that Norman has a thing for blonds who also hook up with superheroes...or did that ever happen, now?

Anyway, EEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!

Paul Gulacy drawing Norman Osborn so he looks exactly like LBJ is from Penance: Relentless #4, an otherwise fun series. I'll say it again: eeeeeewwwwwwww!!

Friday Night Fights--Proportionate Strength of a Spider Edition!!

Tonight, we learn that with great power, comes great ass-whooping:

BAM!!!

Sadly, despite the punch, the Goblin kills Gwen Stacy on the next page. Sigh...

Of course, if that happened today, Spider-Man would run around badgering everyone, feeling sorry for himself, and eventually making a deal with Mephisto to save Gwen's life, if only he agrees to forget Aunt May forever....double sigh...

And howzabout a shout out for Gil Kane? His run on Spider-Man never receives enough appreciation, if you ask me.

You know who else doesn't receive enough appreciation? Bahlactus, that's who--he's so powerful, the devil comes begging to him for deals.

Peter's ultimately futile power punch is from Amazing Spider-Man #121, the beginning of the Bronze Age. And I'm sticking my fingers in my ears and singing while I pretend that none of the Clone Sagas or Sins Past or any of that other nonsense ever happened. Lalalalalalalalalalala....