Speed Round!!

Bullet Point Saturday!!

• From Stan's Soapbox in February 2000 issues:

What, you mean the idea of Spider-Man spending pages lusting after his "hot cousins" didn't come from Stan?? Next thing, you'll be telling me that Stan didn't invent the idea of Spidey cracking oral sex jokes every issue, or Bullseye killing rats with his boogers...

• You remember earlier how we were discussing Marvel's "rolling timeline" and exactly when Captain America was defrosted? Well, here's a tidbit from before the timeline started rolling, in Captain America #183 (1975):

Pretty definitive, eh? 1964, the start of the Vietnam war...which I guess means either a) In the Marvel Universe Bill Clinton was president in 1964, or b) Cap waited 30 years to become an Avenger. Ohhhh, I hate rolling timelines...

• Speaking of that issue, Nomad is looking for the Falcon, who's been missing for 3 days. And he can't find him anywhere. So Steve Rogers' master plan?

Yup...if you can't find your black partner, just go ask another black man. Oh, Steve Englehart, you idiot...

• Final note on that issue: as a youth, Frank Robbins' artwork freaked me out a little. 30+ years later, it still does:

• WORST. BATTLE. CRY. EVER.

And no, Fabien Nicieza, having a self-referential caption where Genis acknowledges that it's a lame battle cry doesn't excuse using it in the first place.

That was from Captain Marvel #4 (1996). Just to prove it really was the 1990s:

Oh, Ed Benes, you were such a Image-wannabe back then...

• Dear DC:

Superman I & II were not that great. Really. Get over it. Try some original ideas. You don't need to turn the whole Superman universe into the Cult of Richard Donner.

cc: Bryan Singer and Warner Brothers...

P.S. No, this doesn't mean I'm going to do a review of Superman Returns...

• In the live-action Green Lantern movie, can we please please PLEASE have the Guardians of Oa played by Muppets? Because I really want to see Ryan Reynolds getting bossed around by Muppets... Or how about a CGI duplicated Deep Roy?? Oompa loompa doompity doo--we've got another mission for you...
  

• Vertigo's The Unwritten is simply ridiculously good, and more people should be reading it/talking about it.

• Just because....SPEED CHESS!!!

Friday Night Fights--Fantastic Four 1989 Style!!

It's Marvel 1989 Week here at Slay Monstrobot, but that leaves us with a peculiar problem. There just aren't a lot of good one panel punchfests available from April 1989. Some good fights, but no really impressive rock 'em sock 'em single panels. So we go with the best I've got--Mantis vs. the Master of the Priests of Pama:

Don't need no oaths of celibacy now, eh?

Maybe Spacebooger can figure out why Mantis was facing the Priests of Pama and the Cotati in an issue of Fantastic Four...

Unexpected Kung Fu mayhem happens in Fantastic Four #325 (1989), by Steve Englehart, Rich Bucler, and Romeo Tanghal.

A few brief notes about this issue after the post-fight jump.

THE JUMP

We're talking about this issue:

This was the very last issue of Steve Englehart's nearly two year run on the FF.

[CORRECTION: Commenter Aardsy alerts me to the fact that Englehart actually stayed on board for the next 8 issues, but used the pseudonym "John Harkness" because he was pissed at Marvel's editorial demands for the title]

And he was racking up some big, radical (but not destined to be long-lived) changes. Reed and Sue left (only to later join the Avengers for 12 nanoseconds). Crystal rejoined the team briefly. And Sharon Ventura, aka Ms. Marvel, joined the team.

In due course yet another dose of cosmic rays transformed Ben into an even craggier Thing, and Ms. Marvel became a...well, She-Thing.

And she and Ben became romantically involved, which led to cringe-inducing scenes like this:

Watch those hands, Ben. Kids, please DO NOT let your imaginations run wild.

The Human Torch's flame was permanently stuck on and in overdrive, thanks to the magicks of the Inferno crossover event:

And, this being Steve Englehart writing a Marvel title, you just know who's going to show up--Mantis and Kang!!

Anyway, there's lots of fighting and stuff, The Silver Surfer shows up, and Englehart ends his run on a happy and joyous note:

No, she's not dead, she's just transferred her mind to the Cotati level of consciousness to find her kidnapped son and...oh, never mind. Next issue Reed and Sue come back, they fight a revamped Frightful Four, and in 6 months Walt Simonson would take over.

ELSEWHERE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE:

Speaking of the Silver Surfer...

Englehart was writing that one, too, so of course Mantis and Kang were showing up. But this issue had him facing off with Ego, the Living Planet, which gave us a pretty cool double-pager by Ron Lim and Tom Christopher:

Cosmic, bro.