Manic Monday--The Dangers of Russian Porn!!

War is hell...

We're in Korea, and an enemy plane has been shot down...

What are those leaflets?

Va. Va. Voom!!! Back in the U.S.S.R., they don't know how lucky they are!!

When Joe's company is sent to investigate the downed plane...

They try to make the captured North Korean pilot haul them back to base...

Why is he so reluctant?

AIEEEEE!!

YOU DIRTY COMMIES!!! Sabotaging pin-ups?!?!?! I mean, those pictures are supposed to be hot, but not that hot!!

Fortunately, a disaster to U.S. troops is averted, with just enough left for one more joke...

For the record, this was still a much better plan than anything Cobra Commander ever came up with!

From G.I. Joe #14 (1952)

Because We Won't Tolerate Scientific Innacuracy In Our Super-Hero Universe!!

You may have hard of Amazon's Kindle Worlds. It's a program wherein certain intellectual property owners allow folks to write and e-publish "fan-fics" set in their worlds. And the authors get paid royalties off any sales.

So if you had a yen to write a story set in the Gossip Girl universe you can--legally, and without fear of the lawyers coming after you--and get paid for it, to boot.

I bring this up on my cow-town comic book blog because Valiant has allowed most of their series to be used here. If I want to write and publish an Archer & Armstrong story, it's all good. Eternal Warrior? Fine by them!!

Now, each of the "Worlds" does have a set of content guidelines you have to follow. After all, they don't want you putting out something that might damage the brand, or somehow infringe someone's copyright. So it's mostly not terribly surprising boilerplate--no pornography, no slurs, no crossovers with other Worlds, no product placement, etc.

But each of the Valiant Worlds has has a specific content guideline that none of the others do:

Right.

Because in a universe where Goths are kidnapped by aliens for 1500 years and return to Earth wearing super-powerful sentient space armor, we wouldn't want any wanton disregard for scientific and historical accuracy.

And in a World where a band of rogue mutants psiots contest against another group of powerful mutants psiots for world domination, we can't have wanton disregard for scientific and historical accuracy.

And in a story featuring a soldier transformed into an unstoppable killing machine by nanites that instantly heal any wound, well, I think you know what I'm going to say.

Valiant--disregarding scientific and historical accuracy--but not wantonly, apparently.

Oh, and if you want to write a story set in the G.I. Joe universe, there's a very special rule for you:

I have absolutely no idea what the hell that's about, but then again, I've never even read a G.I. Joe comic or seen the cartoon...

What The #$%^--Hasbro And Bulletman?!?

I was reading some old comic books (big surprise)...and sometimes when you do that, you come across an old ad that you must have read 100,000 times as a kid. But the 35+ years of hindsight make you go, "What the #$%^?!?!"

This ad appeared in Marvels cover-dated August 1976...click to embiggen:

Yeah, for some reason Hasbro decided that G.I. Joe needed a bona fide superhero as part of the "Adventure Team," and they came up with...Bulletman??

Fawcett Comics' Bulletman?!?

Well, it's hard to say...he sure looks an awful lot like the Earth-S hero:


And here's a page from the 1976 Hasbro catalog..."Faster than the speed of light"??? Really?

I've done some moderate internet hunting, and I can't find anything one way or the other on whether this is just one of those coincidences, or if Hasbro "borrowed" an existing character to pal around with the Joes.

On the one hand, he's never given a civilian name anywhere that I can find. One the other hand, his costume, while similar to the Golden Age hero, is a bit different, including those metal arms. One the third hand, his powers are pretty similar, aren't they?

Hasbro had done "knock-offs" before. When they failed to acquire the rights to the Six Million Dollar Man, Hasbro quickly came up with "Mike Power, Atomic Man," a doll with mechanical "super-powered" arm, leg and eye, making him part of the Adventure Team. Just a coincidence, really.

DC had licensed the Fawcett characters in 1972, but Bulletman had already slipped into public domain by then, and DC hadn't actually used the character yet at the time of the introduction of G.I. Joe's Bulletman. So perhaps Hasbro felt justified in using the character, or at least a knock-off.

I'm not lawyer enough to know what was going on here, who was in the right, or what any implications might have been. But, in yet-another coincidence (or perhaps in a hastily-planned response), just a couple of months later Bulletman (and many of the other Fawcett heroes) are plastered on the cover of Justice League Of America #135:

By the time 1976 ended, Hasbro ended the G.I. Joe line for a few years.

So, honest coincidence? Sincere belief they had the rights to a public domain idea? Actionable knock-off? I've got no idea.

Oh, by the way, here's a British TV commercial for the Super Adventure Team...note how they never refer to "G.I. Joe"--in England the character was licenced as "Action Man," because England likes to be difficult...

I Apologize For This In Advance

Sometimes my brain is one weird mo fo.

Weird, but brilliant, as I have stumbled upon a multi-billion dollar idea, if only DC will listen to me.

So yesterday I'm at my fine local comic shop, and I happen to glance over at the markdown bin. The comic that caught my eye was this...

...but the side of the bin covered most of the cover, so all that was visible was this portion...

Now, maybe it's because of the deep green background, maybe it was due to the fact that I had a cold coming on and was hopped up on goofballs, or maybe I'm just insane. But what my brain thought it saw, for just a second, was this:

That's right: G.L. Joes!! The infantry troops of from Oa!! What a brilliant concept!!

Just picture this:

Winnage!!

And whom would the G.L. Joes fight?

Why, Sindestro, of course....

So DC, start saving your shekels!! When the G.I. Joe rights come up for bid again, you can snatch them up, and make roughly one gazillion dollars on comics, toys, cartoons, t-shirts...and I ask only a small consulting percentage for giving you the idea for THE G.L. JOES!!!

snell has a really really bad cold, and obviously isn't thinking clearly. On his behalf, the editors sooooooo apologize.