When In Doubt...90s!

OK, exhausted/full agenda. So I'm calling mental/physical health day.

In the meantime, please enjoy this cover of Ghost Rider, Wolverine and Gambit fighting the Brood.

Man. 1995, you know?

When Foghorn Leghorn Joined The X-Men!!

Do you know what I hate almost as much as Asgardian font?

I hate the fact that not only do you have to write out speech balloons that show characters from the American South speaking phonetically...

...but you also have to show them thinking in a spelled-out drawl, as well.

Seriously, does Rogue actually think "Ah" every single time she she thinks "I"?!? Does anyone?

It's not as though we don't have plenty of other X-Men who doubtless have accents--Kurt, Piotr, Ororo, just off the top of my head--but does Marvel feel the need to phonetically spell out their accents? No, we never hear Nightcrawler say (or think) "ve haff to go to der store." Nope, we'll just get an occasional Claremontian drop of a German word into an other perfect English word/thought balloon.

Also note the relative rarity of "phonetic accents" for other Americans--Boston, Chicago, Gotham, whatever--they are all allowed to speak "normally." Does Kitty Pryde ever get to speak with a Chicago accent (Ditka!!)?

So why the "special" treatment for Southerners? Why only them, and not Russians, or Kree, or Inhumans, or Latverians, or Minnesotans?

A) Marvel believes the reader is too stupid to remember that Rogue and Gambit et. al. are southern unless they constantly rub our noses it in.

B) Stereotypes are OK for southerners, especially when written by non-southern writers. Why give them the same respect we'd give German/Russian/African characters? The foreigners may be able to learn perfect English, but not people below the Mason-Dixon line!

C) Southerners are all just dumb hicks, anyway. Who cares how we make them look?

I'm from Michigan, so I really have no dog in this fight. But it is kind of lazy and borderline offensive, Marvel. Back off.

 Deep breath.

Geez, that kind of came outta nowhere. The reason I really wanted to run that is, it's a house ad in this week's Marvels, and it's (one of?) the covers for Rogue & Gambit #1.

Now, I'm doubtful that those thought balloons will end up on the final cover.  But I think it's significant is that someone in Marvel's marketing believes that thought balloons are not only appropriate in comics, but a better way to sell comics than multi-colored, turgidly written self-narrative captions.

So keep fighting the fight for thought balloons. But, can we do it without the "Ah's" and the "Dis's"?

Definitive Proof That Gambit Is More Powerful Than Superman!!

It's a long story, but Professor X has gone bad and taken over the Shi'ar Empire, mentally controlling Gladiator and many others.

Ah, but Gambit is free...

See!! Gladiator can be mentally controlled...but Gambit can't, because his thoughts are "like quicksilver!" Proof that Gambit is smarter than Gladiator!!

NOTE: That isn't really Charles Xavier, it's the "War-Skrull," who using the "Matrix device" to absorb his powers as well as mimic his appearance. So maybe the imposter just wasn't experienced enough to control Gambit. Still, he was powerful enough to telepathically control Lilandra & Gladiator and the Starjammers...

Anyway, next issue, it's time for the physical confrontation!

And that's enough to knock out Gladiator for the rest of the story.

So, Gambit is smarter AND more powerful than Gladiator. And since Gladiator is a Superman analogue, than ipso facto, Gambit is smarter and more powerful than Kal-El. That's just science, kids.

I bet now you're really looking forward to the Gambit movie. Right? Right...?

From Uncanny X-Men #276 & 277 (1991)

At Least It Didn't Include Lobo...

There are those who believe that corporate synergy can overcome long-term problems; that combining resources can turn weaknesses into strengths.

On the other hand...

...it's more true that two wrongs don't make a right.

Another crime to add to the 90s rap sheet...

My Offence Is Rank

So, IGN is running a feature on the "Top 100 Comic Book Heroes," gradually unveiling them through the week (as of this writing, they unveiled #61-100).

Now, I try not to get too bent out of shape of this kind of thing, because a) it's a free country b) any such list is inherently, ridiculously arbitrary and meaningless, so I know any list I produce would be just as questionable c) any list by committee, as this one, is going to produce even more arbitrary and more ridiculous result, and d) it's not going to effect anything, so who cares, really?

Still, I have to note something about this list. The criteria IGN editors used to compare apples to oranges? The heroes are "picked by their cultural impact, character development, social relevance, general cool factor, and importance of storylines."

I would just like to point out that, somehow, those criteria produce a list on which Supergirl (#94) is TEN places behind Ka-Zar (Ka-Zar?!!?!?), whose cool factor and important storylines and cultural impact obviously is far, far ahead of Kara's.

Supergirl is also TWELVE spots behind Ant-Man. Not the Hank Pym Ant-Man; not the Scott Lang Ant-Man. Supergirl is TWELVE spots behind the Eric O'Grady "Irredeemable" Ant-Man. The Hank Pym Ant-Man ranks a mere TWENTY-SEVEN spots ahead of Supergirl.

And Gambit ranks TWELVE spots ahead of Namor.

So, I'm thinking that pretty much says everything you need to know about this list...

Manic Monday--The Man Without What Now??

As most of you have seen, Marvel is running these odd promos:


"Who Will Be The New Man Without Fear?"

So far they've put out teasers featuring Nova, Kraven, Gambit, Black Panther, and Falcon.

Apparently, Daredevil is going to lose that "title"...but really, what does that matter?

It's not a title. It's not like he's Sorcerer Supreme, or Protector Of The Universe, or Green Lantern Of Sector 2814.

It's not a job description--there no extra duties involved, no special powers, no cosmic jewelry.

It's just a nickname, something people occasionally called him (and inside the book, in the stories, Matt Murdock was very rarely called that, anyway).

So why is Marvel wasting this much time on these silly promos, if it doesn't mean anything? It would be like Iron Man getting new armor, and Marvel running a week of promos, "Who Will Be The New Golden Avenger?" or when green Hulk was gone for awhile teasing us, "Who Will Be The New Jade Jaws?"

So who really cares, Marvel?

And even if the meaning of the promo is that some other hero will end up "policing" Hell's Kitchen in Daredevil's place, why do they have to take the silly nickname??

Sometimes I think Marvel's publicity department is a little overstaffed, and they have to keep doing these ridiculous drawn-out promos constantly to keep the layoffs at bay.

Lot of publicity drama for what will surely be a pretty boring reveal...unless, of course, said new "Man Without Fear" is going to have his fear center surgically removed, and have to cope with the dangers of not having normal fear reflexes, and...

PS. Who should be The Man Without Fear? Duh. The Vision. Next!

Gambit By A Mile

As you can see by the poll results up at the top left, it was never a contest: Gambit "won" in a landslide, and it was never close.

That does surprise me a little bit. As I said earlier, I've never really had any history with either character, which is why I had to have the poll. But after all the outcries of lameness when Meltzer put Geo-Force onto his JLA, I would have expected the doofus to rank higher.

But apparently, nothing can surpass the level of bile and disgust you guys have for Gambit. Hmmm, you learn something new everyday.

So, all hail Gambit, King Of The Lame!!

Thanks to everyone who voted in the Gambit/Geo-Force Lame-Off.

Manic Monday--Clash Of Titans!!

You know who people hate?

Man, an awful lot of people out there hate Geo-Force. He's got to be nearly universally reviled as lame.

I've never really read The Outsiders or other comics featuring him, so I can't say that I get it. I'm not defending him...I'm just saying that as a relatively independent and casual observer, I don't see what makes him any lamer than any number of other contemporary DC creations.

But Marvel has their own spite magnet:

Gambit. Troll "Gambit" and "lame" on Google, and you'll find tens of thousands of hits. Again, I'm not sure why. I was done with the X-Men by the time the Cajun mutant showed up. And to my civilian eye, he seems no lamer than, say Bishop.

But far be it from me to question the wisdom of my fellow comics fans. Especially when I need you. You see, my lack of knowledge here leaves me spectacularly unprepared to answer the impossibly important question:

WHO IS LAMER--GEO-FORCE OR GAMBIT?!?



That's one that only you, my faithful readers, can answer. So help me out, vote in the poll over at the top of the sidebar, and let me know--who is really lamer?