FINAL Final Crisis Preview--Another Tricky Day

Well, the time is almost upon us, when we get yet another DC crisis, this time THE FINAL CRISIS!!

This is no final crisis

This is DC having fun

Even though I've run many, many helpful previews of what I thought might be upcoming in the latest DC cash suck, I can with confidence say that we will not see the Gay Ghost, Jerry Lewis, Gabby Hayes, AAU Superstar, Prez, or Superbaby. Unless, of course, Grant Morrison secretly reads this blog and takes notes. Yeah, I know, bloody unlikely.

No crisis

Getting burned once again

So, what are we getting from the Final Crisis (aka the series that Paul Dini had no idea what it was going to be about so Countdown meandered like a drunken lemur for 52 (ahem 51) weeks)?

Sadly, a strong clue came from DC Universe #0 last week:

Oops. I did that on purpose. Really. Why?

The world seems in a spiral

Life seems such a worthless title

One of the problems with Infinite Crisis (aside from its title being one of the most blatant cases of false advertising since the Neverending Story) was that, to paraphrase my man Winston Churchill, the pudding had no theme.

That it, it was a disparate collection of story threads that really had not a thing to do with each other OR the central story line. Instead of being built from the top down, it felt as if it were built from the bottom up (hence my upside cover--dude, it's a metaphor!!). Let's not start with a the main story and pick out some subplots that tie in well. No, let's throw out all these plot lines--villains teaming up, the Spectre's war on magic, the Rann-Thanagar war, OMAC's--and try to connect them to the main story. Seriously, what the hell did the bloody magic war have to do with anything? NADA.

Just because there's space

In your life it's a waste

And that's what DCU #0 showed us. A bunch of stories that, even if you think they're interesting individually, seem to have no possible relationship to each other, let alone whatever the main thrust of Final Crisis may be. If there is one.

So our big FINAL Final Crisis Preview question: does this pudding have a theme?? or is it one big gloppy mess thrown at the wall to see what sticks? We'll find out soon...

This is no Final Crisis

Just another tricky day for DC

Lyrics adapted from Pete Townshend.

Best reason to bring back Superbaby?

Final Crisis Preview--The Gay Ghost

As we approach the 1/3 point in the excruciatingly slow and pointless Countdown, it's time to look to the future: The Final Crisis.

Really. They promise. No more crises after this one. Zero Hour II, maybe...but no more crises.

Anyhoo, they're obviously going to give us another retroactive reality reboot.

And why not? After all, it's been almost 4 months since the "stunning" revelation that the multiverse was reborn, and no one has done a single interesting thing with it. Not one. I mean, Duella Dent is the best they can do? A bunch of Monitors sitting around debating in a back-up feature? "Flash of Two Worlds" this ain't.


Anyway, I'm digressing again. My point is, since DC is planning still another reboot (SPOILER ALERT: Hawkman, Donna Troy, and the Legion still won't make any sense, no matter what they do...just let it go, guys), it's time to start putting our two cents in as to who they should revive. If we're going to hit the reset switch, let's make sure they bring make the characters they need to.

Like the Gay Ghost.

I mean, if the new new new new DC Universe doesn't have room for a swashbuckling Earl who fights crime, I don't want any part of it.

Maybe the costume needs a bit of work. But the origin? The nobility? The supernatural elements, combined with the "fish out of water" element of a man fighting crime 200 years after his death? What's not to love? Bonus: he's Batman-approved.*

And why should Rawhide Kid get all the glory??

*Panel from Brave and the Bold #116, in a back-up feature where Batman introduces us to "Heroes Who Wouldn't Die," folks who've come back from the dead to fight crime. Surprisingly, no mention is made of Hal Jordan, Donna Troy, or Supergirl.